Longing for your touch
Disclaimer: I DO NOT own RUrouni Kenshin. Believe it or not.
Chapter 3
Come to me
Make me believe
to you and your love again
Astral Romance
Nightwish
Misao could hear the loud beating of her heart, outwards she showed none of her nervousness, but inside... That was a different matter. *Everything was going so fine. I didn't deserve this!* She walked towars the entrance, as she would walk to be executed and she felt like she would be. Her steps seemed to echo in the hall making her feel very lonely, then she stepped out of the front door and saw them standing at the entrance. *Omasu-san to Okon-san.*
As if she would have said their names out aloud, they turned to face her. They were wearing their uniforms and at the sight of her, smiles spread across their faces. "Misao-chan!" they yelled in unison and Omasu stepped towards her. "We were so worried! Why haven't you came back already? We have all missed you so much! And we were so worried!" Omasu had a bit blaiming expression. Misao could sense that Kaoru and Kenshin weren't far away, but they stayed quiet which was fine with her.
"Misao-chan?" Now Omasu looked worried. "Are you all right?" A silence which Misao broke with a one simple word. "No." Everyone's eyes widened. "No. I am not all right. I don't know if I'll ever be again."
"Misao-chan." A female from behind her. *Kaoru-san.*
"If there is anything we can---" A simple all denying word 'no' once again silenced Omasu. "You can do nothing. I am doing my best right now and your coming here..." Her eyes were stoned. "You shouldn't have came." The shock on their faces surprised Misao. "I didn't want you to come. And there was no need for you to come."
Okon stepped towards Misao hands on her hips. "Misao-chan. You are acting very childish. Have you even thought about Kaoru-san and Himura-san? You can't stay here disturbing them! You have already been here too long. You'll come back with us to where you belong!"
Misao was quiet as she was stared at her feets with her hair covering her face so that others couldn't see her expression. Then a strangled laughter escaped her lips and she raised her gaze from the ground. Kaoru couldn't see her face, but Okon and Omasu could. They paled as looked at her in a shock. "Misao-chan..."
Tears were flowing freely down her cheeks and at the same time she was smiling, but the smile wasn't happy. Her face was a bit pale and her eyes looked lifeless, so very lifeless... They had never seen her like this before. Her facade of genkiness had broken. And then she exploded, anger and pain filling her until she couldn't hold it inside anymore.
"Where I belong...? Where I belong?! Do I belong there where I have no happiness?! Where I am in so much pain that I can barely breath?! Where I cry myself to sleep?! Where I can not eat?! Where I---" Misao stopped her screaming, shut her eyes and threw her head back. She breathed in deebly to calm herself. Others looked at her, speechless. Even though her eyes were shut, tears were still sliding down her cheeks. Her anger had given her face a reddish colour.
She opened her eyes and spoke with a empty voice, no emotion was on her face or in her voice. "I did think about Kaoru-san and Himura. That's why I contacted Tatsu. He helped me to find a place for me to stay at and I'll move there soon. And the day after tomorrow I'll know if I'll get to work as a waitress at a restaurant not far from my new apartment. I won't bother Himuras anymore. Tell Jiya to send all reports to Keiko-san. She'll bring them to me and Tatsu will help me with them."
Not wanting to upset Misao, Kaoru spoke softly. "Misao-chan. You don't have to do this. You can stay here as long as you like and then go back to Kyoto. I mean after you have--" Kaoru was harsly interupted by Misao's angry voice.
"You don't understand. None of you do." She turned to face Kaoru, but now her voice sounded pained. "How could you when I haven't told you anything. I have hid it inside of me. I didn't want to make anybody worry in Kyoto, so I...left. I came here. I hoped that you wouldn't ask me questions and you didn't. Arigatou. But I guess now is the time for me to tell you." Misao was silent for a moment and before she continued speaking, staring at her tightly squeezed hands.
"In Kyoto I woke up in the morning, went to the kitchen and got Aoshi-sama's tea and then I went to his room. He always meditated already when I got there. He rarely ever said a word. No thank you's, or other signs of noticing me. All he said was something like..." Misao seemed to think hard. Her forehead wrinkled, then she gave up. "Well I don't remember him saying anything, but 'the door is open' or... Well pretty much all he said was a answer to something I had asked. He didn't even answer to me always, just looked at me, his face impassive."
"But I always talked to him, told him what had been happening lately, and smiled to him. He only looked at me with those uncaring, cold eyes. Those eyes told me, that he doesn't want me there. I never realised it before... Took a long time for me to realise that, to realise what an idiot I am. His words, those few he ever said...They kill me in their coldness. Every day...I die in there every day, and still I can't stop going to see him...not as long as I am there..."
Misao falled to the ground as if all her strenght had deserted her and she cried. Kaoru moved to her and embraced her as well as she could with her stomach in the way. Omasu and Okon took a clue from her actions and embraced them. Kenshin looked at Misao, who was now holding on to Kaoru in her pain and desperation.
