Someone to love me
MoshPit
I just needed someone to love me. Someone willing to look past my title and my money and really see me.
I've never been loved before. Yes, I've had the love of my mother and father, but it's that horrible obligatory love where you can see in their eyes that I'm just another way to preserve the family name. I need real love.
I could have loved her. It may have been lust at first, the desire to touch that perfect skin; the wish to hold that sculpted body, but when she looked at me, her diamond eyes sparkling for me, I honestly thought we could be together. A courtesan as a duchess, what an idea. But I could have loved her. Silly of me to think that she could have loved me back.
I don't know how I could have been so blind to her act. As I look back on it now, the clues to her affair were overwhelming. Heavy breathing behind each door; smears of lipstick on both faces; anyone could have seen it. And yet I reminded blissfully unaware of the forbidden love until that prostitute, the small one with the shifty eyes, made her astute observation.
It was silly of me, in retrospect, to try to by her love. But I was a duke; any problem I had ever had could be solved with the right amount of gold and silver. Still now I hear his words, our dear writer's voice echoing through the near empty walls of the dance hall. She doesn't love you! Even his feeble attempt at a cover couldn't hide the truth.
She didn't love me. To this day, the pain of that realization aches in my heart. The sparkle in her eyes, the fondness in her voice as she breathed my name, her touch, her smile— all an act. A face she had to hold long enough for that miserable little show to be put on. I must admit— she was a tremendously talented actress.
I could have loved that girl. And the pain of her deception haunts me to this day.
I just needed someone to love me.