April
I can't even sleep in on my first day off in three weeks. I have to get up and help Roger move his stuff back to the loft. Neither of them will tell me what really happened but they 'need a break' from each other.
So much for appreciating what you have while you have it.
Still, I can't help but be excited to have Roger back in the loft. I know that I can't get myself too excited, because he won't be there a lot. With the record deal came a tour of the East Coast, and if it does well, then the West Coast. He is playing tonight at Bowery Ballroom and then tomorrow takes off for New Haven. So it looks like I'll be living with this stuff more than him.
Which is ok, because well, I haven't been quite sleeping alone lately. That waitress, Theresa, she and I have gotten close. I don't know if it is just a physical thing or more, but one night she was complaining that her housemate's boyfriend was over and she didn't want to go home, so I invited her to stay here. She came home with me, we talked and before I knew it, we slept together. Since that night, if we both close the restaurant, she comes home with me. I don't even have to invite her anymore.
The strange thing is, I haven't told anyone about her. I'm not sure why exactly… well yeah I am. She isn't like anyone else I have ever been interested in, and the truth is, I'm not sure if I am. I mean, I'm attracted to her, and she is really funny, but there is something about her. I guess I'm not sure what the others will think.
Plus, I like having my own little secret.
The alarm got violently fills the room with sound, but I'm awake anyway. I roll over Theresa and fumble around to turn it off. She moans and stretches and curls herself around me.
"No work…" She whispers.
"Yeah, but I have to help Roger move his things today, remember?" She doesn't move stays like a corpse when I move my arm from under her. "I have to take the train to Jersey City"
"Jersey, can you imagine living there?"
"Hey, I thought that was where you grew up." I laugh at her.
"No, Pennsylvania." I nod, even though I really don't remember. She sits up, making sure she covers herself with the sheet. "So I will finally get to meet Roger tonight, huh?"
"Well, probably not. We're going to be moving all day and he's got a show tonight."
"I am only working the lunch shift today." She bends over and finds her bra and panties, neatly folded next to the bed. That is one quirk that I just don't understand. She begins dressing herself as she continues; "We could go to the show."
"Oh God no, you would never fit in there." I realize what I'm saying while the words are exiting my mouth, "I mean…"
"No, you're right. I won't fit in with your grungy punk rock artist friends."
"Theresa, that isn't what I meant. I just don't think it is your scene."
"Fine whatever." She climbs out of bed and leaves the room and goes into the bathroom. She leaves the door open as she brushes her bob. "You know, it would be nice if we went out sometime, instead of just working and coming back here and having sex."
This is the first time she has ever acted this way. Everything we did, until now, was so low key, that her attitude makes me speechless. I just stand there and gawk at her.
"Mark, I like you, you are a really nice guy. But I need more than this."
"I… I thought things were going well."
"Sure, for you. Your getting laid and not having to put in any work."
"I'm… sorry… I didn't know."
She takes a deep breath and walks towards me. "No, I'm sorry. I don't know I must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed or something."
"The bed is against the wall, there is only one side." I smile shyly at her.
"I guess it's just that…"
"What?"
"Never mind. Look, I got to go home to get ready for work." She kisses my cheek.
I walk her over to the door; "I'll see you tomorrow at the restaurant." She nods and walks out.
I replay the whole scene in my mind. I just don't understand the change. Our relationship, if you can call it that was so laid back. It was completely casual and I liked that. She had no idea about Roger and Mimi's sickness. I have never told her about Collins or Angel. I talk about my ex Maureen a lot, but I never told her that now she is a lesbian.
Maybe I have been too closed off with her. But then, I'm not even sure if I like her. It has just been nice having someone be with me. I couldn't take the silence anymore. But now that Roger's back… I don't know.
I grab my scarf and head out the door. It is cool for April, but not cold. The scarf is a little too much, but I like to wear it. I start walking towards the subway, still thinking about Theresa and why things have to change. I really like her as a person, she is fun and has a good sense of humor, but could she be a girlfriend? She's a scientist and doesn't get art at all. When she first asked me about what I was doing before getting the job, I answered 'I was a filmmaker'. She laughed, "No, really, what were you doing to support yourself?" She can't even imagine living poor. Not to say she is rich, but she works hard to pay for school and her apartment. She would never understand squatting or living without heat.
