After Tifa's sad visit, everything was just a blur of noise and depressed images, far away like a gray, rainy painting. I didn't care about anything anymore. I felt hollow, dark and gloomy.
Eventually, I was taken out of the straightjacket so I could eat and take a shower. But a guard followed me around all day, like everyday. Even when I was in the damn shower, a guard was right outside the door! (Probably expecting me to commit suicide with the glass bulbs on the mirror.) The thought HAD passed through my mind...
I got out of the shower, drying off with a towel, and putting on clean clothes. My blond hair was actually really long when it was wet. It went passed my chin and it naturally stuck up in spikes when it dried if I left it alone. People think I use gel, but my hair just likes to defy gravity. I can't help it.
I stared at my reflection in the mirror. My blue Mako eyes glowed in the dim light. I looked tired and sad. Is this how I always looked?
The light in the bathroom flickered and for a moment I could swear I saw Sephiroth's reflection in the mirror replacing mine. I jumped, startled, but then I looked again and my own face stared back. My heart began racing and suddenly, I noticed Zack's reflection was standing behind me in the mirror.
I spun around and he was standing right in front of me, staring through me.
"Zack!" I exclaimed in shock and fear, watching his eyes focus on me, as if he just noticed I was there.
"Cloud," his voice was low and hardly matched my own surprise.
I turned back around towards the sink, washing cold water over my face. "You're not real. Just my imagination...Zack's dead...Zack's dead..." I repeated to myself, trying to calm the beating of my heart.
The walls began swirling and the sound of running water shifted to static. Zack's dead...I repeated mentally to myself. There's no way he could be here... just like Sephiroth...he's just a hallucination...
"Why was I ever friends with you? You're so pathetic. Not even Tifa wants to spend time with you anymore," Zack spoke.
I held my eyes shut, rinsing cold water over my face again and again. You're not real...why won't you leave me alone...
"What, you won't even say hello to your old friend?" Zack sounded insulted.
Finally, I turned, seeing him standing a foot away looking very unimpressed. "You look a mess, what happened?" he sarcastically smiled.
"I saw you die. You can't be real," I reasoned.
"So what? You saw Sephiroth die and you still talk to him," Zack countered.
"What do you want?" I sighed, not wanting to argue with him.
"Why did you do it? Why hurt Tifa?" Zack asked plainly.
I turned back around, shutting off the running water in the sink. I didn't want to answer his question. I had an answer, but I didn't want to admit it.
"Why do your feelings betray you? Why don't you want to tell me the reason?" Zack walked next to me, close to my face, but I didn't want to look up at him...he's not real...
"...I wanted to destroy something beautiful. ...Like I was destroyed..." I finally gave in, speaking softly what had been on my mind for weeks.
"She was beautiful?" Zack lowered his eyes at me.
"Yes," I tried blinking away sudden tears.
"And you think you were beautiful?" he spoke loudly and I shook my head, trying to clear the static invading my thoughts.
"I was once. ... Before my past. Beautiful, I mean, by being innocent, perfect, untouched by cruelty, unmarred. But I was destroyed. Now I want to be the destroyer," I looked at him through the mirror's reflection.
"Destroy Tifa? You're sick," he spat. "I would have treated her nicer than that. How dare you be mean to Tifa!" his eyes grew angry.
"How dare you think you could take her life!" he shouted. "How could I have ever been a friend to such a monster like you!" he hissed, noticeably getting furious with me.
"I...but, you asked me why I did-" I began to say.
"You wanted to kill her!!" he accused, cutting me off.
"No, no I never wanted to kill her...I swear!" I pleaded, backing away from him.
"How could you?! You disgust me!" he turned away, obviously annoyed with me.
"All I ever wanted was your admiration and approval. You were my best friend. Why are you getting so mad at me?" I whispered to myself, getting nervous.
"You wanted to hurt the only person you loved! What the hell's the matter with you!? You never deserved her anyway!" he snarled, suddenly grabbing my wrist, twisting it hard.
"It's not fair! I never wanted it to be this way!" I cried out as he smashed my hand into the burning hot light bulb above the sink. I screamed as the shards of hot glass pierced my skin, warm blood rushing over my hand, the flesh bubbling from the burn.
"You're so confused. Life's not fair, is it?" He hissed cruelly, and slashed at my wrist with the broken bulb. I squeezed my eyes tightly closed-he's not real, the pain's not real, this will all go away soon... I prevented my screams from escaping into the air.
"You never deserved her!" Zack screamed at the top of his lungs, throwing me down in disgust.
I slipped on the tiled floor, landing in a pool of warm blood. I gaped in horror at my hollow reflection in the crimson liquid. My blond hair had turned black with blood and my arms were covered in broken glass. I saw Zack move next to me in the reflection. His expression was full of pain suddenly.
"Look what you've done to me now, Cloud," Zack's strangled voice choked.
My heart began racing, ready to burst and everything turned a strange yellowish color as I looked up at him from the pool of blood.
His clothes were a dark crimson color soaking through from seven bullet holes weeping in his chest. He staggered, trying to speak, but only blood spewed forth from his mouth. I stumbled backwards in horror, trying to escape his death, but found myself slipping over the blood spilled on the floor, unable to get up.
