Longing for your touch
Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Rurouni Kenshin. Believe it or not.
Prologue
They noticed it immediately as she came through the dojo's door. They had been waiting for her since she had informed them that she would come for a little visit. Now that she was here, standing right in front of them, they saw the reason why.
Her eyes were red from crying and she had black circles under them. And she looked tired. Her face was pale and her whole being almost lifeless. She had lost a lot of weight. She smiled a forced smile and assured to them that she was all right after some rest, which she was going to get here. In Kyoto there were too many responsibilities for her. Here she would be able to rest.
They accepted her reasons, or lack of them, and welcomed her to the dojo.
Chapter 1
Some wounds never heal
Some tears never will
Dry for the unkind
The Kinslayer
Nightwish
Three weeks later...
Almost a month had passed since she had arrived. Some things had remained the same, some changed. She had gained back the weight she had lost, her eyes had lost their black circles, but still the lifelessness and tiredness were present in her blue eyes.
Misao woke up everyday very early and made breakfast for them, which was something she had argued with Kaoru about. Kaoru had insisted that she would rest and leave the cooking to Kenshin, after all he was a great cook. Misao had won the argument, saying that feeling herself useful would help her to recover her spirit and to the suprise of others, Misao proved herself to be as good cook as Kenshin.
Another thing she argued with Kaoru about was money. Misao had offered her money in exchange for her staying, but Kaoru had refused to accept it...until Kenshin had came in saying that they hadn't much money left, because of their almost every day visits at Akabeko and because Kaoru ate much more now that she was pregnant. His comments made Kaoru blush and accept some money from Misao, but she swore to pay her back someday. As soon as she could. Misao had agreed with a smile, that was a true one. Kaoru blinked and then smiled, *Misao is recovering!*
After breakfast Misao rested a while or went shopping with Kenshin, while Kaoru and Yahiko were teaching at the dojo. Misao had learned that people in Tokyo were nice and she had already gotten many new friends.
After they returned, Kenshin did the laundry and Misao went to train. Her shinobi outfit drew lots of attention from the men practising Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu. it amazed her in the beginning, she wasn't used to men watching her like these and the way they tried to draw her attention was new to her. Kaoru had complained to her about it, because men watched her, while she was trying to teach them. That had made Misao blush.
Misao had still continued her training during that time and to their astonishment, had recovered some of her spirit due to the mens admiring gazes. That had caused Kaoru and others to wonder the reason for her visit once more and wonder if they should have sent a letter to Kyoto asking what was wrong with Misao. But they had decided to wait for Misao to tell them.
After a hard training, Misao usually made the bath ready for them and rested a while before making dinner with Kenshin. At that time Sanosuke usually popped up from somewhere and ate half of the cooking.
When Misao and Kenshin had made the dinner for the first time together, Kenshin had told her to make a lot. Misao had asked why, but Kenshin hadn't told her then, merely smiled and assured that Misao would understand soon. And when Sanosuke 'suddenly' came to 'greet' them, she understood. That was the first time there had been a real and full smile on her since she had came. Smile that lightened her face up and took all lifelessness away. Others didn't see that smile, but it didn't matter.
After dinner she usually talked with Kaoru about the day or memories and such. Kaoru was amazed by the things Misao told her about Hannya, Shikijou, Beshimi and Hyottoko... and Aoshi. She had never believed that they would do things Misao told her they had done, for her. *Misao-chan has lost her parents a long time ago, but.... Hannya, Shikijou, Beshimi, Hyottoko and rest of the Oniwabanshu has become her family. It must have been hard on her to have to cope with their deaths at the same time that Aoshi was...off the track. I can see them now in a better light. And Misao-chan also. It must have been hard for her, just as hard or even harder than it was for me to lose my parents.*
After talking with Kaoru, which usually took a long time, Misao went to sleep or read something. Unlike in Kyoto, here Misao didn't cry herself in to sleep, which was a good thing. Here there weren't so many memories of Aoshi, which also was good. After all she was here to recover from the wounds that loving Aoshi had given to her, so many wounds, too many wounds...
