Trust
By Tigress Eve
Rating: PG-13…as of yet.
Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own Buffy, Spike and the Scoobies. What, you thought I was Joss Whedon? He, Marti, David, Rebecca, Jane, Steven, and the other writers at Mutant Enemy and Sandollar own them. Also Fox, UPN and other corporations.
Spoilers: A whole lot. Possibly up to the Season Finale of Season Six. I hate spoilers, but I can't resist their sinister attraction. And my Muse kicked me in the head with this story, so I had to write it.
Dedication: To Isabelle, wisteria, thrombus, starbaby, Nocte, ColdCoffeeEyes25, and all the other wonderful angsty S/B writers at FF.net. (Authors of humorous fics, I love you too, but I don't think this one is going to be that funny.) A special thanks to Chris, whose email got me to get off my butt and upload a story.
Distribution: Sure, just ask nicely.
Feedback is appreciated muchly.
Author's Note: All things in italics are Buffy's thoughts. Some are her actual thoughts, others are remembrances of actual occurences, and others are her remembrances of events or conversations that my brain cooked up from the recent spoilers. You can probably tell them apart, but if not, just review and I'll fix it. (All that was written before I realized I can't keep the italics when I upload. So, for now on, it will be starred.
*Like this.*
************************************************************************
"Bottom line is, even if you see 'em coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. So what are we, helpless? Puppets? No. The big moments are gonna come. You can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are. You'll see what I mean."
~Whistler~
Becoming Part I
************************************************************************
Buffy was waiting. Waiting for Giles to call. Waiting for something to happen. Anything. She couldn't stand just waiting. A Slayer is meant for action. *What kind of Slayer are you, Buffy?* A nasty voice asked in her head. *You let your best friend turn into a monster. You slept with the enemy…how many times?* A door knocked, interrupting her reverie. Slowly, she walked towards it and opened it. And immediately wished she hadn't. She stood frozen in the doorway, staring at the platinum blond who stood outside her house. Outside, where the world was figuratively crumbling. Where Jonathon and whats-his-name were roaming the streets with God knows what contraptions. Where Willow—*Oh God, Willow*—was seething with dark magic and revenge for her lost lover.
*"But Willow, you're supposed to use your powers for good!*" Briefly, she saw Xander's joking face in her mind.
Anya—Anyanka was out there too, vengeance demon once more. No more Anya fondling the money, or dancing the dance of Capitalist Superiority with Dawn. No more tactless comments, no more loving embraces. Just vengeance.
*"They were my light at the end of the tunnel."* Not just for relationships, she now realized. For life. They were what she could be. Happy. But even underneath their happiness was a fear that destroyed them.
The tunnel has grown longer and deeper, more complex. The light has all but flickered out. The Scoobies were torn apart. One dead, one across the ocean, two succumbed to their darker instincts. Boundaries were being breached, old territories were being discovered, all because of simple events. Moments that weren't so big, but ended up changing lives. All she had known for the past year was destroyed, malformed. Just Buffy and Xander and Dawn were left, inside her house, where it was safe, if only for now. But now, nothing in the outside was important anymore, except for the black leather and peroxide blonde figure standing on her doorstep. One that inspired in her more fear now than it ever had before. One more not-so- Scooby, who at the moment was cautiously looking at her.
"Spike." The name slid through her lips. *Not him. I don't need him right now to add to my problems. Please, don't let him be here because of why I think… * But before she spoke further, she remembered. Remembered times they had stood here before…
*1 "…Like it or not, you can't shut me out—" Buffy slamming the door on Spike's face, ignoring the torn expression he wore.*
*"Come in, Spike." Spike tentatively entering the Summers house, trying to hide the joy on his face.*
*"I've seen the bloody Bot before, didn't think she'd patch up so—" Buffy walking down the stairs, watching Spike as realization broke over his face. Realization, awe, and love…*
*No. Not love. He can't love me.* Buffy thought.
*Not anymore. He left. And not only did he leave for Africa (Hey, that's the farthest any guy's ever left me), he left to get his chip out.*
"Hullo, Sl-Buffy." She saw a new expression on his face. Unease. If all else failed, you could always count on Spike being all cocky self- confidence. But here he was, like a preschooler on his first day.
"Spike." She repeated. *Oh God, he's back. His chip. Is it still there?*
"Is this the welcoming committee for me?" Spike grinned as he stepped in. "Seems like everyone's gone."
