The Russians Are Coming!
Fan fiction by: Joseph Ferguson
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Everyday the sounds of battle got closer. Everyday Colonel Wilhelm Klink became more nervous. He had known for some time in his heart that the war was a lost cause. Despite his longing for a Fatherland as mighty as before Versailles, he knew this Third Reich would fail. He had served with the fussy Austrian corporal during the Great War and was not impressed with him then. He dared never mention that to anyone now.
Klink stared at his spiked helmet from the last war that sat on his desk. He daydreamed of a time before when he was a young man strongly convicted to fight for the Kaiser and the Fatherland. He chuckled at how naïve he was. In his old age time had hardened him. He knew now that war was never about nationalism. It was the result of the ambitions of powerful men. Nationalism was the tool they used to get young men to take up arms and kill other young men to promote their agendas.
Klink had to admit he was among the other millions who swelled with pride when Germany began to stand up for itself again. It was bad enough that they lost the war but the humiliation of Versailles was too much to stomach.
"Maybe if the last war ended differently this one would never have happened," he muttered to himself. There was no use bothering with such mute points. A second defeat was within earshot. Though part of him was relived to see an end, he was horrified that the approaching sounds of battle were coming from… the east.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Underneath barracks number two, the last few dots and dashes of a message from Allied Command in London came through. Kinch handed the message to Colonel Hogan and as the heroes gathered around he read it aloud.
"SOVIET FORCES QUICKLY ADVANCING ON YOUR LOCATION…" The Heroes interrupted with a cheer.
"I can't wait to see the look on ol' Klink's face when those tanks roll up!" Newkirk exclaimed. The perplexed look on Colonel Hogan's face told them that their celebration was premature.
"What is it, mon colonel?" asked LeBeau.
Hogan read on: "EVACUATE ALL PERSONELL THROUGH TUNNELS. DO NOT FALL INTO THE HANDS OF THE SOVIETS." A confused silence fell over the group.
"Fall into their hands?" Carter said. Aren't we allies?
"So I thought" replied Hogan. "Apparently now that the Krauts are almost whipped there is something else array."
If it were any other POW camp, the western commanders wouldn't bother with such an order, but they were cautious not to let the communists get hold of a group so well schooled on western intelligence procedures. This sudden suspicion of the Soviets took some of the joy out of the war coming to a close. They began to wonder if the East planned to stop the westward advance past Germany... or vice-versa. They didn't have time to speculate on such matters. They had their orders.
"We'll get everyone out tonight after final roll call," Hogan decided. "They won't notice that we're gone until morning and we'll have more for a clean getaway."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The masterful poker faces of the heroes during the final formation were made in vain. Master Sergeant Schultz was too preoccupied with the lightening of the eastern night sky from battle. They could have reported to the formation with packed bags in hand and he wouldn't have noticed.
The fighting seemed to get closer by the hour. "What's the matter, Shultzy ol' boy, 'fraid of a little fireworks?" Corporal Newkirk joked aloud at the sergeant's obvious concern.
"Nein," he solemnly replied, "It's the Russians. They are doing awful things to civilians. I am worried for my wife and daughters." Before Newkirk could regret his remark, the order to fall in was given. Colonel Klink emerged from the command building and stopped atop the steps of the porch as he had for years. His only intention was receiving the count and getting to his bed. By this point it was ridiculous to really even bother. It was only a matter of days before the Russians rolled up and liberated the prisoners.
"Herr Kommandant, all present und accounted for." Sergeant Shultz reported with a salute.
"Very well," Klink replied. "Dissm-" Klink was interrupted by the sounds of a staff car barreling into the camp.
"What does the Gestapo want now?" Hogan and Klink thought simultaneously. Major Hochstetter stepped out of the vehicle and announced that he had final orders from the Gestapo for Stalag 13. A chill ran down the spine of the allied men. Just minutes before they planned to escape through the tunnels here was Hochstetter to transfer them.
Hochstetter stomped up the steps and took a place next to Klink. He announced "By order of the Gestapo, all the enemies of the Fatherland will be put to death by machine gun!" As the words came out two other Gestapo men climbed out of the car armed with machine guns. "It was so kind of you to arrange this formation so they would be lined up nicely for the execution, Klink."