**********************************************************************************
Sun had risen and Misao felt its rays warming her inside and outside. She loved mornings, because for her, it was the time for new beginnings. And new beginning was something she was hoping for, new beginning without the pain...without Aoshi....
Even though the mere thought of it made her insides twist, she was sure that it was what she needed. She had, after all, came here to get over the pain that his cold gaze made her feel and the way his every cold word seemed to tear her apart, his every movement in its heartbreaking beauty...
Misao could feel tears forming in her eyes. *Not anymore! Not anymore. Please... not...anymore...* Her tears rolled down in burning paths on her cheeks. A frustrated gesture and tears were gone from her cheeks, if not her eyes. With an angry gleem in her eyes she stated, *Not anymore! I will NOT become the helpless puppet I was in Kyoto! I will NOT become... I will not...* Tear after another followed paths on her cheeks, she brushed them aside and with disorientated mind made her way to the kitchen and there noticed a bucket of water on the floor. With hazed mind and eyes she made her way to it and washed her face with the water feeling better after. Yesterday she had been shopping with Kenshin, and knew exatly what to make for the breakfast.
*******
Everything was prepared when Yahiko stumpled to the room, he had twisted his ankle during the training and was taking a day off today. His eyes lightened up when he saw the food Misao had made with a great care and he sat down and was about to fill his plate, but Misao stopped him and took the plate from his hands ignoring his protestes. "We have to wait for Himura and Kaoru-san." Yahiko sighed. "It'll take hours for that big, fat raccoon to get up."
"What did you say, Yahiko-chan?!" came a scream from the door. Yahiko turned, stucked his tongue out at Kaoru, grapped his plate from Misao and started to fill it, while Kaoru stood at the entrance with pure rage on her face and Himura tried to calm her down. Small smile tugged at Misao's lips at the scene, it was like this every morning.
They all were so close, much closer than she was with anybody in Kyoto nowadays, not to mention Aoshi... For a moment a black cloud of sadness filled her eyes, but the sight of Kaoru throttling Yahiko, even in her pregnant state, was so funny, that it took all sad thoughts out of her mind and curved her lips into a small genuine smile.
In Kyoto she hadn't been able to smile a true smile in a year and nobody had noticed, but in here it came so naturally. She watched as Kaoru argued with Yahiko even while they were eating and ate with a good appetite, which was something she hadn't had in Kyoto.
A sigh escaped her lips. "In here I can smile, eat and sleep well.I couldn't do those in Kyoto..." She lowered her gaze back to her food and barely even noticed as others finished their meals. She was lost in her memories...
*******
"Aoshi-sama. I'm going to Tokyo. To meet Himura, Kaoru-san, Yahiko and others. I was wondering...." A deep intake of air. "Would you like to come with me?"
"No."
A silence.
"I see...Well, I'll leave tomorrow. Sayoonara."
No answer.
*******
Kaoru looked at Misao. The look in her eyes was empty and she hadn't eaten anything after a few bites which was highly unusual. Usually she took her part in the riot called breakfast, but now...
"Misao-chan. Are you all right?" Misao looked up startled. "Yes..." With a bit stronger voice. "Yes. I'm all right." She smiled, it didn't look like a forced smile, but still...
"You haven't eaten much." Misao blinked and looked at her plate. A small blush and short laughter. "I guess I'm not that hungry now, but I bet I'll eat more at the dinner than usually now that I don't eat so much for breakfast."
Misao continued smiling, but Kaoru wasn't sure if she could trust in that smile. *But I guess I don't have a choice in the matter... I'll ask her about it after the dinner.*
Suddenly the baby kicked causing Kaorus eyes to widen on happiness and amazement. It was the first time. *My baby kicked! Correction-* She smiled with all of her heart. *Kenshin's and my baby kicked!* She turned to her smiling face to Kenshin. "The baby kicked!"
The triumph of sheer joy in Kaoru's voice hit Misao. She was happy for her friend of course, but...
Kenshin moved to her, but the blood pulsed too soundly in Misao's head for her to hear what he said. In truth she didn't even want to, their happy faces were enough. Hearing would only be a painful reminder of what she could never get, never. Not with Aoshi and she loved him with all her heart. Tear slid down her cheek, no one noticed.
tbc
* Tiian *
Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Rurouni Kenshin. Believe it or not.