*Willow screaming as a gun rings out, watching Tara slump over to the ground. Willow turning Tara over onto her back, pleading, sobbing, "Please Tara, c'mon baby don't leave, don't leave, don't leave me, DON'T DIE!" Willow feeling the wound, bringing her hand up. Her hand, doused with blood, with Tara's blood, her life…oh the blood…everywhere…She's dead. Gone.*
Buffy blinked. "Dawn's upstairs."
"Where's Red? Is she still off magic?"
*Willow looking up at Warren, eyes bottomless black holes, hands crackling with red fire. The air was humming. Willow standing. Preparing, readying to kill. Tara is gone. Warren will pay-*
"Um. No. She's not." Buffy couldn't talk, even though her mind was racing. *What if he wants to kill me again? What if Willow and Anya aren't the only ones gone bad? Is Dawn safe? What if…what if…*
"Not?" Spike knit his brow. "Not home, or not still off mag—"
"What happened to the chip?" Buffy asked, stone-faced. *There. Better to be blunt about it. No time for him to reason with me if It's out. No time to make me care…to make me doubt.*
Spike's face grew apprehensive. "Now, Slayer, before you make any assumptions, I'm not here to—"
Buffy closed her eyes. *Oh God, he did, he got it out.*
Opened them. Swallowed. "Just tell me. Did. You. Get. The. Chip. Out."
Spike's face, usually so animated and full of life, was blank. "Yes."
Buffy closed her eyes again, breathed in, tried to ignore the tears burning the backs of her eyelids. "Get out," she whispered.
"What?" When she looked at him his eyes were shocked, betrayed. "Just let me explain—"
"Just get out. Out of my house. Out of Sunnydale. I'm giving you a chance here, Spike." She strengthened her resolve, and stared at him. "Leave, and I won't kill you."
"Buffy, I haven't killed anyone! Listen to me. I got my chip out so I could prove to you—" Spike was desparate now, she could tell.
"Prove to me? What were you going to prove to me, Spike?" Buffy's voice was scornful. "How much of an idiot I was for sleeping with a vampire again? Why I should have staked you when you first got the chip?" She REFUSED to let the tears spill.
"No, pet, listen." He grabbed her arms, bringing her towards him so they were facing each other. She glared back at him stubbornly. "I got the sodding chip out so I could prove to you that I don't need it. I'm not going to kill you. I had a million chances this year. And do you know why, Buffy? Because I've bloody well changed. You've changed me. The chip has changed me; I don't need it anymore, don't you see? Trust me!"
"Trust you? Why should I trust you now?" She shouted.
*2 "Do you trust me?" She looks over as Spike holds up a pair of handcuffs.*
*"We're gonna sort this out. Trust me." He looks into her eyes, into her anguished face.*
"Because I love you." He said softly. Her expression softened slightly, and he brought up a hand to stroke her cheek.
*"I never wanted to hurt you Anya, I love you!" Xander pleads.
"Love?" Anyanka crackles harshly. "You don't love me, Xander, I don't love you. There is no love. Love is just a lie, a human lie. It's not for demons, we know better. I'm not human; I don't need your fantasies of caring and affection. I am a demon. Made for vengeance. Love is nothing, means nothing."*
Buffy stiffened, remembering, eyes flicking away from his gaze. But still she didn't move.
"Buffy? Luv?" Spike questioned, his eyes pleading.
She finally looked back at him. "I told you, don't call me luv…" her voice cracked on the last word as she pushed Spike away. She walked into the family room. *Oh God, Oh God, I can't do this. Don't make me kill him. Please, don't make me kill him…*
TBC
Another Author's Note: Why is Buffy waiting for Giles' call? How did things get this way? All in the next chapters of Trust. Sorry, guys, you're gonna hate me, but I am leaving tomorrow (for Puerto Vallarta) and wont be able to write, let alone upload the next chapter until a week from now. But I wanted to finally put some of my writing on FF.net, to see how you guys like it. Also, I don't have a beta reader, and even though I myself am a stickler for grammar and spelling, there may be some mistakes. Volunteers are welcome. Finally, if someone could explain to me how to keep my italics and other formatting when I upload(my MS Word doesn't have the option to save as Web Page) I would be very appreciative of them. Believe me, this fic looks a lot better with the italics and not the asterisks. Have a good Spring Break, everyone!
