Dreams can come through

by Mims

*COMPLETE* When Xander finds out about Buffy and Spike, he helps her through it. However, when the new big bad arrives, old friends must return in different roles to avert disaster. B/X, F/S, W/T, hints of A/C

11. New Goodbyes, Old Goodbyes and Things to...

Disclaimer: Everything Buffy belongs to Joss and the angry lawyers that protect him from evil fanfic writers.

Author's Note: This is it, the end of Dreams Can Come Through. This has been my first piece of fanfic and it was a great experience writing it, and I hope that those of you who read this have enjoyed it.

I know this part is long, but there was a lot of emotion that needed to come out.

Thanks: I want to thank everyone who has given me feedback, because you really kept me going. If it hadn't been for you guys, well, I don't think I'd be here today. Thank You for everything:

White Werewolf, Wicked Raygun, Ozmandayus, Lori Bush, TC, Xandman, Tony D, wbh21c, Dale Thiel, Chorlton, bRed310, txrclark, Peter.Bauer05, Nameless Dreamer, Maggie, Iris, Daphne, Zauriel Angelus, Pikawhore, Rob Clark, Furious George, Bob Regent, Paradox761, DaBear, Tenhawk, Twinkie Pirate, Tony Covey, Timberwolf, Prince Charon, Varthan, Malaskor, krisseth2000, Calen, wererpator, Queeny.

If I missed anyone who gave me feedback I sincerely apologize and I just want you to know it means a lot to me to hear from you.





All 11 parts can be found:

http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=134718



Rating: R



New Good-byes, Old Good-byes and things to come

White. It was everywhere. Why did they think that color was comforting, it wasn't. It gave off a sterile and callous feeling. This was what Xander Harris thought as he lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling. It was really just a distraction to avoid dealing with his situation.

But he couldn't distract his mind from replaying the last few hours of his life for long. Faith had helped him back up to the library only to find Buffy passed out and suffering from shock. When he saw Willow she had a vacant look in her eyes and moved with no emotion. Xander's mind had almost spiraled out of control. He wanted to quit. Just lay next to his fallen love and die. But part of him knew he couldn't, not after what Faith had done for him.

It had been the gypsy boy that got everyone moving. He told Cordy and Willow to get Giles ready to be moved. He took Dawn over to Angelus' still unconscious form to try the rejoining spell again. He told Faith to go call 911 and get several ambulances out to the school. She moved numbly, taking Cordy's cell phone and sitting in a corner to dial the number.

Xander was sent to keep watch on Buffy. Her left arm was sticking through her charred skin. The rest of her body was black and blue and broken in many places. Her life hung in the balance, but there was nothing Xander or anyone else could do about it.

The gypsy saw several demons approaching the group. Xander's view shifted briefly from Buffy to them and he saw the boy prepared to fight. The demons, however, offered their help. Demons that were actually grateful, Xander thought he had truly seen everything now. The demons assisted Dawn with the spell and Angel was quick to offer what help he could.

Everything after that was a blur. The ambulances came to take everyone away. As Xander was loaded inside with Giles, he saw Angel trying to come up with some explanation for the not only the group's location but their injuries. Xander then saw the EMS agents load Buffy into the other ambulance. He couldn't process the situation and his mind and body finally shut down. He blanked out, awaking in the white room.

He had a dislocated shoulder, broken ribs and sprained ankle, but he had gotten off pretty easily considering. That was all the doctors would tell him. He had no idea what had happened to Giles and Buffy. On top of that he hadn't seen or heard from Faith, Willow, Dawn, Oz, Cordy or Angel since his arrival.

The door to his room creaked open, snapping Xander from his flashback. He turned his head to see who had entered.

"Hey," he said weakly, his voice tired and scratchy.

"Hey yourself," she replied and took a seat next to his bed.

"How you holding up?" he asked.

"Oh, me, I'm five by five. I just killed my soulmate, but it's all good," Faith spat out. Xander sighed. He knew the tirade wasn't directed at him and he knew exactly what the slayer was going through.

"Have I ever told you how much I hate hospitals?" Xander asked. When Faith didn't respond he went on. "White isn't a pleasant color. It's so cold. Most people equate black with death, but for me it's white."

"I came to tell you she's out of surgery," Faith broke into his tangent. "But it's too early to tell. She lost a lot of blood. Her heart stopped once on the ride over too."

"And Giles?" Xander asked, not able to even think about Buffy.

"He's got a pretty nasty bump. He woke up though, so no coma's on the horizon."

"The others?"

"Well, after Dawn did the spell on Angel and the EMS came, he brought Anya to the hospital too. She's fine, just a deep cut from that arrow. Willow's passed out, but whether it's out of stress or physical reasons no one's sure. Angel and Cordy are keeping watch over her. Oz took Dawn out to get some food. She needed to get out of this place and he's the only one functioning right now. The gypsy went down to get, um, your body and head. He said when he came back he'd open the portal and go home."

Xander sighed. At least he knew how they were all doing, good and bad.

Except for Faith.

She had found the inner strength to kill Spike and fight Amy allowing Xander to kill her. And physically she was in the best shape of any of them, a few minor burns that would probably heal the next day. Emotionally, however, she was a different story altogether. Xander was surprised she had even stuck around. He thought she might go off and revert to her former lifestyle. And, despite his own personal crisis, Xander knew he had a chance to reach her and he had to do it.

"You know Faith, this whole battle had a real different feel. I mean, we should have lost and somehow we won."

"You call this winning?" Faith demanded.

"The world didn't end, did it?"

"No. But you know what, the fucking world has no idea what we've sacrificed. Why did I kill my lover? So some bastard can shove a double chili cheeseburger down his throat. Or so some bitch can light up a cancer stick and kill herself. Or maybe so the bitch and the bastard can get together and have sex for money. That's right, that's why I killed the only man I ever loved."

Xander looked her right in the eyes, fighting the pain in his ribs as he began to talk. "That's life Faith. Some people won't ever know what they have here. They'll waste it. But what we fought for and were willing to die for, that's called love. Love for those pairs of soulmates who ARE going to spend the rest of their lives together. For those families who truly love and care about each other. That's why this world was worth saving."

"Is it worth Buffy's life?" Faith shot back, point blank.

Xander didn't even blink. "Yes. She's already sacrificed herself once. We knew what had to be done, because we've had what's good about this world. It hurts like hell to even think that Buffy might be, gone. But would I change things? No."

"Good for you, Mr. High and Mighty. You've always had the fucking scoobies, someone to care about you. William was the only person who cared for me. And now he's gone. So tell me it's worth it. Sit there on your righteous throne and tell me I did the right thing in killing my lover."

Xander was silent for a moment, gathering his thoughts. "I love you Faith."

"What?" she asked, caught completely off guard.

"I love you. And so does Buffy. And so does Willow. We all love you. And we're all here for you. I understand your feelings, because I'm feeling them too. If Buffy dies, I don't know what I'll do. But I know that the world is better off because of what we did. We won and we lost. It happens when you fight the good fight. And if you need to bail, I understand. But you need to know that you ARE loved. We'll always be here for you. Even if you leave, you have to know you can always come back."

Faith, who had begun tearing up, just nodded and walked out of Xander's room. Xander only hoped she wasn't walking out of his life.

**********************************************

Angel watched Willow twitch in her uneasy rest. He had always had a soft spot in his heart for the young woman. She had never cared about the fact he was a vampire. She had given him his soul back, against better judgment. She had always stood up for him when he came under attack, mostly from her best friend Xander. And in return he had always helped her whenever she asked. But now, he knew there was nothing he could do for her.

