Dreams can come through

by Mims

*COMPLETE* When Xander finds out about Buffy and Spike, he helps her through it. However, when the new big bad arrives, old friends must return in different roles to avert disaster. B/X, F/S, W/T, hints of A/C

1. Dreams can come true

Disclaimer: You all know the drill, I own none of the characters, and I'm just borrowing them to keep my mind occupied.

Summary: What happens when Xander finds out about Spike and Buffy? Takes place just after Willow has her break down.

Rating: R for language and innuendo (might be a little high but better safe then sorry)

Dreams Can Come True



Xander was alone. He had been helping Anya at the Magic Box, cleaning up and all. In typical Xander fashion, he somehow managed to knock over a bookshelf. Anya just sighed at him and told him to go home and wait for her. She also told him to be ready for the sex, which had to make Xander chuckle. Still, he had his nagging doubts about their whole engagement, but he kept them to himself. His friends had their own dramas to deal with he didn't need to add to it.

When Xander got back to the apartment, Anya had left him a message to tell him that she would be late at the Magic Box. Her inventory papers had just disappeared, she suspected bunnies were behind it, trying to keep her from getting the sex. Xander sighed and thought for a moment.

He wanted to go and see Willow. He had heard about her breakdown. He was very worried about her, she was on the edge when Tara was here, and their breakup just pushed her over. Buffy said she was making an effort to get her life back together, but Xander was still concerned. Even so, Willow had asked that she have some time to herself before anyone visited her.

Buffy had sent Dawn to stay with a friend that night so she wouldn't have to leave Dawn alone with Willow while she was out patrolling. Dawn wouldn't talk to Willow since the incident. She had a broken arm, but it could have been so much worse.

Then there was Buffy. Every since they had brought her back she hadn't seemed right, but until recently they hadn't known why. It was Xander's fault. If he just hadn't brought up that stupid singing and dancing demon, none of this would have happened. No, he told himself, it wouldn't have taken away her pain, it just would have shielded us from the guilt. Xander's stomach fell out every time he thought about it. Causing Buffy pain was still one of the only things that could give him that feeling.

He worried that one of these days she was going to slip and that would be the end of her. Again. Spike always went patrolling with her to assure that wouldn't happen, but Xander still had a bad feeling. Spike wasn't exactly the most trustworthy person, (no he's not even a person, he's a vampire) in the world. All it would take would be his chip to malfunction and the Spike that tried to kill Buffy on many occasions would return.

Xander decided to go and find them, help them patrol. He had been going less and less, slowly feeling his role in the group being phased out. There were days when Xander longed for the good old days of high school. The three slayerettes, Buffy, Willow, and Xander, fighting the evils of the hellmouth and of high school together. But those days were gone. He had to keep telling himself that. He knew deep down that they had grown apart and that someday, sooner rather than later, they would go their separate ways.

He had always wanted them to stay together, his friends were the only family he had. He had long ago disowned his abusive parents, trading them for the only people who actually gave a damn about him. When someone said the word father to him the image that popped up wasn't of his own father, but of Giles. As much as he had teased the tweed clad Englishman, he helped shape him in a way he could never know.

By the time he had finished his reflections, he had arrived at the cemetery, a stake in each hand. He looked around and listened, but nothing. Then he heard it, a loud moan. It sounded like Buffy. Then he heard another moan, from a male. He assumed it was Spike. They must be in trouble. And as always, Xander threw himself into the fray to find out what was wrong. When he stumbled upon them it was the worst sight he had ever seen, and that's saying a lot when you live on a hellmouth.

Spike and Buffy were, he could barely bring himself to think it, they were. kissing. Xander thought he had matured over the last few years, but when in shock revert to what is most comfortable. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!"

"Huh?" Spike muttered.

"Xander!" Buffy cried.

"Bloody hell."

"I'll second that. What is this Spike? Did you bring Buffy Bot back, I thought you'd gotten over that!"

"Xander, calm down," Buffy soothed. A million thoughts ran through her mind, but number one was the others can't know.

"Calm down," Xander exclaimed.

"Yeah mate, you ruined the mood, best you could do is shut your pie hole so all the vamps don't come a running."

"RUINED THE MOOD!"

"Xander, Spike and I were just." she reached.

"Kissing," Xander and Spike said at the same time.

Jealousy raged in Xander. Jealousy? He questioned himself. He had long ago accepted that the Buffy ship had sailed away and was never coming into his port. He was engaged to Anya and happy. So why was he jealous? Then rational thought left again, replaced by anger. Xander was getting over the shock and getting his mind back. He was now just angry.

"How long has this been going on?"

"A while bloke," Spike piped up.

"Not that long. It just sort of happened, I didn't mean for it too," Buffy stumbled out.

"Didn't mean to swap spit?" Xander exclaimed.

"It's not like that Xan," Buffy started.

"Then what is it like?"

"I don't know."

"You have worse taste in men then I do. I mean then I have in women," he added after Spike began to snicker.

"You know this isn't easy, this isn't what I need from you right now Xander," Buffy was close to tears.

"It's not easy for any of us Buffy."

"Yeah, cause you all know what it's like to be in perfect happiness then ripped away by people because they can't let go!" Buffy screamed, tears flowing freely.

"WE DIDN'T KNOW!" Xander's voice trembling.

"No, poor Xander, never knows anything. Always in the dark about everything," Buffy replied.

"We just wanted to save you, we thought you were in hell, like Angel. Just to repay all the times you saved us."

"But Xander you didn't save me, you killed me," Buffy sobbed. Spike tried to wrap his arm around her and she recoiled away.

After a moment Xander muttered something. Spike just waved a hand at him.

"What did you say Xander?" Buffy asked.

"I said it's harder than anything. We thought we were doing the right thing, we just wanted you back. To know that we made it so much worse for you." he trailed off. "It's the worst pain that I have ever felt. To know that you can't confide in us, because you have these feelings." Xander's head shot up. "That's it. That's why you went to Spike, because you could tell him." Buffy nodded.

"All right, enough of this. I love you Slayer, but I am tired of being your bloody doormat."

"You took advantage of her Spike," Xander retorted. "That's not love."

"Sod off wanker." Spike turned to Buffy. "Slayer, I have stood here with you and fought with you, against my own bloody kind. If that doesn't prove something to you."

"What would you do it that chip were gone Spike?" Xander's tone is half venom and half curiosity.

Spike ignored him, but Buffy didn't. "What would you do if that chip were gone?"

Spike growled at Xander. "I wouldn't harm you. None of you, except maybe Droopy over there."

"You don't even have a soul Spike. I hated Angel, but at least when he was good he was clearly good. And wow I can't believe I just stood up for Angel. Look, the point is that no one, including you, knows what would happen if that chip stopped working."

"Spike, I can't deal with this right now." Buffy grumbled.

"Well when the bloody hell are you going to start dealing pet," Spike howled.

"You kiss me, you hit me, you fuck me, then you reject me, enough's enough luv."

"YOU HAD SEX WITH SPIKE!" Xander's eyes pierced Buffy in a way she didn't think was possible. She could only muster a nod.

Xander shook in rage. Logic kept poking into his cloud of rage, reminding him that Buffy wasn't his, never was or will be. Anya. Spike had saved us plenty. Anya. Then the rage took over.

"This can't be happening," Xander shook his head.

