Disclaimer: Do you really think I own any of this? I'm flattered but i own
nothing here. Well I own the plot. J.K. Rowling and who she sees fit to own
this, own this.
A/N: I really don't feel like writing an intoduction for all the characters. I'm sure you know and love them all. But heres the deal: Lily has brought all her friends, boyfriend and boyfriend's friends, along with her to a horse ranch. Her family is also there. Lily's best friend is Emily and this takes place the summer before their seventh year. So now on with the story!
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A Trip to the Ranch
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"Ok chaps, let me explain something important. Petunia, my sister, is totally freaked of magic. So do as many spells as you can think of infront of her. Oh, and my parents will love you if you show them magic." (A/N that one decree hadn't been made yet.) Lily Evans was going to a horse ranch with her friends and family.
"Ohh I haven't seen your bugger of a sister since last summer. Remember when she ran out of the house screaming when we turned her teacup into a frog?" asked a chucking Emily.
"I'm afraid she's only gotten worse. She's been trying to work with make-up and all it does is make her look even more like a horse! The worst part is she refuses to shave her legs. She thinks her blonde hair is much better than my auburn. She tries to make me jealous of her hair so she won't part with one strand. Let's all hope she doesn't wear any tank-tops." Lily's statement was earning disgusted looks from the boys and bemused looks from the girls.
Lily was in a train car with her best friends, Emily Bones and Bridget Mckinnon, her boyfriend, James Potter, and James' friends, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. They were on the Hogwarts Express having just finished their sixth year. The seven freinds were all going straight to Lily's house and then they would depart for the horse ranch. The friends would stay at the ranch for two weeks. Peter would only stay three days because his mother wanted him home. Ever since Peter's father had died, Mrs. Pettigrew's life consisted only of Peter.
"Speaking of dearest 'Tunia, Lily and I have a slight little favor to ask of you mates. Petty will do *anything* to make Lily miserable, and I mean *anything.* Sooooooooo..." Emily drawled, " we need for Remus and Bridget to be the couple here. Lily and James will supposedly hate each other and the reason that everyone is here is because Lily wanted Bridget to come, but Bridget needed Remus with her. It would be weird for there to be only one boy so thats why James, Sirius and Peter are comming." She said this last part VERY fast.
The group, minus Lily, all stared at her with different expressions on their faces. Remus and Bridget were blushing; they both fancied each other since third year but were both too shy to admit it. James looked a little upset that he would have to hate Lily again. In the first three years of their schooling, they detested each other but then, as time went on, they began to accept each other. Now they had been an item for about two months. They had both left a long trail of broken hearts when they started dating. Sirius looked shocked that Lily and Emily could come up with such a complicated plan and not tell anyone. Peter looked disentested, after all he would only have to deal with three days of this.
James and Lily's eyes met and the next minute they left the compartment. They gave the excuse that they were going off to discuss how to hate each other again. The whole group knew that they were just going off to snogg but no one said anything. Emily entertained the group with stories of what she, Lily and sometimes Bridget had done to Lily's sister. Everyone else had seen at least one picture of Petunia and they all remarked on how she looked so much like a horse.
When the train reached platfrom 9 3/4, the group filed out of the car and they went through the barrier. Lily and James had returned minutes earlier, both looking rather tossled. Lily squealed in delight when she saw her parents and led her friends over to them.
"Hello Tiger. How was your term?"
"Great! And here are my friends: James Potter," she said James' name with just a note of fake bitterness.
James shook Lily's parents' hands, "Hello Mr. and Mrs. Evans."
"Oh please dear, call us Heather and Charles," Heather said.
"And here's Remus Lupin, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew. And of course you know Bridget and Emily.
The group exchanged "Hello's" and "How do you do's" and got into the Evans's car. The space was more than a little tight so Lily sat on James's lap, Bridget sat on Remus's lap and Emily sat on Sirius's lap. Peter had to sit on the floor. Lily and James pretended to be unhappy with the seating arangements but they were secretly bursting with joy. Remus and Bridget were blushing furiously which made Heather and Charles wonder about that relationship, and Sirius and Emily were nonchalant. They had absolutely NO chemistry. Peter was unhappy about having to be the one on the floor but he was relived that he didn't have a girl stitting on his lap.
The whole car ride passed with James and Lily bickering, Remus and Bridget blushing and having akward silences, Sirius and Emily making small talk, Peter dreading riding a horse and Charles and Heather contemplating how strange Remus and Bridget's relationship was. If this was the way all couples at Hogwarts acted, they need not worry about Lily.