By Tigress Eve
Rating: PG-13…as of yet.
Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own Buffy, Spike and the Scoobies. What, you thought I was Joss Whedon? He, Marti, David, Rebecca, Jane, Steven, and the other writers at Mutant Enemy and Sandollar own them. Also Fox, UPN and other corporations.
Spoilers: A whole lot. Possibly up to the Season Finale of Season Six. I hate spoilers, but I can't resist their sinister attraction. And my Muse kicked me in the head with this story, so I had to write it.
Dedication: To Isabelle, wisteria, thrombus, starbaby, Nocte, ColdCoffeeEyes25, and all the other wonderful angsty S/B writers at FF.net. (Authors of humorous fics, I love you too, but I don't think this one is going to be that funny.) A special thanks to Chris, whose email got me to get off my butt and upload a story.
Distribution: Sure, just ask nicely.
Feedback is appreciated muchly.
Author's Note: All things in italics are Buffy's thoughts. Some are her actual thoughts, others are remembrances of actual occurences, and others are her remembrances of events or conversations that my brain cooked up from the recent spoilers. You can probably tell them apart, but if not, just review and I'll fix it. (All that was written before I realized I can't keep the italics when I upload. So, for now on, it will be starred.
*Like this.*
************************************************************************
"Bottom line is, even if you see 'em coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. So what are we, helpless? Puppets? No. The big moments are gonna come. You can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are. You'll see what I mean."
~Whistler~
Becoming Part I
************************************************************************
Buffy was waiting. Waiting for Giles to call. Waiting for something to happen. Anything. She couldn't stand just waiting. A Slayer is meant for action. *What kind of Slayer are you, Buffy?* A nasty voice asked in her head. *You let your best friend turn into a monster. You slept with the enemy…how many times?* A door knocked, interrupting her reverie. Slowly, she walked towards it and opened it. And immediately wished she hadn't. She stood frozen in the doorway, staring at the platinum blond who stood outside her house. Outside, where the world was figuratively crumbling. Where Jonathon and whats-his-name were roaming the streets with God knows what contraptions. Where Willow—*Oh God, Willow*—was seething with dark magic and revenge for her lost lover.
*"But Willow, you're supposed to use your powers for good!*" Briefly, she saw Xander's joking face in her mind.
Anya—Anyanka was out there too, vengeance demon once more. No more Anya fondling the money, or dancing the dance of Capitalist Superiority with Dawn. No more tactless comments, no more loving embraces. Just vengeance.
*"They were my light at the end of the tunnel."* Not just for relationships, she now realized. For life. They were what she could be. Happy. But even underneath their happiness was a fear that destroyed them.
The tunnel has grown longer and deeper, more complex. The light has all but flickered out. The Scoobies were torn apart. One dead, one across the ocean, two succumbed to their darker instincts. Boundaries were being breached, old territories were being discovered, all because of simple events. Moments that weren't so big, but ended up changing lives. All she had known for the past year was destroyed, malformed. Just Buffy and Xander and Dawn were left, inside her house, where it was safe, if only for now. But now, nothing in the outside was important anymore, except for the black leather and peroxide blonde figure standing on her doorstep. One that inspired in her more fear now than it ever had before. One more not-so- Scooby, who at the moment was cautiously looking at her.
"Spike." The name slid through her lips. *Not him. I don't need him right now to add to my problems. Please, don't let him be here because of why I think… * But before she spoke further, she remembered. Remembered times they had stood here before…
*1 "…Like it or not, you can't shut me out—" Buffy slamming the door on Spike's face, ignoring the torn expression he wore.*
*"Come in, Spike." Spike tentatively entering the Summers house, trying to hide the joy on his face.*
*"I've seen the bloody Bot before, didn't think she'd patch up so—" Buffy walking down the stairs, watching Spike as realization broke over his face. Realization, awe, and love…*
*No. Not love. He can't love me.* Buffy thought.
*Not anymore. He left. And not only did he leave for Africa (Hey, that's the farthest any guy's ever left me), he left to get his chip out.*
"Hullo, Sl-Buffy." She saw a new expression on his face. Unease. If all else failed, you could always count on Spike being all cocky self- confidence. But here he was, like a preschooler on his first day.
"Spike." She repeated. *Oh God, he's back. His chip. Is it still there?*
"Is this the welcoming committee for me?" Spike grinned as he stepped in. "Seems like everyone's gone."