Kenshin wondered if Aoshi knew how great pain he was causing Misao to feel. In Shi-Shi-O's headquarters, when he had told Aoshi that Misao was crying because of him, for him, he had winced. It had given him the last opening to wake Aoshi up. He was sure that Aoshi cared for Misao. And Misao herself had told that she had made her best so that others wouldn't be worried and hid her pain. *So Aoshi may not know anything of the pain Misao-dono is feeling. On the other hand Aoshi is very good at reading people's feelings and he must have seen her pain, or at least that she is hiding something. So why hasn't he done anything? ...Of course...*
Misao's eyes were hurting. *This is what you get from crying like a baby.* She pushed Kaoru, Okon and Omasu away from her and pushed herself up. She looked at their worried faces and was amazed by how much they cared. *After Aoshi-sama's uncariness, it's nice to know that there are people who care about me.* She smiled to them. *But I still can't return to Kyoto.* "Don't worry. I feel better already." *I'll start a new life in here.*
Now, after letting her anger out in the form of yelling and crying, she felt more free. She knew that some of the pain remained, pushed and hidden deep within her, but the anger was gone. She didn't even remember how long she had harpored that particular feeling inside of her, but it was gone now. *I guess it was good that Okon-san and Omasu-san came.*
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Next day after Misao had spent ten minutes convincing everyone that she was alright now and that there was no reason for them to worry anymore, Misao, Okon and Omasu were making a dinner. Kenshin was practically forced out of the kitchen when Misao had said that she would make a fantastic dinner to thank them for everything they had done.
Okon and Omasu were helping her because what she planned to do needed more than one person to do. And it did took them a long time to make everything ready.
The dinner was a great success. The food was tasty and sake that Okon had bought was good. Misao felt wonderful. Sake made her thoughts hazy and her pain forgotten. She laughed at Yahiko and Sanosuke who were fighting over the food that was left. Megumi had also joined them for the dinner and even though Kenshin was now married to Kaoru, she still flirted with him and that made Kaoru very angry. She didn't drink, because of the baby, and thinking the way Misao had heard Kaoru to be acting when drunk, it was only a good thing. Okon and Omasu had some old oniwabanshu friends living in Tokyo and they had gone to meet them promising to came back early in the morning to help in cleaning up.
Sanosuke won Yahiko in their 'who-gets-to-eat-rest-of-the-food'-battle by distracting him. He said that Tsubame was at the door. Yahiko turned to see, and Sanosuke tugged all the food that was left into his mouth. Yahiko furious when he noticed this. He attacked Sano with his shinai, but Sano merely jumpped out of the way with not so very graceful movement.
He had already drank pretty much sake and so his wasn't at his sharpest. After succesfully balancing himself he started to walk towards Misao. Yahiko was going to attack Sano again, when he noticed some leftover food on one of the trays they hadn't noticed before and silently walked to it making sure that Sano didn't notice.
"Hey, weasel. Hand over some of that tasty sake." Sanos voice was sober, too sober for Misao's liking. She took a bottle of sake to her hand and threw it to Sano. "Here. Drink." Sano caught the bottle, raised an eyebrow at Misao and sat down beside her. "That was the plan."
He raised the bottle to his lips and drank. And drank. Misao's smile spread in amazement, before she felt that both her hand and mouth were too empty and started to look for a new bottle for herself.
Sano finally put the bottle down, "Mmm. Good sake.", and turned to Misao who already had found a new sake bottle for herself and was drinking it empty with a steady speed. "Yo, weasel. Easy it up. Soon you won't get yourself of the floor." He smiled and took the bottle from Misao, who wasn't sober enough to stop him.
"Mou, Sano. Give *hick* my sake back!" Misao's cheeks were flushed and the hand that was reaching for the bottle, swayed uncoordinatedly in the air as she tried to decide which one of the Sanos she was seeing was the real one. Sano stood up and felt as the sake rose to his head, he steadied himself quickly. "Nope."
His eyes were on Misao as she rose to her unsteady feets. "I am the okashu...okashira of the oniwabanshuuuu.... And I order you to give that sake back or I'll be angry." Misao tried to look angry, but laughter escaped her lips.
"Sure. I'll give this back---" he wawed the bottle in front of Misao, but didn't give it to her when she tried to grasp it in her hand."---but only if you come and walk with me. To sober your head up a bit." Misao blinked, before she nodded and gave one last clance to the room where Yahiko was trying to sleep on the floor next to an empty tray, and Kenshin was trying to calm Kaoru down, while Megumi laughed her manical laughter. Then she and Sano stepped outside.
The cool night air brushed Misao's face and she shivered a bit. Sano noticed that and took his own shirt and offered it to Misao. She looked at it astonished before taking it. "You acting like a gentleman. Hard to believe, rooster." Sano smiled. "Yeah. I guess I have drunk too much sake, weasel." Misao giggled. "Must be, rooster."
"Weasel."
"Rooster."
"Weasel."
"Rooster."
"So how long are we going to stand here calling each other names, weasel?"
"I don't know. How long, rooster?"
Sano threw his hand in to the air. "I give up. I asked you for a walk and am hoping that we would be up to it before morning." Misao smiled at him. "Then let's walk."
They walked down the road from dojo in comfortable silence. Misao found it nice, raised her sake bottle and drank a bit. Sake warmed its way down and made the cold wind less cold. She smiled. She hadn't felt this good in a long time. Not since--*No. I am not going to think about that.*
"So, how long are you going to stay here this time?" Sano's voice startled Misao and she almost jumped out of her skin. "You shouldn't scare people like that!" She was holding a hand on her heart in melodramatic posture and was claring at Sano, but her eyes winkled with held laughter. Sano laughed openly at her and a moment later, after making a false face of hurt, her voice joined his.