As the car pulled into the driveway, Remus and Bridget dashed out of the car, Sirius and Bridget acted totaly normal, Peter got out of the car just moments after Remus and Bridget. Lily and James were reluctant to leave for this might be the last time Lily would sit on his lap for two whole weeks! Lily led everyone up to her room so that they could all put their luggage down.
"Where is Petunia, Mum?" yelled Lily, down the stairs.
"She went out with some of her friends, love. I'm sorry I know how much you were looking foward to seeing her."
"Petty has friends?" questioned Lily, in a voice that only her friends could hear.
As soon as Petunia returned, everyone got into two cars and started out for the ranch. Heather and Charles let Lily drive one car with her friends. That car seated eight and the car that Heather, Charles and Petunia drove only seated five but Petunia was bringing her friend, Yvonne, with her for company. (A/N I got that name from the book! although I doubt Petunia could keep a friend for about twenty years)
Though Lily was supposed to drive she handed the keys over to Emily who was also Muggle-born and knew how to drive. She and James took the very back seats and snogged the whole time. This was a six hour drive. Sirius thought this had to be a school record. Lily and James exchanged glances- obviously he hadn't heard about the eightteen hour session they had last month.
When they arrived at the ranch, it was eleven p.m and all anyone wanted to do was sleep. The next moring, they all woke up to a glorious summer day. They had rented three cabins. Heather, Charles, Petunia and Yvonne in one; James, Sirius, Remus and Peter in another; and Lily, Emily and Bridget in the last one. They all went to eat breakfast in the first cabin. Whenever Yvonne wasn't looking, One person either transfigured an eating utensil, charmed the napkins or exploaded the remaining muffins. Petunia got very angry and vowed to get revenge. The rest of the day passed very enjoyably for everyone. The magical people had fun just riding the horses, the muggle girls spent all day gossiping and trying to flirt with some of the ugly ranch hands. The adults rode horses, learned about the ranch and talked about which of the boys they would prefer as a son-in- law.
"Lets see, I just can't picture our Lily with that Peter boy," said Heather.
"I quite agree. their names don't even sound good together. Lily and Peter. It doesn't do a thing for me."
"Oh I do hope its not that Sirius fellow. He would simply rip apart their house!'
"Yes and he is more like the big brother Lily never had."
"Remus is far too shy for our darling Lily."
"And he seems to be involved with Bridget"
"Too bad Lily and James don't get along well."
"Yes he's ideal for her. Lily needs a chalange like James."
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As Lily's parents were conversing, Lily and James were trying to convince Sirius and Emily to participate in their little plan. Lily knew how nosy Petunia was and how risky it would be for James and her to kiss with Petunia within ten miles. As soon as Petunia knew that Lily was happy with James, she would do anything to tear them apart. Lily wasn't worried about James leaving her for her sister. It took only one look in the mirrior to see why Lily was more liked than Petunia. Lily was tall with a model's figure, bright emerald eyes and wavy auburn hair that reached her waist. Petunia had a face like a horse, neck like a girraffe's and figure like a pole. Her hair was the color of straw from dying it so much and her blue eyes were pale and dull from her always being discontented. No, Petunia wouldn't try to steal James from her, she would just tell him nasty things about her.
Lily and James were supposed to just keep their hands off of each other but they found that incredably hard to do. They thought of a plan in which they stage a game of truth or dare and someone would dare them to kiss and if they didn't they had to become their slaves. They would refuse and the person who dared them would make them kiss constantly. Sirius and Emily happily agreed to this.
That night after they had played truth or dare and were asleep, Petunia had still not forgotten about what had happened at breakfast. She dicided to steal something that was vital from each person. She stole various things from everyone but she wasn't good at judging things' importance. She took usless stuff until she got to James's room. There she found his glasses. She pocketed those and went back to her cabin to gossip about what kind of pajamas the boys slept in.
Petunia was sure to be outside of the boys' cabin that moring when James woke up. James thought that he might have left his glasses in the girls' cabin last night. He dicided to mount the horse that was outside of his cabin and ride over to Lily's cabin. 'Strange,' he thought, 'the horses aren't usually tethered by the cabins. Oh well, this will just get me to Lily's faster.'
Petunia was frightened when James came out of the cabin and headed straight for her. She was on the verge of having a heart attack when he tried to climb up on her.
'This horse is too bony and it smells awful. I wonder if this is Sirius's idea of a joke. Why won't this horse let me mount?' by now James was very confused.