Unexpectedly, a motorcycle comes roaring behind me. I jump away from the road, because it seems it is going to hit me. I look quickly and recognize the body on the bike, even if I can't see the face behind the helmet.
The engine cuts off. "Maureen." She takes off the helmet and shakes her hair out. She still looks good.
"Mark!" She climbs off the bike and gives me a hug. "I recognized the scarf before I recognized you. Where you off to?"
"Roger and Mimi's place. He's moving back to the loft. I guess things didn't work out with them."
"Why? What happened?" She fakes a pout, but I know her well enough to know that she is digging for dirt.
"Honestly, I don't know. Roger called me yesterday and asked me to help him move. So that's what I'm doing."
"Hmm…" She looks at me again, "Mark, it is in the sixties, why on earth are you wearing that scarf?" She grabs the ends of it and forces me closer to her.
"I don't know… habit I guess."
She looks at me strangely. "I thought you accepted the fact we weren't getting back together a long time ago."
I pull the scarf away from her grip, "Yeah, I did. I just like to wear it."
She looks away for a second. "Mark, I should just tell you…"
"What?"
"I… I didn't make the scarf. I bought it for you at The Gap a few hours before I gave it to you."
I look at her surprised. "What?"
"Well, I didn't think you would still have it years later. You always lose everything…" Her voice turns into a high-pitched whine.
"Why did you let me think you made it?"
"I don't know… you assumed… I played along. I'm sorry!"
I shake my head and pull off the scarf. I hand it to her, "Here, I don't want it."
"Mark, I don't want your grungy old scarf."
"Tell Joanne I say hi, I have to go." I turn and walk away from her.
"Mark! Mark, come back." I just keep walking until I reach the corner and turn.
The wind blows against my bare neck as I walk out of the PATH station. I spot Roger sitting there strumming his guitar, his case wide open.
"Make any money?" I startle him.
"Oh… hey… yeah, about…" he counts the change, "A buck fifty. Can I buy you a coffee?"
I laugh, "No, I'm good." He stands up and gives me a hug.
"Thanks for coming. All my stuff is packed, so I just need a hand loading the van."
"Hmm… seems like I just did this a few weeks ago."
"Yeah, yeah, I know. Mimi and I have had a difference of opinion, that's all. We can't seem to get past it."
"What's the difference?" We start walking back to the van.
"Nothing, it doesn't matter."
"Yeah, it does. What's going on?"
I stand outside the van refusing to get in until he tells me.
"Fine, just get in, I'll tell you while I'm driving." We get in and he pulls out of the station. "Ok, so the band got this record deal, you know? And I'm all happy about it. Mimi said she was happy until the notion of a tour comes up. I tell her it is only for a few weeks. She wants to go, I tell her no, and we fight."
"Well, I can see her point. You guys moved out here to be with each other, and then you decide to leave."
"Yeah, well, that isn't what really pissed her off."
"What was it then?"
"The record company is really interested in us. They love our sound and our look. But they needed something to separate us from the rest of the rock bands out there. So they decided to…"
I look at him sideways, "What?"
"They are going to publicize about my HIV status. They think it would be a good hook to get people to know my name and the band. You know, rock musician living with AIDS and all that shit."
"Are you fucking kidding me?"
"No, and I don't want to hear it."
"Roger, that's selling out. Worse than that, it is… it is… I don't know, just wrong."
"Why? I mean, I am the one being outted so to speak. I don't care. About time this fucking disease worked for me instead of against me."
"But… I mean…"
"See?" He interrupts, "You can't even argue against it! Neither can Mimi. She just stopped talking to me or starts to yell things in Spanish. We haven't talked in a week."