*She is beautiful when laughs like that, no worries on her face.* The laughter died slowly from her lips, but she still smiled. "You haven't heard?" He looked at her puzzled. "Heard what?" Misao smiled, took some dance-like steps forward. "I'm moving to Tokyo." Sano could actually hear his jaw hitting the ground.
"Whaaaaat? But what about Shinomori?" Smile disappeared from Misao's face. "That idiot can do whatever he wants....But then again, he already does so." There was a trace of bitterness in her voice. "And what stops me from doing what I want? Certainly not that idiot!" Misao looked angry, and Sano could hear the pain in her tone. "I thought you loved him. Isn't that reason enough?"
Misao turned to him and looked utterly full of sadness. One lone tear slid down her right cheek. "Yes. I love him. And it would be reason enough, if he would love me back. But I have understood that he doesn't. And I just can't deal with him anymore." Misao looked almost...trapped. Trapped in the turmoil of her feelings, being almost stewed to the gills did not help. And he didn't want her to be sad, angry or in pain because of one moron, who didn't see what was in front him. So he would take that look of of her face.
"As you say." Then he smiled at her wickedly trying to get those painful feelings away from her mind. "So we'll be seeing more of you here then?" Misao blinked in surprise at first but smiled then almost as wickedly as he did. "Definately! And wait till I get my spirit back and start pulling pranks on you guys!"
Sano laughed. "Sounds like fun."
"Oh it is. Usually mostly for me and by-standers."
"You mind taking a partner?"
"Hmm...I'll consider that." She smiled and took a gulp of sake. Sano mimiced her movements and took also a shallow.
Somehow all sadness that had filled Misao only a moment ago, was gone. *Must be the sake...or...the company.* Out of sheer impulse she said excatly what she thought. "I wish I would have fallen for someone like you. That would make my life much more interesting and less painful." Sano looked at Misao amazed...and pleased by her words. "What do you mean?"
A slight blush rose to her cheeks.
"Well..." she bit her lip. "First of all I can have a conversation with you. That is impossible with Aoshi-sama. Secondly you have a good sense of humor...unlike Aoshi-sama. I have never seen him even truly smile, not to talk about laughing! Also it is easier to be around you than around him. He sometimes makes even me feel uncomfortable with him. Nowadays especially. He never shows any emotions, unlike you. He is like a stone statue. Just as cold and unmoving as one. And I feel like there would some kind of chain binding me to him." *A chain my love created.*
Misao walked around Sano the whole time she spoke. "And that chain is so thick, heavy and short that I haven't even be able to have that 'crush-age'. I mean having a crush on one man and then already on the second one. And I know many girls from my childhood and they are all already married! Most of them at the age of 16, when I was still looking for my Aoshi-sama!"
She stopped walking and faced him, looking almost annoyed. "Think about it. I am 18, I could have been married already for years, but no. I have never been even kissed!"
"Whaaaat? Never?"
"Nope."
"I guess we have to change that then." Misao didn't even have time to think what he meant by that before he had already embraced her and was pressing his lips against hers.
Then she couldn't think, didn't want to think. He was so close and she had never been this close to anyone. Not this way. She answered to his kiss out of all of her frustration and need to be close to someone.
When Sano finally ended their kiss, they were both breathless. Misao was looking at him her eyes wide and her mouth partly open. "Now that is taken care of. You have been kissed. But no more kisses from me. Remember that." His words were in disagreeance with the way he said them and his eyes caressed her lips. "Hai..." Her voice was breathy and almost inviting.
Misao knew that she should pull away, but she honestly didn't want to. She had never been this close to anyone. She tried to think, to get the order to pull away from her brains to her body, but sake and his warmth filled her head and so she remained in his embrace.
Sano looked straight into her eyes and tried to sober himself up. Her mouth was open and he wanted to kiss her, again. He had said he wouldn't but how he wanted. Sano allowed his hands to let go of her and she stepped away from him. They looked at each other unsure of what to do. An eternity went by before Sano forced words out of his mouth. "So...ummm." He looked at Misao trying to think up something to say before he come up with a question.
"So where will you be living? At the dojo?" Misao blinked before her sakefilled head understood what he was talking about and then shook it. "Nope. I already have an apartment close by and I may get to work at one restaurant as a waitress." Sano raised an eyebrow, glad that they had found something to talk about. "At Akabeko?" Misao shook her head again and pained look appeared on her face. "I wish! The restaurant I am talking about is way smaller and less popular. ....And I think that the owner is a perverse. It isn't that bad thing, you know I can take care of myself and-"
"You would work for a perv??!! You must be kidding! We're going to meet Tae right away! One of her waitresses is getting married in a month. I am sure that she will need someone to replace her!" Misao looked at Sano her eyes wide. She was amazed by Sano's protective and angry reaction. His face looked really scary in a way.
Then Sano had already took her right hand and was dragging her somewhere down the road. "Sano! What are you doing?!"
"I'm taking you to meet Tae!"
"But it is late!" Misao protested holding herself from giggling.
"So what? She'll understand."
Misao truly doupted that but allowed Sanosuke to drag her towars Akabeko. On a way Misao noticed that she still had her sake bottle hanging from her wrist. She amused herself by trying to catch it with only her left hand which was surprisingly hard even though she was already sobering up, or so she thought. When she finally caught the bottle they were already at Akabeko's backdoor.