As luck would have it, Lily was on her way to James's cabin that mouring. She was wondering if she left her scrunchie at his cabin (they had been busy last night). She came too find James trying to mount her sister! Lily had to do a double take.
"POTTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY SISTER??????"
James froze. 'oh great now I've really screwed up.'
Lily stared some more and began to understand. James was missing his glasses and Petunia was looking espically horse like today. Her clothes were way to tight and her make-up just accented her horse-like features. She was in shock but then remembered that they had to keep up the act.
"Jesh, are you that lonely that you had to go for my sister? She and I aren't the best of friends but she deserves better than your akward humping styles. Did i walk in on the move that all the girls keep talking about?"
"Sorry Evans but your sister is just so much funkier (hey this is the 70s here) than you i couldn't resist. And I thought you were used to the move I was using. The guys in the locker room tell me that you have perfected it, although, your sister was the perfect example of how the move is done."
While Lily and James were screaming at each other, Petunia was just about to wet her pants.
"Well at least she's not as fat as you. I can climb on her."
"The only reason you can't get on me is because I at least have some self respect." Lily was trying really hard to laugh. She could only hope James said something really stupid next.
"Why do you have to be such a bloody... bloody... bloody... STUPID PERSON." Lily got her wish and started cracking up.
James soon joined her in laughing. "Potter I think that the smell from the stables is getting to you. You don't even insult me properly."
While all of this was happening, Petunia snuck back to her cabin to tell Yvonne about her adventure.
When Lily and James were sure that they were alone, they began snogging wildly. Little did they know that Sirius was taping all of this with Charles's camcorder.
"So Lily, care to see why all the girls are swooning?'
"Care to see it done to perfection?"
"But then I'll appear even more akward"
Lily slapped him playfully, "You would have to be akward, I seem to be too fat to climb."
James was jsut about to retort when they both heard someone clear their throat. They looked up to find Sirius standing over them and smirking.
"James, my boy, you seem to be very busy today and its only eight a.m."
The couple stood up and brushed their clothes off. James picked up his glasses and the three went to breakfast.
Soooooo should I write more? review and tell me.
Sorry if you are offended by any of this. I myself, thought that it was pretty funny but what do I know right? I tried to use Brittish slang but I haven't been to England in seven years. Sorry about the spelling or grammar mistakes. REVIEW!!!
A/N: I really don't feel like writing an intoduction for all the characters. I'm sure you know and love them all. But heres the deal: Lily has brought all her friends, boyfriend and boyfriend's friends, along with her to a horse ranch. Her family is also there. Lily's best friend is Emily and this takes place the summer before their seventh year. So now on with the story!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A Trip to the Ranch
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Ok chaps, let me explain something important. Petunia, my sister, is totally freaked of magic. So do as many spells as you can think of infront of her. Oh, and my parents will love you if you show them magic." (A/N that one decree hadn't been made yet.) Lily Evans was going to a horse ranch with her friends and family.
"Ohh I haven't seen your bugger of a sister since last summer. Remember when she ran out of the house screaming when we turned her teacup into a frog?" asked a chucking Emily.
"I'm afraid she's only gotten worse. She's been trying to work with make-up and all it does is make her look even more like a horse! The worst part is she refuses to shave her legs. She thinks her blonde hair is much better than my auburn. She tries to make me jealous of her hair so she won't part with one strand. Let's all hope she doesn't wear any tank-tops." Lily's statement was earning disgusted looks from the boys and bemused looks from the girls.
Lily was in a train car with her best friends, Emily Bones and Bridget Mckinnon, her boyfriend, James Potter, and James' friends, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. They were on the Hogwarts Express having just finished their sixth year. The seven freinds were all going straight to Lily's house and then they would depart for the horse ranch. The friends would stay at the ranch for two weeks. Peter would only stay three days because his mother wanted him home. Ever since Peter's father had died, Mrs. Pettigrew's life consisted only of Peter.
"Speaking of dearest 'Tunia, Lily and I have a slight little favor to ask of you mates. Petty will do *anything* to make Lily miserable, and I mean *anything.* Sooooooooo..." Emily drawled, " we need for Remus and Bridget to be the couple here. Lily and James will supposedly hate each other and the reason that everyone is here is because Lily wanted Bridget to come, but Bridget needed Remus with her. It would be weird for there to be only one boy so thats why James, Sirius and Peter are comming." She said this last part VERY fast.
