Episode 9: "Ominous Happenings, Part Three - Revelations"
(The music is still playing. The characters can hear it and they look rather confused.)
Nuriko: Uh . . . .
Shippou: What's with the soundtrack?
Tasuki: Ya got me . . . .
Chichiri: Sounds kind of familiar, no da . . . .
MJ: (walks into the frame, waving her arms) All right, all right, kill the music! (Music makes the "halted record" noise.) That's better. Sheesh . . . okay, action!
(The two monks are staring at each other, nose to nose, eyes narrowed.)
"Miroku": Who are you?
Miroku: I'm me. Who are YOU?
Fluffy: And I thought one of him was bad . . . .
"Miroku": (points dramatically) You are an imposter!
Miroku: Oh yeah?
Both: Houriki! (They throw ofuda scrolls at each other. Both stumble back with the scrolls stuck to their foreheads. "Miroku's" is written in swirly sparkly pink and purple ink.)
Miroku: Oroororororororoo . . . .
"Miroku": Daaaaaa . . . .
(They both fall over, unconscious.)
K-Chan: So, uh . . . now what?
Neko: *insanely happy* Dude, now I have two! (Does a happy dance.) Waaiii! Waaiii! (The rest of the cast catches up.)
XJC: There you all are! (Notices the unconscious houshis.) Uh . . . oh dear . . . .
WW: Well, that explains a lot.
Tasuki: If that's Miroku, who's THAT?
Neko: (crouching down) Only one way to find out. (Removes the ofuda scrolls. The monks open their eyes and sit up, groaning like they've got a nasty hangover.) Uh . . . so, um . . . no killing each other! (Turns to "Miroku".) So, if you're Miroku, and he's Miroku . . . . I smell a huge copyright violation here!
"Miroku": Eh? (Giggles cutely, making the author a trifle nauseous.) Who said I was "Miroku"? You all have been calling me that since I got here.
Miroku: So you're the one framing me! Gay indeed . . . (Glances at Fluffy.) . . . . Ugh . . . . *shudder*
Fluffy: *indignantly* Keh.
K-Chan: *to "Miroku"* So, if you're not Miroku . . . . Kimi wa donata desu ka. [Who are you?]
"Miroku": I'm Jukai. (Shakes hands with K-Chan.) Yoroshiku. [Nice to meet you.]
XJC: *the ever-practical* But . . . Miroku's an only child. Where did you come from?
Neko: (hugging them together) Who cares?! I've got two monks!
IY: Actually, you've got three.
Neko: Even better! (More hugs.)
Nuriko: (picks up Jukai and pulls him aside) Learn to share, will ya!
Neko: Hey!
MJ: Neko, what IS it with you and monks?
Chan: *aside to MJ* Deep-seated need to corrupt the clergy. (MJ stifles laughter.)
Fluffy: (spins plate)
Miroku: (just kind of sitting there looking sad and neglected) Ano . . . I feel unloved . . . .
Neko: Awww, kawaii sou ni! (Hugs Miroku.)
Miroku: (smiles; pats Neko on the head) Arigatto, Neko-san. Osore'irimasu. [I appreciate it.]
Neko: Oyasui koto desu. [No trouble at all.]
Tasuki: (scratches head) So, what are we gonna do with twin monks?
MJ: *seriously* I could think of a few things . . . .
XJC: (smacks MJ upside the head) Hidee-na. Bikkuri shi-chau. [That's terrible! I'm shocked!] Bad MJ, very bad!
K-Chan: You're sick, you know that?
Neko: That's just . . . no. Yech! *shudder*
Fluffy: (spins plate some more)
MJ: *puzzled look* I meant, let's put them in separate rooms and ask them questions and see if their answers are the same. What were YOU guys thinking? . . . Chotto matte . . . . (thought process) . . . . eew! Come on, people! I'm not ALWAYS thinking about . . . that.
XJC: Yes you are! . . . I think . . .
MJ: Etchi wa sotchi. [You're the one with the sick mind.] Who do you think I am? (Points to Miroku.) Him?
Miroku: *glare* I resent that.
MJ: *continuing* No tame ni tengoku! [For Heaven's sake!] For one thing, I'm not a monk . . . .
XJC: *interrupts* But you WERE a nun . . . . Sister Mayhem . . . .
MJ: *Glare O' Death* Damare, teme. [Shut up, you. {rude}] (Too late. XJC has attracted everyone's interest with a single statement.)
WW: MJ was a nun? *sly glance at MJ* Do tell!
MJ: *vein poppity pop pop*
Suboushi: Since when?
XJC: *giddily* Oh, it was vastly entertaining! Our school was doing a production of "The Sound of Music" and MJ was a nun! Penguin suit and everything! (This prompts laughter from several cast members until MJ"s next line.)
MJ: *sings, because she knows XJC hates this song* "One little girl in a pale pink coat heard . . . . "
K-Chan: (picking up) "Lady-oh-da-lady-oh-da-lay-hee-hoo!"
