It was dark and cold. Like the midnight sky on a moonless night. I shivered and my eyes searched through the black velvet blanket that coated everything.
But somehow it was comforting. In the darkness, no one can see you and no one has to even know if you exist. You can hide for an eternity, motionless and invisible. Nothing can find you when night masks your eyes, hiding you from the world.
Jenova had released me from her sickening hold once I had been knocked out. She couldn't stay in control over me when I was unconscious. She needs conscious thoughts to latch onto, thrive upon, and command.
Free of Jenova temporarily, I was trapped between sleeping and waking, unsure of either. I dreaded the horrible feeling of inferiority that would rise again with Jenova's will and I trembled at the thought of it caressing my mind.
Voices screamed at me in anger and hatred through the endless black void I was standing in. A thousand voices crying out, voices from my thoughts. Hearing these voices in my mind was no stranger to me, but they were screaming so loudly that I could barely hear the static hissing in my ears.
"Stop it!" I shouted angrily, unable to hear myself over the noise. I clawed at the darkness surrounding me, as if to silence the screams.
"How does it feel, Cloud?" Zack's voice cut like cold steel through my thoughts.
"What?" I spun around searching the darkness, the voices dying in my head.
Zack's figure slowly materialized in front of me. His black spiky hair was messy, and long strands of ebony hung in front of his face. His eyes peered at me through the black strands, narrowed and accusing.
He brushed away a strand of black hair from his face. I noticed he was freshly wounded still, the bullet holes in his chest weeping a stream of blood. He seemed not to notice or care.
"This isn't real. I know you're just a hallucination... The blood's not real, and Zack's dead...It's all in my mind. It's all in my mind, just a hallucination made up by me..." I whispered to myself, watching him walk closer, his blood spilling on the floor.
"I said, how does it feel, Cloud? How does it feel to know that you've murdered a friend with your own hands?" he scowled at me, showing no caring in the lines of his face.
"I've killed before..." I sighed, suddenly, it became hard to breathe. I felt like I was suffocating, like the air held no oxygen.
My eyes struggled to accommodate to the darkness, but everything remained pitch black around me, except Zack's outline.
"I've killed countless others with my blade. Their blood has stained my sword as I'd cut down their lives. Why would one more matter...?" I asked him, shaking slightly.
"Blood by blade is different than fist to flesh," Zack stepped near me, holding his chest as it bled all over his arms and body. He seemed unaffected by it, and hardly noticed it. I stared at his wound, breathing still very difficult.
"He was the first person you've ever killed with your bare hands..." Zack stated flatly, glaring at me.
He was right. I had never killed anyone with my hands, had never felt their soul escape their body at the moment of death. But with Cid I had...
"You don't understand!!" I shouted, tears stinging in my eyes, my heart heavy. "I had no choice!! It was either him or Tifa!" I cried out.
"You had a goddamn choice, you liar! You were just too weak to overcome Jenova's power. Too goddamn weak! Too goddamn self-absorbed! You never even knew how much Tifa cared for you and then you had to go and fuck everything up by attacking her!" Zack snarled, rage in his voice. He shoved me back with one bloodied hand.
I fell back, staring up at the bullet holes in his chest gushing blood.
"What are you staring at? This?" He pulled away his arm and touched his wound, wincing in pain. "This is what you caused! You let me die, Cloud! You didn't even try to help me! Always were too damn self-absorbed to notice anything that didn't involve you," He spat, watching his blood drip to the floor from his doused finger.
"No...that's not true! I had no choice then, either! I was barely even conscious! I wanted to save you, but I couldn't. I couldn't even lift myself up!" I pleaded with Zack, who stared defiantly at me.
"You were always like that. Always saying you had no choice. You had no choice but to watch Aeris die, you had no choice but to harm Tifa, you had no choice but to leave me to fucking die at ShinRa's hands!" His eyes flashed with ignited anger and I inched backwards, away from him.
"I...I didn't have a choice! Your death is not my fault! Why are you blaming me for all of this?!!" I yelled in fear, Zack towering over me.
"But Cid's death is your fault... It's just another sin to add to your soul," he replied solemnly.