The group, minus Lily, all stared at her with different expressions on their faces. Remus and Bridget were blushing; they both fancied each other since third year but were both too shy to admit it. James looked a little upset that he would have to hate Lily again. In the first three years of their schooling, they detested each other but then, as time went on, they began to accept each other. Now they had been an item for about two months. They had both left a long trail of broken hearts when they started dating. Sirius looked shocked that Lily and Emily could come up with such a complicated plan and not tell anyone. Peter looked disentested, after all he would only have to deal with three days of this.
James and Lily's eyes met and the next minute they left the compartment. They gave the excuse that they were going off to discuss how to hate each other again. The whole group knew that they were just going off to snogg but no one said anything. Emily entertained the group with stories of what she, Lily and sometimes Bridget had done to Lily's sister. Everyone else had seen at least one picture of Petunia and they all remarked on how she looked so much like a horse.
When the train reached platfrom 9 3/4, the group filed out of the car and they went through the barrier. Lily and James had returned minutes earlier, both looking rather tossled. Lily squealed in delight when she saw her parents and led her friends over to them.
"Hello Tiger. How was your term?"
"Great! And here are my friends: James Potter," she said James' name with just a note of fake bitterness.
James shook Lily's parents' hands, "Hello Mr. and Mrs. Evans."
"Oh please dear, call us Heather and Charles," Heather said.
"And here's Remus Lupin, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew. And of course you know Bridget and Emily.
The group exchanged "Hello's" and "How do you do's" and got into the Evans's car. The space was more than a little tight so Lily sat on James's lap, Bridget sat on Remus's lap and Emily sat on Sirius's lap. Peter had to sit on the floor. Lily and James pretended to be unhappy with the seating arangements but they were secretly bursting with joy. Remus and Bridget were blushing furiously which made Heather and Charles wonder about that relationship, and Sirius and Emily were nonchalant. They had absolutely NO chemistry. Peter was unhappy about having to be the one on the floor but he was relived that he didn't have a girl stitting on his lap.
The whole car ride passed with James and Lily bickering, Remus and Bridget blushing and having akward silences, Sirius and Emily making small talk, Peter dreading riding a horse and Charles and Heather contemplating how strange Remus and Bridget's relationship was. If this was the way all couples at Hogwarts acted, they need not worry about Lily.
As the car pulled into the driveway, Remus and Bridget dashed out of the car, Sirius and Bridget acted totaly normal, Peter got out of the car just moments after Remus and Bridget. Lily and James were reluctant to leave for this might be the last time Lily would sit on his lap for two whole weeks! Lily led everyone up to her room so that they could all put their luggage down.
"Where is Petunia, Mum?" yelled Lily, down the stairs.
"She went out with some of her friends, love. I'm sorry I know how much you were looking foward to seeing her."
"Petty has friends?" questioned Lily, in a voice that only her friends could hear.
As soon as Petunia returned, everyone got into two cars and started out for the ranch. Heather and Charles let Lily drive one car with her friends. That car seated eight and the car that Heather, Charles and Petunia drove only seated five but Petunia was bringing her friend, Yvonne, with her for company. (A/N I got that name from the book! although I doubt Petunia could keep a friend for about twenty years)
Though Lily was supposed to drive she handed the keys over to Emily who was also Muggle-born and knew how to drive. She and James took the very back seats and snogged the whole time. This was a six hour drive. Sirius thought this had to be a school record. Lily and James exchanged glances- obviously he hadn't heard about the eightteen hour session they had last month.
When they arrived at the ranch, it was eleven p.m and all anyone wanted to do was sleep. The next moring, they all woke up to a glorious summer day. They had rented three cabins. Heather, Charles, Petunia and Yvonne in one; James, Sirius, Remus and Peter in another; and Lily, Emily and Bridget in the last one. They all went to eat breakfast in the first cabin. Whenever Yvonne wasn't looking, One person either transfigured an eating utensil, charmed the napkins or exploaded the remaining muffins. Petunia got very angry and vowed to get revenge. The rest of the day passed very enjoyably for everyone. The magical people had fun just riding the horses, the muggle girls spent all day gossiping and trying to flirt with some of the ugly ranch hands. The adults rode horses, learned about the ranch and talked about which of the boys they would prefer as a son-in- law.
"Lets see, I just can't picture our Lily with that Peter boy," said Heather.
"I quite agree. their names don't even sound good together. Lily and Peter. It doesn't do a thing for me."
"Oh I do hope its not that Sirius fellow. He would simply rip apart their house!'
"Yes and he is more like the big brother Lily never had."