"No, Spike put some kind of spell on you. Of course, that's the only thing that makes sense."

"Sod off. Vampires just make her hot. Tell him pet."

Buffy leveled Spike with a viscous glare. Spike backed off. "Go back to your Crypt. I need to talk to Xander alone."

Spike started to respond, then howled, "Fine. This is the last time, work out what you need with oh useless one over there or don't come crawling back to my Crypt. Although if you want to crawl I think I could think of some fun things to do."

"NOW," Buffy and Xander said in unison.

Spike stalked off, leaving Buffy and Xander alone in the cemetery.

"Do you love him?" Xander asked after an eternity of silence.

"God no," Buffy responded disgusted.

"Then, what is this?"

"I don't know Xander. There is just so much pain, anger, and sadness. I know you guys feel bad, I just, I can't bring myself to get over it. I've tried, I know you only brought me back because you love me, but I can't help how I feel."

"And Spike, he helps you?"

"He's more of an outlet," Buffy's voice is full of shame.

"What about Giles?" Buffy looked at Xander questioningly.

"He didn't know what we were going to do, why couldn't you confide in him?" Xander's voice is full of hurt. Hurt, that's all it is, just hurt she could confide in Spike and not us. Right.

Buffy sighed. "I don't know. It was just, Spike was easy." Xander groaned, Buffy chuckled inside but outside showed only annoyance. "Not like that sicko. It was just that Spike, he loves me. I could tell him stuff and since I didn't love him I didn't care about hurting him. With all of you, I didn't want to hurt you. I can't forgive, but that doesn't mean I don't love you all."

Xander looked at Buffy. There was a sense of seriousness in his eyes Buffy had never seen, not even in all the times they had faced the end of the world together. Then a slight sparkle came into his eyes and a goofy lopsided grin appeared on his face. "You know Buff, I'm hurt. I thought I was your emotional punching bag of unrequited love." A moment of silence, then something that Xander hadn't seen Buffy do since they brought her back happens. She laughed. And laughed, and laughed. In a moment he was laughing too, and before they knew what has happened they were on the ground, literally rolling with laughter.

When Buffy's laughter calmed down to just shaking shoulders, she rolled into Xander, who held her as her shoulder shakes turned from laughter to tears.

"Why can't I recapture that feeling more often?" she sobed out. Xander just held her tighter. She cried into his chest, he could feel the tears eat through his shirt and onto his chest.

Their moment was interrupted by a pact of five vampires.

"What have we got here, loving in a cemetery," vamp one laughed.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you that the cemetery isn't a safe place to be at night?' vamp two growled.

Buffy sliped out of Xander's arms and was on her feet in a moment. "You're right. The cemetery at night isn't a safe place to be," she fliped her leg out and caught vamp two in the gut. She spun around and delivered a roundhouse kick to vamp three who took vamp four down with him. She advanced on vamp five and delivered a blow to the chin that propelled him into the air. He landed with a thud, and Xander drove one of his stakes through his heart, dusting him. Buffy turned back to vamp one, "Especially for vampires."

"Buffy," Xander called out as vamps three and four advance on her. Buffy threw her elbows into the advancing vamps, they double over and Xander drove both his stakes into their backs and dusted them. Vamp one and two exchanged glances and turned to run. Buffy ran up, grabbed their skulls and slammed them together, making a sickening thudding sound that made Xander cringe a little. Buffy pulled her own stakes out and finished the vamps.

"Well, that was fun," Buffy muttered.

"Buff," Xander started.

"Thanks," Buffy looked Xander in the eye. Xander knew that it took a lot to get a thank you from Buffy, so he backed off and nodded.

"Xander, I've tried to stop myself. Keep Spike away, get back to living. I try to tell myself, do what I've always done and I'll get back there. But I need Spike to help me patrol, and then things just get out of control. I need help, please."

"Oh, Buff," Xander rubbed her shoulders.

"How am I going to support Dawn. I can't keep a job for more than a couple hours."

"That wasn't your fault, dark powers were at work."

"I'm so scared. And if that's not enough, I didn't see what was happening to Willow until she almost killed Dawn. I love her Xan, but I don't trust her," Buffy began to sob into Xander's arms again. He brushed her hair, and whispered kind words in her ear.

And for a moment, Buffy was able to forget. She forgot Spike, Willow and Dawn. She forgot about the mortgage payment due. She forgot about being ripped away from heaven. For a moment, she was at peace. Warmth surrounded her, permeated her. She felt loved and cared for. She felt at home.

Without thinking, Buffy sliped her lips up to Xander's. She returned the warmth she felt. Their lips met, and for a moment all was right. Then, in hellmouth fashion, it all fell apart. Everything rushed back into Buffy's mind, the pain and suffering, the worry, and the kiss. Her mind screamed at her, THIS IS XANDER! Buffy broke the kiss. NOT WHAT WE NEED her mind screamed again.

"Xander, I'm sorry," Buffy said. "Just a reaction."

Xander nodded. After a moment he found his voice. "Let's get you home."

They walked to Buffy's in silence. Buffy's mind is going a mile a minute. What have I done? I just kissed my best friend, I'm so fucked up. I was finally able to confide in someone I cared about and I screw it up just like that. Damn it Buffy, he's with Anya he's finally moved on, and now you reopen this big can of worms. It was just a kiss right, a friendly peck on the lips. That's all.

Xander was shaking inside. What the hell was that? Was that for Spike or me? I just want to get my Buffy back I don't need this. Anya, I love Anya. Buffy is just a friend. I just came out here to help her. Why does this stuff always happen to me? It happened with Cordy, I was happy, then boom Willow comes along and disaster. I've come so far since then, haven't I? She was just using me, trying to find a distraction for her pain. That's all.

They arrived at Buffy's house. Xander walked her to the door. He decided to be mature. He gave Buffy a squeeze of the shoulder, "Goodnight Buff. Don't worry about it, it's forgotten already."

A flash of emotion played on Buffy's face that he couldn't place, then she replied, "Thanks Xan. You're a great guy and a good friend. Night." She turned and went inside.

Buffy closed the door and leaned against it. Was that disappointment she felt? She hoped not. She wanted to forget the kiss, she wanted Xander to move on and be happy. She had enough problems as it was, she didn't need any more. Forget this whole night. And no more patrolling with Spike alone. She would always bring someone else.

Xander climbed into his bed at his apartment. Anya was fast asleep, and he was careful not to wake her. He wanted to cry and he didn't know why. He looked at Anya. She was beautiful. A voice in the back of his head chimed in, she's a vengeance demon. Shut up, I know that, Xander yelled at the voice in his head. I didn't cheat on her Buffy kissed me.

Those were three words he never thought he'd see in that order. Buffy. Kissed. Me. It used to be his ultimate fantasy, from the day so very long ago when she rolled into Sunnydale and changed his life forever. Snap out of it Xan, that was a long time ago, I have Anya now. He rolled over and tried to get some sleep, but sleep wouldn't come.

THE NEXT DAY 6PM

Xander walked into the Magic Box. It had been a long day at work. The hours seemed to pass so slowly. His mind kept replaying the previous night over and over again.

When he stopped at the edge of the steps he saw Anya with a pouting look on her face and Buffy and Dawn with the biggest smiles he'd seen on them in ages.

"Did I walk through the door to an alternate universe. Oh, wait let me guess you all lost your memory again."

