A/N: I combined the two October's into one chapter. Only one more to go,
plus the epilogue.
November
"Mark? You here?"
I lay still on the couch, pretending to be asleep.
"Mark honey. You sick again?"
She comes around and sits next me on the couch. I open one eye and look at her.
"No, I'm ok, Theresa. Just tired."
She leans down and kisses me. Her lips are soft and warm. Her kisses feel nice. Safe. But not the same.
"Come on Mark, let's go out tonight. The guys at the restaurant really want to hang out with you. It'll be fun."
"I don't know T. I'm just not up for it."
"All you have done since you showed up here is mope around. Come on," She brushes my hair off my forehead, "For me?"
I nod and give her a half smile. "Let me just shower, ok?"
"Yay!" She jumps up and claps.
I reach out my hand and she helps pull me off the couch. She basically pushes me towards the bathroom.
The hot water hits me and I stand there for a long time. I don't know how I got here. That night after I left Mimi's apartment I wandered around the city until the sun finally came up. I walked uptown until I found myself outside the restaurant. I stood there looking inside for a minute. I watched Theresa setting up tables for lunch, laughing hard. That was what I liked most about her, I remembered. Her laugh. Before I could think it through I lifted my hand and knocked on the glass.
She came right out and gave me a hug. She dragged me into the restaurant, sat me down, got me some food and we talked. She filled me in on her life. She had been working full time and they made her assistant manager. Which meant no more waiting tables and more behind the scenes work. She was dating someone, but she was quick to tell me it wasn't serious. I could tell that she still liked me.
I still liked her too. It was different. There was passion there; I wasn't scared of her like I was with Mimi. I gave her an explanation for my sudden reappearance and told her I had no place to go. She insisted I stay with her.
So here I am. Content, I guess. I don't allow myself to think about Mimi and Roger. I have been able to block it out completely. I can almost imagine that this is where I have always been.
I'm fooling myself, of course. Every night when I go to sleep, I dream of her. Or him. I dream that Roger and I are still friends, and that Mimi and I are together. I wake up and stare at Theresa, and I wish she were someone else.
And I hate myself for it.
"Mark! Why don't you go buy a pitcher for us! We'll find a table!"
"Ok!" I yell over the loud music. Techno. I hate techno. I hate dance clubs. How did I wind up here? I fight my way to the bar. I stand there for a minute waiting for one of the bartenders to notice me. Of course, they notice the girls in the tight sleeveless shirts first.
"What can I getcha?"
"A pitcher of Bud, please." I shout over the crowd.
"Hey Roger, can you pull a pitcher of Bud for this guy?" The bartender looks back at me, "He'll help you." He then moves over to help the blonde next to me.
A few seconds later, "Who wanted the pitcher?" Our eyes meet. The first time in a month that Roger and I see each other.
"Uh… me."
He glares at me. And stands up straight. "Here." He barely looks at me. I go to hand him money, "Its on me. Just don't come back here, ok?"
"Roger, can't we…"
"Just get out of my face, Mark." The way he says my name is filled with such venom.
I nod and turn around quickly. I feel my heart racing. When I look up Theresa is standing in front of me. "Hey, I thought you got lost!" She kisses me, and I can feel Roger's eyes staring at us.
"Come on, let's get out of here." I spit out.
"Why? We just got here. Karla and Matt are already dancing." She pouts to me, "Come on Mark, you promised me." She yells over the music.
I take a deep breath. I can barely explain myself, so I don't bother. I follow her to the table and promptly pour myself a cup. I drink it in one fowl swoop. Then I pour another and drink it almost as fast.
"Whoa, slow down, Mark. You are going to make yourself sick."
I shrug. "Yeah, and?" I snap back.
"Listen, I don't know what your problem is but snap out of it."
"What my problem is?" I shout and stand up. "I don't want to fucking be here! That is my problem!"
"You promised me."
"Look, you know I hate these places. If you had any consideration at all…"
"Fine! Then go!" She looks like she is about to cry, but I don't care.
"Fine! I will! I'm outta here." I storm away.
"MARK!" I hear her shout over the crowd. I stop and don't turn around. "Just get your stuff and leave. I'm sick of dealing with your fucking moods all the time."
I turn around, "Fine. I was only using you anyway."
"Fuck off." She yells, just as the music stops. Everyone in the club turns to look at us.
I turn around and walk away. But I'm stopped. I feel an arm pull me, hard. "Roger, not now, ok?"
"Yes now." He pulls me to the back of the club into a room and slams the door. The noise is mostly muted. He pushes me against the wall and walks across the room. We stand in silence.
"Look, Roger, I'm…"
"Sorry, yeah, I know." He rolls his eyes. "I don't care."
I look at the ground, "Then what do you want?"
He takes a deep breath. "Mimi's sick."
I look up at him. "What?"