Or for Buffy. He tried not to think about her, lying in surgery. She had lost so much blood and had been in such bad shape. And he had been unable to help. That gnawed at him. It hadn't been his fault, Cordelia had assured him of that, but it didn't ease the guilt. He was supposed to be a champion, but he'd been completely out of the fight when they needed him the most.

The only thing that made him feel any better was that Connor was safe. He was the reason Angel came to Sunnydale at all. Wes and Gunn had stayed behind to watch and protect him. Angel had gone in hopes of assuring there would be a world for Connor to grow up in. He had decided not to say anything about his son to the scoobies, especially after finding out about Buffy and Xander. It would open a host of emotions he wasn't ready to deal with.

"I see you've wasted no time in getting back to brooding," Cordelia said, entering the room with a cup of coffee and a stolen bag of blood.

"Thanks," Angel said, taking the bag and ignoring her comment. Cordelia. In his delirious state of old age, Angel had a lot of time to think. Buffy would always have a hold over his heart. And in his delirium he had called for her. But when that had faded and he was left with his thoughts, he realized he had a family. A strange one, but one nonetheless. When he tried to imagine his life without any of them in it he couldn't do it. He couldn't live without any of them.

He had lived three years without Buffy. But he hadn't lived without Cordy in six years. She was something special. She didn't always take everything in stride, but that was part of her charm. He loved her. But while he was out of it, he began to realize it wasn't a friendly kind of love. It was a passionate all consuming love and he'd been fighting his feelings for her. He had been afraid of becoming close to another woman after Buffy. Cordelia was worth it. He wanted to tell her. Angel wasn't sure how she would react, but he wanted her to know.

Cordelia watched Angel think. She didn't need to be a mind reader to know what he was thinking about. Buffy. There was something in his eyes whenever he thought about love, especially his own love life. And who was Angel's love life but one Buffy Summers. Well as long as you didn't count Darla, and Cordy didn't.

God I can't believe how bad I have it for him, Cordelia thought. Dawn had caught her red handed. Well, she sighed to herself, it's just a crush, right? All I have to do is get it out of my system. She looked the brooding hunk over and thought, easier said then done.

"Cordy," Angel said softly. "I have something to say to you."

The brunette beauty stiffened. What the hell is he going to tell me? I know- he has to stay in Sunnydale and try to win Buffy away from Xander.

"Okay," she finally said.

"I've had a lot of time to think. Especially about love. And seeing Buffy and Xander together and so happy, it was something I wasn't prepared for. It really got me thinking about her."

Great, here it comes, Cordy thought.

Angel continued, hoping he wouldn't lose his nerve. "And I decided I have to move on and put Buffy behind me. For real this time I'm not just going to bury my feelings. I'm going to move on and form new feelings."

"Well I'll be damned," Cordelia said aloud. Whoops.

"Me too," Angel smiled at her. "I also realized that I do have love in my heart. Not just for Connor either. What I'm trying to say here is that, I love you Cordelia."

He means as a friend, she reminded herself despite the fact his words melted her heart. "I love you too Angel."

"You're very beautiful," he continued.

But I can only see you as a friend, Cordelia finished in her mind.

"And I know there is some, sort of, attraction between us. And I think we should talk about it."

She felt her heart breaking inside her. She was positive Angel was just going to make it clear they could never be more than friends. She didn't think she could bear hearing him say the words so she decided to do it for him, before she totally lost it.

Ever the actress, Cordy buried her feelings and put on a happy face. "You know, I've been thinking about this too," she said. "I mean, we're friends right? And as friends we can't ever act on that attraction, no matter if we want to or not, because it would change everything. And I want to be your friend. I like the way things are now and if we ever went past that, well it would be bad. You might lose your soul or worse. I know you understand and I bet you feel better now that we've talked about," she rambled quickly.

"I," Angel got out before Cordy sprung up.

"Good. I need to use the ladies room. Freshen up and all," she said and left the room as dignified as she could manage before running to the bathroom to ball her eyes out.

In Willow's room Angel was crushed.

"I was going to say I think we should explore acting on our attraction and taking our friendship to the next level," he said dejectedly to no one in particular. "Because, I love you."

**********************************************

"You know the point of ordering scrambled eggs is so you don't have to do the scrambling. It's a modern day wonder," Oz said to Dawn who sat across from him at the diner. Dawn, for her part, offered Oz a weak smile and continued to play with her scrambled eggs.

She couldn't draw her thoughts away from her other self. Or rather what used to be her other self. The gypsy boy, who still refused to tell her his name, assured Dawn that his people's magics could reverse anything done to his Dawn in another dimension. But Dawn didn't miss the hitch in his voice. It wasn't a sure thing, it was 50/50 shot at best and she knew it.

On top of that, was Buffy. Her sister, her only blood family, was lying in a hospital bed fighting for her life, again. It was an all to common occurrence for Dawn. People she loved and cared about trying to stay alive. Put in danger because she wasn't real and was never meant to exist.

"I remember the time you let me play with your guitar and I broke the string," Dawn said sadly to Oz.

"So do I."

"It never happened, it wasn't real."

"Sure it did," Oz assured her.

"No, because I'm not real. I'm just energy in a human shell. None of those memories are real, nothing I ever did before last year was real," Dawn's voice was reaching a high pitch.

"I remember it. You remember it, so who's to say it didn't actually happen."

"But it wasn't real."

Oz's stoic face lit up just a bit. "What makes something real? It was real to you. It was real to me. So that makes it real to us. Who else matters?"

Dawn shook her head, still unsure.

"Plus, I don't think unreal things have the ability to not eat eggs like you," Oz told her.

She stifled a laugh.

"It could be worse, I could have ordered you humus."

That was all it took and Dawn laughed a little.

"Don't mock the humus. It is a food of many uses."

"Tell me some," Dawn said, happy to have a distraction from her life.

"Well there was this one time with the mayor," Oz began.

**********************************************

She was alone, as always. Or at least it seemed like always since the horrible day when her lover fell for someone else. She had been so angry and hurt. So consumed with rage she almost gave everything up. Her humanity, her soul, her mortality. But that would have gone against everything he had ever taught her, everything he had assured her made life worth living. So she refused to give up.

But sometimes it was so hard. The last week had been pure hell.

Anya sighed and sat back in her hospital bed. Even with everything, including loosing Xander and then almost being his snack, she could have made it if she just had someone waiting for her. Someone who cared whether she lived or died. But she didn't. And she doubted she ever would.

**********************************************

Willow slowly opened her eyes. It hurt. She hurt. Her head throbbed. But worst of all, was that the second consciousness crept into her mind Tara was there. Forgiving her. How could she do that? Willow had caused everything. If she hadn't fallen into dark magic, they wouldn't have broken up and if they hadn't broken up Willow would have noticed the change in Tara. Forgiveness, Willow thought, I don't deserve that. I deserve damnation.

She tried to sit up but quickly found the motion far too painful. She let her body collapse back on the bed and tried to force the images of the horrible battle out of her head. She could barely remember anything after Tara died. But she had the nagging feeling that there were things she could, and should, have done to protect her friends. The first few spells she cast had drained her, but she just stopped functioning completely after Tara.

It was a double-edged sword really. On one hand Willow had a chance to say goodbye to her lover. To know that, even though she should, Tara didn't hate her. One the other hand, however, Willow had to see Tara die, watch her move from this plane to the next and it opened every single wound in Willow's heart.

A month earlier, Willow would have gone to magic for a solution. She would have let dark magic be her guide for vengeance. Or for her comfort. Or even for her salvation. She had raised the dead once already. But now, after finally kicking the habit, magic was the last thing she wanted. Now it was what she blamed for her problems.