"I did it to save Tifa!" I insisted. "I couldn't break free from Jenova. It was either Tifa or Cid!"
"So you broke his neck? Severed his life so abruptly. I bet you didn't even know you had the strength and power within you to take another man's life with a simple twist of tensed muscle. You didn't know you had it in you to murder ruthlessly," Zack's words were filled with such hatred. I shook my head at his every word.
"It's not true!! Goddammit! It's not true! None of it is!! It wasn't me who did it! It was Jenova!! I couldn't do a damn thing to stop it!" I screamed out to him, hurt by the words of my deceased friend.
"I suppose then that Jenova is also responsible for you harming Tifa?" Zack sarcastically sneered, his lips frowned in disgust.
"I...I love Tifa, but she was always so perfect with no faults, nothing messed up in her past, nothing out of place or missing in her memory...not like me. Why was it that I had to have such a goddamn horrible life?! Why was I the unlucky one?!!" I felt angry tears sliding down my face as I screamed at Zack, trying to match the rage he held in his eyes.
"Why are you so goddamn worried about yourself? Did you ever think about Tifa? Think about how much she cares for you!? She loved you, you dumbass! Didn't you hear a word she said to you? Why do you think it's only YOUR life that matters? Why are you so stupid?!!" Zack reached down, grabbing my shoulders.
I shoved him away with all my might, not wanting to hear his words. "Get the fuck away from me!!" I yelled and stood up, walking away. But only darkness surrounded me. I had no where to go.
"We all have problems, Cloud. Especially you. But you can't blame Tifa, you can't blame anyone for the fucked up things that happened to you. Why can't you realize this?" Zack was desperate to persuade me.
"I can blame someone..." I whispered, closing my eyes, feeling fresh hot tears tumble to the floor.
"Cloud, you're such an idiot..." Zack's last words hung in the air.
"I can blame Sephiroth..."
[[::::More Coming Soon!!:::: Sorry this chapter ended so abruptly. I forced myself to write this while I had writer's block, so it was really difficult for me to continue any more. I promise they'll be more after I get over this bad case of writer's block. Thanks for reading!! Cya.]]
But somehow it was comforting. In the darkness, no one can see you and no one has to even know if you exist. You can hide for an eternity, motionless and invisible. Nothing can find you when night masks your eyes, hiding you from the world.
Jenova had released me from her sickening hold once I had been knocked out. She couldn't stay in control over me when I was unconscious. She needs conscious thoughts to latch onto, thrive upon, and command.
Free of Jenova temporarily, I was trapped between sleeping and waking, unsure of either. I dreaded the horrible feeling of inferiority that would rise again with Jenova's will and I trembled at the thought of it caressing my mind.
Voices screamed at me in anger and hatred through the endless black void I was standing in. A thousand voices crying out, voices from my thoughts. Hearing these voices in my mind was no stranger to me, but they were screaming so loudly that I could barely hear the static hissing in my ears.
"Stop it!" I shouted angrily, unable to hear myself over the noise. I clawed at the darkness surrounding me, as if to silence the screams.
"How does it feel, Cloud?" Zack's voice cut like cold steel through my thoughts.
"What?" I spun around searching the darkness, the voices dying in my head.
Zack's figure slowly materialized in front of me. His black spiky hair was messy, and long strands of ebony hung in front of his face. His eyes peered at me through the black strands, narrowed and accusing.
He brushed away a strand of black hair from his face. I noticed he was freshly wounded still, the bullet holes in his chest weeping a stream of blood. He seemed not to notice or care.
"This isn't real. I know you're just a hallucination... The blood's not real, and Zack's dead...It's all in my mind. It's all in my mind, just a hallucination made up by me..." I whispered to myself, watching him walk closer, his blood spilling on the floor.
"I said, how does it feel, Cloud? How does it feel to know that you've murdered a friend with your own hands?" he scowled at me, showing no caring in the lines of his face.
"I've killed before..." I sighed, suddenly, it became hard to breathe. I felt like I was suffocating, like the air held no oxygen.
My eyes struggled to accommodate to the darkness, but everything remained pitch black around me, except Zack's outline.