XJC: (howls over their voices with her hands clamped over her ears) Noooooooo!
Tani: *sings* "She yodeled back to the lonely goatherd . . . . "
Trin: "Lady-oh-da-lady-oh-da-loo!"
Neko: "Soon her mama with the gleaming gloat heard . . . . "
Shippou: "Lady-oh-da-lady-oh-da-lay-hee-hoo!"
Chan: "What a duet for a girl and goatherd!"
Kibby: "Lady-oh-da-lady-oh-da-loo!"
(Miroku, Jukai, Neko, and MJ sing the Quartet lines in four-part-harmony.)
Quartet: "Oh-ho-lady-oh-da-lee-ho, oh-ho-lady-oh-da-lay. Oh-ho-lady-oh-da-lee-ho, lady-oh-da-lee-ho-lay."
(Lai-Lai appears in a pale pink peacoat. Soujirou appears in a green feathered cap and lederhosen.)
[AN: Fun mental image there, ne? ^.^]
K-Chan: *key change* "One little girl in pale pink coat heard . . . . "
Soujirou: "Lady-oh-da-lady-oh-da-lay-hee-hoo!"
MJ: "She yodeled back to the lonely goatherd . . . . "
Lai-Lai: "Lady-oh-da-lady-oh-da-loo!"
Amiboushi: "Soon her mama with a gleaming gloat heard . . . . "
XJC: *to Lai-Lai and Amiboushi* Traitors!
Tani: "Lady-oh-da-lady-oh-da-lay-hee-hoo!"
Nuriko: "What a duet for a girl and goatherd!"
Lai-Lai & Soujirou: *together* "Lady-oh-da-lady-oh-da-loo!"
(Start twitching, folks. The entire cast joins hands and skips in a circle around XJC, all the while singing that confounded song.)
All: "Oh-ho-lady-oh-da-lee-ho, oh-ho-lady-oh-da-lay. Oh-ho-lady-oh-da-lee-ho, lady-oh-da-lee-ho-lay!"
XJC: *meanwhile* (wailing) Aaaagh! Make it stop! Make it stop! (She begins to shrink down under her fishing hat, a la Margaret Hamilton.) Oh, what a world! (She disappears under the hat, leaving a puddle. The cast slowly stops skipping and stares, dumbfounded.)
Chichiri: (scratching his head under the kasa) I thought I was the only one who could do that, no da.
WW: Apparently not. (Peeks under hat.)
Sano: (suddenly, randomly, arriving on the scene) Kon'nichi wa minna-san, doushitano. [Hi, everyone, what's up.] (Notices puddle on the floor; quickly jumps to the wrong conclusion.) Hey, now, what have we here?
Neko: (fidgets) A-no . . . .
Sano: Looks like some poor baka spilled sake on the floor. *beat* Well, we can't have it go to waste, now can we? (Stoops and drinks the puddle.)
IY: *eye roll* Sore wa itsu mo sou desu. [It is ever so.]
K-Chan: E-to . . . Sano . . . . I wouldn't do that . . . .
Sano: (completely ignoring her) Ah! That was good! You people should learn not to waste good sa- . . . (Stops; gets an odd look on his face.) . . . . That's strange . . . .
Tani: What's the matter?
Sano: I have this sudden weird craving for tea . . . . (Picks up hat; puts it on; eyes turn blue.) Oi, MJ, do you mind if I steal your fries?
MJ: O.O; (Hides behind IY.) Omigod, he's possessed!
HH: *quizzically* It appears so . . . but by what?
Nuriko: Yeah, what kind of demon steals fries and craves tea?
Neko: *finger point* XJo-Chan! (FY OAV end theme begins to play again.)
Nuriko: Well, yeah, but seriously . . . .
Neko: No, I mean it! Sano's been possessed by XJo-Chan!
Jukai: Oo, kinky! (K-Chan smacks him.) Itai!
K-Chan: That was on behalf of XJo-Chan.
Neko: Suddenly, it all makes sense!
Chichiri: Um, actually, Neko-san, it makes very little sense, no da.
MJ: No, no, it all fits! The hat, the tea, the fries . . . .
Sano: *a la XJC* Oh dear God . . . .
Tasuki: O.o Whoa . . . .
Neko: Sano's been possessed the spirit of XJo-Chan!
Trin: This is gonna be . . . interesting . . . . (The FY OAV end theme is still playing; confused looks all around.)
Chichiri: Nani, no da?
HH: It's that music again!
MJ: *vein pop* Yada! Cut that out! (Music makes the "halted record" noise again.) Stupid soundtrack . . .
Ah yes . . . those soundtracks are troublesome indeed . . . . anyhoo, R&R and visit me blah blah blah . . . .
Next Episode: (half of which I wrote in my sleep . . . literally!) We attempt to exorcize XJo-Chan . . . .