"Willow," she heard Angel say gently behind her. "Are you awake?"

"Does it count if I don't want to be?" she asked weakly, nearly choking on her own voice and finally opening her eyes.

He moved to put a hand on her back but she used the little strength she had to move away. "Not yet. I'm not ready to be comforted just yet," she told him.

"I understand. Believe me I understand."

"Thanks," she said softly, finally pushing herself into a sitting position. She looked at Angel, the concern etched in his face.

"Do you want me to tell the others?" he asked. Please don't ask about them, he pleaded silently.

"How are they?"

Angel's silence spoke volumes.

"That bad," Willow said and could hear the catch in her own voice. Angel nodded slightly. Without them she might never recover, Willow thought.

"I've seen worse if that helps," he offered.

"You were the scourge of Europe for a hundred years, I would hope you've seen worse," she spat back angrily. She was instantly sorry. "Oh, Angel I didn't mean anything by it."

"It's fine," he said. "Let it out. I can take being your verbal punching bag. If it makes you feel better lay it on me." It can't possible make me feel worse than I already do, he thought.

"Maybe later," she tried to smile but couldn't.

"Sure," he responded.

"Hey Will," Cordelia said, re-entering the room. Hope that was enough makeup to cover the tearstains, she thought.

"Hey Cordy," Willow replied to the brunette, happy to see the two who had come from LA were both alive and in one piece. "How are you?"

"A few bruises but other than that fine," she replied.

"Angel," Willow said.

"Yeah?"

"Who's alive? For sure."

"Oz, Dawn, Faith and Xander." Willow did not miss the obvious absences.

"Could you get Xander?" she asked.

"Of course," Angel replied, standing up and breezing out the door. He couldn't help but feel guilty for being so happy that he had an excuse to avoid being in the same room with the girl who had his heart.

**********************************************

"Well, your friends certainly managed to mess things up."

"This was not the way this was to take place."

"We hope you know that."

"We had to pull out all the stops to even the score."

"And things are not over."

"No, more challenges to face."

"The spirit has not passed."

"It was meant to pass."

"You were not to return."

"HEY!" Buffy screamed. "SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR A SECOND BEFORE I SLAY YOU!"

"You cannot slay us."

"We are immortal."

It was mind shattering. The two voices, bantering back and forth. They talked to her as if she could not respond. It infuriated Buffy. Worst of all, she had no idea what was going on.

The last thing Buffy remembered was finally giving into the shock in her body when she watched Xander crash to the ground on a suicide mission. If she hadn't died once she would assume this was a hell dimension. A hell dimension where they drive you insane through words, she thought. But she knew what being dead felt like, and this wasn't it. Not quite. This was a fun new experience for Buffy to enjoy. She didn't have a physical plane, she was sure of that. She couldn't see anything. She could sense the presences around her and she could hear their voices. How that worked she couldn't decide, but after a while she gave up trying.

"Are you listening to us?"

"We are speaking to you."

Buffy was about to scream about not having any idea what was going on when her salvation occurred.

"Leave the lass alone for a few moments. She doesn't exactly know what's going on."

"Thank you," Buffy said.

"Let me try to explain things," the new voice said.

"Fine."

"We will give you some time with her."

"But we will return."

"And she will hear us."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm sure she will," the new voice said again.

Buffy could somehow sense that the other two presences were leaving and she and the other, it sounded like a he but at this point Buffy wasn't sure, were alone.

"Boy do they know how to drone on or what?" he said.

"No kidding. Again, I say thank you. Now what the hell is going on here?"

"Relax, if things work out right you're going home."

"Is Amy dead?" Buffy asked, a mix of hope and wonder.

"Yep. Your soulmate did a nice job. The boy's got some talent."

"Wait," Buffy interrupted the voice. "That means he's still alive?"

"And kicking. Well, not kicking so much at the current moment, but eventually he'll be kicking again."

If Buffy had a face she'd be crying. "The others?"

There was a long pause. "Some of them are okay. And, well, that's kinda what THEY want to talk to you about."

**********************************************

The door to Willow's room opened a minute after Angel had left.

"That was fast," Cordy said, turning to see who had entered.

"Well, sometimes they call me the flash," Oz offered her as he and Dawn stepped inside.

"Oh, I thought you were Angel and Xander," she replied.

"I see how you could mistake us," Oz said.

"It's been a long day," Cordy snapped back. "Or you were joking. Sorry, it's been a long day."

"No sweat. The nurse said Willow was awake and we just wanted to stop in," Oz said.

"H-how are you Willow?" Dawn asked shyly from the doorway.

"Can't say I haven't been better," Willow conceded to the teen. "But, um, I'll survive," she sighed.

"Could you give us a minute," Oz said to the two ladies. Cordy gently took Dawn's arm and nodded.

"We need some girl time anyway," Cordelia said and gently brushed Dawn's hair. There was something about the girl that Cordy really connected with. Maybe it was her keen fashion sense, she thought.

When they had left, Oz shut the door and sat next to Willow.

"Okay, I don't know exactly what happened on account of being sort of wolfy, but I know you well enough to know when something is really wrong," Oz told her. It was one of the longest sentences she'd ever heard him say. Which she knew meant he was worried. Willow didn't want to tell him. She wanted to keep her pain buried inside. But one look into his eyes and the dam broke.

"She forgave me," Willow sobbed out. "How could she do that?"

Oz moved even closer and took her hand.

"How could Tara forgive me?" Willow repeated over and over. "I don't deserve it."

"Hey," Oz gently held her chin in his hands, drawing her eyes to his. "That's not how it works."

"What?" she half sobbed.

"Forgiveness isn't something you earn or deserve. That's redemption. And we all have things we need to be redeemed for. That's why I left in the first place. But forgiveness is given to us because WE need it."

"But, after everything I did, how could she?"

"You're missing the point. It wasn't about her. I don't really know what happened here, all I know is you. Maybe you have some things to atone for, but we all do. Tara forgave you because you needed her to. It didn't have anything to do with her."

His words touched Willow's heart. And he was right. Tara's speech had nothing to do with herself, it was about Willow. Tara didn't need to forgive her, but Willow did. And to reject that forgiveness would be a slap in the face to Tara's last request. Forgiveness is what others give you, Willow thought, redemption is what I give myself. She made a promise to herself that, no matter what the future held, she would never fall to the dark side again. She had tipped the scales once and it cost Tara her life. She wouldn't make that mistake again.

"Thank you so much, Oz," Willow whispered, her tears finally subsiding.

He hugged her gently and when they came apart she was looking into his eyes. Willow remembered why she had loved Oz. Despite the primeval forces inside him, he was one of the gentlest people she had ever met. She brushed her lips against his without warning. It began as a thank you type peck, but Willow pressed for a little more.

Oz broke away and stood up. "Well, that was."

"Yeah," Willow said, holding her fingers to her lips. "I'm sorry. I'm just going through a lot and I was on a feel good do it, think about it later, function."

"It's okay. Not like I didn't enjoy it."

"I can't."

"Hey," he said, regaining his internal cool without letting Willow know she had played out one of his deepest fantasies. "It happens. But you're just grieving and I'm not going to take advantage of that."

"Thanks. Can we forget it even happened?"

"What?"

Willow smiled up at him. And she hoped, deep down, she would be okay because there were people like Oz and Tara out there.

**********************************************

Xander had begun dosing off when a noise drew his attention. He saw the door open and a figure enter his room.

"Hi," he said.

"Hey," Angel replied, an uncomfortable feeling creeping over his body.

"What brings you to my den of brooding?" Xander said, letting some of his frustrations seep out on the vampire.

"Willow's awake."