Sano pounded the door and yelled for Tae. Misao laughed at him noticing how in some of the nearby houses lights were being lit and some man appeared to one of the windows and yelled Sano to be quiet. Then the backdoor opened and Tae came into the view.
She was wearing a simple grey yukata, her hair was in a small bun upon her head and her face red of anger. "Sagara Sanosuke. What on earth are you doing here at this hour?" Her voice was very cold, but Sano didn't seem to mind as he made his way in to the kitchen. Tae looked after him frusterated before she noticed Misao coming in behind Sano wearing his shirt. "Misao-chan. What are you doing with this drunken troublemaker?"
Misao bowed at Tae and laughed at her surprised look. "I am drunk with him. And he is the one who dragged me here after he got that great idea of his. I don't know what he was thinking in rushing here at this hour and I apologize for us rushing here this late, but as I told you, we're drunk. So, you can't expect perfect manners or anything at all for that matter. Anyway I have to admit that his idea was quite good, but it completely depends on you. So that is why we're here. ....Did I tell you that we're drunk? Well that doesn't really matter. I mean when we left the dojo, Megumi was also drunk and she was flirting with Himura and Kaoru was SO angry that I thought that she might explode from all the blood that was packed in her head. And Himura had great troble in calming them. Yahiko had already almost passed out even though he didn't even drink! I am sure that Okon-san and Omasu-san are also drunk. They went to see a friend of them after the dinner. And Sano blackmailed me out of the dojo by stealing my sake and so we left to have walk and---"
"And I think Tae has heard enough Misao." Sano decided to step into the scenario.
Tae looked at Misao bewildered. She still had her mouth open, ready to speak more, but then Sano placed his hand on the top of her mouth and spoke.
"The reason why we're here is that this weasel needs a work as a waitress. Do you have work for her?" Misao managed to get his hand from her mouth. "I'm not a weasel!" And the hand returned. Everything else she might have had to say was muffled by Sano's hand.
Tae looked at the couple. Sano looked at her waiting for her answer and Misao wiggled in his arms doing her best to get free. Tae shook her head, headache she had had evening was now returning. *They are impossible.* And she sighed.
"There is a place open, but only if Misao-chan will dress up in our uniform." She shot penetrating glance at Misao, who nodded in agreement. Tae looked at Sano, who was still keeping her silent. "Let her go. I need to speak with her." Sano just nodded and let Misao go.
"Listen to me now Misao. You'll come here tomorrow evening at the shutting time and we'll discuss about few things, all right?" Misao nodded. "Hai...eeto. Arigatoo gozaimasu." She seemed to have gotten hold of herself. Tae sighed in relief. She was tired and drunken Misao babbling was too much for her nerves at the moment. "Now, you two leave and go to sleep."
"Hai!" Both of them bowed at her and Misao would have probably fallen onto her nose if Sano hadn't steadied her. When Tae was showing the door for them, she noticed the sake bottle hunging from Misao's wrist. And while she was walking beside her, she snagged the bottle away from her without Misao noticing. She was too busy at concentrating at her step and mocking Sano.
Tae sighed out in relief when she saw from the doorway that they making their way towards the dojo. *Finally. I can go back to sleep.* And she shut the door.
Misao took more of her dance-like steps and half of the time almost falled over, but it didn't matter. She hummed one of her favourite songs all the way to the dojo. Sano could only watch her admiringly. She was so unique. There was no one like her and never could be. Unlike the past month she was now almost, if not totally back to normal. When they reached the dojo, Misao suddenly sprang to him and give him a tight hug.
"Arigatou." Then she run inside the dojo leaving Sano to wonder about her actions before he headed towards his apartment totally forgetting to ask his shirt back from Misao.
Misao looked at the party-room which was a mess. They would have some cleaning to do tomorrow... Yahiko was still sleeping on the floor, but others weren't there. *They are probably sleeping.* Sano hadn't followed her inside which probably meant that he was going to go home.
Misao made her way through the dojo's corridor to her room. She looked around. Her futon had been spread for her. *Most likely Kaoru-san or Himura...or Okon-san or Omasu-san, if they have returned already.*
She was beginning to strip out of her clothing when she noticed that she was still wearing Sano's shirt. She removed it and thought about running after him to return it to him, but at the second thought folded it carefully and placed it on the floor. *I'll give it to him tomorrow.*
She changed into her blue sleeping yukata and walked to her futon. She closed her eyes and tried to sleep, but found herself unable. Too many thoughts swirled in her head. Her new job at Akabeko, her new apartment, her new life in here... She had been so happy about all of them, but right now... The thought of not seeing Aoshi anymore hurt more than ever. *It's the sake. It's making my feelings jumpy.*
But no matter what she said to herself, the truth remained. All she wanted was Aoshi to come and take her home with him, to tell her that he loved her and that they would live happily ever after. But that would never happen. She knew it and it hurt her more than she could have ever imagined.
Glossary:
to= and
genkiness= genki is happy, or something like that. Misao often acts genki.
Arigatou.= Thank you.
okashira= a leader
hai= yes
Akabeko= a restaurant
Hai...eeto.= Yes...but/arrgg it is a filler word
Arigatoo gozaimasu.= Thank you very much.
yukata= a kimono like clothing
~Tiian~
Oh bare graze misery
Just a child without a fairytale am I
Dark but so lovely
A Little Match Girl freezing in the snow
Bare Grace Misery
Nightwish
Disclaimer: I DO NOT own RUrouni Kenshin. Believe it or not.