"Major, this is impossible. That is a blatant violation of the Geneva Convention!" Klink may have not liked his prisoners a lot of the time, but he did respect them as soldiers. It was a sentiment that he didn't have for the Gestapo. What place did the political party's police have in the business of soldiering? "Major! This is mein stalag und I forbid it!" These men have rights and I won't have them violated!"
Hochstetter looked at Klink with the same intimidating look he had so many times before. "Klink! You dare oppose the Gestapo!"
For the first time Klink didn't cower down. "Herr Major, your stupid Nazi party is all but destroyed. Your little Austrian corporal is going mad hiding in a bunker and who knows where Himmler is. The Gestapo is finished. I'm not even convinced that you have such orders, I believe it's a personal mission of yours."
Enraged at the truth, the Major turned to go down the steps and as he headed for Colonel Hogan's place in formation he pulled a Luger from out of his holster. Before he got Hogan's forehead in his sights a shot rang out. Hogan took a split instant's inventory of himself to see where he was shot when Hochstetter fell dead in front of the formation. The heroes looked up to see the smoking barrel of Klink's gun. As if receiving a telepathic order from his commandant, Sergeant Schultz and his men took aim at the two Gestapo men and advised they drop their weapons. They wisely complied. They looked at Klink as if to receive instructions. "Get out of my camp!" he yelled. The scurried back into the staff car and sped away more quickly than they had arrived.
They all stood there in the exact same spots they were before the Gestapo had arrived. If it weren't for the dead body of Major Hochstetter in front of them it would seem as if nothing had happened. Klink gave a salute back to the dumbfounded group in front of him. "Dismissed!"
It was several minutes after Klink returned into his office before the formation moved or made a peep. In those last minutes Colonel Hogan made the most unorthodox decision of the entire operation. "Sergeant Schultz!" He called. His words pulled Shultz out of his state of shock.
"Ja, Colonel Hogan. What is it?"
"There's no time to explain. Go home, and bring your family back to Stalag 13. Order all your men with family nearby to do the same." Shultz started to argue and ask questions. Hogan's previous schemes seemed only to get him into trouble, but for some reason he sensed this time Hogan was on his side. Schultz ordered the guards who had family nearby to do as Hogan instructed and left a skeleton force to guard the prisoners, just in case.
As the guards left, Hogan went into the command building to have an audience with Klink. He didn't bother to knock because he knew that Klink was in no mood to grant anyone permission to see him. Hogan found Klink at his desk with his face buried in his palms. "What is it, Hogan?"
"You saved my life… danke, Wilhelm."
"Are you so sure I wasn't aiming for you, Hogan? I am not the shot I used to be." Hogan smiled and accepted that as his way of saying he was welcome.
Hogan went on, "Colonel, the Russians are almost here."
"Don't remind me!" Klink interrupted. "Losing another war is crushing enough, but to be taken by the Russians… who knows what they'll do us!" Hogan took a seat in front of Klink's desk.
"You can't argue with their reasons for being upset." Hogan told him. "Some of your boys did some nasty things to them and they are out for revenge."
Klink looked up, "Is that supposed to comfort me, Hogan?"
"No, but in my book, the respect for the rules of war that you demonstrated today earns you exemption from their wrath."
Klink looked almost annoyed and replied "That's all well and good, but unfortunately the Russians won't follow your book."
Hogan leaned in closer, "Colonel Klink, I have a proposition for you."
Klink groaned "Colonel Hogan, this is no time for one of your tricks. I am not in the mood."
"Klink, I can get you and your men out of here. I can get you away from the Russians and get you to the West."
Klink looked up, almost startled. "What?" "The only way I can do it without being court-martialed is for you and your men to surrender to me. You'll be prisoners, but not of the Russians." Colonel Klink contemplated the offer. It was his first instinct to refuse. No officer wants to surrender himself or his men. He had little choice in the matter though.
"This had better not be a trick, Hogan."
"Sir, you saved my life and I owe you one. We've played our games before but the time for all that has come to end. You've got to trust me."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Klink and Hogan emerged from the door of the command building to find the guards and their families gathered in the courtyard. Sergeant Shultz was just arriving with his family. With blood running through a makeshift bandage on his arm, he ran directly to Klink. "Herr Colonel…" he panted "The Russians were right behind us, we barely got way with our lives." The two colonels make eye contact and Klink nodded to Hogan.