"How is she?" Xander asked tenderly.

"Physically she's okay. Mentally it's too soon to tell. She's got a lot to deal with."

Xander nodded. "We all do."

Angel sighed. "She asked me to get you. Need a lift?" Angel pointed to the wheelchair.

Xander wanted to say no and push himself. But that would have been stupid. "Sure."

Xander's response caught Angel off guard. He had expected the younger man to decline his offer. Angel came over to Xander and awkwardly helped him into the chair. Finally Xander was situated and Angel stood behind the chair but didn't move it.

"You have to push it," Xander offered. Angel was silent for a long time.

"Xander?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry about before. The kiss with Buffy."

"You were under a spell," Xander brushed it off. "You guys were just reliving old times."

"Well that's just it. New times me wanted to kiss her, too," Angel said. He wanted the air clear between the two. He owed the world's savior that much.

"Oh," Xander replied. Nothing I didn't already know, he reminded himself.

"I'm sorry."

Xander thought for a moment. "No, I get it. I was you for a minute. It wasn't fun. When I was a vampire, the demon inside me was constantly waiting for his opening. I don't know how you do it day after day. I would just want to find something I cared about and wrap myself up in it. And believe me, I know how hard it is to kick the Buffy obsession. I never did."

"Having a demon inside you really does change you," Angel agreed. At that moment there was no one Angel would have wanted Buffy with, if she survived, other than Xander. Not that he'd give Xander the satisfaction of knowing that, of course. "But, I think I'm ready to move on. Find a love that won't be as destructive as the one I had with Buffy."

"And I want you to find that someday. In a non-soul losing capacity of course."

"Of course."

"And by the way," Xander said. "You tell any one, and I mean any one, we had this conversation, I'll stake you myself. I have an image to keep up."

Angel said nothing but wheeled him out of the room. Xander couldn't see the smile on the vampire's face.

**********************************************

"Two questions. One, who are THEY? And two why do we need to talk about the others before I can go home?" Buffy demanded of the voice.

"Oracles. And there's kind of some stuff going on."

"Like what?" Buffy demanded. She was not in the mood to be lead around in circles.

"The powers have lost control of things. There are wildcards now."

"I really don't like being kept in the dark about stuff involving my friends," she said angrily.

"Boy, you're just like Cordy described you, sheesh."

"Now I'm confused."

"Well if you'd let me explain instead of jumping straight into the voice of death we might be getting somewhere here."

"I have no physical body, which I don't even want to attempt to deal with, what the hell am I going to do to you?"

The other voice began to chuckle. "I like you."

"I'd like you a whole lot more if you'd answer some damn questions."

"Okay sweetheart-"

She cut him off. "Only Xander's allowed to call me that. Try it again and maybe we'll find out what I CAN do without a body."

"You know I can keep this banter going as long as you want, I ain't got any place to be. But the sooner you let me talk to you and we work out a deal, the sooner you can go home and get back to Xander."

"So talk."

"Okay, name's Doyle. I used to work with Cordy and your ex. I was their contact to the powers. Then I did this whole sacrificing my life dealy and now I got this new cushy job. I help guide the spirits. I'm actually still like a contact for the powers just less cryptic than before. Cause, let's face it cryptic just leaves you with that empty dread feeling."

"You know you and my boyfriend would get along real well," Buffy said snidely.

"I like the kid. He's done all right for himself. But getting back to your questions, when the powers need to pass messages to a living spirit I get the call."

"I'm a living spirit?" Buffy asked.

"You a spirit right now?"

"If you say so."

"You alive still?"

"If you say so."

"Well I say so. You're out of it, kind of touch and go. But as long as we work things out, you'll be fine, so relax. This is just the perfect chance for the powers to talk to you," Doyle informed her.

"Okay, you say you're the spirit guide or whatever."

"Well, it's a bit more complicated than that, and I prefer the term living impaired, but yeah I guess so."

"Then what was with the dueling voices before?" she demanded.

"Well, if you haven't noticed lately, you are the slayer. They make special exemptions for you and wanted to talk directly to you. Problem is they haven't had contact with a human in a long, long time. So I decided to tag along. Looks like it was good idea."

"Okay, so you're going to translate what they're going to do a bad job of telling me later?" Buffy recapped.

"Basically," Doyle conceded.

"You know if I hadn't just watched my boyfriend almost die, I might find this whole situation kind of funny."

"Well, it won't be funny when I tell you what the deal is sw," he caught himself. "Buffy."

"Figures."

**********************************************

Dawn and Cordy walked down the hall, careful to avoid the surgery ward. The doctors had promised to let them know when they could see Buffy or if there was any change. Neither really wanted to think about her, it was far too painful.

Finally they came to a bench and parked themselves on it. Dawn, despite being in her own little world for most of the day, was perceptive enough to notice that Cordelia was even more depressed then yesterday after the battle.

"What's wrong?" Dawn asked. Cordy just gave her a 'look around' look, but Dawn pressed. "Come on, I know something new is up."

"Nothing new," Cordy said truthfully.

"Something old. Maybe really old," Dawn said knowingly.

"What is it with you and this Angel obsession," Cordy said.

"I never said Angel," Dawn replied with a smug smile. It quickly faded as the real world invaded her thoughts again. Buffy and Giles were still in critical condition and Tara and Spike were dead. Somehow teasing Cordy about her Angel crushage didn't seem so important anymore.

"They'll be fine," Cordy tried to assure the young woman, noticing her change in demeanor. "They're strong."

"Buffy maybe," Dawn agreed, "but Giles is old."

Cordelia had to stifle a laugh. "Didn't you just point out old doesn't mean weak?"

"I guess," Dawn replied absently.

"You have a lot of people that care about you," she told the teen. "Even if something bad happens, you'll get through it."

"I know," Dawn replied. "That's part of the issue. I keep surviving. But I'm the problem. I just wish I could fight back. Help the people who help me. I loved Spike and Tara. They took such good care of me. It was so hard when Spike left the first time and when Tara and Willow broke up. Now, they're never coming back. Buffy's already died once and I'm not stupid, I know she could die again. I'm tired of losing people and not being able to help them."

"You do," Cordy assured her. "Just by being you. That's more than enough."

"Thank you," Dawn hugged Cordelia, fighting the tears. Dawn tried to break the hold despair had over her heart. "Maybe, if you stick around and everything gets better, Buffy will let me treat you to a lottery sponsored shopping spree. You know, for all your help."

"I wouldn't say no," Cordelia assured her, brushing some hair out of Dawn's face. Shopping always heals broken hearts, right, she wondered.

**********************************************

Oz exited Willow's room just in time to pass Xander and Angel in the doorway.

"Hey man," Xander said. "How is she?"

"She's hurting," he answered honestly.

"We all are," Xander replied sadly.

"How's Anya?" Oz asked.

Xander's face turned from sadness to guilt. "I actually haven't been in to see her. I don't think I'm really tops on her list of people to see."

"I understand," he replied, though Xander could sense Oz's disappointment. And he was right, Xander thought. I should have seen her, at least to make sure she was okay. She probably hasn't even had any visitors yet.

"I'll go see how she is," Oz told him. And like that the guitarist's guilt trip was over. He just wanted to remind Xander not to forget about her, despite everything else that was happening. Xander understood this and appreciated the reminder.

"Thanks man."

"Sure." Oz began to head for Anya's room when Xander called to him.

"Hey Oz." Oz turned back to face Xander. "I missed you man." Oz nodded, a slight expression breaking out on his face, and continued to Anya's room.

"What was that all about?" Angel asked, watching the mostly non- verbal exchange between the men.

