Title: Gone
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Jess is gone and Rory blames herself. R&R
AN: The poem in this chapter is credited to Vanessa Carlton.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls.
An: thanks for the reviews. J Keep it up
I open my journal to a fresh page thankful for the bright moonlight casting its silvery shadow and the lantern that I remembered to bring. I uncap my bic pen and tell our story, tears running freely down my cheeks hitting the page.
May 26/2002
The last time I wrote in here Jess and I were friends on the verge of something sweeter than I could ever imagine. We never had a formal date, he never asked me to be his girl friend and in the beginning my maverick friend would surprise me once and a while, we'd walk, talk most of the time. Sometimes we'd just lie on the grass and stare at the sky appreciating the complete and utter silence, feeling obsolete. Our bridge was the place we usually go together, sometimes we'd play reading tag and trade books after a certain amount of time. Our first kiss was an amazing experience, something I'll never forget. A million shivers ran through me, yet they were warm and comforting. He awakened something long lost inside me, passion. Passion for life and love interchangeably. After three weeks I was completely at home with him, treasuring our moments, creating new memories and living life in a way that I never new possible. He inspired me to do anything I wanted to, I began to write, not articles, but short stories and poems. I kept them private most of them personal reflections that I wrote for myself. I read through those poems now and realize how extremely happy and relaxed I was during the month and a half that we spent together. And now he's gone. I new something was different the night that we'd been seeing one another for a month. We met at the bridge eating a pizza he'd picked up, celebrating our selves and one another. We'd both changed during the past month in positively wonderful ways. He'd salvaged my passion and I'd drawn him out. He didn't guard himself anymore and I loved it. I loved him, but I couldn't find the words yet, I couldn't find them and I was scared that I might ruin something. He walked me home and surprised me with a new book; I also gave him a book. Later that night I opened the cover of the book and on the first blank page I noticed a message written in blue pen.
I will never see the sky
The same way
I will learn to say good-bye
To yesterday
And I will never cease to fly if held down
And I will always reach to high
Cause I've seen twilight.
He had written this poem and he'd written it for me. He didn't sign his name, he didn't write a message, just the utter simplicity of a poem and tears dotted the corners of my eyes, when I read the poem over again. The following day he met me at the bus stop after school just to give me a coffee and a kiss. He hurried back to the diner, a notebook on the ground beside the bench. I called after him but he didn't hear me and I took it home to give to him later. When I reached my house, I decided to open the book just to make sure it was his. I recognized his untidy scrawl and almost closed the book when I noticed my name.
I sat down and began to read.
January 5/2002
There's something about her eyes that make me want to sit across from her and stare into them for hours at a time. I'm not good enough, I never will be. She is amazing and I'm messed up. She shouldn't effect me the way that she does, she hates me enough already, I try to forget about her but I can't.
**
I turned the page flipping through it a bit more.
January 30/2002
Today I climbed up onto the roof of the diner trying to clear my head. She came into the diner and I froze, hurrying up here to breathe. She's just so different from anything I've ever known and she hates me yet I can't get her out of my head. She's the most unavailable girl in this entire town, forbidden to me especially.
My heart aches with the feeling that he thought I hated him. I never hated him. I just guarded my self.
March 2/2002
She doesn't hate me. Thank God. We actually had a picnic today; she can't cook for her life. Thank God for that. Kitchen girls who depend on guys are hopeless. Call me a feminist but I can't understand why a girl would waste her time acting as a housewife or whatever they're called. Bottom line, she called me, on the phone. Which means that we're becoming friends. Friends.
I smiled at his happiness expressed and his opinions on Donna Reid girls. He certainly wasn't dean. I flipped to the next entry oblivious to what I was doing.
March 12/2002
She touched my hand today and this bolt of electricity ran up my arm, a warm spreading feeling that made me smile. I think I'm falling in love and it's terrifying.
I shake my hand out saddened by the fact that I still had his journal and was copying the entries into my own. My own thoughts between them, thoughts I remembered even after two days of pain and anger. I wipe my eyes and nose with a tissue and continue to write finding my solace in the pen and paper.
**
(rory's journal entry cont'd)
I closed his journal and realized that he loved me. He was in love with me and I with him. The thought made me smile and I decided to change and go over to the diner to return his notebook. Energy alight around me. I walked in and Luke steered me upstairs with a smile, he was glad to see the change in Jess, as were many other people. I opened the door and saw him sitting reading in the room that he and Luke had recently constructed. I plopped down next to him and he glanced up smiling when he saw me. I held out his notebook and his smile turned to a frown. "Where did you get that?" An edge of anger in his voice. I glanced down at the floor.
"You dropped it today, at the bus stop."
"Why didn't you give it back right away?"
"Well you were already gone and I wasn't sure it was yours."
"You read it." I glanced down again at the floor. he stood up abruptly. "I think you should leave."
"I'm really sorry, I just.
"Just get out."
"But"
"I said leave." I went, realizing the amount of pain that I'd caused him. I'd broken his trust and ruined the perfect relationship we held. I cried. Then Luke called me and said that Jess was gone, he left a note explaining that he was going back to him mom. Jess was gone from my life, and it was my fault. It took me a while to process the reason, why he'd leave. I'd only read his notebook, his thoughts and I was puzzled at his extreme reaction.
*****What will Rory do now?*******Write a review and I'll tell you (as in post chapter three)