The allied POWs were called out for a formation and after everyone was assembled Klink called out "Attention, attention everyone! I, Luftwaffe Colonel Wilhelm Klink do hereby surrender myself and all personnel under my command to Unites States Army Air Corps Colonel Robert Hogan."
A slight breeze blew through the camp and almost knocked everyone over. The colonels exchanged salutes and Klink handed his pistol over to Hogan. Hogan took a step forward to give them the explanation they were dying for. "The Russians are almost here and I don't want them to find any of us. There is an extensive tunnel system underneath this camp that we will use to get everyone out. The Underground will assist us in getting to the western front where we will turn our prisoners over to the first allied unit we come into contact with. The guards and staff of Stalag 13 were never cruel to us, so the way I see it, they deserve the same treatment. That won't happen in Russian hands. "
The tunnel openings that the heroes had guarded for years were revealed to the Germans. With them still in severe shock, the exodus began.Klink turned to Hogan as they headed down the steps and asked permission to retrieve something from his office. "So long as you don't try to escape." Hogan said with a smile. Klink couldn't hold back the chuckle. He returned with his WWI helmet under his arm. Hogan smiled in understanding.
All the Germans made it safely to the West where they weren't prisoners for long. Their respect for the Geneva Convention during the war ensured that. Most of them settled in West Germany and lived happy lives.
All of Hogan's Heroes were decorated heavily for their work. RAF Corporal Newkirk vanished into the secret world of MI6. French Army Corporal Lebeau finished his life doing what he loved, working as a chef for several French presidents. Sergeant First Class Carter stayed in the Army and served as an instructor at Aberdeen Proving Grounds in Maryland. Staff Sergeant Kinch used the GI Bill to be the first in his family to attend college and earned a degree in Electrical Engineering.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The crowds cheered as people began climbing onto the wall and hacking away pieces with hammers and picks. Before long bulldozers arrived and cut a chunk out of the wall big enough for people to run through. The East Germans ran to meet the West Germans and for the first time in decades, they were just Germans. Standing a safe distance from the crown stood a very old man, who began to cry.
"This is the happiest day of my entire life, Robert!" He sobbed.
Another old man by his side put an arm around him and said, "I know it is Wilhelm, I know."
THE END
Fan fiction by: Joseph Ferguson
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Everyday the sounds of battle got closer. Everyday Colonel Wilhelm Klink became more nervous. He had known for some time in his heart that the war was a lost cause. Despite his longing for a Fatherland as mighty as before Versailles, he knew this Third Reich would fail. He had served with the fussy Austrian corporal during the Great War and was not impressed with him then. He dared never mention that to anyone now.
Klink stared at his spiked helmet from the last war that sat on his desk. He daydreamed of a time before when he was a young man strongly convicted to fight for the Kaiser and the Fatherland. He chuckled at how naïve he was. In his old age time had hardened him. He knew now that war was never about nationalism. It was the result of the ambitions of powerful men. Nationalism was the tool they used to get young men to take up arms and kill other young men to promote their agendas.
Klink had to admit he was among the other millions who swelled with pride when Germany began to stand up for itself again. It was bad enough that they lost the war but the humiliation of Versailles was too much to stomach.
"Maybe if the last war ended differently this one would never have happened," he muttered to himself. There was no use bothering with such mute points. A second defeat was within earshot. Though part of him was relived to see an end, he was horrified that the approaching sounds of battle were coming from… the east.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Underneath barracks number two, the last few dots and dashes of a message from Allied Command in London came through. Kinch handed the message to Colonel Hogan and as the heroes gathered around he read it aloud.
"SOVIET FORCES QUICKLY ADVANCING ON YOUR LOCATION…" The Heroes interrupted with a cheer.
"I can't wait to see the look on ol' Klink's face when those tanks roll up!" Newkirk exclaimed. The perplexed look on Colonel Hogan's face told them that their celebration was premature.
"What is it, mon colonel?" asked LeBeau.
Hogan read on: "EVACUATE ALL PERSONELL THROUGH TUNNELS. DO NOT FALL INTO THE HANDS OF THE SOVIETS." A confused silence fell over the group.
"Fall into their hands?" Carter said. Aren't we allies?
"So I thought" replied Hogan. "Apparently now that the Krauts are almost whipped there is something else array."
