A/N: Some of you guys are strange. You want MORE of this crazy story? Oh
well. I aim to please. I'll write a longer A/N at the end.
Disclaimer: See other chapter.
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A Trip to the Ranch
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Chapter Two: In Which Petunia Has a Tough Time
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The rest of the day passed by as would be expected. Lily and James kept sneaking off together, Sirius said some things to a female stable hand that earned him a smart slap, Remus and Bridget were warming up to each other a bit, Peter kept scaring his horse and falling off, and Emily found a few admirers.
Petunia had spent the whole day with Yvonne, trying to get some men to notice them. None did. They were all following Emily around or too busy working. Petunia hadn't told Yvonne about what had happened that mouring. Petunia had taken everything the wrong way and now she thought James was an overly lustful person who wanted Petunia as his next conquest. She had unfounded suspisions that Lily was rather loose with her sexual favors. How else could she have this many guy friends?
Lily, James and Sirius wasted no time in telling the others about Petunia. Everyone thought it was hilarious, and, lets face it, it was. Now everytime Petunia passed by one of them, they made horse noises. Peter was by far, the best at this. Petunia was flattered in some odd way by James' actions. She tried to hold it over Lily's head that such an atractive man would consider her sexy. Its amazing how her head could be so big, yet she was so stupid.
"Guys the dare thing isn't really working for me and James." Lily was losing patince with the situation.
"Yes. That's why we have concocted a new plan."
"Ok then, lets hear it." Sirius was getting tired of "daring" Lily and James to snogg in his presence.
"Well we figured that we could just change our appearances and names and no one would be the wiser. We just need you to make up excuses to my parents and Petty where we are. Will you do it?" Lily looked at her friends with a look that no person in their right minds could resist.
"Uhhh anything for you Lily."
"I'd love to."
"Count me in"
" Do you really think I would say no?"
"I guess it won't hurt."
"Great. We'll be right back!" Lily and James went into the woods. Probably to get their disguises.
When the couple came back, Lily was wearing a black wig and James was wearing a blonde one. They were wearing outfits that you would expect to see at a disco night club. James was dressed in a green leisure suit and Lily was wearing Go-Go boots, a plastic dress and a cabbie hat. Her outfit was neon pink and orange. The others stared at them in disgust.
"Eww guys. Couldn't you just cool off? Or do you have to wear those particular outfits?"
"Yeah, those awful colors are hurting my eyes."
Lily was a bit upset about her friend's reactions. "No, no, no! We need these outfits because everyone knows that we would never wear this stuff. And when you see us, call me Lucy and James, John. Do you think we like wearing these horrid threads?"
"Ok Lucy it is time for us to go. We'll talk to you guys later."
"Oh and feel free to have some fun with dearest Tunia while we're gone," Lily called out after her.
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Petunia carefully aproached Sirius. She was a bit scared of him since he made stuff explode at mealtimes.
"Erm hullo?"
"Oh dear Jamesie was just looking for you."
"He was? Well did he say where he was going?"
"Hmmmm. I believe he was going to the Roller Disco. He said that if I saw you, to tell you to meet him there and wear the most revealing thing you can find."
"Ohh," Petunia said softly.
"I must say," Sirius continued, "it's a pitty how James got to you first. You contain this sort of animal magnetism that I find impossible to resist." Sirius was about to toss his cookies at the look Petunia was giving him now
"Well," said Petunia, trying to make her voice low and raspy, she was failing miserably and she just sounded like a heavy smoker who couldn't use their voice box well anymore, "maybe I'll stop by your room on my way out."
Sirius barely nodded his head. He had never been more disgusted in his life. He made a point to himself not to go anywhere near his room tonight.
With that, Petunia went off to find a slutty outfit and cake on her make-up.
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Three hours later, Petunia stepped out of her room looking like a street walker. She had used up half of her make-up supply and the excess was flaking off. She was wearing a micro mini that looked like it was made for a person five times smaller than her. The worst part was her top. It was a midriff tube top that was ment for someone with a bigger bust than Petunia. it looked as if it would fall off any second. Everyone was praying that it stayed up long enough to get her out of sight.
Petunia still failed to shave her legs of armpits. While the hair on her head was thin and blonde, the other hair was thick and dark. Sirius put a camera in his room to take a picture to show James and Lily later on. He was not in his room. He was currently trying to teach Remus and Bridget how to act like a normal couple. He was not the best person to be doing this; none of his realtionship were really "normal" either it was too short or just strange.
When the flash went off in Sirius' room, Petunia fell backward and broke one of her six inch heels. She didn't have any bigger heels so she just wore the broken ones to the disco. Another thing happened that she didn't notice. Her skirt had gone up in back and revealed granny panties with several skid marks. The camera took another picture to capture the fallen Petunia.
