The entire way back the two spoke of their fears and demons. Peter told his
father about his fear of abandonment, fear of being alone- of his father
walking out on him and never coming back, the constant fear of failure and
never living up to his father's reputation.
Caine spoke to his son of his own fear of losing his son while he was doing police work- while he could have saved him, fear that his own past; mistakes and sins will affect Peter, but most importantly he spoke of being empty. Ever since the temple was destroyed, he felt a void in him- growing with each passing day that devours any joy or happiness in his life. An empty shelled life, which was made complete again with the return of his son, but not like it was before. He failed his son in the temple and Peter suffered the consequences of his failure. His constant fear that his son does not want him in his life and there's no place for him, pushed to the corner to watch but not participate and feel bitterness towards those that robbed him of his father role in those crucial years.
"I have accepted that another has been called 'father' by you," Caine said at his apartment, as the two sat on the floor to finish their talk. "But it still clutches at my heart that I could not be there for you, that I was not the one you turned to, but a stranger. That that stranger knows more about this Peter Caine than I ever will, no matter how long I study you. He was there at those crucial years, I was not. And not a day goes by that I do not wish it would have been different."
Peter listened to his father's confession with great attentiveness. It shocked him to find out that his father was human after all and could feel such mundane emotions such as envious and anger. The Caine he knew these years barely shrugged to show emotions, this…. This statement was more than Peter thought was in the man. It just proved how little they knew each other and how far apart they grew. It also said something about Caine's style- to repress any sign of emotion out in public and bury it all inside.
"Wow, pop," Peter shook his head in amazement. "I can't believe how human you are."
Caine couldn't help but laugh at his son's statement, remembering how he always compared him to a Super hero. "I am but a human being, like any other," he said, waving with his hands to emphasize. "I hurt, I bleed, I feel and I cry, just like any man."
"But that's just it," Peter argued. "You're not a man, you're Shaolin."
"Shaolin is a way of life, my son," Caine preached. "Not a race. We eat and drink water to sustain life; we yearn like anyone else. We are all humans, but spiritually at peace- that reflects on our behavior. Perhaps it is that, which makes us seem…Invincible? Powerful? True power comes from within any man, only those that recognize and focus on it can find it. But the seed is in us all. I merely found my seed."
"And that's another thing that ticks me off," Peter went on, on a roll. "That… That nobility and modesty is driving me crazy!" At Caine's raised eyebrow, Peter went on. "I mean, you're so weird in that sense. It's unnatural to be so damn…So humble and benign! It makes you look strange, like you're not ordinary and you're beyond our sinful reach. We'll never be like you. I'll never be like you."
"I do not want you to be like me," Caine shook his head. "I wish for you to carve your own path on your own road, not follow my example."
"But how else will I understand you? How else am I supposed to talk to you? We're in two different worlds. You're so high and spiritual, and I'm down here in the mud."
"You think you are the only one who is struggling? I too at times find myself lost, confused and shattered. Maybe…" Caine eyed his son carefully. "Maybe we can attempt to- to heal one another?"
"Maybe," Peter agreed doubtfully.
Caine smiled pleased. "Perhaps we could begin with this case you have been working on? This murder case that has upset you?"
Peter thought about it long and hard before sighing and nodding.
"What has upset you about this case?" Caine asked gently, edging closer to his son.
"It's just…. It's silly, po- dad." Peter said, rubbing his eyes.
"Silly things do not prevent us from sleeping and invade our dreams," Caine said shaking his head. "You do not think it is silly, you are afraid I will find it silly. But I can assure you, I will not. Whatever is real for you is real for me. Like the dragon under your bed as a child; you felt it was real and so I felt so as well, until you learned it was not."
"Right," Peter said not convinced. "Well… I was chasing this suspect, right? And all of a sudden I… I could feel his feelings. I felt anger, hate and a lot of other stuff. Pretty soon I couldn't tell if I was the one feeling it or him." Peter shut his eyes to avoid relieving the memory. "It scared the living hell out of me."
"Why should it?" Caine asked understandingly. "He is a human being-"
"He's a monster," Peter argued.
"Yet we were all born human, not monsters. He has the same emotions we all have, but his are more intense, stronger, more emphasized."
"It still creeps me out to think I could be in his head. It was like I was him." Peter said, shaking slightly. His father put a comforting hand on his shoulder.
"Your Shaolin powers are strong, even if they are not channeled correctly or with intent," Caine said in wonder and with pride.
"Is there any way to undo it?" Peter asked, already guessing the answer.
Caine looked slightly pained. "No, I fear there is not. Once you have opened up your Chi and inner eye and discovered it, you cannot block it. But why do you wish to do so?"
"Because I'm not a priest," Peter said somewhat saddened. He always thought his father disapproved of that.