"No, even better. Xander, WE WON THE LOTTERY!" Dawn shouted and jumped up and down.

"How much?" Xander asked.

"Not that much," Anya pouts, "only 4 million dollars."

Xander could feel his eyes bug out like he was a cartoon character. "Buffy that's great!" Xander swooped down and gave Buffy and Dawn a big bear hug.

"Hey, they have all the money, why do they need hugs too," Anya complained.

Xander ignored her comment. "Since when do you play the lottery?" he asked.

"Last night. Spike wanted to buy some cigarettes before we went on patrol and I though 'What the hell,' and I won."

Buffy's words are barely coherent. Xander was on the verge of tears to see his best friend so happy.

"Let's celebrate," Dawn said between bounces.

"I have a store to run," Anya whined. "I too need the money."

"We'll order in, piazza on the Summers," Buffy shouted.

The whole night was a celebration of the sister Summer's new wealth. Buffy even broke down and called Giles.

"You know, Willow is right, you really can hear him clean his glasses over the phone," Buffy giggled. Dawn cringed ever so slightly at the mention of Willow's name. Buffy noticed and some of her joy escaped like the air from a balloon.

Spike came in through the door and gaped at the party. "Uh, pet, have you forgotten, the big badies out there. We hunt them, we do violence, we kill them. You were supposed to drop at my Crypt at sunset."

"Spike, we won the lottery," Dawn giggled.

Spike's face became a playground of emotions. Happiness, concern, anger.

"Money won't stop the demons little bit," Spike said.

"No, but we can take a night to celebrate," Buffy smiled.

"Sure, but no one thought to call Spike. Spike who took you to the bloody store to buy the bloody freakin ticket," he stormed out. Xander surprised them all by following after him.

"Sod off Harris," Spike called without stopping.

"Spike, stop. Unless you want a stake through your heart stop," Xander called calmly.

Spike wais still and silent.

"You love her, you want to help her, be happy for her. You took advantage of her in a delicate state and she doesn't want to stake you, yet. Be happy about that," Xander growled.

"What about sod off Harris don't you get?"

"I want her back the way she was, she's trying to put her life back together. Pretend to be happy, it will make her and Dawn happy."

"Fuck off," Spike growled and left.

Xander went back to the Magic Box and sat down.

Buffy looked a little sad, but her joy outweighed it quickly.

"What was that about?" Anya asked.

"Nothing," Xander replied and his tone made them drop the subject. The party continued until Buffy decided it was time for Dawn to get some sleep.

After they dropped Dawn off, Buffy and Xander did a quick patrol before they headed back home.

"Congrats Buff, I'm really happy," Xander said softly once they got to the door at Buffy's house. "Thanks. Look, I was thinking that maybe you me and Will could take a trip this weekend. Catch up, try to help each other through everything," Buffy said hopefully.

"Sounds great," Xander favored her with another lopsided smile and she returned it.

As he turned to go, curiosity got the better of her, "Xan, what did you and Spike talk about."

"Nothing, just told him he should be happy for you and not be so selfish."

"When did you become such a grown up?" she chuckled.

"If I did it was only because of you," he said.

Buffy is taken aback by this, but he didn't linger long enough to give her a chance to respond.

"Later Buff," he waved and took off.

Buffy climbed up the stairs quietly, careful not to wake Dawn. She climbed into her bed, to find it occupied.

"I was wondering when you'd get her pet," Spike cooed at her.

Buffy sprang up and grabbed a cross.

"Enough is enough Spike. No more," she whispered.

Spike nodded, "Of course, Slayer. You don't want anymore, you don't want me, you don't want to be taken advantage of, isn't that right oh might Slayer. Isn't that what you told Droopy?" Spike advanced with every word. "Come on Slayer, put the cross down and give daddy a kiss," Spike whispered seductively.

Buffy's hands trembled. She was overwhelmingly attracted to Spike. Why? She tried to ask herself as he approached. He was sexy, sure. But he was cold, not only personally but his body was cold. It wasn't comforting it was just a distraction. She wanted to be loved she needed it. But she didn't love Spike. She had been down this road before with Angel. No future, only pain. Pain had been comforting at first, but now she wanted love. Spike wasn't the answer, he might love her but she didn't think she could ever bring herself to love him back.

That was all well and good in her mind, but her body was in control now. Spike grabbed her hands and she dropped the cross. He leaned in and kissed her, he slipped his cold tongue into her mouth and his hands came around to cup her to him. She returned the kiss, but it was colder than she remembered it ever being before. His hands roamed her body, and she felt her body respond. When he broke the kiss to reach for her shirt, her mind regained control.

"Spike stop."

"Whatever you say Slayer," he muttered as he continued his assault.

"I said stop." She pushed him away and went to grab a stake.

"What the bloody hell is this?" Spike growled.

"I'm through with this." More softly she added, "Thank you for what you've done for me Spike, everything. I will never be able to repay you, but I want to have a life someday. I can never have that with you," Buffy said.

"Normal, right Slayer that's what you want. Like hell it is. Angel and Riley where just mistakes? Come on luv," Spike replied. "You like it this way. Plus, you came back more like me than them, remember?" Buffy cringes as she remembered how Spike was able to hurt her, even though his chip was working perfectly.

"You see, I told you I'd never bite you, and I won't pet." Spike moved to her again.

"No, I may not be exactly right like I was before, but you're so wrong that it's not even funny," she retorted. "You were a phase, one that I needed to go through, but it's over now. If you don't leave, I'll stake you myself."

"No, you won't. You've kicked me for the last time. Don't come to me any more. When you get that itch that only Spike can scratch, it will take more than that puppy-dog pout to get me back. You may have bloody got me, cause I love you, but you need me and until you are ready to bloody handle it, I'm out of your life."

"I've heard that before," Buffy smirked. "Remember your song?"

It was Spike's turn to cringe, but he stood his ground. "Pet, tell the little bit I'll miss her, but bugger off." Spike went out the window.

Buffy threw herself on her bed and cried herself to sleep.

THE NEXT DAY

"Hey Buffy," Willow called from the breakfast table as Buffy wandered in.

"Hey Will, how you feeling today?"

"Better. Are you going to claim your winnings today?" Willow asked excitedly.

"Yeah, Dawn and I are going after school is over."

"That's so great."

Dawn comes down and smiles at Buffy and gives Willow a half smile.

"Hi guys."

"Hi Dawnie," Willow tries carefully.

"Hi," Dawn replied quietly.

"Okay, hello is all checked off as a conversation topic," Buffy chuckled. "Get to school Dawn, the sooner you get back the sooner we get our winnings."

Dawn smiled at this, "Okay. By, love you Buffy." Dawn walked out the back door and headed to school.

Willow was sad, but she kept telling herself Dawn needed time to forgive her, they all would. Especially Tara, if she ever would.

"Mind rambling again?" Buffy asked.

"Maybe a little. Ramble isn't so bad now and then," Willow smiled.

"Hey, I told Xander last night that this weekend the three of us should go catch up."

"Great. What about Dawn and Anya and Spike?" Willow asked.

Buffy ignored the last name but went on, "Well, Anya can watch Dawn."

"Tara too," Willow added Buffy's silent thought.

"Wil," she started

"No, it's okay. Tara left me not Dawn, and Dawnie likes her so much. People should be happy."

Buffy was always amazed at Willow's maturity, but in a situation like this it impressed her even more. "That's great Wil. So what do you say?"

