Buttons goes to the Ball
Cinderella was off scrubbing the windows for the third time that week, when Buttons found himself staring longingly out of the window towards the Palace. Unbeknown to the Ugly Sisters, Cinders had been dating Prince Charming for several weeks now, going to all the various balls held at the Palace, and although he had not yet popped the question, it looked like a sure certainty.
When the old Baron had died, he had written in his will that whichever of his stepdaughters or daughter married first would inherit the house. The Ugly Sister had seen to it that Cinderella was permanently in rags and so, as far as they were concerned, not eligible for marriage. They had not reckoned with her Fairy Godmother however. With the help of that Fairy, Cinderella had been able to go to the ball in a sparkling dress, with a pumpkin for a coach and mice as footmen. Buttons sighed.
"I wish…"
"What?"
He turned, startled, to see a tall, beautiful woman in shining clothes, with a crown on her head and slight points in her ears.
"Who are you?" he spluttered in awe. "Are you my Fairy Godmother?"
"Actually I'm Griselda's." She pointed down to one of the Ugly Sisters who were playing in the courtyard. They were playing a game called LeapFrog. It involved getting a frog and leaping on it.
"She's boring… at the moment I've got nothing to do except possibly discipline her. Cinders' Godmother has all the fun. What do you wish?"
"I wish I could go to the ball."
The Fairy's eyes lit up. "Ah yes! You shall go to that ball!" Immediately, Buttons was wearing a tux, bow tie and tailored leather shoes, and a large limousine was parked outside.
"Erm, it's not until tomorrow."
"Oh… sorry."
*
Buttons arrived at the Palace the next day, disguised as Prince Eric of Buttonia. For the first few moments of the party, he wandered shyly around the vol-á-vents until he at last plucked up the courage to ask a princess to dance. She giggled.
Meanwhile, Cinderella had strolled through the door in disguise as Princess Crystal of Cinderellia. After the first dance was over, Cinders noticed Buttons and exclaimed with delight.
"Buttons! How did you get here?"
"Griselda's Fairy Godmother."
"You look fabulous."
"Thank you. Actually you'd better call me Eric."
"Why?"
"I'm Prince Eric of Buttonia… Actually, Eric is my real name."
"Ooh…" Cinderella turned and called to her boyfriend. "Charming! Get over here!"
Prince Charming trailed over. "What is it, my sweet one?"
"This is my friend… Prince Eric."
"Pleased to meet you," Charming said, shaking his hand. "Now, honey, I'd love to chat but Prince Kevin and I are having an intense and important discussion that could determine the future status of our two countries. Essentially, he's saying that during the Match on Wednesday, his side should have taken penalties because one of our players committed a foul, when their keeper was blatantly inebriated…" Prince Charming wandered off.
Cinders sighed. "He's such a bore. He was so romantic for the first week… Do you want to dance?"
Buttons couldn't believe his luck. He had loved Cinderella passionately for as long as he had known her. "I'd love to."
"Be careful though," she said. "I'm standing a bit awkward, my Godmother gave me glass slippers."
"Glass slippers?"
"She's trying to win a competition for most unusual material used in a ball outfit. Let's dance."
Buttons and Cinders danced. She was an elegant dancer, and he wasn't too bad himself. She did the YMCA perfectly.
He'd never been this close to her… never smelt her beautiful scent so clearly…
"Sweetie-pie! Come and help me cut the cake!"
Cinderella sighed. "I'm sorry, Eric, you're such a better dancer than he is… I'll go off and see what he wants. I'll be back soon."
For politeness's sake, Buttons danced with a few more princesses, one of whom seemed particularly enamoured with him. He'd had to plead a visit to the toilet in order to get rid of her – otherwise surgical extraction might have been in order.
Near the end of the ball, Princess Spunky still clinging to his arm, Cinders rushed in, right in the middle of the clock striking midnight. "Eric… I'm sorry, I have to get out of here… Charming's been on the Budweiser all evening and I'd swear he was just about to ask me to marry him. He got as far as 'Will you…' and I had to tell him that I had to leave at midnight… Enjoy the rest of the ball… Damn shoes…" Cinders started to run as fast as the slippers would let her.
"Wait!" Buttons called after her. "I'll come with you…"
"Wait!" Princess Spunky squealed. Cinders ran down the steps to her coach, knocking off one of the slippers on the way. Buttons ran down to the limousine and left one of his tailored shoes on the steps.
"Please!" Princess Spunky called after him. "I love you!" But they had gone.
*
Back at the house, the limousine and coach parked around the back somewhere and changed back into some servant's clothes, Buttons put the kettle on.
"Thanks for a lovely evening," Cinderella said. "I enjoyed it so much."
"Pity about that Charming guy."