"Guy talk. You wouldn't understand," Xander told him, unable to resist throwing the jab despite his newfound respect for the vampire.

"Ready?" Angel asked, ignoring the quip.

"Yeah."

Angel opened the door and pushed Xander in.

"Oh my God," Willow gasped when she saw her oldest friend.

"It's not as bad as it looks," Xander assured her. Feels worse, he thought.

"I'll give you guys some time," Angel said and left before either could reply.

Xander wheeled himself closer to Willow, although it took a great deal of effort.

"How you doing?" he asked her.

Willow shrugged. "Bad. My insides feel all empty and painful. But, eventually, I'll be okay."

Xander nodded and took her hand. "I love you Will."

"I love you too," she smiled at him. "I'm going to need to hear that a lot for a while."

"Well," he replied. "I'm going to need to say it a lot, so we should be fine."

"Have you heard anything on," Willow couldn't say her name, though they both knew who she was talking about.

"Last I heard she was out of surgery but it was still touch and go," he told her, keeping any emotion out of his voice.

"Oh," she said, fighting her tears. I need to be strong for him, she thought.

"It'll be okay Will," he told her, seeing the teardrops forming.

"I hope you're right."

"We have to take care of each other," Xander told her. "All of us. You, me, Buffy, Dawn, Anya, and especially Faith. She's on the edge right now."

"I know the feeling," Willow said sadly.

"We can't let her go bad again. She needs us. We have to be there for Buffy." Xander was shaking. It was too much for him. He might lose Buffy. He kept pushing the thought out of his mind, assuring himself she was too strong to give up on him.

"You mean Faith?" Willow asked gently.

"Yeah, Faith," Xander replied, his voice quaky.

"Oh hon," Willow scooted over to him and pulled him into an embrace, careful of his broken ribs and dislocated shoulder.

"Willow," he sobbed, unable to hold back his pain any longer. "I love her so much. I can't lose her, not after just finding her. It's not fair."

"I know," she stroked his hair, tears creeping down her own face. And that's how they stayed. Holding each other as if letting go meant letting go of their hope. Something neither was prepared to do.

**********************************************

The door opened and Anya's head sprung up. "Xander?" she asked.

"Sorry to disappoint you," Oz said as he entered.

"No," she said quickly, just happy to have a visitor. "I was expecting Xander."

"He's with Willow now. He said he'd be by later."

"Thank you," Anya said, accepting his words. "What brings you by?"

There was a slight twinkle in Oz's eyes. "I've been part of the ousted Scooby club," he told her. "I know how if feels. So I was thinking about you?."

"About me?"

"Well, Dingoes manager quit last month. We need someone good with money, because the band can't even use a calculator let alone manage ourselves. I know you're good with money so…"

"You want me to work for you?" Anya asked, shocked. She quickly recovered. "Do I get to keep any of the money?"

"Some," Oz said.

"I don't know," she wavered. I want to leave Sunnydale, she thought, but I want to be near Xander. Oh, my heart hurts again. Maybe I should get out of here.

"Call it a trade," he reasoned with her. "You said you wanted to get out of Sunnydale. The Dingoes travel around the country. You get money and a break from the hellmouth."

"But I don't know anything about the business of playing instruments for monetary exchange," Anya argued, looking for an excuse to stay.

"Neither do we."

Anya just shook her head in disbelief.

**********************************************

"Wow," was all Buffy could muster after hearing all Doyle had to tell her. "And I won't remember any of this?"

"Not a thing."

"That's not fair," she replied.

"The powers don't do fair," he said. His tone wasn't cold but he spoke from experience. Things were how they were, no matter how he personally felt. Complaining about it rarely helped.

"Then what was the point of this whole conversation?"

"So you can stop things before they go downhill."

"How can I do that if I won't remember this?" Buffy asked, exasperated.

"You'll remember the feelings," Doyle offered her.

"I can't do this anymore," she said dejectedly.

"You have to," Doyle said simply. "Your friends messed the powers plans up when they brought you back. Things may soon spiral out of control and you need to be ready. The powers don't know what's going to happen."

"Why can't things ever stop," Buffy screamed.

"Because you are the slayer," Doyle said casually, though her felt for her.

"Well, I won't betray Faith," she reiterated to Doyle.

"The powers aren't a big fans of Faith. She didn't exactly leave a good impression when she visited during her coma."

"Well I'm not a big fan of the powers," Buffy replied. "Plus she's changed."

"Look," Doyle told her. "I know it sucks. I do, I get it. But that's the deal. You're the champion. And a rogue slayer is the one thing the powers won't allow in the upcoming war. If she goes over, you'll have to," Doyle wouldn't finish.

"So have them bring William back again. They've done it before they can do it again. He can reach her," she demanded.

"No," he said gently. "Even the powers are limited. They can't just bring William back when there's no body."

"Why me? Why do I have to be on 'if Faith snaps you have to kill her' watch?"

"Since you're the living spirit at the moment. If you reject their terms they'll do it themselves and you're stuck here. So rather than leave it to their whim, I suggest you agree to the terms."

"I still say I can save her," Buffy insisted.

"And I say go for it!" Doyle yelled, not to Buffy, but to the oracles. "But if not," he said softer for Buffy's ears alone. "You have to track her and kill her. It's their game, we're playing by their rules."

"Then it's done."

"The deal is struck."

"Keep her good."

"Or the rouge dies."

The oracles were back.

"I won't kill Faith," Buffy told them.

"You've accepted our terms."

"Now you must stick with it."

"Bite me."

"Wait," Doyle interceded as a thought occurred to him. "I think I might know a way to help you out."

**********************************************

PACIFIC OCEAN

Faith walked along the beach coast. She had driven all night, taking William's old car. The beach had been the first place he had taken her after they busted out of prison. He had wanted to remind her of all the beautiful things that made life worth living. They had come at night for two reasons. One, there wouldn't be a crowd. And two, because as Spike he had only been able to come at night and even then he'd found so many wonderful things to look at.

Now, though, all Faith could see was emptiness. The water crashing upon the sand, instead of finding it a soothing motion, she saw it as a violent act. It brought death with it. Seaweed, driftwood and fish bones. In the end, she thought, that's all there was.

Death.

And she was the bringer of death. She had brought it, in some way, shape or form, to everyone she had ever truly cared for. Her first watcher. Xander. Buffy. Angel. Even the Mayor. And now, William. The only person she had ever let in completely, was the only loved one whose life she actually taken. It had a twisted sense of irony to it.

Faith wanted to embrace death now. But she wasn't sure how. She could end her own life. That option brought forth the peace she had searched for her entire life. She could join her William. Faith had earned her rest, she'd done what she needed and now she quit.

Then, there was the anger. That part of her that screamed for vengeance. Vengeance against any creature of the night. Death to those who walked in darkness. She'd been down this path before. Faith knew it wouldn't be long until she too, belonged to the darkness. She would kill the light then. The light that had told her the right thing to do was killing William.

Both options appealed to Faith. The only thing that didn't was going back to the light. It had caused her too much pain, too much sacrifice, and too little joy.

She reached the edge of the water, seeing her own reflection in the water. It disgusted her. She didn't want to see it anymore. All she had to do was walk out into the water and not stop until her body gave out. But she didn't think she could take seeing her reflection that long.

As she stared at the image at her feet, she was joined by an image of William.

"Hey luv," he said.

"Hi."

"Thinking about a swim?"

"Not going to be swimming."

"Learn to walk on water then, pet?"

"Shut up," Faith demanded of her imagination.

But William's image would not be quiet. "You have to go home."

"Where is home, exactly? Last time I checked it was your arms. Oh wait they're dust!"

"That was Spike. You killed Spike. I was already dead."

