This fanfic is a story of the idea of the FF7 characters being
introduced to certain video game icons. Well, here we go, into the brink of
insanity.
CHAPTER 1
"The Beginning"
Scene: Costa del Sol house, morning. The whole gang is eating. Well, not Aeris. To fill you in, she died and all. It is an average breakfast.
Cloud: Hey, Barret, pass the pancakes.
Barret: Git 'cho own goddam pancakes, beeyatch!
Cloud: What the heck!? I just wanted some pancakes! *stands up* Just some freakin' pancakes!
Tifa: Cloud, settle down, I'm sure-
Cloud: I WANT PANCAKES!
Cid: For God's sake, take my pancakes!
*Cid throws his pancakes at Cloud's face*
Cloud: Why you son of a-
*A giant, black-and-purple, swirling appears in the middle of the table*
Yuffie: Hey. Is that supposed to be there?
*The portal starts sucking things in*
Cid: Hey, my sausages! They were links, too.*sulks*
Vincent: Uh-oh. I have a feeling we are all going to be slowly sucked into the portal, being spat out in an alternate universe where we must find our way home because a diabolical enemy wants our- no, the entire world's destruction!
Yuffie: Dude, chill out.
*The team is slowly sucked into the portal and spat out in an alternate universe.*
Cloud: Where are we?
Mysterious Voice: An alternate universe.
Cloud: Where?
Mysterious Voice: An alternate universe.
Cloud: What??*quietly chuckles*
Mysterious Voice: An alternate universe!
Cloud: *snickers* I can't hear you!
Mysterious Voice: GODDAMMIT, WE'RE IN A FRIGGIN' DIFFERENT PLACE!
Cloud: Jeez, no need to yell! *begins to laugh*
Mysterious Voice: Screw off. Anyway, this is Ersevinu, a generic alternate universe people use.
Vincent: Ersevinu isn't Universe backwards.
Mysterious Voice: Did I say it was? I didn't name this place!
Yuffie: Looks like Teletubbyland.
Mysterious Voice: Yeah, I get that a lot.
Cloud: Wait a minute. Where is your body?
Mysterious Voice: Oh yeah. Lemme finish. I am Zataran, the lord over this realm. I control who goes in, who goes out, and what goes on here.
Yuffie: There's one of those bunnies.
Zataran: Yeah, I know. I've tried getting rid of them. They won't go away. I just started leaving them alone. Oh yeah. I have brought you here-
Vincent: If you are the lord of this realm, who named it?
Zataran: The last lord!
Vincent: Who was that?
Zataran: Steven Pants. He became lord because I owed him some money, and I was broke, so I gave him this job and he changed the name!
Vincent: Why don't you just change it back?
Zataran: I have to fill out forms, and the Name Office is a hassle, and-
Yuffie: The sun has a baby face!
Tifa: Isn't Zataran a New Orleans-style cooking aid?
Cid: Yeah!
Barret: Oh yeeuh! Like Rice-a-Roni!
Zataran: *booming voice* SHUT UP, THE ALL OF YOU! I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU ALL DIE!!!
Cloud: Wait a minute. What?
Zataran: That's right. I've brought the most annoying, strange, and somewhat evil characters here to annoy each other to DEATH!
Cloud: Why?
Zataran: Because I don't have anymore vacation time and I need SOME enjoyment!
Tifa: What if we fail?
Zataran: I make your world be destroyed by whatever you were fighting against. A literal Game Over. How sweet the irony! Ha ha ha!
Vincent: I toldja so.
Yuffie: Oh my God, it's that blue vacuum cleaner!
Zataran: BE QUIET, O-YE-OF-LITTLE-ATTENTION-SPAN!
*Lightning bolt comes down from the sky and zaps Noo-Noo, who explodes*
Cloud: Hey, where's Red XIII?
Zataran: He was the only intelligent one in the group, so I let him stay. Plus, he was on the crapper when the portal appeared, so he missed the bus. Well, good luck on your first opponent. Ha ha haaa!
Cloud: This is going to be un-fun.
Vincent: You mean, "not fun."
Cloud: No-huh! Me means un-fun.
How will our adventurers fare against the enemy? Well, I don't know. But you will if you read the next chapter!
DISCLAIMER: I own none of these characters, Squaresoft-, or Teletubby- related. I don't really want to, either. So, take THAT, Square and BBC!