"I've killed countless others with my blade. Their blood has stained my sword as I'd cut down their lives. Why would one more matter...?" I asked him, shaking slightly.
"Blood by blade is different than fist to flesh," Zack stepped near me, holding his chest as it bled all over his arms and body. He seemed unaffected by it, and hardly noticed it. I stared at his wound, breathing still very difficult.
"He was the first person you've ever killed with your bare hands..." Zack stated flatly, glaring at me.
He was right. I had never killed anyone with my hands, had never felt their soul escape their body at the moment of death. But with Cid I had...
"You don't understand!!" I shouted, tears stinging in my eyes, my heart heavy. "I had no choice!! It was either him or Tifa!" I cried out.
"You had a goddamn choice, you liar! You were just too weak to overcome Jenova's power. Too goddamn weak! Too goddamn self-absorbed! You never even knew how much Tifa cared for you and then you had to go and fuck everything up by attacking her!" Zack snarled, rage in his voice. He shoved me back with one bloodied hand.
I fell back, staring up at the bullet holes in his chest gushing blood.
"What are you staring at? This?" He pulled away his arm and touched his wound, wincing in pain. "This is what you caused! You let me die, Cloud! You didn't even try to help me! Always were too damn self-absorbed to notice anything that didn't involve you," He spat, watching his blood drip to the floor from his doused finger.
"No...that's not true! I had no choice then, either! I was barely even conscious! I wanted to save you, but I couldn't. I couldn't even lift myself up!" I pleaded with Zack, who stared defiantly at me.
"You were always like that. Always saying you had no choice. You had no choice but to watch Aeris die, you had no choice but to harm Tifa, you had no choice but to leave me to fucking die at ShinRa's hands!" His eyes flashed with ignited anger and I inched backwards, away from him.
"I...I didn't have a choice! Your death is not my fault! Why are you blaming me for all of this?!!" I yelled in fear, Zack towering over me.
"But Cid's death is your fault... It's just another sin to add to your soul," he replied solemnly.
"I did it to save Tifa!" I insisted. "I couldn't break free from Jenova. It was either Tifa or Cid!"
"So you broke his neck? Severed his life so abruptly. I bet you didn't even know you had the strength and power within you to take another man's life with a simple twist of tensed muscle. You didn't know you had it in you to murder ruthlessly," Zack's words were filled with such hatred. I shook my head at his every word.
"It's not true!! Goddammit! It's not true! None of it is!! It wasn't me who did it! It was Jenova!! I couldn't do a damn thing to stop it!" I screamed out to him, hurt by the words of my deceased friend.
"I suppose then that Jenova is also responsible for you harming Tifa?" Zack sarcastically sneered, his lips frowned in disgust.
"I...I love Tifa, but she was always so perfect with no faults, nothing messed up in her past, nothing out of place or missing in her memory...not like me. Why was it that I had to have such a goddamn horrible life?! Why was I the unlucky one?!!" I felt angry tears sliding down my face as I screamed at Zack, trying to match the rage he held in his eyes.
"Why are you so goddamn worried about yourself? Did you ever think about Tifa? Think about how much she cares for you!? She loved you, you dumbass! Didn't you hear a word she said to you? Why do you think it's only YOUR life that matters? Why are you so stupid?!!" Zack reached down, grabbing my shoulders.
I shoved him away with all my might, not wanting to hear his words. "Get the fuck away from me!!" I yelled and stood up, walking away. But only darkness surrounded me. I had no where to go.
"We all have problems, Cloud. Especially you. But you can't blame Tifa, you can't blame anyone for the fucked up things that happened to you. Why can't you realize this?" Zack was desperate to persuade me.
"I can blame someone..." I whispered, closing my eyes, feeling fresh hot tears tumble to the floor.
"Cloud, you're such an idiot..." Zack's last words hung in the air.
"I can blame Sephiroth..."
[[::::More Coming Soon!!:::: Sorry this chapter ended so abruptly. I forced myself to write this while I had writer's block, so it was really difficult for me to continue any more. I promise they'll be more after I get over this bad case of writer's block. Thanks for reading!! Cya.]]