* * * * *
Something To Remember
by inmyeyes
Part 8
(After school. Chilton parking lot)
The day had gone by so slowly; every moment drawn out into its last millisecond, prolonging the burning sensation in his stomach and the mental beating that he had given himself. He had operated on auto-pilot, not really conscious of what was around him but only seeing a pair of wide doe eyes, liquid blue with hurt.
"You lied to me."
When he had seen her in that hallway, he had pushed aside any thoughts he had and ignored the loud, insistent ring of "Abort! Abort! Danger!" that created a cacophony of sound in his head. Instead, he had given into the urge to touch her; his arm wrapping around her slender waist and his lips immediately finding a spot on her neck, tasting her sweet skin.
The warnings in his head that grown louder, more annoying; they were telling him that she could have very well regained her memory or at least, found out the truth from Lorelai or Dean. But, his heart reasoned, if she knew the truth she wouldn't still in his arms and making his heart race with that beautiful smile. She wouldn't be nestling closer to him, wouldn't be telling him that she missed him.
And she definitely wouldn't be kissing him.
The ominous voices in his head were drowned by the wave of feeling that ran over him at the touch of her soft lips on his. Her lips were hard and insistent against him, forcing him to give as much as she did. Behind the cloud of pleasure that he was trapped in, he acknowledged the almost desperate quality to the kiss as though she was trying to assure herself that he was there and that he was with her, showing her how he felt. Feeling slightly alarmed at how the kiss could easily get out of control, he gentled the pressure of his lips, his hand cradling her head to maintain the deep contact. When she pulled away, her face flushed and her lips red, he curbed the urge to pull her to him again.
Then came the admission that shocked him out of his wits. "You lied to me."
The words were spoken in such a soft, unaccusatory tone and said most emotionlessly. It was a statement that was uttered as though she was merely stating the obvious; a statement like "The sky is blue."
There was no question about what she was referring to; he wouldn't disrespect her and act as though he didn't understand what she was talking about. A whole lot of possibilities flew through his mind; words he could say, explanations he could give, things he could do but nothing seemed right.
"You lied to me."
It felt to him as though he could do nothing to right the wrong.
When she turned back to him, he saw the first hint of emotion in her demanour, revealed by her eyes that told him everything.
Oh, that was certainly anger, that much he had expected. But what crushed him even more was the hurt, the betrayal in her eyes. He knew that that look would haunt him. And when she had run out, without so much as a yell or a cry of outrage or tears or throwing her books at him... without a single outward display of emotion, he was felled with the burden of pain and guilt that overtook him.
"You lied to me."
He had wanted to leave, to lick his wounds and to rue over what an asshole he had been but as the first bell rang, he decided against it. He knew very well that given the opportunity he would gladly wallow in self-loathing and self-pity. He knew that he wouldn't be able to stop thinking about her and wishing that he had done things differently. He would beat himself up for not confessing to her the truth when he had the chance. He would replay every single moment, every single kiss and touch and drive himself absolutely insane.
School was a better alternative. School would keep him occupied and distract him from the mess that he had created and now had to clean up. And now that the school day was over, the flood of repressed thoughts and feelings came rushing back.
He leaned his head on the steering wheel, letting out a huge sigh. He shut his eyes and wished that today had never come.
A rap on the car window jolted him from his thoughts and he looked up to see Paris looking expectantly at him. Trying to smile, he rolled the window down. Her tone was unusually gentle. "You can tell me the truth."
"What truth?"
"What's wrong? That's what I want to know," she said, her eyes boring into his.
"Everything," was his curt answer. Looking away from her, he raked a hand through his already messy hair and reached to turn his key, the engine rumbling to life. "Look Paris, I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow." When she didn't say anything, he shifted his eyes to her and was disgruntled by her assessing gaze.
"We've known each other for a long time, haven't we?"
His smile was wry. "Yes, we have."
She returned the smile, hers was encouraging. "Well, in case you didn't already know, if you need a friend, I'm here."
