Chapter 13: Smoldering Ashes by Victory Thru Tears

Charlie's POV

I stare at the left side of Adam's face. Banks, Conway… we always end up near each other in an alphabetized seating chart. My English teacher is at the front of the class, flailing her arms around, talking about the power of language.

I think that the power of one's action is just as strong as words. Adam has definitely shown me that.

I was purely trying to get Linda un-mad at me… you know, soften her up for the blow of the truth of my sexuality. I didn't mean for Adam to see it. My heart almost stopped when I saw him standing there. Then he had taken off, just like last night.

I don't understand that either. I thought that we had shared a moment together last night. But maybe he just isn't ready. I tried to get a hold of him all night long after fireworks, but with no success.

I guess I'm used to chasing Adam. I've been doing it for about three years now—ever since our first 'encounter' during the Goodwill Games. He wouldn't talk to me for days after that… he later told me that he didn't want to be too obvious to the other Ducks. How would it have been obvious to give me a simple hello? Nobody even suspected anything until the camp-out after the games, and even then they were just fooling around. That's when we actually started dating. My head slumps on my hand as I remember.

"You coming, Charlie?" Coach waits for me for a second.

"Yeah, don't worry about it Coach… I can put out the fire if you want."

"Sure. G'Night."

"Night."

I sit on my bench and stare into the flames. Adam is still sitting across from me. I don't think anyone realizes that he's there. As soon as the voices quiet down, I get up and sit next to him. He's been the only thing on my mind (yes, even over hockey) for the past week. I wonder if I've been first priority to him, too.

"I never got a chance to thank you."

I look up at the sound of his voice. "For what? Oh. Never mind." Duh. What else could it be for except the Iceland game?

"I really wanted to play."

"I know," I tell him, watching his expression.

I've had a crush on him for a while. I'm not sure how, but I had also known that he was 'like that'. I didn't like him only for lack of choice, as one would think. There are a few other Ducks that I'm not sure are straight. I like him because he's smart, talented, good-looking, kind… in short, he's perfect.

"Adam, I know we're not really that good of friends, but…"

I'm not sure how to finish and from his face I think that I've still said too much. It's never occurred to me that I am probably his best friend. He gets on well with Jesse, but other than that, I'm the only Duck he really talks to. He's not my best friend. I guess I've always just put him into another category. A category no less important, but still different.

"Charlie, you don't have to pretend for me." He looks almost in pain.

"Believe me, I'm not pretending," I say in what I hope is an earnest tone. I want to kiss him again, but am aware of the consequences of what would happen if a Duck happened to see. We're barely able to make ourselves face this—there's no way the Ducks can know. I decide to take his hand. I can hear his breath catch, but he squeezes it tighter. I smile to myself.

My moment of nostalgia makes me sad. It also makes me realize something very mind-bending. Although I seem to always take the initiative in our relationship, Adam probably loves me more than I love him. He just doesn't know how to express it. The realization makes me want to make up with him even more. Time to put away my pride and get started on proving to my boyfriend that I adore him.

I tear off the corner of a sheet of paper in my notebook, and scribble on it in small writing.

Fine. We're even now. What the hell was that, anyway? You know I love you, and Linda means nothing. So what was with the girl? We really need to talk. There's no way I'm losing you again.

Okay, so it turns out a little meaner than I had intended. Hopefully it will just let him know how urgent it was.

I reach over and set the small paper on his desk. He gives me a terrified look.

"What?" I mouth, still leaning over towards him. His eyes motion to a space in front of me, and I slowly look up. Mrs. Harris is standing in front of us with her arms crossed.

"Conway, that's it. I've had enough of you. Why don't I just take this little note and let the class know what is so important that you can't wait to tell Mr. Banks until after class?"

Oh, no… I give Adam a look letting him know that there is no way that she can get a hold of this note. Not only would she find out about us… but so would Connie, Dwayne, Goldberg, and Linda, all of whom were in the room with us. He looks petrified, and grabs the note before she can.

"Mr. Banks, what are you doing? Give… give me that!" She snatches at it, but Banks pulls it away.

"Mr. Banks…" Her tone is getting much angrier as she tries to get the note from him.

Adam stops, and shoves the small piece of paper into his mouth. He quickly chews, and then swallows.

My mouth drops. He did not just do that.

The class erupts into laughter. Mrs. Harris is not amused.

"That's it! Detention for both of you. I'll be seeing you right after school."

"But they have hockey practice!" Dwayne speaks up for us.

"Then I'll speak to Coach Orion. I'm sure he'll be fascinated to hear that two of his star players are in detention for disrupting class." She marches back to her desk and starts to write out our slips.

I hear Adam sigh from next to me, and I slump down onto my desk.

Mrs. Harris shoots me a glare as she slaps the slip onto my desk. Oh well, at least we didn't quack at her.