"Remus is far too shy for our darling Lily."
"And he seems to be involved with Bridget"
"Too bad Lily and James don't get along well."
"Yes he's ideal for her. Lily needs a chalange like James."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~
As Lily's parents were conversing, Lily and James were trying to convince Sirius and Emily to participate in their little plan. Lily knew how nosy Petunia was and how risky it would be for James and her to kiss with Petunia within ten miles. As soon as Petunia knew that Lily was happy with James, she would do anything to tear them apart. Lily wasn't worried about James leaving her for her sister. It took only one look in the mirrior to see why Lily was more liked than Petunia. Lily was tall with a model's figure, bright emerald eyes and wavy auburn hair that reached her waist. Petunia had a face like a horse, neck like a girraffe's and figure like a pole. Her hair was the color of straw from dying it so much and her blue eyes were pale and dull from her always being discontented. No, Petunia wouldn't try to steal James from her, she would just tell him nasty things about her.
Lily and James were supposed to just keep their hands off of each other but they found that incredably hard to do. They thought of a plan in which they stage a game of truth or dare and someone would dare them to kiss and if they didn't they had to become their slaves. They would refuse and the person who dared them would make them kiss constantly. Sirius and Emily happily agreed to this.
That night after they had played truth or dare and were asleep, Petunia had still not forgotten about what had happened at breakfast. She dicided to steal something that was vital from each person. She stole various things from everyone but she wasn't good at judging things' importance. She took usless stuff until she got to James's room. There she found his glasses. She pocketed those and went back to her cabin to gossip about what kind of pajamas the boys slept in.
Petunia was sure to be outside of the boys' cabin that moring when James woke up. James thought that he might have left his glasses in the girls' cabin last night. He dicided to mount the horse that was outside of his cabin and ride over to Lily's cabin. 'Strange,' he thought, 'the horses aren't usually tethered by the cabins. Oh well, this will just get me to Lily's faster.'
Petunia was frightened when James came out of the cabin and headed straight for her. She was on the verge of having a heart attack when he tried to climb up on her.
'This horse is too bony and it smells awful. I wonder if this is Sirius's idea of a joke. Why won't this horse let me mount?' by now James was very confused.
As luck would have it, Lily was on her way to James's cabin that mouring. She was wondering if she left her scrunchie at his cabin (they had been busy last night). She came too find James trying to mount her sister! Lily had to do a double take.
"POTTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY SISTER??????"
James froze. 'oh great now I've really screwed up.'
Lily stared some more and began to understand. James was missing his glasses and Petunia was looking espically horse like today. Her clothes were way to tight and her make-up just accented her horse-like features. She was in shock but then remembered that they had to keep up the act.
"Jesh, are you that lonely that you had to go for my sister? She and I aren't the best of friends but she deserves better than your akward humping styles. Did i walk in on the move that all the girls keep talking about?"
"Sorry Evans but your sister is just so much funkier (hey this is the 70s here) than you i couldn't resist. And I thought you were used to the move I was using. The guys in the locker room tell me that you have perfected it, although, your sister was the perfect example of how the move is done."
While Lily and James were screaming at each other, Petunia was just about to wet her pants.
"Well at least she's not as fat as you. I can climb on her."
"The only reason you can't get on me is because I at least have some self respect." Lily was trying really hard to laugh. She could only hope James said something really stupid next.
"Why do you have to be such a bloody... bloody... bloody... STUPID PERSON." Lily got her wish and started cracking up.
James soon joined her in laughing. "Potter I think that the smell from the stables is getting to you. You don't even insult me properly."
While all of this was happening, Petunia snuck back to her cabin to tell Yvonne about her adventure.
When Lily and James were sure that they were alone, they began snogging wildly. Little did they know that Sirius was taping all of this with Charles's camcorder.
"So Lily, care to see why all the girls are swooning?'
"Care to see it done to perfection?"
"But then I'll appear even more akward"
Lily slapped him playfully, "You would have to be akward, I seem to be too fat to climb."
James was jsut about to retort when they both heard someone clear their throat. They looked up to find Sirius standing over them and smirking.
"James, my boy, you seem to be very busy today and its only eight a.m."
The couple stood up and brushed their clothes off. James picked up his glasses and the three went to breakfast.
Soooooo should I write more? review and tell me.
Sorry if you are offended by any of this. I myself, thought that it was pretty funny but what do I know right? I tried to use Brittish slang but I haven't been to England in seven years. Sorry about the spelling or grammar mistakes. REVIEW!!!