Chapter 3
Come to me
Make me believe
to you and your love again
Astral Romance
Nightwish
Misao could hear the loud beating of her heart, outwards she showed none of her nervousness, but inside... That was a different matter. *Everything was going so fine. I didn't deserve this!* She walked towars the entrance, as she would walk to be executed and she felt like she would be. Her steps seemed to echo in the hall making her feel very lonely, then she stepped out of the front door and saw them standing at the entrance. *Omasu-san to Okon-san.*
As if she would have said their names out aloud, they turned to face her. They were wearing their uniforms and at the sight of her, smiles spread across their faces. "Misao-chan!" they yelled in unison and Omasu stepped towards her. "We were so worried! Why haven't you came back already? We have all missed you so much! And we were so worried!" Omasu had a bit blaiming expression. Misao could sense that Kaoru and Kenshin weren't far away, but they stayed quiet which was fine with her.
"Misao-chan?" Now Omasu looked worried. "Are you all right?" A silence which Misao broke with a one simple word. "No." Everyone's eyes widened. "No. I am not all right. I don't know if I'll ever be again."
"Misao-chan." A female from behind her. *Kaoru-san.*
"If there is anything we can---" A simple all denying word 'no' once again silenced Omasu. "You can do nothing. I am doing my best right now and your coming here..." Her eyes were stoned. "You shouldn't have came." The shock on their faces surprised Misao. "I didn't want you to come. And there was no need for you to come."
Okon stepped towards Misao hands on her hips. "Misao-chan. You are acting very childish. Have you even thought about Kaoru-san and Himura-san? You can't stay here disturbing them! You have already been here too long. You'll come back with us to where you belong!"
Misao was quiet as she was stared at her feets with her hair covering her face so that others couldn't see her expression. Then a strangled laughter escaped her lips and she raised her gaze from the ground. Kaoru couldn't see her face, but Okon and Omasu could. They paled as looked at her in a shock. "Misao-chan..."
Tears were flowing freely down her cheeks and at the same time she was smiling, but the smile wasn't happy. Her face was a bit pale and her eyes looked lifeless, so very lifeless... They had never seen her like this before. Her facade of genkiness had broken. And then she exploded, anger and pain filling her until she couldn't hold it inside anymore.
"Where I belong...? Where I belong?! Do I belong there where I have no happiness?! Where I am in so much pain that I can barely breath?! Where I cry myself to sleep?! Where I can not eat?! Where I---" Misao stopped her screaming, shut her eyes and threw her head back. She breathed in deebly to calm herself. Others looked at her, speechless. Even though her eyes were shut, tears were still sliding down her cheeks. Her anger had given her face a reddish colour.
She opened her eyes and spoke with a empty voice, no emotion was on her face or in her voice. "I did think about Kaoru-san and Himura. That's why I contacted Tatsu. He helped me to find a place for me to stay at and I'll move there soon. And the day after tomorrow I'll know if I'll get to work as a waitress at a restaurant not far from my new apartment. I won't bother Himuras anymore. Tell Jiya to send all reports to Keiko-san. She'll bring them to me and Tatsu will help me with them."
Not wanting to upset Misao, Kaoru spoke softly. "Misao-chan. You don't have to do this. You can stay here as long as you like and then go back to Kyoto. I mean after you have--" Kaoru was harsly interupted by Misao's angry voice.
"You don't understand. None of you do." She turned to face Kaoru, but now her voice sounded pained. "How could you when I haven't told you anything. I have hid it inside of me. I didn't want to make anybody worry in Kyoto, so I...left. I came here. I hoped that you wouldn't ask me questions and you didn't. Arigatou. But I guess now is the time for me to tell you." Misao was silent for a moment and before she continued speaking, staring at her tightly squeezed hands.
"In Kyoto I woke up in the morning, went to the kitchen and got Aoshi-sama's tea and then I went to his room. He always meditated already when I got there. He rarely ever said a word. No thank you's, or other signs of noticing me. All he said was something like..." Misao seemed to think hard. Her forehead wrinkled, then she gave up. "Well I don't remember him saying anything, but 'the door is open' or... Well pretty much all he said was a answer to something I had asked. He didn't even answer to me always, just looked at me, his face impassive."
"But I always talked to him, told him what had been happening lately, and smiled to him. He only looked at me with those uncaring, cold eyes. Those eyes told me, that he doesn't want me there. I never realised it before... Took a long time for me to realise that, to realise what an idiot I am. His words, those few he ever said...They kill me in their coldness. Every day...I die in there every day, and still I can't stop going to see him...not as long as I am there..."
Misao falled to the ground as if all her strenght had deserted her and she cried. Kaoru moved to her and embraced her as well as she could with her stomach in the way. Omasu and Okon took a clue from her actions and embraced them. Kenshin looked at Misao, who was now holding on to Kaoru in her pain and desperation.
