A/N: My dear Misty, Estella wont die. NO WAY. I like her too much. But
about the cripple thing… just keep reading. I wont dissapoint my faithful
reviewers. I really appreaciate your reviews, pls critics me. I need them
to write better. :- ).
Part XIV: Cry No Tears
~Estella~
I was completely aware that despair was beginning to consume my soul and life. Yet, I could not die yet. I knew exactly that Legolas loved me with all his heart and my death could be his destruction. The least I could do for him was to continue living, pretending I was fine, until he got bored with me and left. Then I could end this pain forever.
And so I suppressed my sadness as hard as I could and opened my eyes.
~Legolas~
"Estella." She finally came back to consciousness after several weeks. Little that I knew she had been awoken few times before but pretended asleep. I held her hand and helped her to sit. Elrond told me that she was able to sit; maybe someday she could even mount a horse, but she could never use her feet anymore.
"Hi, Legolas." She spoke softly. Her tone was neutral.
"Welcome back, Estella." I could not hold broad smile on my face seeing her awake.
I put several pillow behind her to support her back. To my relief, she didn't notice that she could not move her feet. Nay, she was too weak; she could not face the cruel truth now. Not yet.
She gave a very weak smile, but she smiled anyway. Only her eyes were gravely cold and sad.
"Legolas. Thank you."
"Thank you for what?"
"For taking care of me while I am sick. Its no fun to be ill."
"Its nothing, mellonnim. You are my best friend, and friends love at all time." I spoke gently, helding her hand. 'You are more than friend to me, do you know that? You almost kill me.' I pondered inside.
"Can you please call Lord Elrond? I need to speak to him." Estella pleaded me.
I went to call Elrond. He came to the chamber and smiled. "Its good that you are awake now, Estella. We thought we've lost you." He sat beside Estella checking her pulse. I prefered standing near the window watching them.
Estella smiled to him sadly. "Can I ask you something, my Lord?"
"Yes dear." I noticed Elrond didn't dare to meet Estella's eyes. Estella however gazed at him with sorrowful look.
"Can I use my feet again?" Her question sent a shock right to my stomach. How could she possibly know? I took a glance at Elrond and I could very well tell he felt the same way as I did.
Elrond looked down, avoiding her eyes. After a long silent, he managed to pull himself together and looked her in the eyes.
"Estella, be strong." He held Estella's hand tight, comforting her.
"So its true." Her voice pained my heart for it was so sad, her eyes filled with grief and bitterness, but she shed not a single tear.
Elrond tried to embrace her but she refused. "I am fine, my Lord. I know it already, I just want to make sure." Her voice was icy cold.
"How do you know, dear?" Elrond looked at her, but she turned away.
"I heard you talked before, but I was too weak to open my eyes."
"Please leave me alone, my Lord, Legolas. I need to be alone right now." She looked down, didn't dare to met our eyes.
We both nodded and left her alone.
There was deep silent between Elrond and I after we walked out of the room. Both of us worried about Estella.
"Legolas?" Elrond finally broke the silence.
"Yes?"
"How do you think she wil cope with this?"
"I do not know, my Lord. I have seen many Elves grief to death, but she was stronger than any Elves I know when it comes to grief. She also has a very strong will to live. But… "
"But what?"
"I don't know if any Elf could survive when they have to face this dreadful disability the rest of their immortality."
Elrond nodded and went away. I stood in front of her room feeling extremely miserable. Why wouldn't she let me comfort her? Accompany her through this hard time? I knew she was stubbornly proud of her independence and would not let others found her weak no matter what. I just wish she could set aside her pride for a moment.
For the next couple of days, Estella's physical health was steadily improving. She never passed out anymore, and she could eat and sit by herself. She asked me to bring her books to read and asked me to leave her alone most of the time. She rejected visitors and strictly forbid us to tell anyone, even her foster parents, about her present condition. I wanted to carry her outside, to feel the wind, and enjoying the view, but she refused.
She had changed so much. Her face was pale and she grew thinner. The joy and high spirited self within her ceased. She never shed a single tear. She built a wall around her; never let anyone knew her true feelings or thought, displaying no emotion in her face or voice. Only through her eyes could someone tell how her disability had destroyed her.
And it destroyed me too.
Elrond insisted someone to watch her during the night and I shouldn't do the job alone. Glorfindel offered himself and no one could find reason why he shouldn't. Estella didn't give any comment. In fact, she barely even talked.
"Estella." I called her. I couldn't resist confronting her. I needed to know how she felt, what she thought.
Estella put down the book she was reading. "Yes, Legolas?" I could not sense any emotion in her voice. She seemed so cold, distant, trapped in her own world. It shuddered to think how much she had changed.
"How do you feel lately?" I gazed at her eyes, trying to pry to her inner world. All I could see was darkness and cold, there was no emotion at all, not even sorrow. And that frightened me.
"I am fine." She answered briefly and returned to the book. Her face was expressionless.
It was clear that she wanted me to ask no more.
It was frustrating, but I was unable to push her further. I went outside and looked above the sky. I heard Glorfindel's footstep along the corridor approaching Estella's chamber for it was his turn to watch Estella tonight.
"Glorfindel?"
"Yes, Legolas?" he turned to face me who stood in the balcony.
"How is Estella in your opinion?" Somehow I had expected what he would say, but I wish he would deny.
After some time Glorfindel looked at me. With a soft voice he spoke, "She is dying."
"The quickest way to die is to loose hope." He added. Sorrow was plain in his face.
I nodded. I knew his answer was correct. Though Estella recovered physically, but she was dying emotionally. It was a matter of time before her dying soul killed her body.
