The Ministry of Defence, England
The headquarters of the Ministry of Defences Special Secret Service department was already very busy when he arrived. The room was already milling with people. Several girls fainted as Austin entered and a wild scramble started as he flung his coat off and the girls started fighting over it.
One woman however couldn't have cared less if he'd taken off all his clothes, she sat demurely behind a desk, her eyes fixed on the computer in front of her. Austin noticed this complete lack of interest,
"Is she okay Basil?" He asked his commanding officer, "You know, alright in the head?"
Basil Exposition laughed and nodded, "Of course Austin," he said moving over to where the lady was sitting, "You don't think we'd send you on a dangerous mission with a crackpot, do you?"
Austin laughed nervously, he remember how when he had been first unfrozen and sent to battle Dr. Evil, his partner had been Vanessa who had turned out to be a fembot working for Dr. Evil. "Er no, of course not Basil." Austin said quickly, "So, who is this lovely lady?"
He said, moving over to the desk and sitting on it as the girl hardly gave him a second look, "This, Austin, is Ilieona Tuesday, and she will be working with on this mission with you."
"Okay..." Austin said slowly, "So what do you do every other day of the week?" He laughed uproariously at his joke but Ilieona gave no reply but stared at him icily, Austin's laughter died away.
"Austin Powers, I presume." She said, holding out her hand. Austin nodded and shook her hand.
"You have very soft hands Miss. Tuesday." He said, "Does that speak for the rest of you too?" Again, he received no reply, this was not going very well he decided.
"Mr. Powers,"
"Oh please call me Austin, only Dr. Evil and his associates called me Mr. Powers."
"Alright, Austin, you do realise that I am in no way interested in a relationship with you and would rather have sex with a lesbian mongoose than with you." And with that she got up and stalked out of the room.
"Okay, well she's feisty." Austin muttered and moved over to the desk where Basil was sitting, ready to receive his mission instructions.
~~~~~~
The kitchen at Starbucks Coffee, Seattle
Mustafa looked at himself in the mirror and groaned, how had he turned from young and attractive Mustafa to this mess of a man that stood before him now. He didn't have a clue apart from the fact that it had something to do with Dr. Evil and his cronies who right now were sitting in the main chamber welcoming a new person into the Evil ranks. He should be in their not her. He, Mustafa, who had given Dr. Evil more than thirty years of loyal service only to be repaid with burning, being thrown down cliffs and bloody kitchen work. Well he'd show them, he'd show them all, even that stupid new kid, Damonia or whatever her name was, the only question now was how.......
~~~~~~
Scott's Room, Starbucks Coffee, Seattle
"Yeah, so anyway, me and Sweet J were like down the mall," Scott was saying to Telsie, "And you know we saw these guys eyeing these girls and we were like 'stop that', 'cos you know we respect women and so they're like 'make me' so we did and they stopped. It was cool."
"Oh wow!" Scott turned around to see Demonica standing in the doorway, he gave her a look of total and utter abhorrence.
"You know, that must have been soo cool! You know, I mean that was like wow! I mean, that was like was like so cool, right?" she said with a fake American accent, then she laughed, "God you're so stupid, oh and so much for respecting girls, I mean hello!" She said, pointing to her black eye which she had made no attempt to cover up.
"Yeah, well," Scott said shifting uncomfortable in his chair, "Well, freaks don't count as girls. And since you're a freak I guess that means you."
Demonica raised an eyebrow, "Yeah, well just 'cos you don't respect me doesn't mean you respect other girls, what were you saying the other day at the mall, oh yes, I remember, 'God, she's got such a cute ass and look at her! She's got two lovely large-"
"Okay! Okay!" Scott hissed, "Shut up!"
Telsie raised an eyebrow at her boyfriend, "Excuse me, Scott?"
"Yeah?"
"Aren't you going to introduce me?"
"Oh yeah, sure, this is my sister Demonica. Excuse her, she's an English freak. Long story."
"We were separated at birth. I lived in England until a week ago."
"Apparently not that long." Telsie said dryly.
"Okay, now you've met, perhaps you'd like to leave us alone, Demonica." Scott said, pushing his sister out of the room.
"So anyway, before we were so rudely interrupted....." Scott continued, moving over to Telsie and putting his arm around her, "Where was I?"
~~~~~~
Austin's private jet, somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean
"So, Dr. Evil has done it again." Austin said, chewing his pen thoughtfully, looking at his mission brief. Ilieona Tuesday sat on the other side of the plane behind a desk.
"Hmmmm," She said thoughtfully, taking off her her glasses and slipping them for safe keeping down her blouse, removing, at the same time a handkerchief from that very same place. Austin noticed this and couldn't resist the temptation,
"Argh!" Ilieona screamed as Austin bounded over and onto the desk.
"So, what else do you keep in that blouse of yours?" He said suggestively, winking at his college.
"Nothing that need concern you, now go away." Ilieona said cooly, pushing Austin away from her with her right hand.
However, the World Famous International Man of Mystery was not going to be put off that easily. "Oh come on, lighten up, it's just a bit of fun!"
No reaction.
"Can I ask you a little question?" She looked up, over her glasses, "Take your glasses off." Ilieona hesitantly did and put them down on the desk. "Now let your hair out."
Reluctantly, Ilieona reached to the back of her head and took a few pins out of her auburn hair, which cascaded fell about her shoulders in loose curls.
"There baby!" Austin said, clapping his hands together, "Now," he said, reaching behind him and pulling out a camera, "What would you say if I took a couple of pictures?"
Ilieona looked unsure for a moment but then slowly nodded, "Nothing kinky?" she asked, frowning at Austin.
"Of course not baby!" Austin said, leaping off the desk, "Lets go!"