I shake my head as I watch beat up houses pass by. "I don't know, this doesn't seem like a good idea to me…"
I can't even sleep in on my first day off in three weeks. I have to get up and help Roger move his stuff back to the loft. Neither of them will tell me what really happened but they 'need a break' from each other.
So much for appreciating what you have while you have it.
Still, I can't help but be excited to have Roger back in the loft. I know that I can't get myself too excited, because he won't be there a lot. With the record deal came a tour of the East Coast, and if it does well, then the West Coast. He is playing tonight at Bowery Ballroom and then tomorrow takes off for New Haven. So it looks like I'll be living with this stuff more than him.
Which is ok, because well, I haven't been quite sleeping alone lately. That waitress, Theresa, she and I have gotten close. I don't know if it is just a physical thing or more, but one night she was complaining that her housemate's boyfriend was over and she didn't want to go home, so I invited her to stay here. She came home with me, we talked and before I knew it, we slept together. Since that night, if we both close the restaurant, she comes home with me. I don't even have to invite her anymore.
The strange thing is, I haven't told anyone about her. I'm not sure why exactly… well yeah I am. She isn't like anyone else I have ever been interested in, and the truth is, I'm not sure if I am. I mean, I'm attracted to her, and she is really funny, but there is something about her. I guess I'm not sure what the others will think.
Plus, I like having my own little secret.
The alarm got violently fills the room with sound, but I'm awake anyway. I roll over Theresa and fumble around to turn it off. She moans and stretches and curls herself around me.
"No work…" She whispers.
"Yeah, but I have to help Roger move his things today, remember?" She doesn't move stays like a corpse when I move my arm from under her. "I have to take the train to Jersey City"
"Jersey, can you imagine living there?"
"Hey, I thought that was where you grew up." I laugh at her.
"No, Pennsylvania." I nod, even though I really don't remember. She sits up, making sure she covers herself with the sheet. "So I will finally get to meet Roger tonight, huh?"
"Well, probably not. We're going to be moving all day and he's got a show tonight."
"I am only working the lunch shift today." She bends over and finds her bra and panties, neatly folded next to the bed. That is one quirk that I just don't understand. She begins dressing herself as she continues; "We could go to the show."
"Oh God no, you would never fit in there." I realize what I'm saying while the words are exiting my mouth, "I mean…"
"No, you're right. I won't fit in with your grungy punk rock artist friends."
"Theresa, that isn't what I meant. I just don't think it is your scene."
"Fine whatever." She climbs out of bed and leaves the room and goes into the bathroom. She leaves the door open as she brushes her bob. "You know, it would be nice if we went out sometime, instead of just working and coming back here and having sex."
This is the first time she has ever acted this way. Everything we did, until now, was so low key, that her attitude makes me speechless. I just stand there and gawk at her.
"Mark, I like you, you are a really nice guy. But I need more than this."
"I… I thought things were going well."
"Sure, for you. Your getting laid and not having to put in any work."
"I'm… sorry… I didn't know."
She takes a deep breath and walks towards me. "No, I'm sorry. I don't know I must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed or something."
"The bed is against the wall, there is only one side." I smile shyly at her.
"I guess it's just that…"
"What?"
"Never mind. Look, I got to go home to get ready for work." She kisses my cheek.
I walk her over to the door; "I'll see you tomorrow at the restaurant." She nods and walks out.
I replay the whole scene in my mind. I just don't understand the change. Our relationship, if you can call it that was so laid back. It was completely casual and I liked that. She had no idea about Roger and Mimi's sickness. I have never told her about Collins or Angel. I talk about my ex Maureen a lot, but I never told her that now she is a lesbian.
Maybe I have been too closed off with her. But then, I'm not even sure if I like her. It has just been nice having someone be with me. I couldn't take the silence anymore. But now that Roger's back… I don't know.
I grab my scarf and head out the door. It is cool for April, but not cold. The scarf is a little too much, but I like to wear it. I start walking towards the subway, still thinking about Theresa and why things have to change. I really like her as a person, she is fun and has a good sense of humor, but could she be a girlfriend? She's a scientist and doesn't get art at all. When she first asked me about what I was doing before getting the job, I answered 'I was a filmmaker'. She laughed, "No, really, what were you doing to support yourself?" She can't even imagine living poor. Not to say she is rich, but she works hard to pay for school and her apartment. She would never understand squatting or living without heat.