Kenshin wondered if Aoshi knew how great pain he was causing Misao to feel. In Shi-Shi-O's headquarters, when he had told Aoshi that Misao was crying because of him, for him, he had winced. It had given him the last opening to wake Aoshi up. He was sure that Aoshi cared for Misao. And Misao herself had told that she had made her best so that others wouldn't be worried and hid her pain. *So Aoshi may not know anything of the pain Misao-dono is feeling. On the other hand Aoshi is very good at reading people's feelings and he must have seen her pain, or at least that she is hiding something. So why hasn't he done anything? ...Of course...*
Misao's eyes were hurting. *This is what you get from crying like a baby.* She pushed Kaoru, Okon and Omasu away from her and pushed herself up. She looked at their worried faces and was amazed by how much they cared. *After Aoshi-sama's uncariness, it's nice to know that there are people who care about me.* She smiled to them. *But I still can't return to Kyoto.* "Don't worry. I feel better already." *I'll start a new life in here.*
Now, after letting her anger out in the form of yelling and crying, she felt more free. She knew that some of the pain remained, pushed and hidden deep within her, but the anger was gone. She didn't even remember how long she had harpored that particular feeling inside of her, but it was gone now. *I guess it was good that Okon-san and Omasu-san came.*
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Next day after Misao had spent ten minutes convincing everyone that she was alright now and that there was no reason for them to worry anymore, Misao, Okon and Omasu were making a dinner. Kenshin was practically forced out of the kitchen when Misao had said that she would make a fantastic dinner to thank them for everything they had done.
Okon and Omasu were helping her because what she planned to do needed more than one person to do. And it did took them a long time to make everything ready.
The dinner was a great success. The food was tasty and sake that Okon had bought was good. Misao felt wonderful. Sake made her thoughts hazy and her pain forgotten. She laughed at Yahiko and Sanosuke who were fighting over the food that was left. Megumi had also joined them for the dinner and even though Kenshin was now married to Kaoru, she still flirted with him and that made Kaoru very angry. She didn't drink, because of the baby, and thinking the way Misao had heard Kaoru to be acting when drunk, it was only a good thing. Okon and Omasu had some old oniwabanshu friends living in Tokyo and they had gone to meet them promising to came back early in the morning to help in cleaning up.
Sanosuke won Yahiko in their 'who-gets-to-eat-rest-of-the-food'-battle by distracting him. He said that Tsubame was at the door. Yahiko turned to see, and Sanosuke tugged all the food that was left into his mouth. Yahiko furious when he noticed this. He attacked Sano with his shinai, but Sano merely jumpped out of the way with not so very graceful movement.
He had already drank pretty much sake and so his wasn't at his sharpest. After succesfully balancing himself he started to walk towards Misao. Yahiko was going to attack Sano again, when he noticed some leftover food on one of the trays they hadn't noticed before and silently walked to it making sure that Sano didn't notice.
"Hey, weasel. Hand over some of that tasty sake." Sanos voice was sober, too sober for Misao's liking. She took a bottle of sake to her hand and threw it to Sano. "Here. Drink." Sano caught the bottle, raised an eyebrow at Misao and sat down beside her. "That was the plan."
He raised the bottle to his lips and drank. And drank. Misao's smile spread in amazement, before she felt that both her hand and mouth were too empty and started to look for a new bottle for herself.
Sano finally put the bottle down, "Mmm. Good sake.", and turned to Misao who already had found a new sake bottle for herself and was drinking it empty with a steady speed. "Yo, weasel. Easy it up. Soon you won't get yourself of the floor." He smiled and took the bottle from Misao, who wasn't sober enough to stop him.
"Mou, Sano. Give *hick* my sake back!" Misao's cheeks were flushed and the hand that was reaching for the bottle, swayed uncoordinatedly in the air as she tried to decide which one of the Sanos she was seeing was the real one. Sano stood up and felt as the sake rose to his head, he steadied himself quickly. "Nope."
His eyes were on Misao as she rose to her unsteady feets. "I am the okashu...okashira of the oniwabanshuuuu.... And I order you to give that sake back or I'll be angry." Misao tried to look angry, but laughter escaped her lips.
"Sure. I'll give this back---" he wawed the bottle in front of Misao, but didn't give it to her when she tried to grasp it in her hand."---but only if you come and walk with me. To sober your head up a bit." Misao blinked, before she nodded and gave one last clance to the room where Yahiko was trying to sleep on the floor next to an empty tray, and Kenshin was trying to calm Kaoru down, while Megumi laughed her manical laughter. Then she and Sano stepped outside.
The cool night air brushed Misao's face and she shivered a bit. Sano noticed that and took his own shirt and offered it to Misao. She looked at it astonished before taking it. "You acting like a gentleman. Hard to believe, rooster." Sano smiled. "Yeah. I guess I have drunk too much sake, weasel." Misao giggled. "Must be, rooster."
"Weasel."
"Rooster."
"Weasel."
"Rooster."
"So how long are we going to stand here calling each other names, weasel?"
"I don't know. How long, rooster?"
Sano threw his hand in to the air. "I give up. I asked you for a walk and am hoping that we would be up to it before morning." Misao smiled at him. "Then let's walk."
They walked down the road from dojo in comfortable silence. Misao found it nice, raised her sake bottle and drank a bit. Sake warmed its way down and made the cold wind less cold. She smiled. She hadn't felt this good in a long time. Not since--*No. I am not going to think about that.*
"So, how long are you going to stay here this time?" Sano's voice startled Misao and she almost jumped out of her skin. "You shouldn't scare people like that!" She was holding a hand on her heart in melodramatic posture and was claring at Sano, but her eyes winkled with held laughter. Sano laughed openly at her and a moment later, after making a false face of hurt, her voice joined his.