The headquarters of the Ministry of Defences Special Secret Service department was already very busy when he arrived. The room was already milling with people. Several girls fainted as Austin entered and a wild scramble started as he flung his coat off and the girls started fighting over it.
One woman however couldn't have cared less if he'd taken off all his clothes, she sat demurely behind a desk, her eyes fixed on the computer in front of her. Austin noticed this complete lack of interest,
"Is she okay Basil?" He asked his commanding officer, "You know, alright in the head?"
Basil Exposition laughed and nodded, "Of course Austin," he said moving over to where the lady was sitting, "You don't think we'd send you on a dangerous mission with a crackpot, do you?"
Austin laughed nervously, he remember how when he had been first unfrozen and sent to battle Dr. Evil, his partner had been Vanessa who had turned out to be a fembot working for Dr. Evil. "Er no, of course not Basil." Austin said quickly, "So, who is this lovely lady?"
He said, moving over to the desk and sitting on it as the girl hardly gave him a second look, "This, Austin, is Ilieona Tuesday, and she will be working with on this mission with you."
"Okay..." Austin said slowly, "So what do you do every other day of the week?" He laughed uproariously at his joke but Ilieona gave no reply but stared at him icily, Austin's laughter died away.
"Austin Powers, I presume." She said, holding out her hand. Austin nodded and shook her hand.
"You have very soft hands Miss. Tuesday." He said, "Does that speak for the rest of you too?" Again, he received no reply, this was not going very well he decided.
"Mr. Powers,"
"Oh please call me Austin, only Dr. Evil and his associates called me Mr. Powers."
"Alright, Austin, you do realise that I am in no way interested in a relationship with you and would rather have sex with a lesbian mongoose than with you." And with that she got up and stalked out of the room.
"Okay, well she's feisty." Austin muttered and moved over to the desk where Basil was sitting, ready to receive his mission instructions.
~~~~~~
The kitchen at Starbucks Coffee, Seattle
Mustafa looked at himself in the mirror and groaned, how had he turned from young and attractive Mustafa to this mess of a man that stood before him now. He didn't have a clue apart from the fact that it had something to do with Dr. Evil and his cronies who right now were sitting in the main chamber welcoming a new person into the Evil ranks. He should be in their not her. He, Mustafa, who had given Dr. Evil more than thirty years of loyal service only to be repaid with burning, being thrown down cliffs and bloody kitchen work. Well he'd show them, he'd show them all, even that stupid new kid, Damonia or whatever her name was, the only question now was how.......
~~~~~~
Scott's Room, Starbucks Coffee, Seattle
"Yeah, so anyway, me and Sweet J were like down the mall," Scott was saying to Telsie, "And you know we saw these guys eyeing these girls and we were like 'stop that', 'cos you know we respect women and so they're like 'make me' so we did and they stopped. It was cool."
"Oh wow!" Scott turned around to see Demonica standing in the doorway, he gave her a look of total and utter abhorrence.
"You know, that must have been soo cool! You know, I mean that was like wow! I mean, that was like was like so cool, right?" she said with a fake American accent, then she laughed, "God you're so stupid, oh and so much for respecting girls, I mean hello!" She said, pointing to her black eye which she had made no attempt to cover up.
"Yeah, well," Scott said shifting uncomfortable in his chair, "Well, freaks don't count as girls. And since you're a freak I guess that means you."
Demonica raised an eyebrow, "Yeah, well just 'cos you don't respect me doesn't mean you respect other girls, what were you saying the other day at the mall, oh yes, I remember, 'God, she's got such a cute ass and look at her! She's got two lovely large-"
"Okay! Okay!" Scott hissed, "Shut up!"
Telsie raised an eyebrow at her boyfriend, "Excuse me, Scott?"
"Yeah?"
"Aren't you going to introduce me?"
"Oh yeah, sure, this is my sister Demonica. Excuse her, she's an English freak. Long story."
"We were separated at birth. I lived in England until a week ago."
"Apparently not that long." Telsie said dryly.
"Okay, now you've met, perhaps you'd like to leave us alone, Demonica." Scott said, pushing his sister out of the room.
"So anyway, before we were so rudely interrupted....." Scott continued, moving over to Telsie and putting his arm around her, "Where was I?"
~~~~~~
Austin's private jet, somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean
"So, Dr. Evil has done it again." Austin said, chewing his pen thoughtfully, looking at his mission brief. Ilieona Tuesday sat on the other side of the plane behind a desk.
"Hmmmm," She said thoughtfully, taking off her her glasses and slipping them for safe keeping down her blouse, removing, at the same time a handkerchief from that very same place. Austin noticed this and couldn't resist the temptation,
"Argh!" Ilieona screamed as Austin bounded over and onto the desk.
"So, what else do you keep in that blouse of yours?" He said suggestively, winking at his college.
"Nothing that need concern you, now go away." Ilieona said cooly, pushing Austin away from her with her right hand.
However, the World Famous International Man of Mystery was not going to be put off that easily. "Oh come on, lighten up, it's just a bit of fun!"
No reaction.
"Can I ask you a little question?" She looked up, over her glasses, "Take your glasses off." Ilieona hesitantly did and put them down on the desk. "Now let your hair out."
Reluctantly, Ilieona reached to the back of her head and took a few pins out of her auburn hair, which cascaded fell about her shoulders in loose curls.
"There baby!" Austin said, clapping his hands together, "Now," he said, reaching behind him and pulling out a camera, "What would you say if I took a couple of pictures?"
Ilieona looked unsure for a moment but then slowly nodded, "Nothing kinky?" she asked, frowning at Austin.
"Of course not baby!" Austin said, leaping off the desk, "Lets go!"