A man who sings like a girl meets a whore who swings on trapezes.
Welcome to the Moulin Rouge....
Chapter 1
*for best results, read in a patronizing, story-telling tone of voice*
Once upon a time there was a man named Christian. Christian had a happy, luxurious life in his hometown of London, and his mummy and daddy loved him very much. However, this was not enough for Christian. Christian wanted to go to another country and become a bum, and make a living singing other people's songs and passing them off as his own.
"You won't last a day in the real world!"
"You're too stupid to live on your own!"
"No one will like your music!"
"Are you retarded?!?"
Were just some of the things his concerned, loving parents shouted at him when he announced his plans to travel.
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is to love, and be loved in return," Christian would always reply.
"Huh?" his parents would always say back,
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is to love, and be loved in return," Christian would say once again.
"Hello? Christian? Are you even listening to us anymore?"
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is to love, and be loved in return," stated Christian one more time. Then he'd grab his teddy off the couch and pitter-patter back into his room to sing Elton John music, leaving his parents confused, and slightly pissed off.
"Why does he keep repeating that?" Christian's mother would ask his father,
"I don't know," Christian's confused father would reply.
Don't worry, buddy, the entire audience of Moulin Rouge is wondering the exact same thing.
One day Christian announced that he really was going to leave London. His parents shouted the same comments at him, and Christian shouted back the same confusing reply. Then he popped his thumb into his mouth and started sucking with all his might- a sure sign that he was distressed.
"Oohh honey," cooed Christian's mum, "tell mummy- what's the matter watter?"
Christian took his thumb out of his mouth. "Mummy, daddy, you just don't know what I want- what I really, really want," he said.
"So tell us what you want- what you really really want," said Christian's parents,
"I'll tell you want I want- what I really, REALLY want?" asked Christian again,
"So TELL us what you want- what you really, REALLY want." replied Christian's parents. Again.
Suddenly, Christian jumped up on the table and started shaking his manboobs around, to non-existant music.
"I wanna- HA- I wanna- HA- I wanna- HA- I wanna HA- I really really really REALLY wanna zigga-zig- ahhhh!"
"Christian, son," his father whispered feverently, "get off of that table! And for the love of God PLEASE take that Union Jack dress off!"
"STOP! PLEASE, STOP!!" cried Christian's mother, in a slightly more desperate tone.
But little Christian didn't stop. He just kept on singing that little song of his. And, as Christian showed off the highest heights his girly voice could possibly reach with, "IF YOU WANNA BE MY LOVER, YOU GOTTA GET WITH MY FRIEEENDS!", his parents quietly walked upstairs and packed his bags for him.
Welcome to the Moulin Rouge....
Chapter 1
*for best results, read in a patronizing, story-telling tone of voice*
Once upon a time there was a man named Christian. Christian had a happy, luxurious life in his hometown of London, and his mummy and daddy loved him very much. However, this was not enough for Christian. Christian wanted to go to another country and become a bum, and make a living singing other people's songs and passing them off as his own.
"You won't last a day in the real world!"
"You're too stupid to live on your own!"
"No one will like your music!"
"Are you retarded?!?"
Were just some of the things his concerned, loving parents shouted at him when he announced his plans to travel.
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is to love, and be loved in return," Christian would always reply.
"Huh?" his parents would always say back,
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is to love, and be loved in return," Christian would say once again.
"Hello? Christian? Are you even listening to us anymore?"
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is to love, and be loved in return," stated Christian one more time. Then he'd grab his teddy off the couch and pitter-patter back into his room to sing Elton John music, leaving his parents confused, and slightly pissed off.
"Why does he keep repeating that?" Christian's mother would ask his father,
"I don't know," Christian's confused father would reply.
Don't worry, buddy, the entire audience of Moulin Rouge is wondering the exact same thing.
One day Christian announced that he really was going to leave London. His parents shouted the same comments at him, and Christian shouted back the same confusing reply. Then he popped his thumb into his mouth and started sucking with all his might- a sure sign that he was distressed.
"Oohh honey," cooed Christian's mum, "tell mummy- what's the matter watter?"
Christian took his thumb out of his mouth. "Mummy, daddy, you just don't know what I want- what I really, really want," he said.
"So tell us what you want- what you really really want," said Christian's parents,
"I'll tell you want I want- what I really, REALLY want?" asked Christian again,
"So TELL us what you want- what you really, REALLY want." replied Christian's parents. Again.
Suddenly, Christian jumped up on the table and started shaking his manboobs around, to non-existant music.
"I wanna- HA- I wanna- HA- I wanna- HA- I wanna HA- I really really really REALLY wanna zigga-zig- ahhhh!"
"Christian, son," his father whispered feverently, "get off of that table! And for the love of God PLEASE take that Union Jack dress off!"
"STOP! PLEASE, STOP!!" cried Christian's mother, in a slightly more desperate tone.
But little Christian didn't stop. He just kept on singing that little song of his. And, as Christian showed off the highest heights his girly voice could possibly reach with, "IF YOU WANNA BE MY LOVER, YOU GOTTA GET WITH MY FRIEEENDS!", his parents quietly walked upstairs and packed his bags for him.