"If Anya can let her fiancée out of her sight for a weekend," Willow giggled, not noticing that Buffy had flinched when she said the word fiancée. She wasn't sure why. A little piece of her piped up, telling her that Xander had put a new woman on top of his pedestal in her place and she was jealous. She was willing to accept that it was the adoration she was jealous of, not Xander himself. Shallow as always Buff, she thought to herself.

At the Magic Box, Xander was having less luck.

"We have missed out on the sex for two nights in a row, and now you want to take a whole weekend away? Are you mad at me and withholding the sex is your punishment?" Anya asked worriedly.

"Of course not An. It's just that with everything that has happened lately, Buffy, Willow and I have drifted apart. We just wanted to catch up. Besides if you came I'd just completely ignore them."

They both knew that was not true, but the lie calmed Anya for the time. Anya often felt like she would always come third behind Buffy and Willow. She had come to accept this as part of Xander, but whenever he was alone with either one she felt uncomfortable, now he would be alone with both of them. A thought popped into her mind. "Are you going to have an orgy?"

Xander coughed. "An, no orgies with us. Okay maybe when I was younger my mind went there once in a while but it hasn't in ages. Not since you came to me," he added as he slipped his hands around her waist and kissed her.

Anya broke away. "You better not. Now go and have you non sexually fun and save yourself up for me," Anya added uncertainly as Xander popped out the door, kissing her briefly goodbye.

"Goodie, a weekend of baby-sitting and no sex," Anya whined to no one imparticular.

That afternoon Buffy picked Dawn up and drove as fast as she dared to the Sunnydale lottery center. They stood in line for an hour as the people in front of them picked up their small winnings. Buffy nearly broke the window when she planted her ticket in front of the cashier.

The cashier smiled and made a call. The head of the lottery commission would come and verify their ticket and present them with their winnings. Buffy and Dawn were literally bouncing of the walls with excitement. An hour later the commissioner arrived.

"Well, congratulations Miss Summers, it appears you and your sister are now 4 million dollars richer. Would you like a 2.2 million dollar lump sum, or 50,000 dollars over 80 years?"

Buffy's eyes narrowed, "Why can't I have it all now? You just write me a nice check for 4 million dollars and I leave you alone."

"My dear, it doesn't work that way. You get it all in little installments, or you get less but all at once, that's how we stay in buisness."

Buffy thought for a moment. "I guess we'll take the 2.2 million." Dawn gave her a questioning glance and Buffy had to smile. "Dawn, what are the chances we'll live anywhere near that long?" Understanding came over Dawn and she nodded.

They left with a check and headed to the bank. Buffy decided that after they paid off the house and bought a new car, she hated Mom's jeep, that they would bank all but 100,000 and collect the interest. Buffy could then get a job that worked around her slaying schedule and Dawn could go to any college she wanted. The euphoric feeling hadn't left her. As for the 100,000, a little shopping won't hurt she told herself.

After the Summers sister's had managed to spend 5,000 dollars at the gap, Buffy decided that they need to go home. Dawn was disappointed but her new wardrobe would look fabulous. Buffy briefly thought she knew how Cordelia must have felt when she used to have all the clothes money could buy.

Anya came over at 7, along with Xander. Xander gave Anya a quick peck as he, Buffy, and Willow loaded up the jeep and headed to a log cabin Buffy had rented them for the weekend. As they said goodbye to Dawn and were about to head off, Tara came over.

"O-o-h, Anya told me that y-y-you were leaving for the w-weekend," she stuttered in Willow's direction. Willow loved that stuttered, it only came out when she was nervous. Willow had heard it less and less the longer they went out. She had destroyed that all, she would do anything she could to get her back.

"On our way. You look nice Tara, have fun and take good care of Dawnie," Willow whispered and the original three slayerettes headed off.

"Well, what should me do with ourselves?" Dawn asked mischievously, holding out 500 dollars that she had managed to pry away from her sister.

Buffy pulled the jeep into the cabin the innkeeper had directed her to. I was nice.

"Very, cabiney," Xander joked as they walked in to see wood furniture, a fire place, and a quaint little kitchen.

"Boy, you'd almost think we weren't on a hellmouth based on this place," Willow added.

"I thought it was nice, just what we needed," Buffy said as she finished bringing in the last of their luggage.

"Xander, I know I'm the slayer and all, but the man typically carries the luggage," Buffy quipped.

"Correction, the man only carries his girl's luggage, after that it's every woman for herself," he teased back. Xander stopped when he noticed Buffy's shoulders droop a little when he finished the joke.

I was always his girl, even though I never was, Buffy thought. This is crazy, he's my friend that's all, I've never thought about him like this before, why now? Why now that I can't have him and I'm more fucked up then ever?

Willow snapped her trace, "Buffy, want to put those down and make with the vacation?"

"Right," she said absently and put the luggage in her bedroom.

Xander made a fire and Willow, sans magic, made hot chocolate. Baby steps Wil, she told herself.

They sat on the couch and Xander dropped between the two girls and wrapped his arms around them in a familiar gesture. It had never felt better to Buffy. Even Willow relaxed. She was amazed at how even after all this time and everything they had been through they could still pick up just like old times.

Buffy rested her head on Xander's shoulder and after a while Willow followed suit. Xander laughed at how just a year or two ago this would have been his dream situation. He thought for a moment, this isn't my dream night. Anya wasn't there true, but the two people he cared about most in the world were. His mind was about to explore the situation when Willow broke the moment.

"So, let's do something. Talk or play a game or watch a movie," she gestured to the VCR and bag of movies they had rented on the way up. Buffy wouldn't have moved for the world, but she realized that she wasn't ready to deal with the repercussions of that thought and jumped at the idea.

"Sure, what do you want to play?" Buffy asked, movies left too much of a chance that she would be in the same position that she just was.

"Truth or dare?" Xander joked, but the girls took him up on the offer.

"I was just kidding, see sarcastic Xander voice, regular Xander voice," he pleaded.

"What, chicken?" Willow teased.

"No, it's just that this game never goes well for me, I always end up naked or embarrassed in another humiliating way."

"We promise, no naked Xander," Buffy teased. Her mind wandered for just a moment.

"Or anything else humiliating?" He pleaded again.

"We promise," Willow said. She leaned over and whispered in Buffy's ear. Buffy nodded and an evil smile played over her face.

Xander did not like where this was going.

"Okay, I go first," Buffy started.

"Why do you get to go first?" Xander whined.

"Cause I'm the slayer and I say so."

"Well sure if you're gonna play the I'm the slayer card on me," Xander said and made a dismissive gesture.

"Okay, Xander, truth or dare?"

"How did I know you would start with me, okay truth."

"Did you every fantasize about an orgy with the three of us," she giggled. Xander turned beat red.

"Sorry, Anya was just a little concerned," Willow said between fits of laughter.

"I'll have to have a talk with her about secrets," Xander replied. This game never goes well for me.

"Okay, Willow truth or dare?"

Willow was surprised he didn't go for Buffy, but she said, "Truth,"

"Did you every fantasize about an orgy with the three of us?" Revenge he thought.

Willow's face color now matched her hair. It was Xander's turn to laugh.

"No, when I realized I was gay, I was in love with Tara," her voice fell at the mention of her ex's name. Xander was instantly sorry he asked the question.

"Sorry," he said.