"But can it not help you in your work as a cop?" Caine argued.
"Oh yeah, just what I need in the middle of a chase after a murder suspect, flashes and to be overwhelmed by his feelings. No thank you."
"It will not always be that way," Caine explained. "I too, felt that it was a burden when I first chose this path. But with proper training you can focus it better and it will help you and not overwhelm you. You will be able to control it, if you allow me to help you."
"You?" Peter asked surprised. "You also felt that this was… Too much?"
"Yes," Caine laughed. "As I'm sure even the great Shaolin masters felt when they started. It is not easy dealing with something strange and unknown to us. I will help you and teach you, if you are willing."
"That's another thing," Peter said dejectedly. "Why do you have to teach me? Can't you just love me and be proud of me?" He realized he sounded like a little kid, but he didn't care.
"All parents wish to pass their wisdom to their children," Caine said frowning. "Did Paul not do the same?"
"His wisdom helped me survive," Peter said.
"Shaolin wisdom helps you live a better and fuller life," Caine retorted.
"What's wrong with my life as it is?" Peter asked hurt.
Caine sighed. "You are broken and empty, is that truly how you wish to live? That is not living, it is breathing. If you cannot enjoy the world around you, your life is… sad."
"What exactly is there to enjoy?" Peter retorted. "Corruption is everywhere, people don't care about others- only about themselves, kids are living on the streets and dying way too young."
"That is where we come in." Caine said, getting up. "I help mend their souls, you help mend the world, making it a safer place to live in."
Peter didn't know what to say to that and so he simply stood, feeling awed. "Your turn," he finally said with a grin. "It's time to heal your soul."
***
The two talked for hours, until it was very late. Both felt that it was a productive evening and they gained much from it. Peter was about to head back to his apartment light-hearted, when he noticed a note on the side table addressed to his dad.
"Hey pop," he called. "There's something here for you." Caine went over and opened it, reading it silently. The pain in his eyes was evident, as he handed it back to Peter to read.
Dear Caine,
When you read this letter I'll be long gone, don't try to find me. I'll probably be in another city or something. I don't know why I'm writing this, I guess you showed this street kid so much respect she decided to show you some in return.
You might have noticed by now, that my bag and stuff are out of your place. I appreciate you letting me stay there, but I can't. What you offer I'm not ready to accept, so my living there will just be a waste of your precious time, which would be better served helping others.
Speaking of which, if you haven't already I'd suggest you talk to that son of yours, he's carrying around a heavy weight on his shoulders. Peter; if you're reading this- LIGHTEN UP! The world won't be a better place if you mope around for every bad you couldn't fix; think about all the good you CAN fix! Compare all the good you've done to all the bad you couldn't prevent, I guarantee you've done more good.
I hope you guys open up to each other, there's nothing that ticks me off more than people who love each other, but won't get close because they are afraid of getting hurt. I think you hurt yourselves more this way.
I meant only to write a short 'sorry and bye' but it looks like it got a bit too long. I hate long letters that have absolutely no point, so I'll finish off now. Just one more thing:
Thank you Peter, for saving my life, though it wasn't worth saving. I can't promise I'll do something to make it worth it, but I will try. I hope I'll be able to do as much good and help as many people as you two do, but I highly doubt I'll make it, you're in a league of your own boys!
Who knows, I might see you guys around,
Eve
Peter stared at the letter shocked. He forgot all about her! One look at his father told him Caine had done the same.
"I guess we couldn't help her," Peter muttered, putting the letter down.
"Perhaps she wasn't the one needing help," Caine said quietly.
"What do you mean?" Peter asked confused. "She's one messed up girl carrying a guilt cargo the size of an elephant, who has been beaten up and probably never felt loved."
"Yes," Caine agreed sadly. "She is. We are not whole, yet in helping others, we feel more whole. Maybe by helping us, she helped herself somewhat."
"Maybe," Peter said doubtfully. "She managed to bring two stubborn men together," he smiled at his father playfully. "But I wish we could have helped her."
"We might yet," Caine shrugged, squishing some herbs together. "Her day is not over yet. Our paths may very well cross once more."
Peter shrugged, not quite feeling as secure. "G'night pop," he said as he walked out of the apartment.
"Good night, my son," Caine whispered after him. He stopped what he was doing when he noticed something on the counter that was not his or his son's. He picked it up and examined it. It was a necklace with a caged emerald in it, on the back in initials: E.K. Eve Knite. Caine looked at it with wonder, before storing it away in a draw for safekeeping, waiting for the owner to come and claim it back.
-The End-
I wasn't sure where I was going with this, so I decided until I get inspired to end it here. I wrote a different fic, which I liked (and those who know me know I rarely like things I write) called "A Verse I Life" and I'm working on a new one soon. Reviews and suggestions are always welcomed.