*Willow screaming as a gun rings out, watching Tara slump over to the ground. Willow turning Tara over onto her back, pleading, sobbing, "Please Tara, c'mon baby don't leave, don't leave, don't leave me, DON'T DIE!" Willow feeling the wound, bringing her hand up. Her hand, doused with blood, with Tara's blood, her life…oh the blood…everywhere…She's dead. Gone.*
Buffy blinked. "Dawn's upstairs."
"Where's Red? Is she still off magic?"
*Willow looking up at Warren, eyes bottomless black holes, hands crackling with red fire. The air was humming. Willow standing. Preparing, readying to kill. Tara is gone. Warren will pay-*
"Um. No. She's not." Buffy couldn't talk, even though her mind was racing. *What if he wants to kill me again? What if Willow and Anya aren't the only ones gone bad? Is Dawn safe? What if…what if…*
"Not?" Spike knit his brow. "Not home, or not still off mag—"
"What happened to the chip?" Buffy asked, stone-faced. *There. Better to be blunt about it. No time for him to reason with me if It's out. No time to make me care…to make me doubt.*
Spike's face grew apprehensive. "Now, Slayer, before you make any assumptions, I'm not here to—"
Buffy closed her eyes. *Oh God, he did, he got it out.*
Opened them. Swallowed. "Just tell me. Did. You. Get. The. Chip. Out."
Spike's face, usually so animated and full of life, was blank. "Yes."
Buffy closed her eyes again, breathed in, tried to ignore the tears burning the backs of her eyelids. "Get out," she whispered.
"What?" When she looked at him his eyes were shocked, betrayed. "Just let me explain—"
"Just get out. Out of my house. Out of Sunnydale. I'm giving you a chance here, Spike." She strengthened her resolve, and stared at him. "Leave, and I won't kill you."
"Buffy, I haven't killed anyone! Listen to me. I got my chip out so I could prove to you—" Spike was desparate now, she could tell.
"Prove to me? What were you going to prove to me, Spike?" Buffy's voice was scornful. "How much of an idiot I was for sleeping with a vampire again? Why I should have staked you when you first got the chip?" She REFUSED to let the tears spill.
"No, pet, listen." He grabbed her arms, bringing her towards him so they were facing each other. She glared back at him stubbornly. "I got the sodding chip out so I could prove to you that I don't need it. I'm not going to kill you. I had a million chances this year. And do you know why, Buffy? Because I've bloody well changed. You've changed me. The chip has changed me; I don't need it anymore, don't you see? Trust me!"
"Trust you? Why should I trust you now?" She shouted.
*2 "Do you trust me?" She looks over as Spike holds up a pair of handcuffs.*
*"We're gonna sort this out. Trust me." He looks into her eyes, into her anguished face.*
"Because I love you." He said softly. Her expression softened slightly, and he brought up a hand to stroke her cheek.
*"I never wanted to hurt you Anya, I love you!" Xander pleads.
"Love?" Anyanka crackles harshly. "You don't love me, Xander, I don't love you. There is no love. Love is just a lie, a human lie. It's not for demons, we know better. I'm not human; I don't need your fantasies of caring and affection. I am a demon. Made for vengeance. Love is nothing, means nothing."*
Buffy stiffened, remembering, eyes flicking away from his gaze. But still she didn't move.
"Buffy? Luv?" Spike questioned, his eyes pleading.
She finally looked back at him. "I told you, don't call me luv…" her voice cracked on the last word as she pushed Spike away. She walked into the family room. *Oh God, Oh God, I can't do this. Don't make me kill him. Please, don't make me kill him…*
TBC
Another Author's Note: Why is Buffy waiting for Giles' call? How did things get this way? All in the next chapters of Trust. Sorry, guys, you're gonna hate me, but I am leaving tomorrow (for Puerto Vallarta) and wont be able to write, let alone upload the next chapter until a week from now. But I wanted to finally put some of my writing on FF.net, to see how you guys like it. Also, I don't have a beta reader, and even though I myself am a stickler for grammar and spelling, there may be some mistakes. Volunteers are welcome. Finally, if someone could explain to me how to keep my italics and other formatting when I upload(my MS Word doesn't have the option to save as Web Page) I would be very appreciative of them. Believe me, this fic looks a lot better with the italics and not the asterisks. Have a good Spring Break, everyone!