He nodded, his eyes grateful. "I know. But there are some things you can't help me with." With those words, he sped out of the parking lot.
Take a bow. The curtain had fallen. The play was over.
(Afternoon. Gilmore house. Stars Hollow)
"Rory?" Lorelai called out, seeing the hunched form of her daughter at the kitchen table.
"Hi Mom," she replied. She turned and Lorelai saw that her cheeks were stained with tears.
"Oh honey, are you feeling all right?" She knelt down in front of Rory, her hands cupping Rory's cheeks and rubbing away the tears that had began to fall.
"I just couldn't be at school. So I left," she said, ignoring the question.
"Are you feeling all right?" Lorelai repeated, her voice firm. "Sweetie, something's wrong. I know that, but I can't help you fix it if you don't tell me what it is."
"You can't fix this, Mom. You can't. It's broken into a million tiny pieces." She paused, swallowing the lump in her throat. "You can't fix it."
Lorelai searched the blue eyes before, trying to make sense of what she was saying but it was incomprehensible to her. "Fix what? What is it? What's broken?"
Rory let out a choked sob and threw her arms around her mother. "My heart. It's broken," she mumbled. Lorelai couldn't do anything but let her daughter find solace in her arms.
"You feeling better now?" Lorelai asked. After her tears had finally been spent, they had moved to the couch, each holding a large cup of coffee in her hands.
Rory cracked a small smile as she inhaled the comforting aroma of her ambrosia. "I still feel like crap."
Lorelai nodded sagely. "Well, feeling like crap is a step up from feeling like shit run over twice by a truck. I say we're making progress."
"A little progress," Rory conceded.
"Well," Lorelai argued, "a little is better than no progress at all." There was a short silence as she tried to find a way to ask what she wanted to know. Finally she decided on the direct approach. "What happened?"
"What happened what?"
Lorelai rolled her eyes. Even at a time like this, Rory was still being impossible. "What happened while I was away?" Rory opened her mouth to speak but was cut off. "No, let me rephrase that. What happened with Tristan while I was away?"
"Can we not talk about him?" Rory pleaded.
"Well, you see, one nifty thing about being a mother is that you can demand information from your offspring. So, do you want me to get nasty and start a sentence with 'I command you'? You know that's not my style." At Rory's stubborn look, Lorelai went on. "Fine. You leave me no choice but to bring out the Hitler in me. Rory Gilmore, fruit of my loins, I command you-"
Rory put her hand up in surrender and shuddered. "Fruit of my loins? Eww. Bad phrase. Okay, I'll tell you."
Lorelai clapped excitedly. "Woo! Story time! I've always loved hearing stories."
"This is more like a tragedy."
"Like Romeo & Juliet?"
"Well," Rory said, "a little. But without the gratuitous deaths. Then again, after you hear this, there may be killing involved."
* * * * *
"Oh, that conniving, lying, manipulative, bast-"
"I know," Rory smiled sadly. "And you know the worst part? Those four days with him... I could never forget them."
Lorelai reached over and enfolded Rory in her arms. "I'm sorry, sweetie."
Rory hugged her harder. "It's not your fault. I was stupid to care for him."
"He doesn't deserve you," Lorelai stated. "He's pond scum. No, he's the bacteria that feeds on the algae that grows on the pond scum. That's what he is."
Rory pulled away, smiling thankfully at her mother. "Thanks for listening. I'll go get us some more coffee."
As Lorelai sat back, a thought suddenly occurred to her. Sighing in frustration, she slapped her forehead with her palm. Things were going to get more complicated than they already were. She was almost considering not bringing it up to Rory, but she knew she had to.
"Rory? I hate to say this, but I have to."
Rory's brow creased in confusion. "What is it?"
"What are you gonna do about Dean?"
At the mention of that name, Rory groaned, picked up a cushion and started pummeling her head with it.