"No, it's good. We came here to get to know about each other's lives again and understand each other, so don't be sorry. Buffy truth or dare?"

"Dare," she said challengingly, trying to get the mood light again. Willow took the challenge.

"I dare you to kiss Xander for thirty seconds."

"Hey Wil, the last time we played this game we made a no kissing rule. Remember you thought I'd make Buffy kiss me," Xander chuckled, hoping to hide his discomfort. The girls were surprised he was the one objecting, but they nodded.

"Okay, lift the sofa."

"Too easy," Buffy said, masking her disappointment in her cocky voice. She did indeed lift the sofa with no trouble.

"Okay, Xander?"

"Truth,"

Buffy thought a moment, "Do you ever wish you had powers?"

WHOA! She didn't pull punches did she. He thought for a moment. On his left was a witch who had just gone through a trip to the dark side of the force that nearly killed Dawn. On his right was a slayer who was a mood swing away from intense depression. But he decided to be honest.

"All the time. I see what you can do slaying, and how when you were, uh, gone, Willow got to be so powerful, and I just feel like I don't have a role in the group anymore. I think if I had powers I'd be more important." He had anticipated a scolding, but the deep concern on his friend's faces was not in his mind.

"Don't," Buffy said softly. "That's what makes you so special Xan. Both of you," she turned to Willow as well. "This isn't some calling or your destiny to fight evil, you do it because you have great hearts. You risk your lives daily because you can't know what you know and do anything else. It takes a special person to be like that, and I have two.

"Xander, you will always have a place in the group. When the chips are down, you are always the rock. The one, who says what we need to hear, not what we want to hear," she finished as a moment of secret understanding passes between them. Buffy was about to tell Willow about Spike, but Xander's look stopped her. Too much, too soon, she thought.

"That was the nicest thing I've ever heard," Willow said and tears flowed down her face. "And I almost lost it all. Because I was jealous of you and how powerful you were," she cried.

Xander and Buffy moved to hug her. "But you saved Dawn," Buffy consoled, "Even if it was at the last minute. And you want to change. We're always here for you. And please, don't ever be jealous of me, my life is a mess."

"Come on Wil, together til the end," Xander said, and for the first time in a year, he actually believed that.

She quieted and the game went on. Buffy had control and asked Xander, "Truth or Dare?"

"Stick with truth."

"Do you love Anya?"

Wow, a truth or dare slayer as well as a vampire slayer. Xander decided it was a question he needed to answer, as much for her as for him. "In a way. She's wonderful and beautiful and watching her discover a world she was so removed from is like watching a child grow. A child who is great in b. I mean who is so beautiful," he corrected as Willow laughed. Buffy was watching him intently.

"But, I think my proposal was more out of fear of being alone. That and I was sure I would die at the hands of Glory, and I just wanted to let Anya know that her humanity wasn't a waste. She had made a difference. But, the more I think about it, the more I realize that I'm not sure I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I don't know, the spark is just gone. Sure the s. shape of her is nice, oh who am I kidding the sex is great, but that's all there is. I don't think she really understands me. She cares about me, but I know she doesn't understand me," he finished with a huff.

"Are you going to call the engagement off?" Willow asked concerned.

"I think I should, but I am afraid she might go all vengeance demon on me."

"Xander, if she is everything you say, she could never hurt you. I think she will understand," Buffy said softly.

"I know. I just never wanted to hurt her, that was the one thing I wanted to shield her from."

"You can't shield her from pain. It is almost as important to being human as love," Willow said, her words burning deep inside Buffy even though she knew they weren't meant for her, it connected inside her.

"Plus, being on a hellmouth, pain just kinda part of the job description," Willow finished.

"I'm human again," Buffy mumbled. Willow had been tempted to ask the entire night and she knew nothing could ever be repaired if she didn't ask.

"Buffy, what was heaven like?"

Buffy stared into space for a moment, then turned to face Willow, her eyes a little wet. "It was peace. I can't put it into words, but there was peace. I was happy. It was like constant comfort that you didn't even need. There was nothing to be comforted from. It was green fields, beautiful flowers one moment or a waterfall the next. Anything beautiful or safe or comforting and it was there before you could even think about it."

Willow was tearing up, and so was Xander. "But that's the problem. I came back and even the greatest things on earth seemed like less than they were. I stopped being human, I was just an empty shell. That's why Spike's chip let him hurt me, he didn't but he could," she added as Xander looked like he was about to find something sharp and wooden right then and there. "I couldn't feel anything, even pain was empty. But, if I feel love and pain then I can be human again. And move on. That's why, that's why I went to Spike," she finished.

Willow had a confused look, but she looked from Xander to Buffy and understood. "Oh," she said quietly.

"I just needed to feel something. The pain was just so overwhelming compared to heaven that I had just stopped feeling all together. All Spike could offer was pain, an outlet to pour my pain into and he could return it to me in turn."

Xander was more prepared for the news this time, but it still shook him to the core. She couldn't feel anything, she was numb, and Spike could pierce her numbness.

Buffy looked at Xander for a moment, then spoke. "I called it off with him. I realized that pain was the only thing I could feel, the only thing I could offer Spike, and the only thing he could return. But, I want to feel love. Love can take the pain and numbness away. I felt it pierce it, like a ray of light in the darkness," Buffy smiled at her own insightfulness. "And I understand that love is the only thing that can bring me back. Spike feels love for me, I really believe he does, but I can never return it. I went down that road once and all it caused me was pain. I need a real love," when she finished she looked up and Xander.

Xander had let her words pour over him, a mix of pain and hope. He noticed she was looking at him. He had never seen that look on her face before.

"Xander, before the other night, I don't think I could have even been happy about winning all the money, but now, I can feel more than just pain."

Xander didn't understand. His mind was in overdrive and he couldn't bring himself to wrap his head around what she was implying.

Willow could, she gasped a little as Buffy reached her hand out to his. "Xander, you are the only guy who has ever stood by me. No matter what, you were there. Even after you thought there was no chance for you and me, you never left my side. You don't have some deep dark secret like being a vampire, or a soldier boy. You're just, Xander. The other night after you caught Spike and me and for the first time I realized that it's not danger, mystery and tortured love I want, it's comfort, caring and concern. I never felt more cared about then I did that night. Not even Angel made me feel that way."

This was too much, Xander thought.

"I just hope that it's not too late for us," she pleaded. Her voice, her eyes were pleading, her lips did that pout he loved so much. He knew what had been happening over the last few days, but until now he wouldn't admit it. He was falling in love with Buffy Summers all over again.

A long silence followed. Buffy was afraid that she had scared him, or that her feelings about him were wrong, that he indeed had moved on. Xander was just trying to make sure this wasn't a dream. Willow waited in anticipation. Her two best friends getting together, finally after all this time. She knew they could make each other happy. Xander's silence concerned her. Did he really love Anya more than Buffy?

Finally, Xander spoke. "It's never too late Buffy. It's you, it's always been you that had my heart. You have no idea how long, how many times we've had this conversation. I just figured that it would never be real. I tried to move on, but I knew deep down that if you ever saw me as anything other than a Xander-shaped friend, even if it was only a little more than friends, I would drop everything to be with you," Willow had never heard him like this. He was so serious, so caring. Buffy remembered the only time she had ever heard him like this. It was right after Kendra had been killed and Willow was in the hospital. He loved Willow as much as he loved her. His love for Willow was like a brother to a sister. His love for her had always been more than that.

