CCC proudly presents...
THE LORD OF THE DORKS
The cast:
Ralph
Piggy/The Tree/The Conch Shell
The Wild Pig/The Diamond/The Leaf/The Giant Bunny/Coal/The Diamond Tree
Simon/The Blueberry
The Officer/The Beast/The Dead Pilot
Samneric
Roger
Jack
Once upon a time, a plane crashed into an island. It all ended with pink bunnies taking over the world.
Roger emerges first, being completely out of line.
Roger: *goes after blood* Me, the evil one.
Meanwhile, Jack and Ralph sit down together for a lengthy conversation about their roles upon the island.
Ralph: I only almost die?
Jack: Yes.
Ralph: Hmmm... do I kill anyone?
Jack: No, but the entire island is set ablaze in order for you to die.
Roger pops in.
Roger: Yeah, I really want you dead apparently
Ralph: For me to die?
Jack: Yes.
Ralph: I feel powerful.
Roger: I WANT YOU ALL DEAD *goes around spearing people*
Jack: But the officer comes along dorkishly, and saves everyone.
Roger: Yeah, wtf, officer, you ruined my plan!
Piggy randomly drops from the sky.
Piggy: Except me -sob-
Ralph: Awww
The Officer: Get bent, Pigboy.
Ralph: That makes things boring
Piggy: omg... I'm a GIRL
Jack: Everyone is a BOY
Anyway...
Jack: Piggy tells Ralph about the conch shell... and Ralph blows into it and everyone on the island assembles. Quite dramatic.
Piggy: Then I die. omg thats my new favourite part.
Jack: DORK! You're asthmatic... and you wear glasses... and you're dorkishly overweight.
Piggy: Nah.
Jack: You completely depend on society.
Piggy: REALLY? That sounds nothing like me. I want a new character.
Jack: omgomg too bad.
Piggy: Can I be the tree?
Jack: What tree *whack*
Piggy: THE tree
Jack: You can be the FLIES
Piggy: Nooooo... I wanna be the tree. Or the conch shell.
The leaf randomly drops in.
The Leaf: I'll be a leaf on the tree^^
Piggy: Can i be the conch shell? And Piggy? I'll be both.
Roger: You explode at the end then.
Piggy: i can be all three!
The Leaf: I'M A LEAF! NO ONE CAN STOP ME!
Piggy: I'M THE TREE, AND THE CONCH SHELL, AND PIGGY!
Jack: YOU'RE A WILD PIG, LEAF
The Leaf: LIAR. *smacks pig* *bees leaf*
Jack: The killing of the pig represents sex *coughs insanely* It's all very symbolic.
Piggy/The Conch Shell/The Tree: what is my symbolism? I'm the tree. And the conch shell.
Jack: omg the conch shell represents democracy. And order. Because you bring people together.
The Leaf: And I'm a leaf
Piggy/The Conch Shell/The Tree: Go me. And the tree?
The Leaf: omg what does the leaf represent?????
Jack: NOTHING. The tree and leaf aren't CHARACTERS.
Piggy/The Conch Shell/The Tree: :( I think it represents the world.
Jack: The island represents the world. It's a microcosm.
A random person walks by.
Random Person: omg can i be the leaf?
Jack: No.
The Tree/The Conch Shell: I AM THE TREE AND THE CONCH SHELL.
Jack: Then WHO would be PIGGY? PIGGY is important... After Ralph. And Jack.
Piggy/The Tree/The Conch Shell: I can be Piggy too. I'm multi-talented. I can do all three parts.
Jack: Okay.
The Leaf: *flutters leafishly* I'm SO FREAKING IMPORTANT.
The Tree: *sways treeishly* omg Leaf, I'm the tree and I decided that your leaf shall fall off................. NOW. FALL LEAF FALL.
The Leaf: AHHHH *clings*
The Tree: *shakes branches* FALL
The Leaf: *shrieks and clings*
The Tree: FAAAAAALL
Roger: *randomly kills people*
The Leaf: NOOOO
Jack: NONE OF THIS HAPPENED IN THE STORY.
The Leaf: *panics hysterically*
The Tree: *breaks off whole branch*
Roger: *kills pig boy first*
The Leaf: *continues clinging to the fallen branch*
Jack: Roger only really kills one person.
The Tree: The branch fell on top of you.
Roger: Too bad.
Jack: Everyone collectively kills Simon
Roger: I'm killing people NOW
Jack: YOU shall listen to me for I am JACK. I represent ANARCHY and DICTATORSHIP *dictates*
The Tree: BUT I AM THE WORLD AS A TREE *sways*
Jack: You are not the world.