Unexpectedly, a motorcycle comes roaring behind me. I jump away from the road, because it seems it is going to hit me. I look quickly and recognize the body on the bike, even if I can't see the face behind the helmet.
The engine cuts off. "Maureen." She takes off the helmet and shakes her hair out. She still looks good.
"Mark!" She climbs off the bike and gives me a hug. "I recognized the scarf before I recognized you. Where you off to?"
"Roger and Mimi's place. He's moving back to the loft. I guess things didn't work out with them."
"Why? What happened?" She fakes a pout, but I know her well enough to know that she is digging for dirt.
"Honestly, I don't know. Roger called me yesterday and asked me to help him move. So that's what I'm doing."
"Hmm…" She looks at me again, "Mark, it is in the sixties, why on earth are you wearing that scarf?" She grabs the ends of it and forces me closer to her.
"I don't know… habit I guess."
She looks at me strangely. "I thought you accepted the fact we weren't getting back together a long time ago."
I pull the scarf away from her grip, "Yeah, I did. I just like to wear it."
She looks away for a second. "Mark, I should just tell you…"
"What?"
"I… I didn't make the scarf. I bought it for you at The Gap a few hours before I gave it to you."
I look at her surprised. "What?"
"Well, I didn't think you would still have it years later. You always lose everything…" Her voice turns into a high-pitched whine.
"Why did you let me think you made it?"
"I don't know… you assumed… I played along. I'm sorry!"
I shake my head and pull off the scarf. I hand it to her, "Here, I don't want it."
"Mark, I don't want your grungy old scarf."
"Tell Joanne I say hi, I have to go." I turn and walk away from her.
"Mark! Mark, come back." I just keep walking until I reach the corner and turn.
The wind blows against my bare neck as I walk out of the PATH station. I spot Roger sitting there strumming his guitar, his case wide open.
"Make any money?" I startle him.
"Oh… hey… yeah, about…" he counts the change, "A buck fifty. Can I buy you a coffee?"
I laugh, "No, I'm good." He stands up and gives me a hug.
"Thanks for coming. All my stuff is packed, so I just need a hand loading the van."
"Hmm… seems like I just did this a few weeks ago."
"Yeah, yeah, I know. Mimi and I have had a difference of opinion, that's all. We can't seem to get past it."
"What's the difference?" We start walking back to the van.
"Nothing, it doesn't matter."
"Yeah, it does. What's going on?"
I stand outside the van refusing to get in until he tells me.
"Fine, just get in, I'll tell you while I'm driving." We get in and he pulls out of the station. "Ok, so the band got this record deal, you know? And I'm all happy about it. Mimi said she was happy until the notion of a tour comes up. I tell her it is only for a few weeks. She wants to go, I tell her no, and we fight."
"Well, I can see her point. You guys moved out here to be with each other, and then you decide to leave."
"Yeah, well, that isn't what really pissed her off."
"What was it then?"
"The record company is really interested in us. They love our sound and our look. But they needed something to separate us from the rest of the rock bands out there. So they decided to…"
I look at him sideways, "What?"
"They are going to publicize about my HIV status. They think it would be a good hook to get people to know my name and the band. You know, rock musician living with AIDS and all that shit."
"Are you fucking kidding me?"
"No, and I don't want to hear it."
"Roger, that's selling out. Worse than that, it is… it is… I don't know, just wrong."
"Why? I mean, I am the one being outted so to speak. I don't care. About time this fucking disease worked for me instead of against me."
"But… I mean…"
"See?" He interrupts, "You can't even argue against it! Neither can Mimi. She just stopped talking to me or starts to yell things in Spanish. We haven't talked in a week."
I shake my head as I watch beat up houses pass by. "I don't know, this doesn't seem like a good idea to me…"