They didn't have a chance to explore this any further because there was a knock at the door. Buffy's mind was brought out of her happy thoughts. The only people who knew they were there were Danw, Anya, and Tara. There must be something wrong.

As Willow opened the door Buffy found out she had half of it right. There stood a de-ratted Amy, with a panicked look on her face.

"Amy," Willow said in shock. Willow hadn't seen Amy since her run in with Rax, and figured Buffy had scared her away.

"Amy," Buffy repeated, with a hint of that slayer intimidation in her voice.

"Please, can I come in, it's Dawn, I found this address, please, she needs you, can I come in?" Amy panted.

Buffy's suspicion of Amy melted away and she told her to come in. As Amy walked through the door, the panic disappeared on her face, replaced with a cold, callous look.

"What is it?" Buffy asked, too worried to take notice of her change. Willow didn't seem to notice either, she was relieving the last time the two witches had gotten together. But Xander noticed right away.

"Oh-no, Amy," he started to say and found his voice was gone.

"Don't worry, she'll be fine now that I've found you," she said calmly.

Xander charged at her and was repelled by an invisible force field.

"Huh?" Buffy managed before she saw the changes that occurred on Amy's face. The ridges, the teeth.

"Amy," Buffy said, half pity half anger

"Sit," Amy commanded and Buffy found herself obeying. "I came for you Willow. You have no idea how much more powerful a vampire witch is."

Willow just backed away and stuttered. "Well, a, not so much into the wicca thing anymore, got a little too much last time."

Amy came over to Willow who was backed in a corner. She leaned in and kissed her. Even though her skin was cold, the power that flowed into Willow was electric. She found herself responding, returning her kiss.

"No," she said between their lips. "No, I don't want this."

Amy sighed. "Pity, boys." A pair of large vampires brought Dawn into the doorway. "Invite them in or lil sis is dead."

"Come in," Willow whimpered. No, she couldn't be. Dawnie, this was all her fault she thought.

Amy went over to Dawn and caressed her check. Buffy's eyes were full of rage, but she couldn't move or speak. She could only sit and watch. Watch as Amy buried her head gently into Dawn's neck. Willow charged at them but bounced off an invisible wall. After a brief moment Amy withdrew. "Leave us," she commanded.

Amy waved her hand and muttered something in a language not even Willow recognized and a vortex appeared. Through the vortex walked. Willow. It took a moment for second Willow to recognize her surroundings. She looked at the real Willow.

"You, again. You got powerful. Not so fuzzy anymore," she whispered softly. Willow recognized her double.

"Vampire me."

"The blood of the key in the hands of a vampire witch can be very powerful," Amy said. "Kill her," she commanded Vampire Willow.

"Wait," Willow said. They waited for her to say something. Before she could Xander ran Vampire Willow over, tackling her to the ground. Vampire Willow flung Xander off her, into Amy's waiting arms.

Willow advanced on Willow, and Buffy could only watch. She struggled against the force holding her, but Amy was too strong. Xander tried to fight Amy, but she beat him until he collapsed on the floor a mess of blood.

Willow knew she must use magic to save herself, but she couldn't bring herself to go down that path again. Too soon, is all she could think. Suddenly an arrow flew into the room, connecting with Vampire Willow. "Fuck," she cried as she turned to dust. They all turned to see Spike holding a crossbow with Dawn cowering behind him.

"Hey luv, mind if I join the party?"

"Go right ahead Spike," Willow called.

"Invite me in Red."

"Oh, right sorry. Come in Spike." The barrier was gone and Spike advanced on Amy. Amy could see Xander beginning to get up and Willow was getting her bearings. Amy looked around and saw the pile of videos. "Realite," she called and before Xander, Willow, and Buffy's eyes stood Darth Vader. The breathing was just like in the movie, Xander thought. He brought his red glowing lightsaber up and slashed at Xander. Leave it to him to pick Star Wars when they picked Bridges of Madison County.

The spell was taxing enough that Buffy was free of her sitting position. She went after Amy at the same time as Spike. Amy moved out of the way and let them collide. Meanwhile Xander was dodging slashes that came at alarming speed. "Wil, a little help," Xander cried. She knew what she had to do, and she would do it for Xander. And for Buffy. "Realite," she called and Xander was suddenly equipped with his own lightsaber.

"Not what I had in mind, but better than nothing," Xander called.

"I can't undue that kind of magic, she's too strong, so I thought this was the next best thing," Willow replied. This time when Vader brought his glowing sword down at Xander, Xander blocked it with his own blue blade. He fell backwards. "Couldn't give me Jedi strength too?"

Buffy was on her feet, and while she stole a few glances over to Xander, she had her own troubles. Amy was sending sizzling bolts out at both her and Spike. She dodged them, as did Spike, but she couldn't let her recapture Dawn.

She stole a moment to talk to Spike as they dodged another bolt. "What happened?"

"Well, I was passing by to check on the lil bit and found the witch and her boys dragging her out of the house."

"What about Anya and Tara?" Buffy asked breathlessly barley dodging another bolt.

"Anya was out bloody cold, but still alive. I found the other witch at the bottom of the hill. She must have been following them, she was hurt but not in bad shape," Spike finished, then grunted in pain as a bolt sizzled into his arm.

"BLOODY HELL, THAT FUCKING HURT!" Spike changed into his vampire face and charged Amy. Amy waved a hand and a throbbing pain in his head overcame him.

"New rules Spike, you can only hurt humans now," Amy called.

"Now, you give me this now," Spike growled.

"Spike," Buffy pleaded with him.

"I'll go help the lil bit and the witch," Spike grumbled. Amy waved her hand and Spike was overcome again.

"Maybe you didn't fully understand the rules. You work for me now Spike, kill her," Amy commanded. Spike looked at Buffy, he knew the chip wouldn't let him harm her if he could only attack humans. He lunged for her and got far to close without any pain, when he met Buffy's fist.

"Luv, you're human again?" Spike asked disappointed.

"Good cover Spike," Buffy growled.

Meanwhile Xander was beginning to get the hang of this. He had seen the Star Wars movies a million times, he knew he must have picked something up. He was dueling Darth Vader just like some dreams he had, if there wasn't a very really possibility he could die this would have been incredibly cool. What a day, all his dreams were coming true. He wanted to stay alive to enjoy them

"Obi-Wan has taught you well," Vader breathed at him. Xander had to laugh. Even if he did die, this was still incredibly cool.

Xander couldn't resist, "You'll find I'm full of surprises," he called out the line from Empire Strikes Back and slashed his lightsaber down. He was impressed when he saw he had landed a blow on his shoulder. Vader recoiled in pain. Xander was ecstatic, until he remembered what happened next in the movie. Oh, hand, I like my hand, I'm not really Luke Skywalker. I want my hand to be able to touch Buffy, after so long of waiting, Xander decided he wasn't about to lose his chance to touch Buffy this way. Think brain, he urged, and Vader moved in for another strike. Oh, I know! He exclaimed in his head.

"Willow bring the Emperor here," he cried. Willow would have questioned him if she didn't she that Vader was about to detach Xander from his hand.

"Realite," Willow called and the robe clad Emperor appeared. Xander knew what he had to do.

"I'll never turn. I am a Jedi, like my father before me," he called, reveling that years of memorizing film dialogue were finally going to pay off.