The Leaf: I represent the underlying meaning of the subtle flavor of buttery lemon drops.
Jack: You don't.
The Tree: Buttery lemon drops?
The Leaf: I DO
Jack: You represent LIFE as the pig
The Conch Shell: I represent all that is cute. As the conch shell.
The Leaf: I AM A LEAF
Jack: NON
The Tree: Who got killed by my branch
The Leaf: OUI
Jack: And you represent a REWARD as meat. And MONEY. And WANTED stuff.
The Leaf: *screams* I AM A LEAF. I AM THE MOST IMPORTANT CHARACTER. FOR I AM A LEAF.
Jack: YOU ARE NOT.
The Leaf: I AM
Jack: The characters of LotD are revolting. Poor me.
The Tree: YOU ARE NOT AS IMPORTANT AS ME, LEAF. DON'T TRY TO FOOL THE REST. THEY KNOW THE IMPORTANCE OF ME.
The Leaf: HI I'M A LEAF
Random Person: *decides she's the island*
Piggy: I AM PIGGY. I TOLD YOU I CAN DO IT AND I WILL.
The Leaf: Baaah island. I'm leaving. *blows off in a breeze*
Piggy: Gosh, Jack, are you trying to tell me something? Are you saying I'm not worthy? DON'T YOU LOVE ME?
Jack: You're not putting in your WORK as Piggy. You've dedicated everything to the TREE.
The Leaf: I LEFT the island.
Piggy: I think we should all get along... BLOW THE CONCH SHELL.... how's that?
Jack: Yes good.
Piggy: *beams*
Roger: I would be jesus if I was simon. *sobs* I want to be Simon.
The Leaf: *leafs leafishly*
Jack: And ramble about how we should keep the fire going
Some other random person: Can i be an APPLE?
Roger: Then I could be jesus yes
Ralph: I think blah blah democracy blah blah blah. How's that?
Another random person: -eats leaves-
The Leaf: Bah. YOU ATE MY RELATIVES!
Roger: *kills people*
Piggy: We have to keep the fire going because its WARM and LIGHTFUL and we NEED IT just like we all need to get ALONG
Jack: Yes you play your parts so well
Piggy: *beams*
The Tree: YOU ATE MY..CHILDREN!
Jack: No... fire is the way to get off the island
Piggy: Oh
Jack: Because it's a signal
Another random person: -flies and chases the leaf-
Ralph: Well blah blah democracy blah blah blah BLAH!
Piggy: I mean, we have to keep the fire burning so we can signal the airoplanes!
Jack: Yes
The Leaf: *lands in ocean* *sinks*
Piggy: What else am i supposed to ramble about? Democracy?
Another random person: -swims after leaf-
The Leaf: *sinks to bottom*
Jack: omg while you're in the air, random person, and the sea you shall be the beast. Because the beast lives inside us all
The Leaf: *gets buried* *gets compressed* *turns into coal* OMG I'M COAL
The Tree: omg my daughter is coal?
The Conch Shell: Blow the conch shelllllllll
Another Random Person: -eats the coal-
The Conch Shell: BLOW ITTTTTTTTTTT
Piggy: LETS ALL GET ALONG
The Conch Shell: blow the conch shelllllllll
Ralph: Democracy *nods*
Jack: omg shut up Fatty. I am Jack
The Tree: I AM SWAYING GRACEFULLY. I AM HITTING JACK FOR INSULTING MY ALTER-EGO
Jack: Oh yeah Ralph and Piggy get along.
Jack: Ralph and Jack don't get along.
Piggy: HI RALPH
Jack: Jack and Roger get along
Piggy: LETS GET ALONG
Roger: *kills randomly*
Jack: Jack and Simon don't get along
Ralph: HI PIGGY! OKAY!
Roger: KILL KILL KILL
The Leaf/Coal: Feel the power...of LEAVES and COAL
Roger: BLOOOOD MMMMM
Jack: And Simon is the only one who knows the random persons true identity
Piggy: HI RALPH HI RALPH
Jack: Which is a dead pilot. On a hill.
Piggy: LETS GO FIND THE CONCH SHELL RALPH
Raloh: Well, I say blah blah blah about democracy!
The Conch Shell: find meeee... blow on the conch shelllllll
The Tree: I have leaves
Jack: But before Simon can say anything everyone collectively kills him
Ralph: *kills Simon*
Simon: Thanks.
Piggy: *kills Simon*
Simon: -sobs-
Roger: *kills everyone* Die
The Tree: *drops branches on simon's head*
Simon: -haunts-
Ralph: DEMOCRACY wanted it that way!!