"Then why did he look at me like I betrayed him?" she demanded.

"He was proud. Spike, as much as he was capable of, felt our love. He didn't want to hurt you and he was proud you stopped him before he did."

"Bullshit!"

"He was part of me for a hundred years, I think I know him a little better than you."

"I should have saved you. We could have done something."

"What, given me my soul back? Sorry, one vampire with a soul per continent."

"I should have died!" Faith screamed, falling to her knees. Her tears came now, without stopping, hitting the water and blurring her reflection. William's reflection bent next to her and held her shoulders. Faith could almost feel the pressure of them on her.

"If you died, you wouldn't have been able to help Xander kill Amy. That was your destiny. You fulfilled your purpose. The powers set me free, no damnation. Everything worked out."

"This isn't what I call working out," she sobbed.

"No," William agreed. "If you give up now, it isn't."

"What?"

"If you quit now, give up on life or go back to the darkness, everything we had was a waste. I didn't teach you to quit."

"I have no one now. Why should I even want redemption?"

"For you," his image said, brushing the hair out of her eyes. "You live for you. And what you do is to make the world a better place."

"Why do I care if this world goes on without you? I don't care about anyone else."

"Faith," he said gently, "I don't have a lot of time left, so hear me out. You aren't alone. The people you left in the hospital, any one of them would give their life for you. That's worth something don't take it for granted. They love you and I know you love them. Don't turn your back on them now, not when you need each other the most. Because they're hurting and grieving too. You can help each other."

"I don't want any more help. If I had just stayed in prison or in a coma I wouldn't have to…"

"Feel?" he demanded. "Don't take that for granted either. Some people would give anything to feel, good or bad."

"I'm so tired," she sobbed, falling into his imaginary arms, still staring at them in the water. "I want to feel you."

The image in the water pointed to her heart. "I'm always with you. Keep me alive. My memory, my love. Keep going and we'll meet again. I promise you that."

"I don't know if I can."

"Try?" he beseeched her.

"I love you," she sobbed.

"I love you too. Try for me pet. Promise me."

"I'll try," she whispered, sensing his departure. "Don't leave me."

"Never," he told her. When Faith wiped the tears out of her eyes clear enough to see, she was alone with her reflection.

**********************************************

"Do you think you got through to her?" Doyle asked.

"Only time will tell mate," William replied.

"What's next?" Buffy asked the two dearly departed men.

"Goodbye," William said sadly.

"And go home," Doyle told her.

Buffy suddenly felt a twinge of pain surge through her. She had a body again. Then, as that realization dawned on her, she lost her grip on everything she had just been through. The Oracles, Doyle, Faith and William's final exchange. And the terror of what was to come. For now, she was just Buffy. Lost, alone, in pain and wondering if her soulmate had survived the worst battle she had ever seen.

**********************************************

Xander's body had finally given up on him and at some point during his cry fest with Willow he passed out. Willow had done the same. So they both jumped in surprise when the door to room swung open and a gray haired doctor entered.

"What?" Willow muttered.

"I didn't do it," Xander mumbled, still half asleep.

"Ms. Rosenberg, oh and Mr. Harris. Good that'll save me a trip. I'm Doctor Reynolds. Ms. Summers sister asked me to inform both of you as soon as Buffy's condition changed. She said you were family."

"The closest," Xander said, squeezing Willow's hand anxiously. "What's the news?"

"Buffy's awake."

Both Willow and Xander let out sighs of relief. "Oh God," Xander sighed, running his hands through his hair.

"We have to run a few more tests, make sure everything is okay, but from the preliminary reports it appears the surgery was a success," the doctor told them.

"Thank you," Xander told him, gasping for air. "When can I see her?"

"Soon. We have to do those tests to make sure she's stable, but I'll be back shortly and you can see her."

He left the pair, who had begun crying again, but this time out of joy.

**********************************************

"I need to know if he's okay," Buffy demanded.

"We just need to do a couple more tests and then we can find out," the nurse told her.

"The tests can wait!" Buffy yelled, reaching out with her fairly good arm to stop the nurse. "I need to know if the man I love is alive!"

"Ms. Summers," Doctor Reynolds said, re-entering the room, "I just spoke with him. He's fine. Or, at least as fine as you can be after running from insane gang members. You're all very lucky," he said.

"Huh?" Buffy asked.

"It's all right, Mr. Angel told us all about the gang that chased you to the old school."

"Oh, right," Buffy agreed quickly. The last thing she wanted was more tests to see if she had lost her mind. What she needed was to see Xander. Alive.

**********************************************

"Hey," Angel said, finally tracking Dawn and Cordelia down.

"Hello," Cordelia replied as casually as she could.

"The sparks of passion," Dawn said softly to Cordy, but loud enough for Angel to hear with his enhanced senses.

"Huh?"

"Oh, nothing. You know kids," Cordelia said on Dawn's behalf, throwing her the dirtiest look she could manage.

Angel shook his head, trying to get back on topic. "Dawn, the doctor couldn't find you before. So I went looking for you. She's going to be all right."

"Buffy?" Dawn asked, leaping out of her seat on the bench and throwing her arms around Angel.

"Yeah, she just woke up a little while ago."

"That's great," Cordelia said, getting up to hug Dawn as well. Angel awkwardly reached to give Cordy a hug, but she spun away too quickly.

"When can I see her? Do the others know? Have they seen her yet?" Dawn peppered Angel with questions.

"I don't know," Angel stopped her. "I was, lurking, around and heard the doctor say he couldn't find you so he was going to find Willow and Xander."

"Ah, Dawn," Doctor Reynolds said, approaching the three. "I was looking all over for you."

"Yeah, Angel told me. He told me about Buffy too," Dawn said excitedly.

"I see someone's doing my job for me," the doctor looked at Angel.

"He's got keen tracking abilities," Cordelia interrupted. "Don't take it personally."

"Ah," Reynolds chuckled. "Well, I also have some more good news. We've upgrade Mr. Giles condition from critical to stable. He may be able to have visitors by tomorrow."

"I told you he was strong," Cordy told Dawn. Dawn just smiled, relieved that no one else was dying because of her.

**********************************************

Two hours later Buffy was finally upgraded from critical to stable condition. The gang had gathered outside her room, waiting to be let in.

When Reynolds emerged the group before him took him by surprise. Xander (walking with a crutch), Willow, Dawn, Angel, Cordelia, Oz, and Anya (who had been allowed to walk around the hospital) were waiting for him, desperate to see Buffy.

"Okay," he said light-heartedly, "there are far more of you than I imagined. Let's keep it short, she's still weak. Two at a time." He added in a serious tone, "Please keep it short. She's going to need her rest. The recovery she's made already is near miraculous."

They looked around at each other before Anya gently shoved Dawn and Xander towards the room.

"Make with the loving reunion," she told them, smiling genuinely for the first time in a month.

"Thanks," they said and entered Buffy's room.

Buffy had begun dowsing off, trying to keep from driving herself crazy. Her slayer hearing caught the sound of the door and she sat up right away.

"Buffy," Dawn giggled and threw her arms around the battered slayer. Buffy had a large cast on her left arm, which had nearly been ripped off by Amy. Her right shoulder too was in cast, as well as her leg.

"Dawn," Buffy replied, using her right arm to squeeze her sister. Dawn broke the embrace, allowing Xander to creep forward.

"Hey Buff."

"Xander," Buffy cried, tears falling from her face. He tried to avoid throwing himself at her, but he descended upon her lips as quickly as he could. "I was so worried about you," Buffy said between kisses.

"Same here," Xander told her, kissing her even deeper.

"That was so brave and stupid," Buffy gasped, fighting her overwhelming emotions.