"So be it, jedi," the Emperor shot out in disgust. The Emperor shot out black bolts of lightning that claimed Xander's body.

"ARRGH!" was all Xander could muster. Buffy, Spike and Amy turned to see what was happening.

The Emperor shot out more electric bolts and spat out "Only now, in the end, do you understand." The bolts continued. Buffy was about to leap in and save Xander, but Willow stopped her.

"Trust Xander, I think he has a plan," Willow smiled at her.

"Yeah, a plan to get him killed!" Buffy cried.

Xander wreathed in pain. It had never looked this painful in the movie. His brain told him he was supposed to say something. Oh yeah, "Father, please, help me," he cried, genuine pain taking over. If this didn't work he would be in big trouble. He stole a glance at Vader, who was looking back and forth between Xander and the Emperor. He saw Vader make a move. In the movie, Vader had throw the Emperor down a power shaft, since there was no power shaft in the small cabin Vader brought his lightsaber down and thrashed the Emeperor, who blasted Vader with energy bolts. The Emperor disappeared in a flurry of black energy and Vader collapsed on the ground.

Xander knew what he had to do to set Vader free. He knelt by him. "I'm going to save you father," he whispered.

"You already have Luke, you already have," Vader choked out before collapsing. When Vader's head hit the floor, his body was gone.

"Wow," Willow whispered amazed. Xander looked down and realized he still had his lightsaber, he glanced at Willow who just shrugged. Xander turned it back on and advanced toward Amy. Amy, realized she was now greatly outnumber and had little strength left. She used the last of it, she snapped her fingers and was gone in a poof of smoke.

"Why do I know that won't be the last time we see her," Buffy sighed. She had been holding Spike's arm, but she went over to comfort Xander. Wrapping her arms around him she guided him to the sofa. Spike growled a bit as he Buffy kiss Xander's forehead. He was about to grab Buffy and talk to her, but he was frozen in shock when she kissed him. On the lips.

"Bloody hell. You dump me for that WANKER! Screw this!" Spike stormed out of the cabin, calling back, "The bloody thanks I get for saving your blokes lives!"

Dawn, who had been hiding in the corner to watch the battle, chased after him.

"Spike!" she called.

"Sod off," he called and was instantly sorry when he saw Dawn's face.

"Sorry lil bit, just need to blow off some steam."

Dawn steadied herself. She had seen her sister change, even before they had won the money, and she thought she now knew why.

"Do you love Buffy?"

Not what he had expected. "Yeah," he said defeated.

"Do you want her to be happy?" she asked.

What was with the kid. "Yeah."

"Then let her be with Xander."

"WHAT! No bloody way, if you love someone you fight for them!" Spike said. He remembered how he had felt the first time he had returned to Sunnydale after Dru had left him. He had been a mess until he realized you had to fight if you loved someone. And he loved Buffy much more than Dru.

"So what, she can only be happy if she's happy with you?"

That was it. No it wasn't, he wanted Buffy to be happy. "I can make her happy. Happier than droopy, that's for bloody sure!"

"Spike, think about it. Sure, you might love her, but what life can you offer her. She'll age and you'll stay the same. Eventually she'll die, for good this time, and then what's left. And do you really make her happy? I love you Spike, but I don't think Buffy does, or ever could. She's been down that road of pain before with Angel, it ended badly. Xander can offer her a normal life, he won't ever hurt her. Who else can you say would never hurt Buffy, even you hurt her sometimes."

Spike chuckled as he remembered how he thought that beside Giles, Xander was the only guy he could trust to be with Buffy. Course that was because he figured the bloke never had a shot with her. He also knew, deep down, that Xander would always love Buffy and give his life for her. Spike growled as Dawn's words hit him. He should go in there and fight for Buffy. He loved her, and he knew something in Buffy cared for him. But, Dawn was right. Did he only want Buffy to be happy if it was with him? No. And he knew she would be happier with Xander and the bloke would never hurt her. He could offer her a somewhat normal life.

He felt something go through him, but he couldn't understand it, and then it was gone. What the bloody hell was that, he wondered, but then turned back to Dawn. "Lil bit, I need to skip town. Amy flipped my chip so that I can only hurt humans. I'd never hurt any of you, not even dr. Xander. But I need to get my head together. Tell her I'm happy for her and Xander. Tell her I will always love her," Spike turned and started to walk away when he was enwrapped in a hug from Dawn.

"Don't leave me Spike," she pleaded, close to tears.

"I'll be back Dawnie, promise. But I can't be here, now. I will come back to you, I promise. Kay lil one?" Dawn held on for a while, but let go.

"Promise," she pleaded.

"Of course."

"I'll be so mad at you if you don't come back."

"I get it. I'll be back, I promise," Spike leaned in and kissed her forehead, then took off through the woods. Dawn was sobbing slightly when she saw Tara come up the hill. She ran to her and hugged her tight.

"Everything's okay Dawnie?" she asked.

"Yeah," Buffy said as she and Xander came down, holding hands. Tara looked at them and smiled. Then frowned as she remembered, "What about Anya?"

It was Xander's turn to frown. "It will be hard on her, but I was having cold feet anyway. I just, can't let her go," he hugged Buffy to him, letting her rest her head on his chest.

Willow was in the rear, watching. She wanted to run to Tara and comfort her. Let her know it would be okay. But she wasn't sure it would be. Amy is so powerful. Glory was strong, but she had limitations. Willow wondered if Amy had any.

"Willow, are you o-okay?" Tara asked. Willow smiled. She hopped she could resurrect their relationship someday. For now, she settled for friendship.

"Okay, is the right word I think," Willow replied.

"Buffy, can we go home?" Dawn asked. She nodded and they began their descent home. Dawn gave Buffy and Xander Spike's message as they made their way to the Summers home. Even Xander had to admit he was touched by Spike's words.

When they got home they found Anya with an ice pack on her head and the phone in her hand. When she saw them walk in the door she ran and hugged Xander. She knew right away that something was wrong. She looked up into his deep brown eyes. He mouthed later to her, and she experienced a feeling as if her stomach had been cut out. She didn't like this feeling and was very worried. She was about to ask why they couldn't talk about it now, but she held off.

Willow and Buffy took Dawn upstairs to bed. Xander gave a Tara a shoulder squeeze. After a few moments, Buffy returned.

"I made Willow go to bed. She was weak after those spells. She really came through for us though," Buffy added when Tara flinched.

"Was it dark magic?" Anya asked. Leave it to Anya, Xander thought.

"No. It was powerful, but without it we'd all be dead," Buffy replied. Her eyes narrowed as she watched Anya reach for Xander's hand. She had to smile when Xander somehow managed to slip away to give Tara a hug. He gave Buffy a wink, said a quick goodnight to the girls and lead Anya out the door.

THE NEXT MORNING

Buffy was flipping through the channels, watching Saturday morning cartoons, thinking of Xander. She knew he loved cartoons, Anya often complained that she couldn't get the sex on Saturday mornings. She cringed. She hoped things had gone okay, she didn't want to worry about a vengeance demon on top of a vampire witch. There was a knock on the door and she sprung up the answer it.

"Hey Buff," he smiled at her.

"How did it go?" she blurted out. She shook her head at herself, very subtle Buff, "I meant that to follow some small talk, but I guess while we're on the subject," she prodded.