*She is beautiful when laughs like that, no worries on her face.* The laughter died slowly from her lips, but she still smiled. "You haven't heard?" He looked at her puzzled. "Heard what?" Misao smiled, took some dance-like steps forward. "I'm moving to Tokyo." Sano could actually hear his jaw hitting the ground.
"Whaaaaat? But what about Shinomori?" Smile disappeared from Misao's face. "That idiot can do whatever he wants....But then again, he already does so." There was a trace of bitterness in her voice. "And what stops me from doing what I want? Certainly not that idiot!" Misao looked angry, and Sano could hear the pain in her tone. "I thought you loved him. Isn't that reason enough?"
Misao turned to him and looked utterly full of sadness. One lone tear slid down her right cheek. "Yes. I love him. And it would be reason enough, if he would love me back. But I have understood that he doesn't. And I just can't deal with him anymore." Misao looked almost...trapped. Trapped in the turmoil of her feelings, being almost stewed to the gills did not help. And he didn't want her to be sad, angry or in pain because of one moron, who didn't see what was in front him. So he would take that look of of her face.
"As you say." Then he smiled at her wickedly trying to get those painful feelings away from her mind. "So we'll be seeing more of you here then?" Misao blinked in surprise at first but smiled then almost as wickedly as he did. "Definately! And wait till I get my spirit back and start pulling pranks on you guys!"
Sano laughed. "Sounds like fun."
"Oh it is. Usually mostly for me and by-standers."
"You mind taking a partner?"
"Hmm...I'll consider that." She smiled and took a gulp of sake. Sano mimiced her movements and took also a shallow.
Somehow all sadness that had filled Misao only a moment ago, was gone. *Must be the sake...or...the company.* Out of sheer impulse she said excatly what she thought. "I wish I would have fallen for someone like you. That would make my life much more interesting and less painful." Sano looked at Misao amazed...and pleased by her words. "What do you mean?"
A slight blush rose to her cheeks.
"Well..." she bit her lip. "First of all I can have a conversation with you. That is impossible with Aoshi-sama. Secondly you have a good sense of humor...unlike Aoshi-sama. I have never seen him even truly smile, not to talk about laughing! Also it is easier to be around you than around him. He sometimes makes even me feel uncomfortable with him. Nowadays especially. He never shows any emotions, unlike you. He is like a stone statue. Just as cold and unmoving as one. And I feel like there would some kind of chain binding me to him." *A chain my love created.*
Misao walked around Sano the whole time she spoke. "And that chain is so thick, heavy and short that I haven't even be able to have that 'crush-age'. I mean having a crush on one man and then already on the second one. And I know many girls from my childhood and they are all already married! Most of them at the age of 16, when I was still looking for my Aoshi-sama!"
She stopped walking and faced him, looking almost annoyed. "Think about it. I am 18, I could have been married already for years, but no. I have never been even kissed!"
"Whaaaat? Never?"
"Nope."
"I guess we have to change that then." Misao didn't even have time to think what he meant by that before he had already embraced her and was pressing his lips against hers.
Then she couldn't think, didn't want to think. He was so close and she had never been this close to anyone. Not this way. She answered to his kiss out of all of her frustration and need to be close to someone.
When Sano finally ended their kiss, they were both breathless. Misao was looking at him her eyes wide and her mouth partly open. "Now that is taken care of. You have been kissed. But no more kisses from me. Remember that." His words were in disagreeance with the way he said them and his eyes caressed her lips. "Hai..." Her voice was breathy and almost inviting.
Misao knew that she should pull away, but she honestly didn't want to. She had never been this close to anyone. She tried to think, to get the order to pull away from her brains to her body, but sake and his warmth filled her head and so she remained in his embrace.
Sano looked straight into her eyes and tried to sober himself up. Her mouth was open and he wanted to kiss her, again. He had said he wouldn't but how he wanted. Sano allowed his hands to let go of her and she stepped away from him. They looked at each other unsure of what to do. An eternity went by before Sano forced words out of his mouth. "So...ummm." He looked at Misao trying to think up something to say before he come up with a question.
"So where will you be living? At the dojo?" Misao blinked before her sakefilled head understood what he was talking about and then shook it. "Nope. I already have an apartment close by and I may get to work at one restaurant as a waitress." Sano raised an eyebrow, glad that they had found something to talk about. "At Akabeko?" Misao shook her head again and pained look appeared on her face. "I wish! The restaurant I am talking about is way smaller and less popular. ....And I think that the owner is a perverse. It isn't that bad thing, you know I can take care of myself and-"
"You would work for a perv??!! You must be kidding! We're going to meet Tae right away! One of her waitresses is getting married in a month. I am sure that she will need someone to replace her!" Misao looked at Sano her eyes wide. She was amazed by Sano's protective and angry reaction. His face looked really scary in a way.
Then Sano had already took her right hand and was dragging her somewhere down the road. "Sano! What are you doing?!"
"I'm taking you to meet Tae!"
"But it is late!" Misao protested holding herself from giggling.
"So what? She'll understand."
Misao truly doupted that but allowed Sanosuke to drag her towars Akabeko. On a way Misao noticed that she still had her sake bottle hanging from her wrist. She amused herself by trying to catch it with only her left hand which was surprisingly hard even though she was already sobering up, or so she thought. When she finally caught the bottle they were already at Akabeko's backdoor.