If it were any other POW camp, the western commanders wouldn't bother with such an order, but they were cautious not to let the communists get hold of a group so well schooled on western intelligence procedures. This sudden suspicion of the Soviets took some of the joy out of the war coming to a close. They began to wonder if the East planned to stop the westward advance past Germany... or vice-versa. They didn't have time to speculate on such matters. They had their orders.
"We'll get everyone out tonight after final roll call," Hogan decided. "They won't notice that we're gone until morning and we'll have more for a clean getaway."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The masterful poker faces of the heroes during the final formation were made in vain. Master Sergeant Schultz was too preoccupied with the lightening of the eastern night sky from battle. They could have reported to the formation with packed bags in hand and he wouldn't have noticed.
The fighting seemed to get closer by the hour. "What's the matter, Shultzy ol' boy, 'fraid of a little fireworks?" Corporal Newkirk joked aloud at the sergeant's obvious concern.
"Nein," he solemnly replied, "It's the Russians. They are doing awful things to civilians. I am worried for my wife and daughters." Before Newkirk could regret his remark, the order to fall in was given. Colonel Klink emerged from the command building and stopped atop the steps of the porch as he had for years. His only intention was receiving the count and getting to his bed. By this point it was ridiculous to really even bother. It was only a matter of days before the Russians rolled up and liberated the prisoners.
"Herr Kommandant, all present und accounted for." Sergeant Shultz reported with a salute.
"Very well," Klink replied. "Dissm-" Klink was interrupted by the sounds of a staff car barreling into the camp.
"What does the Gestapo want now?" Hogan and Klink thought simultaneously. Major Hochstetter stepped out of the vehicle and announced that he had final orders from the Gestapo for Stalag 13. A chill ran down the spine of the allied men. Just minutes before they planned to escape through the tunnels here was Hochstetter to transfer them.
Hochstetter stomped up the steps and took a place next to Klink. He announced "By order of the Gestapo, all the enemies of the Fatherland will be put to death by machine gun!" As the words came out two other Gestapo men climbed out of the car armed with machine guns. "It was so kind of you to arrange this formation so they would be lined up nicely for the execution, Klink."
"Major, this is impossible. That is a blatant violation of the Geneva Convention!" Klink may have not liked his prisoners a lot of the time, but he did respect them as soldiers. It was a sentiment that he didn't have for the Gestapo. What place did the political party's police have in the business of soldiering? "Major! This is mein stalag und I forbid it!" These men have rights and I won't have them violated!"
Hochstetter looked at Klink with the same intimidating look he had so many times before. "Klink! You dare oppose the Gestapo!"
For the first time Klink didn't cower down. "Herr Major, your stupid Nazi party is all but destroyed. Your little Austrian corporal is going mad hiding in a bunker and who knows where Himmler is. The Gestapo is finished. I'm not even convinced that you have such orders, I believe it's a personal mission of yours."
Enraged at the truth, the Major turned to go down the steps and as he headed for Colonel Hogan's place in formation he pulled a Luger from out of his holster. Before he got Hogan's forehead in his sights a shot rang out. Hogan took a split instant's inventory of himself to see where he was shot when Hochstetter fell dead in front of the formation. The heroes looked up to see the smoking barrel of Klink's gun. As if receiving a telepathic order from his commandant, Sergeant Schultz and his men took aim at the two Gestapo men and advised they drop their weapons. They wisely complied. They looked at Klink as if to receive instructions. "Get out of my camp!" he yelled. The scurried back into the staff car and sped away more quickly than they had arrived.
They all stood there in the exact same spots they were before the Gestapo had arrived. If it weren't for the dead body of Major Hochstetter in front of them it would seem as if nothing had happened. Klink gave a salute back to the dumbfounded group in front of him. "Dismissed!"
It was several minutes after Klink returned into his office before the formation moved or made a peep. In those last minutes Colonel Hogan made the most unorthodox decision of the entire operation. "Sergeant Schultz!" He called. His words pulled Shultz out of his state of shock.
"Ja, Colonel Hogan. What is it?"
"There's no time to explain. Go home, and bring your family back to Stalag 13. Order all your men with family nearby to do the same." Shultz started to argue and ask questions. Hogan's previous schemes seemed only to get him into trouble, but for some reason he sensed this time Hogan was on his side. Schultz ordered the guards who had family nearby to do as Hogan instructed and left a skeleton force to guard the prisoners, just in case.