When Petunia walked into the disco, the music stopped and everyone turned to face her. There was absolute silence until the music started up again and everyone burst out laughing. 'They must be shocked at my funkiness,' she thought. She dicided to attract a lot of attention to herself so that James would notice her. She got right on top of the dj booth and started doing these awful dance moves. She was doing this complicated motion when her other heel broke. She fell down from on top the booth and, in mid fall, her top came undone and flew off. Petty wasn't one for unnessary garments so she wore nothing under the top. Once everyone saw her, there was a mad rush for the bathrooms so that everyone could vomit. Only two people didn't notice Petunia's grotesque behavior. A teenager in a green leisure suit and another in a pink and orange Go-Go outfit were too involved in each other to play attention to some undressed girl.
"Hey Lucy, where did they all go?"
::gasp::"Who cares. Now we're alone."
"No we're late. We need to get back and changed before dinner."
"Damnit! Let's go."
The couple left and Petunia sat alone. Still calling out, "James? Where are you? I'm over here. Do you see me?"
The owner came by soon to close the disco for the night due to lack of customers. He found a passed out girl with no top. He expected to find a young man nearby but the girl was all alone. He kicked her out and closed his club.
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Petunia woke up and went home at about three in the morning. She fell asleep in her own room and later woke up again and went to breakfast. Lily and all of her friends were already there. She was greeted by various horse noises. She ignored them and helped herself to a bowl of cereal. She caught Lily and James looking at each other strangely.
"Is there something going on between you and James?" she finally got the nerve to ask.
"Petty are you always this stupid or are you just putting on a special show for my friends and Potter. How could you even think that something could even go on between Potter and myself? That is just all kinds of wrong." Lily pretened to be very upset about this.
Petunia was speechless. Finally she came out with, "I-I-I'm g-g-going t-t-to g-g-go ch-ch-check on Yv-Yv-Yvonne."
Everyone laughed at this and then they all had to say their good- bye's to Peter. He was leaving today. Lily was sad to see him go. She liked how he was still so much like a little boy at times. She always felt the need to protect him.
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Petunia met a very unhappy Yvonne when she went up to see her. Yvonne was holding a picture of Petunia from last night.
"You went out without me? Last night all I did was sleep while you were out partying. I can't believe you! How could you?
Petunia shifted her feet uncomfortably. She was looking for the right words to say.
"Yvonne I-"
A/N: So... Will Petunia and Yvonne make up? What will Petunia say? Does anyone even care? Sorry if this was a little strange. I just had a ton of frosting. Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I feel super special now! REVIEW PLEASE!!!!!!!!
Disclaimer: See other chapter.
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A Trip to the Ranch
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Chapter Two: In Which Petunia Has a Tough Time
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The rest of the day passed by as would be expected. Lily and James kept sneaking off together, Sirius said some things to a female stable hand that earned him a smart slap, Remus and Bridget were warming up to each other a bit, Peter kept scaring his horse and falling off, and Emily found a few admirers.
Petunia had spent the whole day with Yvonne, trying to get some men to notice them. None did. They were all following Emily around or too busy working. Petunia hadn't told Yvonne about what had happened that mouring. Petunia had taken everything the wrong way and now she thought James was an overly lustful person who wanted Petunia as his next conquest. She had unfounded suspisions that Lily was rather loose with her sexual favors. How else could she have this many guy friends?
Lily, James and Sirius wasted no time in telling the others about Petunia. Everyone thought it was hilarious, and, lets face it, it was. Now everytime Petunia passed by one of them, they made horse noises. Peter was by far, the best at this. Petunia was flattered in some odd way by James' actions. She tried to hold it over Lily's head that such an atractive man would consider her sexy. Its amazing how her head could be so big, yet she was so stupid.
"Guys the dare thing isn't really working for me and James." Lily was losing patince with the situation.
"Yes. That's why we have concocted a new plan."
"Ok then, lets hear it." Sirius was getting tired of "daring" Lily and James to snogg in his presence.
"Well we figured that we could just change our appearances and names and no one would be the wiser. We just need you to make up excuses to my parents and Petty where we are. Will you do it?" Lily looked at her friends with a look that no person in their right minds could resist.
"Uhhh anything for you Lily."
"I'd love to."
"Count me in"
" Do you really think I would say no?"
"I guess it won't hurt."
"Great. We'll be right back!" Lily and James went into the woods. Probably to get their disguises.
When the couple came back, Lily was wearing a black wig and James was wearing a blonde one. They were wearing outfits that you would expect to see at a disco night club. James was dressed in a green leisure suit and Lily was wearing Go-Go boots, a plastic dress and a cabbie hat. Her outfit was neon pink and orange. The others stared at them in disgust.
"Eww guys. Couldn't you just cool off? Or do you have to wear those particular outfits?"
"Yeah, those awful colors are hurting my eyes."