"I learned from your act," Xander replied. He held her for a moment before reaching in to kiss her again.

"Hey, still in the room here," Dawn said, smiling ear to ear.

"So you are," Xander agreed and began stroking Buffy's face and hair.

"Oh God Xander," she choked out, "I love you so much."

"I love you too, doesn't even cover the half of it," he told her.

"Come here Dawn," Buffy called, bringing them together in a gentle group hug. "I love you guys."

"Merry Christmas eve, eve," Xander said as flippantly as he could.

"Huh?" the Summers' said at the same moment.

"Well, we started this thing on the Winter Solstice, December 21, two days later and it's December 23."

"I don't even have a Christmas tree," Buffy said to them.

"Doesn't matter," Xander told her. "I got my presents early."

The door swung open and Willow walked in slowly and joined the group hug. "Doctor said two at a time, but we overpowered him," she said to Buffy.

"Come in, all of you," Buffy said, crying tears of joy.

They all came in, crowding the suddenly small room. Buffy noticed right away Faith wasn't with them and it gave her a horrible feeling she couldn't place.

"Where's Faith?" she asked.

"She needed to get away, I think," Xander told her, still holding her good hand and stroking her hair.

"Okay," Buffy said. She was uncomfortable with that for some reason, but let it go. "Angel, you're alive," Buffy said when she saw him. She was happy he had been freed.

"Thank Dawn," he said. "She did the magic."

"I'm so proud of you all," she said, unable to keep her emotions in check.

"It was a team effort," Xander told her.

"Or a band effort," Anya said excitedly. Oz touched her arm gently and she remembered their discussion to wait before telling the others.

"Yeah, we're like the Scooby band," Buffy smiled at Anya, thankful she was out and about. Buffy had never been happier to see her friends.

"All right, everyone out," Reynolds demanded, poking his head in. "I gave you your wish, now she needs her sleep."

"Can he stay?" Buffy asked, clutching Xander's shirt tightly. He had to smile. Rven now the fact that Buffy was his was still a novelty.

"Come on," Angel said, eliciting looks of shock from the room. "Let him stay a little longer. She needs it."

Reynolds sighed. "Fine. Fine. Don't say I didn't warn you," he said to Buffy.

"Thank you," Buffy told him. She then mouthed a thank you to Angel, who ushered the group out of the room.

They were silent for a long time, just enjoying holding each other when they were sure they never would again.

"That was pretty stupid, wasn't it?" Xander asked finally.

"Yeah. But it worked."

"Not exactly," he told her.

"Why?" Buffy asked, too tired to move her heard from the crook of his arm good.

"She was fine after the fall. I was dazed. Faith kept her busy long enough for me to finish it."

"Spike's dead, isn't he?"

"Sssh," Xander rubbed her temples, even though his dislocated shoulder made this task difficult.

"Something inside me tells me we have to find her," Buffy insisted.

"We will. Just give her some time."

"Time isn't, umm," Buffy gave in to Xander's magic fingers, reveling in his touch.

"I love you more than anything Buffy. I was so worried you weren't coming back to me."

"I'll always come back to you," Buffy sighed pleasantly.

"I know. And that makes me the happiest man alive," Xander told her and continued to massage her temples until she drifted into a peaceful sleep.

SEWERS

The sewer had been a waste. Amy had torn Xander's body to shreds and scattered them. The presence of the vampire army also made his search difficult. That would be just another thing for his friends to deal with. Of course, he knew that wasn't all they'd have to deal with.

The war was coming. That was the reason they couldn't know him. If they did they would trust his side in the conflict. But for all he knew in this dimension he was a vampire. Or the situation at home had changed into something he wasn't prepared for, as it had in his own world. Fate had a way of making sure things happened the way they needed. Which might have been him revealing himself. But if that were meant to happen his spell would fail.

He took the pictures he had taken of the "Scooby Gang." It was a dangerous spell he was casting, similar to Tabula Rusa. But it was a necessary evil. Things must take their natural course, whatever that was. It would be a gradual spell. They would slowly begin to forget details about him, their memories becoming hazy until he just slipped right out of the event.

He completed his spell by burning their pictures with a little chanting.

At least I have Xander's head, the boy thought, gripping the container he had placed it in. I can give him a proper burial, he thought. The boy could only pray that his father's magic would work and he wouldn't be burying Dawn as well. Holding Dawn's body tight to him, he opened the portal to go home.

Godspeed my friends, he thought. Godspeed.

CHRISTMAS EVE 5 PM SUNNYDALE MEMORIAL HOSPITAL

The doctors had been amazed by Buffy's recovery. By noon, on her own doing, she had the cast removed from her leg and was walking. The doctors couldn't understand what was happening but Buffy refused more tests. They don't need to understand slayer healing, she thought. Buffy wanted to go home.

Willow had been released as had Xander. That left just Buffy and Giles hospital bound. Giles also was anxious to get home. He had finally been allowed visitors earlier that day and had visions of a nice Christmas anywhere but the hospital. Xander and Willow had both tried to talk some sense into him, but he wasn't having it.

Dr. Reynolds and Giles were filling out the paperwork while Reynolds made one last attempt to stop him.

"You understand you are doing this directly against doctor's orders?" Reynolds asked Giles.

"Do I look as if I give a bloody hell about hospital orders?" Giles retorted.

"Are you sure about this?" Willow asked uncertainly.

"As certain as I am," Buffy said, entering the conversation, walking on her own.

"Sweetie, please," Xander urged her, following right behind on his crutches.

"Please what?" Reynolds demanded.

"I'm going home," she said simply.

"Oh no you're not. I will not allow this."

Buffy walked slowly to him with a glare she reserved for the fiends of hell. "Try and stop me."

"Do you people all have a death wish?" Reynolds asked frantically.

"You obviously don't know them very well," Cordelia said as she and Angel approached the now growing conversation.

"Do you always travel in packs?" Reynolds said, sighing exasperatedly.

"It's a band thing," Anya said happily, approaching with Oz.

"I give up," Reynolds said. "Take these infernal people and be gone." He handed them all their release papers and walked away shaking his head.

"Think we scared him?" Willow asked.

"I think Buffy scared him," Angel said.

"Have to agree with non-living boy," Xander said.

"I suppose that's an upgrade from Deadboy," Angel replied, knowing there was no longer a deep hatred behind the jabs.

"Nah, Deadboy just got boring after a while," Xander replied.

"Boys," Cordelia interrupted. "Play nice." Both pretended to look scolded and backed away.

"Where's Dawn?" Buffy asked.

"Oh, she went to the bathroom," Cordy replied.

"How is she today?" Buffy asked. Dawn had spent most of the day with Cordy, knowing she was leaving soon.

"It's a process," she conceded. "It'll take time. But she's got you guys so, wait that's not going to help," Cordy teased.

"Funny," Buffy mock glared her. Angel thought it was nice to see everyone a little lighter today. The bright holiday music that played over the loud speaker helped the mood as well.

"What's funny?" Dawn asked, joining the now massive crowd.

"That it's time to get out of here," Buffy said.

"I have never agreed more," Giles said and they headed out.

SUMMERS HOUSE 6 PM

"Home sweet home," Buffy sighed as she opened the door to her house.

"You're not kidding," Xander echoed and trailed behind her.

"Take it easy hero," Willow told him, helping him to find a chair. "You too Buffy."

"I'm fine, really," she insisted. Buffy then tripped over the carpet and would have fallen to the floor if Angel hadn't reached out and grabbed her. "Thanks," Buffy sighed and untangled herself from her ex-lover's arms. Both smiled inside because neither had any lingering feelings towards the other. Angel would always hold a special place in Buffy's heart and the same was true for Angel, but there was someone else for each of them.