As the guards left, Hogan went into the command building to have an audience with Klink. He didn't bother to knock because he knew that Klink was in no mood to grant anyone permission to see him. Hogan found Klink at his desk with his face buried in his palms. "What is it, Hogan?"
"You saved my life… danke, Wilhelm."
"Are you so sure I wasn't aiming for you, Hogan? I am not the shot I used to be." Hogan smiled and accepted that as his way of saying he was welcome.
Hogan went on, "Colonel, the Russians are almost here."
"Don't remind me!" Klink interrupted. "Losing another war is crushing enough, but to be taken by the Russians… who knows what they'll do us!" Hogan took a seat in front of Klink's desk.
"You can't argue with their reasons for being upset." Hogan told him. "Some of your boys did some nasty things to them and they are out for revenge."
Klink looked up, "Is that supposed to comfort me, Hogan?"
"No, but in my book, the respect for the rules of war that you demonstrated today earns you exemption from their wrath."
Klink looked almost annoyed and replied "That's all well and good, but unfortunately the Russians won't follow your book."
Hogan leaned in closer, "Colonel Klink, I have a proposition for you."
Klink groaned "Colonel Hogan, this is no time for one of your tricks. I am not in the mood."
"Klink, I can get you and your men out of here. I can get you away from the Russians and get you to the West."
Klink looked up, almost startled. "What?" "The only way I can do it without being court-martialed is for you and your men to surrender to me. You'll be prisoners, but not of the Russians." Colonel Klink contemplated the offer. It was his first instinct to refuse. No officer wants to surrender himself or his men. He had little choice in the matter though.
"This had better not be a trick, Hogan."
"Sir, you saved my life and I owe you one. We've played our games before but the time for all that has come to end. You've got to trust me."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Klink and Hogan emerged from the door of the command building to find the guards and their families gathered in the courtyard. Sergeant Shultz was just arriving with his family. With blood running through a makeshift bandage on his arm, he ran directly to Klink. "Herr Colonel…" he panted "The Russians were right behind us, we barely got way with our lives." The two colonels make eye contact and Klink nodded to Hogan.
The allied POWs were called out for a formation and after everyone was assembled Klink called out "Attention, attention everyone! I, Luftwaffe Colonel Wilhelm Klink do hereby surrender myself and all personnel under my command to Unites States Army Air Corps Colonel Robert Hogan."
A slight breeze blew through the camp and almost knocked everyone over. The colonels exchanged salutes and Klink handed his pistol over to Hogan. Hogan took a step forward to give them the explanation they were dying for. "The Russians are almost here and I don't want them to find any of us. There is an extensive tunnel system underneath this camp that we will use to get everyone out. The Underground will assist us in getting to the western front where we will turn our prisoners over to the first allied unit we come into contact with. The guards and staff of Stalag 13 were never cruel to us, so the way I see it, they deserve the same treatment. That won't happen in Russian hands. "
The tunnel openings that the heroes had guarded for years were revealed to the Germans. With them still in severe shock, the exodus began.Klink turned to Hogan as they headed down the steps and asked permission to retrieve something from his office. "So long as you don't try to escape." Hogan said with a smile. Klink couldn't hold back the chuckle. He returned with his WWI helmet under his arm. Hogan smiled in understanding.
All the Germans made it safely to the West where they weren't prisoners for long. Their respect for the Geneva Convention during the war ensured that. Most of them settled in West Germany and lived happy lives.
All of Hogan's Heroes were decorated heavily for their work. RAF Corporal Newkirk vanished into the secret world of MI6. French Army Corporal Lebeau finished his life doing what he loved, working as a chef for several French presidents. Sergeant First Class Carter stayed in the Army and served as an instructor at Aberdeen Proving Grounds in Maryland. Staff Sergeant Kinch used the GI Bill to be the first in his family to attend college and earned a degree in Electrical Engineering.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The crowds cheered as people began climbing onto the wall and hacking away pieces with hammers and picks. Before long bulldozers arrived and cut a chunk out of the wall big enough for people to run through. The East Germans ran to meet the West Germans and for the first time in decades, they were just Germans. Standing a safe distance from the crown stood a very old man, who began to cry.
"This is the happiest day of my entire life, Robert!" He sobbed.
Another old man by his side put an arm around him and said, "I know it is Wilhelm, I know."
THE END