There's a lot more to the story... I'll finish it soon. -Kayak
THE LORD OF THE DORKS
The cast:
Ralph
Piggy/The Tree/The Conch Shell
The Wild Pig/The Diamond/The Leaf/The Giant Bunny/Coal/The Diamond Tree
Simon/The Blueberry
The Officer/The Beast/The Dead Pilot
Samneric
Roger
Jack
Once upon a time, a plane crashed into an island. It all ended with pink bunnies taking over the world.
Roger emerges first, being completely out of line.
Roger: *goes after blood* Me, the evil one.
Meanwhile, Jack and Ralph sit down together for a lengthy conversation about their roles upon the island.
Ralph: I only almost die?
Jack: Yes.
Ralph: Hmmm... do I kill anyone?
Jack: No, but the entire island is set ablaze in order for you to die.
Roger pops in.
Roger: Yeah, I really want you dead apparently
Ralph: For me to die?
Jack: Yes.
Ralph: I feel powerful.
Roger: I WANT YOU ALL DEAD *goes around spearing people*
Jack: But the officer comes along dorkishly, and saves everyone.
Roger: Yeah, wtf, officer, you ruined my plan!
Piggy randomly drops from the sky.
Piggy: Except me -sob-
Ralph: Awww
The Officer: Get bent, Pigboy.
Ralph: That makes things boring
Piggy: omg... I'm a GIRL
Jack: Everyone is a BOY
Anyway...
Jack: Piggy tells Ralph about the conch shell... and Ralph blows into it and everyone on the island assembles. Quite dramatic.
Piggy: Then I die. omg thats my new favourite part.
Jack: DORK! You're asthmatic... and you wear glasses... and you're dorkishly overweight.
Piggy: Nah.
Jack: You completely depend on society.
Piggy: REALLY? That sounds nothing like me. I want a new character.
Jack: omgomg too bad.
Piggy: Can I be the tree?
Jack: What tree *whack*
Piggy: THE tree
Jack: You can be the FLIES
Piggy: Nooooo... I wanna be the tree. Or the conch shell.
The leaf randomly drops in.
The Leaf: I'll be a leaf on the tree^^
Piggy: Can i be the conch shell? And Piggy? I'll be both.
Roger: You explode at the end then.
Piggy: i can be all three!
The Leaf: I'M A LEAF! NO ONE CAN STOP ME!
Piggy: I'M THE TREE, AND THE CONCH SHELL, AND PIGGY!
Jack: YOU'RE A WILD PIG, LEAF
The Leaf: LIAR. *smacks pig* *bees leaf*
Jack: The killing of the pig represents sex *coughs insanely* It's all very symbolic.
Piggy/The Conch Shell/The Tree: what is my symbolism? I'm the tree. And the conch shell.
Jack: omg the conch shell represents democracy. And order. Because you bring people together.
The Leaf: And I'm a leaf
Piggy/The Conch Shell/The Tree: Go me. And the tree?
The Leaf: omg what does the leaf represent?????
Jack: NOTHING. The tree and leaf aren't CHARACTERS.
Piggy/The Conch Shell/The Tree: :( I think it represents the world.
Jack: The island represents the world. It's a microcosm.
A random person walks by.
Random Person: omg can i be the leaf?
Jack: No.
The Tree/The Conch Shell: I AM THE TREE AND THE CONCH SHELL.
Jack: Then WHO would be PIGGY? PIGGY is important... After Ralph. And Jack.
Piggy/The Tree/The Conch Shell: I can be Piggy too. I'm multi-talented. I can do all three parts.
Jack: Okay.
The Leaf: *flutters leafishly* I'm SO FREAKING IMPORTANT.
The Tree: *sways treeishly* omg Leaf, I'm the tree and I decided that your leaf shall fall off................. NOW. FALL LEAF FALL.
The Leaf: AHHHH *clings*
The Tree: *shakes branches* FALL
The Leaf: *shrieks and clings*
The Tree: FAAAAAALL
Roger: *randomly kills people*
The Leaf: NOOOO
Jack: NONE OF THIS HAPPENED IN THE STORY.
The Leaf: *panics hysterically*
The Tree: *breaks off whole branch*
Roger: *kills pig boy first*
The Leaf: *continues clinging to the fallen branch*
Jack: Roger only really kills one person.
The Tree: The branch fell on top of you.
Roger: Too bad.
Jack: Everyone collectively kills Simon
Roger: I'm killing people NOW
Jack: YOU shall listen to me for I am JACK. I represent ANARCHY and DICTATORSHIP *dictates*
The Tree: BUT I AM THE WORLD AS A TREE *sways*
Jack: You are not the world.