"Zack!" I screamed as he fell. "Help me!!" I shouted, my eyes blurry with tears. The static in my head had gotten worse and Zack's blood continued pooling on the cement tiles.
"Why can't I save you?" I called to him as his breathing slowed.
All of a sudden, the door slammed open and the guard who had been sitting in the other room ran in. "I heard a yell! What happened?" He yelled, picking me up off the ground.
"What's going on? Zack!" I called to him again, reaching towards him, only to find I could never reach him. He was fading away, lifting his head up, blood filling the whites of his eyes.
"c....cloud..." he sputtered. "...why...aren't you...h...helping...me...?" he choked and collapsed.
"ZACK!!" I screamed, fighting the guard, trying to reach him. "Help him!" I told the guard, pointing to where Zack lay on the bathroom floor. I was hysterically shouting.
But the guard didn't listen. He dragged me from the doorway into the adjacent room and held me into a chair, forcing me to sit and relax.
"Relax! Just relax!" he said calmly, trying to soothe my hysterics.
"Why aren't you helping him! Help Zack!" I shouted at him in rage, but he didn't listen.
Then another few nursing assistants entered. "What happened?" one asked.
"I don't know. He started screaming about someone named Zack and I found him in the bathroom, slashing his wrist with a broken light bulb," the nurse holding me explained to the other.
"Dammit! Is there a mess of blood everywhere?" one asked.
"No, actually. It's mostly on the sink and some on the floor when I took him outta there. Get me some medical bandages! Hurry!" he called.
My arm was bleeding a lot where Zack smashed it into the bulb. But if he wasn't real, was it I who smashed my own arm into a glass bulb? No, that didn't make any sense. And there was so much blood everywhere before, why had the guard said there wasn't a lot? Was it all just in my mind, then...?
One nursing assistant rushed away to get medical bandages for my bleeding wrist, while another went into the bathroom. No, they wouldn't see Zack...
"Shit, he's losing too much blood!" the nurse holding me yelled to the other and moments later I felt myself being lifted and carried.
"Where...am I going?" I managed to mutter softly. I was feeling weak and the pain in my arm was nothing but a shooting sensation followed by a fading numbness now.
"Medical wing," one of the nursing assistants told me. "You'll be ok."
I didn't say anything else, I just lay there, letting them carry me down the shining white hallways, through doors and around corners.
I rested back, trying to relax. I couldn't think very clearly, the static was humming too great in my mind and jolts of pain sang through me, beginning in my wrist.
I just remembered Zack falling to the ground, scarlet staining through his chest. And I couldn't save him...
Eventually, I was taken out of the straightjacket so I could eat and take a shower. But a guard followed me around all day, like everyday. Even when I was in the damn shower, a guard was right outside the door! (Probably expecting me to commit suicide with the glass bulbs on the mirror.) The thought HAD passed through my mind...
I got out of the shower, drying off with a towel, and putting on clean clothes. My blond hair was actually really long when it was wet. It went passed my chin and it naturally stuck up in spikes when it dried if I left it alone. People think I use gel, but my hair just likes to defy gravity. I can't help it.
I stared at my reflection in the mirror. My blue Mako eyes glowed in the dim light. I looked tired and sad. Is this how I always looked?
The light in the bathroom flickered and for a moment I could swear I saw Sephiroth's reflection in the mirror replacing mine. I jumped, startled, but then I looked again and my own face stared back. My heart began racing and suddenly, I noticed Zack's reflection was standing behind me in the mirror.
I spun around and he was standing right in front of me, staring through me.
"Zack!" I exclaimed in shock and fear, watching his eyes focus on me, as if he just noticed I was there.
"Cloud," his voice was low and hardly matched my own surprise.
I turned back around towards the sink, washing cold water over my face. "You're not real. Just my imagination...Zack's dead...Zack's dead..." I repeated to myself, trying to calm the beating of my heart.
The walls began swirling and the sound of running water shifted to static. Zack's dead...I repeated mentally to myself. There's no way he could be here... just like Sephiroth...he's just a hallucination...
"Why was I ever friends with you? You're so pathetic. Not even Tifa wants to spend time with you anymore," Zack spoke.
I held my eyes shut, rinsing cold water over my face again and again. You're not real...why won't you leave me alone...
"What, you won't even say hello to your old friend?" Zack sounded insulted.
Finally, I turned, seeing him standing a foot away looking very unimpressed. "You look a mess, what happened?" he sarcastically smiled.
"I saw you die. You can't be real," I reasoned.
"So what? You saw Sephiroth die and you still talk to him," Zack countered.
"What do you want?" I sighed, not wanting to argue with him.
"Why did you do it? Why hurt Tifa?" Zack asked plainly.
I turned back around, shutting off the running water in the sink. I didn't want to answer his question. I had an answer, but I didn't want to admit it.
"Why do your feelings betray you? Why don't you want to tell me the reason?" Zack walked next to me, close to my face, but I didn't want to look up at him...he's not real...
"...I wanted to destroy something beautiful. ...Like I was destroyed..." I finally gave in, speaking softly what had been on my mind for weeks.