*******************
Sad isn't it? I am in angsty mood. A little bit of angst will make this story more interesting. Just continue reading and reviewing. Critics are very welcomed.
Part XIV: Cry No Tears
~Estella~
I was completely aware that despair was beginning to consume my soul and life. Yet, I could not die yet. I knew exactly that Legolas loved me with all his heart and my death could be his destruction. The least I could do for him was to continue living, pretending I was fine, until he got bored with me and left. Then I could end this pain forever.
And so I suppressed my sadness as hard as I could and opened my eyes.
~Legolas~
"Estella." She finally came back to consciousness after several weeks. Little that I knew she had been awoken few times before but pretended asleep. I held her hand and helped her to sit. Elrond told me that she was able to sit; maybe someday she could even mount a horse, but she could never use her feet anymore.
"Hi, Legolas." She spoke softly. Her tone was neutral.
"Welcome back, Estella." I could not hold broad smile on my face seeing her awake.
I put several pillow behind her to support her back. To my relief, she didn't notice that she could not move her feet. Nay, she was too weak; she could not face the cruel truth now. Not yet.
She gave a very weak smile, but she smiled anyway. Only her eyes were gravely cold and sad.
"Legolas. Thank you."
"Thank you for what?"
"For taking care of me while I am sick. Its no fun to be ill."
"Its nothing, mellonnim. You are my best friend, and friends love at all time." I spoke gently, helding her hand. 'You are more than friend to me, do you know that? You almost kill me.' I pondered inside.
"Can you please call Lord Elrond? I need to speak to him." Estella pleaded me.
I went to call Elrond. He came to the chamber and smiled. "Its good that you are awake now, Estella. We thought we've lost you." He sat beside Estella checking her pulse. I prefered standing near the window watching them.
Estella smiled to him sadly. "Can I ask you something, my Lord?"
"Yes dear." I noticed Elrond didn't dare to meet Estella's eyes. Estella however gazed at him with sorrowful look.
"Can I use my feet again?" Her question sent a shock right to my stomach. How could she possibly know? I took a glance at Elrond and I could very well tell he felt the same way as I did.
Elrond looked down, avoiding her eyes. After a long silent, he managed to pull himself together and looked her in the eyes.
"Estella, be strong." He held Estella's hand tight, comforting her.
"So its true." Her voice pained my heart for it was so sad, her eyes filled with grief and bitterness, but she shed not a single tear.
Elrond tried to embrace her but she refused. "I am fine, my Lord. I know it already, I just want to make sure." Her voice was icy cold.
"How do you know, dear?" Elrond looked at her, but she turned away.
"I heard you talked before, but I was too weak to open my eyes."
"Please leave me alone, my Lord, Legolas. I need to be alone right now." She looked down, didn't dare to met our eyes.
We both nodded and left her alone.
There was deep silent between Elrond and I after we walked out of the room. Both of us worried about Estella.
"Legolas?" Elrond finally broke the silence.
"Yes?"
"How do you think she wil cope with this?"
"I do not know, my Lord. I have seen many Elves grief to death, but she was stronger than any Elves I know when it comes to grief. She also has a very strong will to live. But… "
"But what?"
"I don't know if any Elf could survive when they have to face this dreadful disability the rest of their immortality."
Elrond nodded and went away. I stood in front of her room feeling extremely miserable. Why wouldn't she let me comfort her? Accompany her through this hard time? I knew she was stubbornly proud of her independence and would not let others found her weak no matter what. I just wish she could set aside her pride for a moment.
For the next couple of days, Estella's physical health was steadily improving. She never passed out anymore, and she could eat and sit by herself. She asked me to bring her books to read and asked me to leave her alone most of the time. She rejected visitors and strictly forbid us to tell anyone, even her foster parents, about her present condition. I wanted to carry her outside, to feel the wind, and enjoying the view, but she refused.
She had changed so much. Her face was pale and she grew thinner. The joy and high spirited self within her ceased. She never shed a single tear. She built a wall around her; never let anyone knew her true feelings or thought, displaying no emotion in her face or voice. Only through her eyes could someone tell how her disability had destroyed her.
And it destroyed me too.
Elrond insisted someone to watch her during the night and I shouldn't do the job alone. Glorfindel offered himself and no one could find reason why he shouldn't. Estella didn't give any comment. In fact, she barely even talked.
"Estella." I called her. I couldn't resist confronting her. I needed to know how she felt, what she thought.
Estella put down the book she was reading. "Yes, Legolas?" I could not sense any emotion in her voice. She seemed so cold, distant, trapped in her own world. It shuddered to think how much she had changed.
"How do you feel lately?" I gazed at her eyes, trying to pry to her inner world. All I could see was darkness and cold, there was no emotion at all, not even sorrow. And that frightened me.
"I am fine." She answered briefly and returned to the book. Her face was expressionless.
It was clear that she wanted me to ask no more.
It was frustrating, but I was unable to push her further. I went outside and looked above the sky. I heard Glorfindel's footstep along the corridor approaching Estella's chamber for it was his turn to watch Estella tonight.
"Glorfindel?"
"Yes, Legolas?" he turned to face me who stood in the balcony.
"How is Estella in your opinion?" Somehow I had expected what he would say, but I wish he would deny.
After some time Glorfindel looked at me. With a soft voice he spoke, "She is dying."
"The quickest way to die is to loose hope." He added. Sorrow was plain in his face.
I nodded. I knew his answer was correct. Though Estella recovered physically, but she was dying emotionally. It was a matter of time before her dying soul killed her body.
*******************
Sad isn't it? I am in angsty mood. A little bit of angst will make this story more interesting. Just continue reading and reviewing. Critics are very welcomed.