CHAPTER 1
"The Beginning"
Scene: Costa del Sol house, morning. The whole gang is eating. Well, not Aeris. To fill you in, she died and all. It is an average breakfast.
Cloud: Hey, Barret, pass the pancakes.
Barret: Git 'cho own goddam pancakes, beeyatch!
Cloud: What the heck!? I just wanted some pancakes! *stands up* Just some freakin' pancakes!
Tifa: Cloud, settle down, I'm sure-
Cloud: I WANT PANCAKES!
Cid: For God's sake, take my pancakes!
*Cid throws his pancakes at Cloud's face*
Cloud: Why you son of a-
*A giant, black-and-purple, swirling appears in the middle of the table*
Yuffie: Hey. Is that supposed to be there?
*The portal starts sucking things in*
Cid: Hey, my sausages! They were links, too.*sulks*
Vincent: Uh-oh. I have a feeling we are all going to be slowly sucked into the portal, being spat out in an alternate universe where we must find our way home because a diabolical enemy wants our- no, the entire world's destruction!
Yuffie: Dude, chill out.
*The team is slowly sucked into the portal and spat out in an alternate universe.*
Cloud: Where are we?
Mysterious Voice: An alternate universe.
Cloud: Where?
Mysterious Voice: An alternate universe.
Cloud: What??*quietly chuckles*
Mysterious Voice: An alternate universe!
Cloud: *snickers* I can't hear you!
Mysterious Voice: GODDAMMIT, WE'RE IN A FRIGGIN' DIFFERENT PLACE!
Cloud: Jeez, no need to yell! *begins to laugh*
Mysterious Voice: Screw off. Anyway, this is Ersevinu, a generic alternate universe people use.
Vincent: Ersevinu isn't Universe backwards.
Mysterious Voice: Did I say it was? I didn't name this place!
Yuffie: Looks like Teletubbyland.
Mysterious Voice: Yeah, I get that a lot.
Cloud: Wait a minute. Where is your body?
Mysterious Voice: Oh yeah. Lemme finish. I am Zataran, the lord over this realm. I control who goes in, who goes out, and what goes on here.
Yuffie: There's one of those bunnies.
Zataran: Yeah, I know. I've tried getting rid of them. They won't go away. I just started leaving them alone. Oh yeah. I have brought you here-
Vincent: If you are the lord of this realm, who named it?
Zataran: The last lord!
Vincent: Who was that?
Zataran: Steven Pants. He became lord because I owed him some money, and I was broke, so I gave him this job and he changed the name!
Vincent: Why don't you just change it back?
Zataran: I have to fill out forms, and the Name Office is a hassle, and-
Yuffie: The sun has a baby face!
Tifa: Isn't Zataran a New Orleans-style cooking aid?
Cid: Yeah!
Barret: Oh yeeuh! Like Rice-a-Roni!
Zataran: *booming voice* SHUT UP, THE ALL OF YOU! I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU ALL DIE!!!
Cloud: Wait a minute. What?
Zataran: That's right. I've brought the most annoying, strange, and somewhat evil characters here to annoy each other to DEATH!
Cloud: Why?
Zataran: Because I don't have anymore vacation time and I need SOME enjoyment!
Tifa: What if we fail?
Zataran: I make your world be destroyed by whatever you were fighting against. A literal Game Over. How sweet the irony! Ha ha ha!
Vincent: I toldja so.
Yuffie: Oh my God, it's that blue vacuum cleaner!
Zataran: BE QUIET, O-YE-OF-LITTLE-ATTENTION-SPAN!
*Lightning bolt comes down from the sky and zaps Noo-Noo, who explodes*
Cloud: Hey, where's Red XIII?
Zataran: He was the only intelligent one in the group, so I let him stay. Plus, he was on the crapper when the portal appeared, so he missed the bus. Well, good luck on your first opponent. Ha ha haaa!
Cloud: This is going to be un-fun.
Vincent: You mean, "not fun."
Cloud: No-huh! Me means un-fun.
How will our adventurers fare against the enemy? Well, I don't know. But you will if you read the next chapter!
DISCLAIMER: I own none of these characters, Squaresoft-, or Teletubby- related. I don't really want to, either. So, take THAT, Square and BBC!