"She was beautiful?" Zack lowered his eyes at me.
"Yes," I tried blinking away sudden tears.
"And you think you were beautiful?" he spoke loudly and I shook my head, trying to clear the static invading my thoughts.
"I was once. ... Before my past. Beautiful, I mean, by being innocent, perfect, untouched by cruelty, unmarred. But I was destroyed. Now I want to be the destroyer," I looked at him through the mirror's reflection.
"Destroy Tifa? You're sick," he spat. "I would have treated her nicer than that. How dare you be mean to Tifa!" his eyes grew angry.
"How dare you think you could take her life!" he shouted. "How could I have ever been a friend to such a monster like you!" he hissed, noticeably getting furious with me.
"I...but, you asked me why I did-" I began to say.
"You wanted to kill her!!" he accused, cutting me off.
"No, no I never wanted to kill her...I swear!" I pleaded, backing away from him.
"How could you?! You disgust me!" he turned away, obviously annoyed with me.
"All I ever wanted was your admiration and approval. You were my best friend. Why are you getting so mad at me?" I whispered to myself, getting nervous.
"You wanted to hurt the only person you loved! What the hell's the matter with you!? You never deserved her anyway!" he snarled, suddenly grabbing my wrist, twisting it hard.
"It's not fair! I never wanted it to be this way!" I cried out as he smashed my hand into the burning hot light bulb above the sink. I screamed as the shards of hot glass pierced my skin, warm blood rushing over my hand, the flesh bubbling from the burn.
"You're so confused. Life's not fair, is it?" He hissed cruelly, and slashed at my wrist with the broken bulb. I squeezed my eyes tightly closed-he's not real, the pain's not real, this will all go away soon... I prevented my screams from escaping into the air.
"You never deserved her!" Zack screamed at the top of his lungs, throwing me down in disgust.
I slipped on the tiled floor, landing in a pool of warm blood. I gaped in horror at my hollow reflection in the crimson liquid. My blond hair had turned black with blood and my arms were covered in broken glass. I saw Zack move next to me in the reflection. His expression was full of pain suddenly.
"Look what you've done to me now, Cloud," Zack's strangled voice choked.
My heart began racing, ready to burst and everything turned a strange yellowish color as I looked up at him from the pool of blood.
His clothes were a dark crimson color soaking through from seven bullet holes weeping in his chest. He staggered, trying to speak, but only blood spewed forth from his mouth. I stumbled backwards in horror, trying to escape his death, but found myself slipping over the blood spilled on the floor, unable to get up.
"Zack!" I screamed as he fell. "Help me!!" I shouted, my eyes blurry with tears. The static in my head had gotten worse and Zack's blood continued pooling on the cement tiles.
"Why can't I save you?" I called to him as his breathing slowed.
All of a sudden, the door slammed open and the guard who had been sitting in the other room ran in. "I heard a yell! What happened?" He yelled, picking me up off the ground.
"What's going on? Zack!" I called to him again, reaching towards him, only to find I could never reach him. He was fading away, lifting his head up, blood filling the whites of his eyes.
"c....cloud..." he sputtered. "...why...aren't you...h...helping...me...?" he choked and collapsed.
"ZACK!!" I screamed, fighting the guard, trying to reach him. "Help him!" I told the guard, pointing to where Zack lay on the bathroom floor. I was hysterically shouting.
But the guard didn't listen. He dragged me from the doorway into the adjacent room and held me into a chair, forcing me to sit and relax.
"Relax! Just relax!" he said calmly, trying to soothe my hysterics.
"Why aren't you helping him! Help Zack!" I shouted at him in rage, but he didn't listen.
Then another few nursing assistants entered. "What happened?" one asked.
"I don't know. He started screaming about someone named Zack and I found him in the bathroom, slashing his wrist with a broken light bulb," the nurse holding me explained to the other.
"Dammit! Is there a mess of blood everywhere?" one asked.
"No, actually. It's mostly on the sink and some on the floor when I took him outta there. Get me some medical bandages! Hurry!" he called.
My arm was bleeding a lot where Zack smashed it into the bulb. But if he wasn't real, was it I who smashed my own arm into a glass bulb? No, that didn't make any sense. And there was so much blood everywhere before, why had the guard said there wasn't a lot? Was it all just in my mind, then...?
One nursing assistant rushed away to get medical bandages for my bleeding wrist, while another went into the bathroom. No, they wouldn't see Zack...
"Shit, he's losing too much blood!" the nurse holding me yelled to the other and moments later I felt myself being lifted and carried.
"Where...am I going?" I managed to mutter softly. I was feeling weak and the pain in my arm was nothing but a shooting sensation followed by a fading numbness now.
"Medical wing," one of the nursing assistants told me. "You'll be ok."
I didn't say anything else, I just lay there, letting them carry me down the shining white hallways, through doors and around corners.
I rested back, trying to relax. I couldn't think very clearly, the static was humming too great in my mind and jolts of pain sang through me, beginning in my wrist.
I just remembered Zack falling to the ground, scarlet staining through his chest. And I couldn't save him...