Sano pounded the door and yelled for Tae. Misao laughed at him noticing how in some of the nearby houses lights were being lit and some man appeared to one of the windows and yelled Sano to be quiet. Then the backdoor opened and Tae came into the view.
She was wearing a simple grey yukata, her hair was in a small bun upon her head and her face red of anger. "Sagara Sanosuke. What on earth are you doing here at this hour?" Her voice was very cold, but Sano didn't seem to mind as he made his way in to the kitchen. Tae looked after him frusterated before she noticed Misao coming in behind Sano wearing his shirt. "Misao-chan. What are you doing with this drunken troublemaker?"
Misao bowed at Tae and laughed at her surprised look. "I am drunk with him. And he is the one who dragged me here after he got that great idea of his. I don't know what he was thinking in rushing here at this hour and I apologize for us rushing here this late, but as I told you, we're drunk. So, you can't expect perfect manners or anything at all for that matter. Anyway I have to admit that his idea was quite good, but it completely depends on you. So that is why we're here. ....Did I tell you that we're drunk? Well that doesn't really matter. I mean when we left the dojo, Megumi was also drunk and she was flirting with Himura and Kaoru was SO angry that I thought that she might explode from all the blood that was packed in her head. And Himura had great troble in calming them. Yahiko had already almost passed out even though he didn't even drink! I am sure that Okon-san and Omasu-san are also drunk. They went to see a friend of them after the dinner. And Sano blackmailed me out of the dojo by stealing my sake and so we left to have walk and---"
"And I think Tae has heard enough Misao." Sano decided to step into the scenario.
Tae looked at Misao bewildered. She still had her mouth open, ready to speak more, but then Sano placed his hand on the top of her mouth and spoke.
"The reason why we're here is that this weasel needs a work as a waitress. Do you have work for her?" Misao managed to get his hand from her mouth. "I'm not a weasel!" And the hand returned. Everything else she might have had to say was muffled by Sano's hand.
Tae looked at the couple. Sano looked at her waiting for her answer and Misao wiggled in his arms doing her best to get free. Tae shook her head, headache she had had evening was now returning. *They are impossible.* And she sighed.
"There is a place open, but only if Misao-chan will dress up in our uniform." She shot penetrating glance at Misao, who nodded in agreement. Tae looked at Sano, who was still keeping her silent. "Let her go. I need to speak with her." Sano just nodded and let Misao go.
"Listen to me now Misao. You'll come here tomorrow evening at the shutting time and we'll discuss about few things, all right?" Misao nodded. "Hai...eeto. Arigatoo gozaimasu." She seemed to have gotten hold of herself. Tae sighed in relief. She was tired and drunken Misao babbling was too much for her nerves at the moment. "Now, you two leave and go to sleep."
"Hai!" Both of them bowed at her and Misao would have probably fallen onto her nose if Sano hadn't steadied her. When Tae was showing the door for them, she noticed the sake bottle hunging from Misao's wrist. And while she was walking beside her, she snagged the bottle away from her without Misao noticing. She was too busy at concentrating at her step and mocking Sano.
Tae sighed out in relief when she saw from the doorway that they making their way towards the dojo. *Finally. I can go back to sleep.* And she shut the door.
Misao took more of her dance-like steps and half of the time almost falled over, but it didn't matter. She hummed one of her favourite songs all the way to the dojo. Sano could only watch her admiringly. She was so unique. There was no one like her and never could be. Unlike the past month she was now almost, if not totally back to normal. When they reached the dojo, Misao suddenly sprang to him and give him a tight hug.
"Arigatou." Then she run inside the dojo leaving Sano to wonder about her actions before he headed towards his apartment totally forgetting to ask his shirt back from Misao.
Misao looked at the party-room which was a mess. They would have some cleaning to do tomorrow... Yahiko was still sleeping on the floor, but others weren't there. *They are probably sleeping.* Sano hadn't followed her inside which probably meant that he was going to go home.
Misao made her way through the dojo's corridor to her room. She looked around. Her futon had been spread for her. *Most likely Kaoru-san or Himura...or Okon-san or Omasu-san, if they have returned already.*
She was beginning to strip out of her clothing when she noticed that she was still wearing Sano's shirt. She removed it and thought about running after him to return it to him, but at the second thought folded it carefully and placed it on the floor. *I'll give it to him tomorrow.*
She changed into her blue sleeping yukata and walked to her futon. She closed her eyes and tried to sleep, but found herself unable. Too many thoughts swirled in her head. Her new job at Akabeko, her new apartment, her new life in here... She had been so happy about all of them, but right now... The thought of not seeing Aoshi anymore hurt more than ever. *It's the sake. It's making my feelings jumpy.*
But no matter what she said to herself, the truth remained. All she wanted was Aoshi to come and take her home with him, to tell her that he loved her and that they would live happily ever after. But that would never happen. She knew it and it hurt her more than she could have ever imagined.
Glossary:
to= and
genkiness= genki is happy, or something like that. Misao often acts genki.
Arigatou.= Thank you.
okashira= a leader
hai= yes
Akabeko= a restaurant
Hai...eeto.= Yes...but/arrgg it is a filler word
Arigatoo gozaimasu.= Thank you very much.
yukata= a kimono like clothing
~Tiian~
Oh bare graze misery
Just a child without a fairytale am I
Dark but so lovely
A Little Match Girl freezing in the snow
Bare Grace Misery
Nightwish