Ivy
Caine spoke to his son of his own fear of losing his son while he was doing police work- while he could have saved him, fear that his own past; mistakes and sins will affect Peter, but most importantly he spoke of being empty. Ever since the temple was destroyed, he felt a void in him- growing with each passing day that devours any joy or happiness in his life. An empty shelled life, which was made complete again with the return of his son, but not like it was before. He failed his son in the temple and Peter suffered the consequences of his failure. His constant fear that his son does not want him in his life and there's no place for him, pushed to the corner to watch but not participate and feel bitterness towards those that robbed him of his father role in those crucial years.
"I have accepted that another has been called 'father' by you," Caine said at his apartment, as the two sat on the floor to finish their talk. "But it still clutches at my heart that I could not be there for you, that I was not the one you turned to, but a stranger. That that stranger knows more about this Peter Caine than I ever will, no matter how long I study you. He was there at those crucial years, I was not. And not a day goes by that I do not wish it would have been different."
Peter listened to his father's confession with great attentiveness. It shocked him to find out that his father was human after all and could feel such mundane emotions such as envious and anger. The Caine he knew these years barely shrugged to show emotions, this…. This statement was more than Peter thought was in the man. It just proved how little they knew each other and how far apart they grew. It also said something about Caine's style- to repress any sign of emotion out in public and bury it all inside.
"Wow, pop," Peter shook his head in amazement. "I can't believe how human you are."
Caine couldn't help but laugh at his son's statement, remembering how he always compared him to a Super hero. "I am but a human being, like any other," he said, waving with his hands to emphasize. "I hurt, I bleed, I feel and I cry, just like any man."
"But that's just it," Peter argued. "You're not a man, you're Shaolin."
"Shaolin is a way of life, my son," Caine preached. "Not a race. We eat and drink water to sustain life; we yearn like anyone else. We are all humans, but spiritually at peace- that reflects on our behavior. Perhaps it is that, which makes us seem…Invincible? Powerful? True power comes from within any man, only those that recognize and focus on it can find it. But the seed is in us all. I merely found my seed."
"And that's another thing that ticks me off," Peter went on, on a roll. "That… That nobility and modesty is driving me crazy!" At Caine's raised eyebrow, Peter went on. "I mean, you're so weird in that sense. It's unnatural to be so damn…So humble and benign! It makes you look strange, like you're not ordinary and you're beyond our sinful reach. We'll never be like you. I'll never be like you."
"I do not want you to be like me," Caine shook his head. "I wish for you to carve your own path on your own road, not follow my example."
"But how else will I understand you? How else am I supposed to talk to you? We're in two different worlds. You're so high and spiritual, and I'm down here in the mud."
"You think you are the only one who is struggling? I too at times find myself lost, confused and shattered. Maybe…" Caine eyed his son carefully. "Maybe we can attempt to- to heal one another?"
"Maybe," Peter agreed doubtfully.
Caine smiled pleased. "Perhaps we could begin with this case you have been working on? This murder case that has upset you?"
Peter thought about it long and hard before sighing and nodding.
"What has upset you about this case?" Caine asked gently, edging closer to his son.
"It's just…. It's silly, po- dad." Peter said, rubbing his eyes.
"Silly things do not prevent us from sleeping and invade our dreams," Caine said shaking his head. "You do not think it is silly, you are afraid I will find it silly. But I can assure you, I will not. Whatever is real for you is real for me. Like the dragon under your bed as a child; you felt it was real and so I felt so as well, until you learned it was not."
"Right," Peter said not convinced. "Well… I was chasing this suspect, right? And all of a sudden I… I could feel his feelings. I felt anger, hate and a lot of other stuff. Pretty soon I couldn't tell if I was the one feeling it or him." Peter shut his eyes to avoid relieving the memory. "It scared the living hell out of me."
"Why should it?" Caine asked understandingly. "He is a human being-"
"He's a monster," Peter argued.
"Yet we were all born human, not monsters. He has the same emotions we all have, but his are more intense, stronger, more emphasized."
"It still creeps me out to think I could be in his head. It was like I was him." Peter said, shaking slightly. His father put a comforting hand on his shoulder.
"Your Shaolin powers are strong, even if they are not channeled correctly or with intent," Caine said in wonder and with pride.
"Is there any way to undo it?" Peter asked, already guessing the answer.
Caine looked slightly pained. "No, I fear there is not. Once you have opened up your Chi and inner eye and discovered it, you cannot block it. But why do you wish to do so?"
"Because I'm not a priest," Peter said somewhat saddened. He always thought his father disapproved of that.
"But can it not help you in your work as a cop?" Caine argued.