The Leaf: I represent the underlying meaning of the subtle flavor of buttery lemon drops.
Jack: You don't.
The Tree: Buttery lemon drops?
The Leaf: I DO
Jack: You represent LIFE as the pig
The Conch Shell: I represent all that is cute. As the conch shell.
The Leaf: I AM A LEAF
Jack: NON
The Tree: Who got killed by my branch
The Leaf: OUI
Jack: And you represent a REWARD as meat. And MONEY. And WANTED stuff.
The Leaf: *screams* I AM A LEAF. I AM THE MOST IMPORTANT CHARACTER. FOR I AM A LEAF.
Jack: YOU ARE NOT.
The Leaf: I AM
Jack: The characters of LotD are revolting. Poor me.
The Tree: YOU ARE NOT AS IMPORTANT AS ME, LEAF. DON'T TRY TO FOOL THE REST. THEY KNOW THE IMPORTANCE OF ME.
The Leaf: HI I'M A LEAF
Random Person: *decides she's the island*
Piggy: I AM PIGGY. I TOLD YOU I CAN DO IT AND I WILL.
The Leaf: Baaah island. I'm leaving. *blows off in a breeze*
Piggy: Gosh, Jack, are you trying to tell me something? Are you saying I'm not worthy? DON'T YOU LOVE ME?
Jack: You're not putting in your WORK as Piggy. You've dedicated everything to the TREE.
The Leaf: I LEFT the island.
Piggy: I think we should all get along... BLOW THE CONCH SHELL.... how's that?
Jack: Yes good.
Piggy: *beams*
Roger: I would be jesus if I was simon. *sobs* I want to be Simon.
The Leaf: *leafs leafishly*
Jack: And ramble about how we should keep the fire going
Some other random person: Can i be an APPLE?
Roger: Then I could be jesus yes
Ralph: I think blah blah democracy blah blah blah. How's that?
Another random person: -eats leaves-
The Leaf: Bah. YOU ATE MY RELATIVES!
Roger: *kills people*
Piggy: We have to keep the fire going because its WARM and LIGHTFUL and we NEED IT just like we all need to get ALONG
Jack: Yes you play your parts so well
Piggy: *beams*
The Tree: YOU ATE MY..CHILDREN!
Jack: No... fire is the way to get off the island
Piggy: Oh
Jack: Because it's a signal
Another random person: -flies and chases the leaf-
Ralph: Well blah blah democracy blah blah blah BLAH!
Piggy: I mean, we have to keep the fire burning so we can signal the airoplanes!
Jack: Yes
The Leaf: *lands in ocean* *sinks*
Piggy: What else am i supposed to ramble about? Democracy?
Another random person: -swims after leaf-
The Leaf: *sinks to bottom*
Jack: omg while you're in the air, random person, and the sea you shall be the beast. Because the beast lives inside us all
The Leaf: *gets buried* *gets compressed* *turns into coal* OMG I'M COAL
The Tree: omg my daughter is coal?
The Conch Shell: Blow the conch shelllllllll
Another Random Person: -eats the coal-
The Conch Shell: BLOW ITTTTTTTTTTT
Piggy: LETS ALL GET ALONG
The Conch Shell: blow the conch shelllllllll
Ralph: Democracy *nods*
Jack: omg shut up Fatty. I am Jack
The Tree: I AM SWAYING GRACEFULLY. I AM HITTING JACK FOR INSULTING MY ALTER-EGO
Jack: Oh yeah Ralph and Piggy get along.
Jack: Ralph and Jack don't get along.
Piggy: HI RALPH
Jack: Jack and Roger get along
Piggy: LETS GET ALONG
Roger: *kills randomly*
Jack: Jack and Simon don't get along
Ralph: HI PIGGY! OKAY!
Roger: KILL KILL KILL
The Leaf/Coal: Feel the power...of LEAVES and COAL
Roger: BLOOOOD MMMMM
Jack: And Simon is the only one who knows the random persons true identity
Piggy: HI RALPH HI RALPH
Jack: Which is a dead pilot. On a hill.
Piggy: LETS GO FIND THE CONCH SHELL RALPH
Raloh: Well, I say blah blah blah about democracy!
The Conch Shell: find meeee... blow on the conch shelllllll
The Tree: I have leaves
Jack: But before Simon can say anything everyone collectively kills him
Ralph: *kills Simon*
Simon: Thanks.
Piggy: *kills Simon*
Simon: -sobs-
Roger: *kills everyone* Die
The Tree: *drops branches on simon's head*
Simon: -haunts-
Ralph: DEMOCRACY wanted it that way!!
There's a lot more to the story... I'll finish it soon. -Kayak