Prologue
They noticed it immediately as she came through the dojo's door. They had been waiting for her since she had informed them that she would come for a little visit. Now that she was here, standing right in front of them, they saw the reason why.
Her eyes were red from crying and she had black circles under them. And she looked tired. Her face was pale and her whole being almost lifeless. She had lost a lot of weight. She smiled a forced smile and assured to them that she was all right after some rest, which she was going to get here. In Kyoto there were too many responsibilities for her. Here she would be able to rest.
They accepted her reasons, or lack of them, and welcomed her to the dojo.
Chapter 1
Some wounds never heal
Some tears never will
Dry for the unkind
The Kinslayer
Nightwish
Three weeks later...
Almost a month had passed since she had arrived. Some things had remained the same, some changed. She had gained back the weight she had lost, her eyes had lost their black circles, but still the lifelessness and tiredness were present in her blue eyes.
Misao woke up everyday very early and made breakfast for them, which was something she had argued with Kaoru about. Kaoru had insisted that she would rest and leave the cooking to Kenshin, after all he was a great cook. Misao had won the argument, saying that feeling herself useful would help her to recover her spirit and to the suprise of others, Misao proved herself to be as good cook as Kenshin.
Another thing she argued with Kaoru about was money. Misao had offered her money in exchange for her staying, but Kaoru had refused to accept it...until Kenshin had came in saying that they hadn't much money left, because of their almost every day visits at Akabeko and because Kaoru ate much more now that she was pregnant. His comments made Kaoru blush and accept some money from Misao, but she swore to pay her back someday. As soon as she could. Misao had agreed with a smile, that was a true one. Kaoru blinked and then smiled, *Misao is recovering!*
After breakfast Misao rested a while or went shopping with Kenshin, while Kaoru and Yahiko were teaching at the dojo. Misao had learned that people in Tokyo were nice and she had already gotten many new friends.
After they returned, Kenshin did the laundry and Misao went to train. Her shinobi outfit drew lots of attention from the men practising Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu. it amazed her in the beginning, she wasn't used to men watching her like these and the way they tried to draw her attention was new to her. Kaoru had complained to her about it, because men watched her, while she was trying to teach them. That had made Misao blush.
Misao had still continued her training during that time and to their astonishment, had recovered some of her spirit due to the mens admiring gazes. That had caused Kaoru and others to wonder the reason for her visit once more and wonder if they should have sent a letter to Kyoto asking what was wrong with Misao. But they had decided to wait for Misao to tell them.
After a hard training, Misao usually made the bath ready for them and rested a while before making dinner with Kenshin. At that time Sanosuke usually popped up from somewhere and ate half of the cooking.
When Misao and Kenshin had made the dinner for the first time together, Kenshin had told her to make a lot. Misao had asked why, but Kenshin hadn't told her then, merely smiled and assured that Misao would understand soon. And when Sanosuke 'suddenly' came to 'greet' them, she understood. That was the first time there had been a real and full smile on her since she had came. Smile that lightened her face up and took all lifelessness away. Others didn't see that smile, but it didn't matter.
After dinner she usually talked with Kaoru about the day or memories and such. Kaoru was amazed by the things Misao told her about Hannya, Shikijou, Beshimi and Hyottoko... and Aoshi. She had never believed that they would do things Misao told her they had done, for her. *Misao-chan has lost her parents a long time ago, but.... Hannya, Shikijou, Beshimi, Hyottoko and rest of the Oniwabanshu has become her family. It must have been hard on her to have to cope with their deaths at the same time that Aoshi was...off the track. I can see them now in a better light. And Misao-chan also. It must have been hard for her, just as hard or even harder than it was for me to lose my parents.*
After talking with Kaoru, which usually took a long time, Misao went to sleep or read something. Unlike in Kyoto, here Misao didn't cry herself in to sleep, which was a good thing. Here there weren't so many memories of Aoshi, which also was good. After all she was here to recover from the wounds that loving Aoshi had given to her, so many wounds, too many wounds...