"It was hard. She didn't understand at first, especially the part about her never understanding me, guess that's pretty ironic," he added dryly. Buffy could tell it had been a long painful night.

"She threw some stuff, and that hurt. But then she started to cry. That hurt too come to think about it. Then she wanted to know if we could still be friends, and I said I'd like that. Then she asked if we could still have sex, and while I'd have liked that," he grinned, "I thought you might have an issue with that. So anyway, she slept in the bed, while I slept on the couch and when I woke up she was gone. It will take some time, but I think she'll be okay. No vengeance coming, I think," Xander exhaled. He looked at her a long time. He knew that breaking it off with Anya was the right thing to do, Buffy or no Buffy, but he had to make sure that being with Buffy was the best thing for her.

"Buffy. Look, you know how I feel about you. I love you with my whole being. I'd die for you. But I need to make sure you want to do this for the right reasons. I want to be with you so badly, but I need you to want that too. I will never hurt you, but I don't know if I could handle being hurt. This is my dream, along with fighting Darth Vader," Xander chuckled but then became serious again. "I need to make sure that this is what you want."

She was touched at his concern, and wondered how long it would take him to get over his insecurity about her. She touched his arm and felt the warmth flow up into her. She had never noticed how strong he was. Considering the only men in her life where vampires or drugged up soldiers, she had never noticed that Xander was probably very strong for a normal guy. Normal guy Xander, she smiled to herself. "I want to take this slow Xander. But I have no doubts. You touched my heart and have always been there for me, no matter how many times I pushed you away. I'm done pushing, I want to pull."

Xander's smile went literally ear to ear.

"I want you to be my Xander-shaped boyfriend. I've grown quite attached to that shape," she smiled back at him.

"Life is full of surprises isn't it," Xander chuckled as he entwined his hand with hers. He leaned in a kissed her. It was warm, like it had been in the cemetery only a few days before. Only this time there was passion. Xander let his bottled up feelings for Buffy pour into their kiss. Buffy leaned into the kiss and returned his passion from a place deep inside her that she was sure had the label: FOR LOVE OF MY LIFE.

When they finally broke from the kiss, Buffy knew this was right. Not even Angel could have made her fell like this. If Angel were to walk through the door right now as human, she would never leave Xander. She put her head into the crock of his arm and cried. But for the first time they were tears of joy.

ONE MONTH LATER

Xander looked around the almost empty apartment. The lease ran out tomorrow and he wouldn't be renewing it. He was moving into the Summers house. He and Buffy had never made love. They each had such a screwed up history that they didn't want to ruin the best thing they had ever had. He grew to love Buffy more and more each day. He knew that he wanted their first time to be perfect, and it would be.

Slowly the light that had fueled her returned. She decided to re-enroll in college. Being dead had set her back a bit, but she was so smart when she wanted to be. Xander had a solid construction job that would allow him to save, especially if he didn't have to worry about rent payments all the time. Every night he, Buffy, Willow and Dawn had a "family" dinner. But he wanted to take the quotes of family. They were a family.

Dawn had forgiven Willow and urged her not to give up magic, but find a balance. Slowly Willow was learning, but she wouldn't rush herself again. Tara came around more often, always to see Dawn, but would stay and spend time with Willow. Xander was sure that they would reconcile someday, but Tara had been hurt so much that she needed time.

Anya had allowed them to use the Magic Box to met in, but she had withdrawn more and more since their breakup. Xander was concerned, but he knew she'd land on her feet. No one had heard from Spike since the first time Amy attacked. Amy had tried a few more things, but it seemed like she was saving energy for something. Buffy had called Giles to see what he knew about stopping a vampire witch. Buffy laughed at Giles when they talked, "Same old Giles," she said lovingly.

Xander could have stayed at Buffy's last night. His room was finished with all his stuff in it, but he wanted to spend one more night at his apartment, may as well make the most of that lease. It also didn't help that he and Buffy could barely keep their hands off each other last night after dinner and he knew that if he stayed the night they would have given in to temptation. While he really wanted to, he was determined to make it perfect, she deserved it.

Xander heard a knock on his door. He checked his watch. 7 AM. Who would be here at 7AM? He hoped that it was Buffy. He opened the door and his jaw hit the floor.

"Xander," a pair of arms from the hallway wrapped around him in a friendly hug. They weren't the arms he wanted.

"Spike?" Xander questioned.

Spike grinned at him. The peroxide blonde vampire was dressed very strangely. The leather attire that Xander had grown accustomed to, had been replaced by, dare he say it, tweed. He wore glasses on his face and a tie around his neck. God, it looks like he raided Giles wardrobe Xander thought.

"It's great to see you Xander. And it's William now," he added as he stepped inside Xander's apartment. William looked around and threw a questioning look at Xander.

"Moving to casa de summers tomorrow. I gotta ask." Xander started.

"Oh, where are my manners, let me explain. Well, it all started that night at the cabin. I was pretty upset about you and Buffy. Are you taking good care of her," Xander nodded and Spike continued.

"Good. So Dawnie came to me and asked me if I wanted Buffy to be happy or if I only wanted her to be happy with me. I decided that I wanted Buffy to be happy no matter what happened to me. I felt something happen then, but didn't know what. So I went away to cool off and gain some perspective. Amy had altered the chip to allow me to harm only humans. So after a lot of searching, I decided that since I could no longer fight the forces of evil, I'd end my existence. I decided that staking myself hadn't worked so well the last time I tried." Xander chuckled as he recalled when he and Willow had caught him tying to impale himself on the leg of a table in Xander's basement.

"So I figured I'd just go take a daytime stroll, you know see the beautiful world before I pass. Well the powers that be had other ideas. I found that the sun didn't hurt, after my eyes adjusted to it after decades of darkness. When I realized something had happened, I found a mirror and saw my reflection. Suddenly I was standing before the PTB. They told me that since Amy had stripped my ability to fight evil my last test had been to put Buffy's happiness over my own. Since I did that, they restored my soul and my humanity. They told me I had a purpose. Since I had a vast knowledge of demons, and of personal redemption, I was to become a watcher," William began to whisper the last part. "Amy is more powerful than anything you have ever faced. More powerful than Glory, even more powerful than the Master."

Xander swallowed.

"You will need all the help you can get to defeat her plans. So I was sent back to become a watcher and help you."

Xander was shocked for a few moments, but when he regained his composure he had questions. "How are you going to help? No offense Spi..William, I'm really happy you got your humanity back and all, but why not just send Giles home, couldn't he help? And why tell me first, why not go to Buffy?"

"Excellent questions. Someday Xander you will become more than you ever dreamed," William made a face when he realized he had revealed more to Xander than he was intended to know. Luckily, Xander was in too much shock to notice. "Giles will be returning once the severity of this is revealed to him. But that wasn't enough. No, I was still needed. And as for coming to you first, well I was hoping that you could prepare Buffy for what I have to tell her. She's been through so much already and trusts you so much. You must make her understand that this is necessary."

Xander was confused. He didn't think Buffy would care that Spike had been turned back into William. He was a younger version of Giles now. Xander didn't even feel threatened.

"You don't know what I have to reveal to Buffy yet," William got up from the chair without another word and went out into the hallway. Xander was so confused. William returned to the doorway. He turned to an unseen someone who stepped into view.

"Faith!" Xander exclaimed.

TO BE CONTINUED.

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