"Hey hey," Lorelai exclaimed, taking the cushion away. "Don't do anything to your head. We don't want you regressing and losing your memory again. Besides, we have to go to the doctors' and check if everything's okay in there."
Rory groaned again and leaned her head against the back of the couch. "Oh God, what am I gonna do about Dean?"
(That evening)
The mattress moved as Lorelai flopped down next to Rory's lying form.
"You can't keep avoiding him forever, you know," Lorelai pointed out.
"I can try."
"He looked really hurt, Ror."
Rory turned to face her mother. "What did you tell him?"
"I told him that you haven't been feeling well the past few days and that you've been mostly in bed."
"Thanks," Rory said, grateful.
Lorelai smiled, brushing back Rory's hair. "I can't keep on doing that forever."
"I'll do the laundry for the next month if you do," Rory offered.
"No fair, that's a low blow. You know I can't resist that, " Lorelai pouted. A moment later, the mischievous look was replaced a more serious one. "Rory, you can't keep on avoiding them both."
Rory's eyes were stubborn as they met her mother's. "I can."
"It'll be so tiring."
Rory was adamant. "I can do it."
"I can understand you avoiding Tristan-"
Rory winced at the mention of his name. "Don't say his name."
"But you shouldn't be avoiding Dean. He didn't do anything wrong. He should know the truth. He's your boyfriend for goodness' sake."
Rory sat up and adopted an earnest expression. "Dean, I have to tell you something. I think I'm in love with Tristan." She erased the look of earnestness and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I'm sure that will go over real well with him."
At the words 'in love', Lorelai bolted up, her eyes as wide as saucers. "In love? In love? You're in love with that- that scum?" Out of nowhere, words from a conversation that she had with Rory floated through her mind.
"I like him, Mom. I like him a lot. He's sweet and smart and he makes me laugh. And he has the best smile, Mom. When he smiles at me, I feel like I've been given some special gift."
"Something like that," Rory mumbled. "Bummer, huh?"
"Bummer," Lorelai agreed.
(That night. The park)
He had come there, seeking comfort in a place that had always managed to put him at peace. But now, all that the park offered him was memories. Idly, his fingers traced the carved words on the bench. 'Tristan + Rory forever', it said.
Well, forever had come and gone. Forever had lasted four wonderful days, easily the most amazing time of his young life. It was four days that he had stolen from Fate, ninety-six hours that he didn't deserve, five thousand sixty minutes that were filled with nothing but her.
He sat forward, arms propped up on his knees and his hands cradling his chin. A soft breeze ruffled his hair, soothing him from the inner turmoil that he had battled all day. He had been thinking about ways to apologize, words to utter in hope that she would forgive him, things that he could do to redeem himself. He had a million ideas, some of which he had employed with previous girlfriends, but they seemed too trite and too undeserving of her after all he had done to her.
Being here, in a place where they had built memories, was doing him more harm than good. In the almost silent night, he could easily imagine the clear dulcet tones of her laughter and see her bright smile and her sapphire blue eyes.
The first thing he did when he entered his car was to switch on the heat,
hoping to take away the chill that had invaded him. The heat did little to
alleviate it though; he smiled ruefully when he realized that the cold he was
feeling came from the inside. In order to break the stifling silence, he turned
on his CD player before reversing out of his parking slot.
Can't remember why we fell apart
With something that was so meant to
be
Forever was the promise in our hearts
Now, more and more I wonder where
you are...
Do I ever cross your mind, anytime?
Do you ever wake up, reaching out for
me?
Do I ever cross your mind, anytime?
I miss you...
He wanted to laugh at the coincidence, but it hurt too much. In the back of his mind, he wondered if thinking of her would always hurt.
He had a feeling it would.
A.N : There you go. Hope you enjoyed it. The next chapter would probably be out sometime next week. :D Reviews and e-mails are always welcome... feel free to call me a Goddess for updating so soon. ::LoL:: Hahaha... such a comedian I am. ::grin::