"Oh yeah, just what I need in the middle of a chase after a murder suspect, flashes and to be overwhelmed by his feelings. No thank you."
"It will not always be that way," Caine explained. "I too, felt that it was a burden when I first chose this path. But with proper training you can focus it better and it will help you and not overwhelm you. You will be able to control it, if you allow me to help you."
"You?" Peter asked surprised. "You also felt that this was… Too much?"
"Yes," Caine laughed. "As I'm sure even the great Shaolin masters felt when they started. It is not easy dealing with something strange and unknown to us. I will help you and teach you, if you are willing."
"That's another thing," Peter said dejectedly. "Why do you have to teach me? Can't you just love me and be proud of me?" He realized he sounded like a little kid, but he didn't care.
"All parents wish to pass their wisdom to their children," Caine said frowning. "Did Paul not do the same?"
"His wisdom helped me survive," Peter said.
"Shaolin wisdom helps you live a better and fuller life," Caine retorted.
"What's wrong with my life as it is?" Peter asked hurt.
Caine sighed. "You are broken and empty, is that truly how you wish to live? That is not living, it is breathing. If you cannot enjoy the world around you, your life is… sad."
"What exactly is there to enjoy?" Peter retorted. "Corruption is everywhere, people don't care about others- only about themselves, kids are living on the streets and dying way too young."
"That is where we come in." Caine said, getting up. "I help mend their souls, you help mend the world, making it a safer place to live in."
Peter didn't know what to say to that and so he simply stood, feeling awed. "Your turn," he finally said with a grin. "It's time to heal your soul."
***
The two talked for hours, until it was very late. Both felt that it was a productive evening and they gained much from it. Peter was about to head back to his apartment light-hearted, when he noticed a note on the side table addressed to his dad.
"Hey pop," he called. "There's something here for you." Caine went over and opened it, reading it silently. The pain in his eyes was evident, as he handed it back to Peter to read.
Dear Caine,
When you read this letter I'll be long gone, don't try to find me. I'll probably be in another city or something. I don't know why I'm writing this, I guess you showed this street kid so much respect she decided to show you some in return.
You might have noticed by now, that my bag and stuff are out of your place. I appreciate you letting me stay there, but I can't. What you offer I'm not ready to accept, so my living there will just be a waste of your precious time, which would be better served helping others.
Speaking of which, if you haven't already I'd suggest you talk to that son of yours, he's carrying around a heavy weight on his shoulders. Peter; if you're reading this- LIGHTEN UP! The world won't be a better place if you mope around for every bad you couldn't fix; think about all the good you CAN fix! Compare all the good you've done to all the bad you couldn't prevent, I guarantee you've done more good.
I hope you guys open up to each other, there's nothing that ticks me off more than people who love each other, but won't get close because they are afraid of getting hurt. I think you hurt yourselves more this way.
I meant only to write a short 'sorry and bye' but it looks like it got a bit too long. I hate long letters that have absolutely no point, so I'll finish off now. Just one more thing:
Thank you Peter, for saving my life, though it wasn't worth saving. I can't promise I'll do something to make it worth it, but I will try. I hope I'll be able to do as much good and help as many people as you two do, but I highly doubt I'll make it, you're in a league of your own boys!
Who knows, I might see you guys around,
Eve
Peter stared at the letter shocked. He forgot all about her! One look at his father told him Caine had done the same.
"I guess we couldn't help her," Peter muttered, putting the letter down.
"Perhaps she wasn't the one needing help," Caine said quietly.
"What do you mean?" Peter asked confused. "She's one messed up girl carrying a guilt cargo the size of an elephant, who has been beaten up and probably never felt loved."
"Yes," Caine agreed sadly. "She is. We are not whole, yet in helping others, we feel more whole. Maybe by helping us, she helped herself somewhat."
"Maybe," Peter said doubtfully. "She managed to bring two stubborn men together," he smiled at his father playfully. "But I wish we could have helped her."
"We might yet," Caine shrugged, squishing some herbs together. "Her day is not over yet. Our paths may very well cross once more."
Peter shrugged, not quite feeling as secure. "G'night pop," he said as he walked out of the apartment.
"Good night, my son," Caine whispered after him. He stopped what he was doing when he noticed something on the counter that was not his or his son's. He picked it up and examined it. It was a necklace with a caged emerald in it, on the back in initials: E.K. Eve Knite. Caine looked at it with wonder, before storing it away in a draw for safekeeping, waiting for the owner to come and claim it back.
-The End-
I wasn't sure where I was going with this, so I decided until I get inspired to end it here. I wrote a different fic, which I liked (and those who know me know I rarely like things I write) called "A Verse I Life" and I'm working on a new one soon. Reviews and suggestions are always welcomed.
Ivy