Lily was a bit upset about her friend's reactions. "No, no, no! We need these outfits because everyone knows that we would never wear this stuff. And when you see us, call me Lucy and James, John. Do you think we like wearing these horrid threads?"
"Ok Lucy it is time for us to go. We'll talk to you guys later."
"Oh and feel free to have some fun with dearest Tunia while we're gone," Lily called out after her.
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Petunia carefully aproached Sirius. She was a bit scared of him since he made stuff explode at mealtimes.
"Erm hullo?"
"Oh dear Jamesie was just looking for you."
"He was? Well did he say where he was going?"
"Hmmmm. I believe he was going to the Roller Disco. He said that if I saw you, to tell you to meet him there and wear the most revealing thing you can find."
"Ohh," Petunia said softly.
"I must say," Sirius continued, "it's a pitty how James got to you first. You contain this sort of animal magnetism that I find impossible to resist." Sirius was about to toss his cookies at the look Petunia was giving him now
"Well," said Petunia, trying to make her voice low and raspy, she was failing miserably and she just sounded like a heavy smoker who couldn't use their voice box well anymore, "maybe I'll stop by your room on my way out."
Sirius barely nodded his head. He had never been more disgusted in his life. He made a point to himself not to go anywhere near his room tonight.
With that, Petunia went off to find a slutty outfit and cake on her make-up.
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Three hours later, Petunia stepped out of her room looking like a street walker. She had used up half of her make-up supply and the excess was flaking off. She was wearing a micro mini that looked like it was made for a person five times smaller than her. The worst part was her top. It was a midriff tube top that was ment for someone with a bigger bust than Petunia. it looked as if it would fall off any second. Everyone was praying that it stayed up long enough to get her out of sight.
Petunia still failed to shave her legs of armpits. While the hair on her head was thin and blonde, the other hair was thick and dark. Sirius put a camera in his room to take a picture to show James and Lily later on. He was not in his room. He was currently trying to teach Remus and Bridget how to act like a normal couple. He was not the best person to be doing this; none of his realtionship were really "normal" either it was too short or just strange.
When the flash went off in Sirius' room, Petunia fell backward and broke one of her six inch heels. She didn't have any bigger heels so she just wore the broken ones to the disco. Another thing happened that she didn't notice. Her skirt had gone up in back and revealed granny panties with several skid marks. The camera took another picture to capture the fallen Petunia.
When Petunia walked into the disco, the music stopped and everyone turned to face her. There was absolute silence until the music started up again and everyone burst out laughing. 'They must be shocked at my funkiness,' she thought. She dicided to attract a lot of attention to herself so that James would notice her. She got right on top of the dj booth and started doing these awful dance moves. She was doing this complicated motion when her other heel broke. She fell down from on top the booth and, in mid fall, her top came undone and flew off. Petty wasn't one for unnessary garments so she wore nothing under the top. Once everyone saw her, there was a mad rush for the bathrooms so that everyone could vomit. Only two people didn't notice Petunia's grotesque behavior. A teenager in a green leisure suit and another in a pink and orange Go-Go outfit were too involved in each other to play attention to some undressed girl.
"Hey Lucy, where did they all go?"
::gasp::"Who cares. Now we're alone."
"No we're late. We need to get back and changed before dinner."
"Damnit! Let's go."
The couple left and Petunia sat alone. Still calling out, "James? Where are you? I'm over here. Do you see me?"
The owner came by soon to close the disco for the night due to lack of customers. He found a passed out girl with no top. He expected to find a young man nearby but the girl was all alone. He kicked her out and closed his club.
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Petunia woke up and went home at about three in the morning. She fell asleep in her own room and later woke up again and went to breakfast. Lily and all of her friends were already there. She was greeted by various horse noises. She ignored them and helped herself to a bowl of cereal. She caught Lily and James looking at each other strangely.
"Is there something going on between you and James?" she finally got the nerve to ask.
"Petty are you always this stupid or are you just putting on a special show for my friends and Potter. How could you even think that something could even go on between Potter and myself? That is just all kinds of wrong." Lily pretened to be very upset about this.
Petunia was speechless. Finally she came out with, "I-I-I'm g-g-going t-t-to g-g-go ch-ch-check on Yv-Yv-Yvonne."
Everyone laughed at this and then they all had to say their good- bye's to Peter. He was leaving today. Lily was sad to see him go. She liked how he was still so much like a little boy at times. She always felt the need to protect him.
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Petunia met a very unhappy Yvonne when she went up to see her. Yvonne was holding a picture of Petunia from last night.
"You went out without me? Last night all I did was sleep while you were out partying. I can't believe you! How could you?
Petunia shifted her feet uncomfortably. She was looking for the right words to say.
"Yvonne I-"
A/N: So... Will Petunia and Yvonne make up? What will Petunia say? Does anyone even care? Sorry if this was a little strange. I just had a ton of frosting. Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I feel super special now! REVIEW PLEASE!!!!!!!!