Angel guided her to a spot on the sofa next to Xander.

"Well," he said after they were situated. "I think it's time to head off."

"What?" Xander asked, "Didn't enjoy your last Christmas in Sunnydale?"

"Oh yeah. Nothing brings out the yuletide spirit like going insane," Angel quipped back.

"Dear Lord," Giles said, "I must still be suffering from my concussion. Are you two actually, bantering?"

"Oh my God, they are," Buffy exclaimed.

"The world is a changed place," Xander agreed, offering Angel a slight smile.

"Well, if you are saying your goodbyes, I should do the same," Anya spoke up.

"What?" Xander asked in shock.

"I'm the dine n go's manager now," Anya said brightly.

"Dingoes," Oz corrected. "Though the dine n go's does have potential."

"When did this happen?" Buffy inquired gently, asking what Xander couldn't voice himself.

"At the hospital. I need to get out of Sunnydale, see the world. This way I can still deal with money," Anya smiled at her.

"I," Xander started but couldn't say anything else.

"Hey," Dawn said, "look at what's outside." Cordelia understood right away and got up to follow Dawn outside.

"Yes, look at that," Giles said and walked outside with them. Suddenly the others understood and casually exited until Anya and Xander were alone in the living room.

"I never really got a chance to say I was sorry," Xander said after a minute.

"It's okay, you are happy. That's all I want."

"I also never thanked you for not cursing me."

"Don't think I didn't think about it," she told him.

"I never meant to hurt you so much," he said softly.

"You got your heart's desire. Maybe, somewhere, someday, I'll find mine," she said sadly. "I still love you. Which is why I need to get away. I feel like this big, dark cloud over things. I need to find my place in the world."

"It's my fault you feel like a cloud," Xander said.

"No. You are the reason I couldn't curse you. You helped teach me what it was to be human again, and I never thanked you for that. So, we are even."

"We're keeping score?" Xander asked, a little hurt.

"Never," Anya said and gently kissed Xander's check. "Thank you for loving me."

"Thank you for loving me back," Xander told her.

Anya straightened and yelled. "You can come back inside now!"

"Subtly is never going to be something you do, is it?" Xander asked, finally having a true sense of closure with his ex-fiancé.

"It makes me unique," she replied smiling.

The others came back inside and were happy to see both parties smiling. Buffy sat down next to Xander again and hugged him. "You okay?" she whispered. He nodded against her check and kissed her ear in response.

"You guys sure you don't want to stay for Christmas?" Buffy asked in the general direction of Anya, Oz, Angel and Cordelia. "It's not going to be the happiest, most joyful Christmas ever, but we'd be together."

"We have family in LA we need to get back to," Angel replied solemnly. "But thank you."

"It's getting late and we should try and meet back up with the band in San Diego," Oz said.

There was an awkward pause. No one really knew how to say goodbye.

"Hey," Willow said suddenly. "Who's going to run the shop now?"

All eyes fell on Giles. "Ah, well, yes, I was, ah, coming to that," he stumbled, and then sighed. "Buffy, I know I left because you needed to stop leaning on me for support. And you have no idea how proud I am that you no longer need me. But, I think, perhaps, I need you more than you need me."

"What he's trying to say is he misses us and wants to stay but he's afraid he'll get in the way," Buffy translated for her watcher.

"Yes, I suppose, on some level," he mumbled.

"Welcome home," Dawn said and hugged him. Giles hugged back.

"I suppose you'll want the other half of the store back, huh?" Anya asked. Some things will never change, Giles thought.

"Perhaps we could work out some arrangement," he told her.

"Nah, have it back. My band will make lots of money," she said.

"Your band," Oz said, slightly bemused.

"Hey, I just gave up half my store out of the goodness of my heart, throw me a crumb."

"Well, Buffy," Cordelia said in an attempt to get through the awkwardness, "it's always fun."

"Liar," Buffy shot back.

"Maybe," Cordy flashed a smile. "Dawnie, if you're even in LA, look me up. We'll do that shopping spree."

"Okay," Dawn said and gave Cordy a hug.

"Shopping spree?" Buffy asked. "Do we need to have a talk?"

"Oz-man, good to see you," Xander said, standing awkwardly to shake his hand.

"Same here."

"Take care of her," Xander whispered so only Oz could hear him.

"I will." Oz left to say goodbye to Willow.

"Xander," Angel said.

"Angel."

"Take care of her."

"I will."

Angel was about to turn and leave but Xander muttered something under his breath.

"What?" Angel demanded.

"I said," Xander whispered almost inaudibly, "tell her you love her someday."

"I will," Angel replied with a straight face. He then took his billowing coat and headed for the door. Man has style, Xander thought, got to give him that.

"Take care of yourself Oz," Willow told her ex. "Be careful."

"You too," he said. He took Anya's hand and lead her to his van. Cordy, seeing Angel make his dramatic exit, followed suit.

And with that, the four were gone.

CHRISTMAS 3 PM

It had been a somber Christmas. They were all thankful to be alive, and out of the hospital, but their thoughts soon turned to their fallen friends. Giles held a touching memorial that morning, allowing them each their own chance to grieve. And, while they didn't have a tree, the five did add some decorations around the house. Including a picture of Tara and a more recent one of William.

They all knew it would take a long time for things to get better, but they would help each other through it.

Still, Buffy couldn't shake the feeling that there was still a dark presence hanging over them. There was something on the horizon and something concerning Faith. She brought her concerns up with Xander in the living room after lunch.

"There's always something on the horizon. That's what happens when you stop apocalypses for a living," Xander told her.

"Still," she said, "this is something bigger than normal. Something we don't normally get involved in. And I have a feeling if Faith doesn't come back soon, well," Buffy couldn't finish.

"Hey, this is our first Christmas together," he told her. "And we're alive to prove it. I plan on having many more of these. If it means killing every demon on earth to do so, so be it. As for Faith, let's give her a couple more days to grieve on her own and then we'll start looking for her."

"What if she doesn't have a couple days?" Buffy asked. No matter what she thought, Buffy couldn't shake the eerie sense of dread she felt.

"I'll make everything okay, I promise," Xander told her. "We'll go tomorrow."

"Okay," Buffy said and let Xander hold her on the sofa just watching the fire burn until Giles called them for dinner at five.

"This is too much Giles," she said as he brought the roast from the over.

"It's better than hospital food, that's for sure," Xander agreed.

"That's our Giles," Dawn said.

"Hey, I helped," Willow said putting the mashed potatoes out. Willow was finally feeling a slight sense of closure with Tara. The service had helped them all grieve together and Willow now had hopes it would get better.

As they were about to sit down to dinner, Buffy heard a slight squeak of the door and hopped up, rushing to the living room. No demon, she thought, is screwing up my Christmas. When she arrived at the door her jaw almost hit the floor. The figure before her was battered, dirty and weak. But there was a peace about the figure. A peace that Buffy recognized because it could only be forged from great suffering.

"Merry Christmas," the figure said and entered the house.

An unseen weight lifted from Buffy's shoulders as the figure entered. The dark cloud she had been feeling was still there, but it was less pervasive now. Things ahead might not be so bad after all.

"Merry Christmas, Faith."



THE END

…well sort of. Okay, if you hadn't guessed by now I've had a sequel idea in my mind since I introduced the gypsy boy. I hope that those of you who enjoyed this one will enjoy the next installment called: Paths of the Heart. I hope to start on it in a few weeks, but don't hold me to that :-)

Again, to all of you who left me feedback I greatly appreciate it.

Peace- Mims