"Yeah…"
She drew him into a long kiss. "I never realised how much I love you…"
*
The next day, Buttons went to the local off-licence to buy a Sunday Paper, and was startled at the headline.
PRINCE SEARCHES FOR LOST LOVE
Prince Charming last night proposed to his girlfriend, Princess Crystal of Cinderellia, and now reports that she vanished, leaving nothing but one of her slippers.
Dashing 22 year old Charming had been dating Princess Crystal for quite sometime. He said of her, "She truly appreciates my intellect and deeply held interest for all things around me – she's not like other girls who'd marry me for what I'll inherit." But at a ball last night, just as the sexy Prince was about to pop the question in the most romantic way possible, Princess Crystal suddenly had to leave without explanation. A tip-off from an F. Godmother revealed that the princess may still be within the country, disguised as a servant girl.
"I will not rest until I find her," Prince Charming announced. "She left her glass slipper on the doorstep, and I will try this on every maiden in the land until I find her."
Prince Charming's search begins today.
"I will not rest until I find her?" Cinderella quoted incredulously. "Sounds like he's still drunk."
Meanwhile, the Ugly Sisters Griselda and Brunhilda were dancing around the house for joy. "I bet my foot fits the slipper!" they screeched at each other.
Soon enough, before he could sober up or pass out, Prince Charming arrived at the door. "I am here to try the slipper on every maiden in the house!"
"I'm going to hide," Cinderella groaned to Buttons.
"But what if it fits one of the sisters and she marries him?"
"It won't – I have terrible bunions from all that hard work, I doubt they have my unique foot shape. Besides…" She leaned forward for another kiss. "I'll still have you…"
"Yeah…"
Sure enough, the sisters could not fit their feet into the slippers properly. "Are there any more maidens?" Prince Charming slurred.
"No," the sisters chorused. Cinderella sighed with relief.
"Who was that?"
"No-one!" said the sisters in unison. Charming looked around suspiciously. Suddenly, he saw Cinders crouched behind the sofa.
"What about you?" he asked her.
"I'm fine, thanks."
"No… every maiden in the land…"
"But not me."
"I want to…"
"Go home, Charming!"
The sisters gasped.
Charming moved forward. Cinders got up and started to run. Charming ran after her and dived on top of her. "Get off her!" Buttons yelled, and dived on top of him, much to Cinderella's discomfort. By which time, Charming had placed the slipper on her foot.
"It doesn't fit…"
"Phew."
"Wait… wrong foot…"
"Oh, no…"
"It fits! You're Princess Crystal… my one true love…"
"Oh please."
Buttons allowed them both to get up. Cinderella looked fed up. "You're so embarrassing, Charming. What's wrong with waiting until the next ball?"
He stared at her. "Is that what you look like without make-up on?"
"Yes, why?"
"Um… I think I'll be going now. Can I puke in your toilet? I think I had too much Bud."
"Go ahead," Cinders groaned. The Ugly Sisters were glaring at the three of them. "What's going on?"
"Nothing much," Cinders said. "I didn't like him anyway."
But it didn't stop her bursting into tears on Buttons' shoulder. "Eric… It's not fair!"
"What's wrong, Cinderella, my sweetest?"
"He called me ugly…"
"But darling… you'll always be beautiful to me…"
Brunhilda stared at them suspiciously. "Is there something going on between you two?"
"Actually, we're in love," Cinders said. "We're going to get married and I'll inherit the house and you two can leave."
"Great idea, honey," Buttons said, and they shared another tongue sarnie. They really were a sickening couple.
Brunhilda and Griselda started packing their luggage, unsure of where they were going to go. Their respective Fairy Godmothers waited outside, looking pleased as anything. Griselda's Godmother winked at Buttons. "Thanks, I was so bored. At least she needs me now…"
Charming came out moments later, only to meet the two pointy-eared maidens standing outside the door. "Wow," he sighed. "You two babes are really sexy. Do you want to come to a ball?"
The Godmothers looked at one another. "I'm really fed up of sending other people there all the time," Griselda's Fairy Godmother said.
"I'd like to try those prawn vol-á-vents," Brunhilda's Fairy Godmother replied. "Let's go!"
They turned the pumpkin into a coach, a potato into a carriage, and a marrow into a sleigh, just for a laugh. "We'll see you later girls," they said to the dejected sisters, as they rode off into the sunset with Prince Charming.
Meanwhile, Buttons and Cinderella were busy rearranging the house so that they could live happily ever after.
"That wallpaper has got to go…" Cinders said. "What's the matter, darling?"
Buttons look petrified. "It's this… in the paper."
He turned over the page.
PRINCESS SPUNKY SEARCHES FOR LOST LOVE
Prince Eric left a shoe on the steps of the Palace
"Maybe she would get on with Prince Charming?" Cinders suggested.
"Yeah… Probably."
--The End--