**********************************************************************************
Sun had risen and Misao felt its rays warming her inside and outside. She loved mornings, because for her, it was the time for new beginnings. And new beginning was something she was hoping for, new beginning without the pain...without Aoshi....
Even though the mere thought of it made her insides twist, she was sure that it was what she needed. She had, after all, came here to get over the pain that his cold gaze made her feel and the way his every cold word seemed to tear her apart, his every movement in its heartbreaking beauty...
Misao could feel tears forming in her eyes. *Not anymore! Not anymore. Please... not...anymore...* Her tears rolled down in burning paths on her cheeks. A frustrated gesture and tears were gone from her cheeks, if not her eyes. With an angry gleem in her eyes she stated, *Not anymore! I will NOT become the helpless puppet I was in Kyoto! I will NOT become... I will not...* Tear after another followed paths on her cheeks, she brushed them aside and with disorientated mind made her way to the kitchen and there noticed a bucket of water on the floor. With hazed mind and eyes she made her way to it and washed her face with the water feeling better after. Yesterday she had been shopping with Kenshin, and knew exatly what to make for the breakfast.
*******
Everything was prepared when Yahiko stumpled to the room, he had twisted his ankle during the training and was taking a day off today. His eyes lightened up when he saw the food Misao had made with a great care and he sat down and was about to fill his plate, but Misao stopped him and took the plate from his hands ignoring his protestes. "We have to wait for Himura and Kaoru-san." Yahiko sighed. "It'll take hours for that big, fat raccoon to get up."
"What did you say, Yahiko-chan?!" came a scream from the door. Yahiko turned, stucked his tongue out at Kaoru, grapped his plate from Misao and started to fill it, while Kaoru stood at the entrance with pure rage on her face and Himura tried to calm her down. Small smile tugged at Misao's lips at the scene, it was like this every morning.
They all were so close, much closer than she was with anybody in Kyoto nowadays, not to mention Aoshi... For a moment a black cloud of sadness filled her eyes, but the sight of Kaoru throttling Yahiko, even in her pregnant state, was so funny, that it took all sad thoughts out of her mind and curved her lips into a small genuine smile.
In Kyoto she hadn't been able to smile a true smile in a year and nobody had noticed, but in here it came so naturally. She watched as Kaoru argued with Yahiko even while they were eating and ate with a good appetite, which was something she hadn't had in Kyoto.
A sigh escaped her lips. "In here I can smile, eat and sleep well.I couldn't do those in Kyoto..." She lowered her gaze back to her food and barely even noticed as others finished their meals. She was lost in her memories...
*******
"Aoshi-sama. I'm going to Tokyo. To meet Himura, Kaoru-san, Yahiko and others. I was wondering...." A deep intake of air. "Would you like to come with me?"
"No."
A silence.
"I see...Well, I'll leave tomorrow. Sayoonara."
No answer.
*******
Kaoru looked at Misao. The look in her eyes was empty and she hadn't eaten anything after a few bites which was highly unusual. Usually she took her part in the riot called breakfast, but now...
"Misao-chan. Are you all right?" Misao looked up startled. "Yes..." With a bit stronger voice. "Yes. I'm all right." She smiled, it didn't look like a forced smile, but still...
"You haven't eaten much." Misao blinked and looked at her plate. A small blush and short laughter. "I guess I'm not that hungry now, but I bet I'll eat more at the dinner than usually now that I don't eat so much for breakfast."
Misao continued smiling, but Kaoru wasn't sure if she could trust in that smile. *But I guess I don't have a choice in the matter... I'll ask her about it after the dinner.*
Suddenly the baby kicked causing Kaorus eyes to widen on happiness and amazement. It was the first time. *My baby kicked! Correction-* She smiled with all of her heart. *Kenshin's and my baby kicked!* She turned to her smiling face to Kenshin. "The baby kicked!"
The triumph of sheer joy in Kaoru's voice hit Misao. She was happy for her friend of course, but...
Kenshin moved to her, but the blood pulsed too soundly in Misao's head for her to hear what he said. In truth she didn't even want to, their happy faces were enough. Hearing would only be a painful reminder of what she could never get, never. Not with Aoshi and she loved him with all her heart. Tear slid down her cheek, no one noticed.
tbc
* Tiian *