"Why the hell do you think I'm working here? She and I need the money. Not a week goes by without one of us needing a doctor."
"Roger, I can help…"
"No. I don't want your help. You could have helped me before and you didn't and then you tried to take Mimi from me. When were you going to finally be happy? When I was dead and you and Mimi were dancing on my grave?"
"No… it just happened Roger."
"I don't care. And I don't want you to come by and see her."
"Then why did you tell me?" I ask seriously.
He shrugs and his stern looks disappears for a moment, but then, just as quick his expression changes. "Because I want you to suffer and know you can't help her."
"What?"
"I'm the one she needs and wants. Not you. No matter how you try and ruin my life, I won. I got the girl."
"Roger, no, I wasn't."
"Fuck off Mark. Just stay out of my life. And Mimi's"
I stand there for a moment. "OK." I whisper.
I walk out of the room, and the club. I wander aimlessly down the street. Homeless and friendless once again.
November
"Mark? You here?"
I lay still on the couch, pretending to be asleep.
"Mark honey. You sick again?"
She comes around and sits next me on the couch. I open one eye and look at her.
"No, I'm ok, Theresa. Just tired."
She leans down and kisses me. Her lips are soft and warm. Her kisses feel nice. Safe. But not the same.
"Come on Mark, let's go out tonight. The guys at the restaurant really want to hang out with you. It'll be fun."
"I don't know T. I'm just not up for it."
"All you have done since you showed up here is mope around. Come on," She brushes my hair off my forehead, "For me?"
I nod and give her a half smile. "Let me just shower, ok?"
"Yay!" She jumps up and claps.
I reach out my hand and she helps pull me off the couch. She basically pushes me towards the bathroom.
The hot water hits me and I stand there for a long time. I don't know how I got here. That night after I left Mimi's apartment I wandered around the city until the sun finally came up. I walked uptown until I found myself outside the restaurant. I stood there looking inside for a minute. I watched Theresa setting up tables for lunch, laughing hard. That was what I liked most about her, I remembered. Her laugh. Before I could think it through I lifted my hand and knocked on the glass.
She came right out and gave me a hug. She dragged me into the restaurant, sat me down, got me some food and we talked. She filled me in on her life. She had been working full time and they made her assistant manager. Which meant no more waiting tables and more behind the scenes work. She was dating someone, but she was quick to tell me it wasn't serious. I could tell that she still liked me.
I still liked her too. It was different. There was passion there; I wasn't scared of her like I was with Mimi. I gave her an explanation for my sudden reappearance and told her I had no place to go. She insisted I stay with her.
So here I am. Content, I guess. I don't allow myself to think about Mimi and Roger. I have been able to block it out completely. I can almost imagine that this is where I have always been.
I'm fooling myself, of course. Every night when I go to sleep, I dream of her. Or him. I dream that Roger and I are still friends, and that Mimi and I are together. I wake up and stare at Theresa, and I wish she were someone else.
And I hate myself for it.
"Mark! Why don't you go buy a pitcher for us! We'll find a table!"
"Ok!" I yell over the loud music. Techno. I hate techno. I hate dance clubs. How did I wind up here? I fight my way to the bar. I stand there for a minute waiting for one of the bartenders to notice me. Of course, they notice the girls in the tight sleeveless shirts first.
"What can I getcha?"
"A pitcher of Bud, please." I shout over the crowd.
"Hey Roger, can you pull a pitcher of Bud for this guy?" The bartender looks back at me, "He'll help you." He then moves over to help the blonde next to me.
A few seconds later, "Who wanted the pitcher?" Our eyes meet. The first time in a month that Roger and I see each other.
"Uh… me."
He glares at me. And stands up straight. "Here." He barely looks at me. I go to hand him money, "Its on me. Just don't come back here, ok?"
"Roger, can't we…"
"Just get out of my face, Mark." The way he says my name is filled with such venom.
I nod and turn around quickly. I feel my heart racing. When I look up Theresa is standing in front of me. "Hey, I thought you got lost!" She kisses me, and I can feel Roger's eyes staring at us.
"Come on, let's get out of here." I spit out.
"Why? We just got here. Karla and Matt are already dancing." She pouts to me, "Come on Mark, you promised me." She yells over the music.
I take a deep breath. I can barely explain myself, so I don't bother. I follow her to the table and promptly pour myself a cup. I drink it in one fowl swoop. Then I pour another and drink it almost as fast.
"Whoa, slow down, Mark. You are going to make yourself sick."
I shrug. "Yeah, and?" I snap back.
"Listen, I don't know what your problem is but snap out of it."
"What my problem is?" I shout and stand up. "I don't want to fucking be here! That is my problem!"
"You promised me."
"Look, you know I hate these places. If you had any consideration at all…"
"Fine! Then go!" She looks like she is about to cry, but I don't care.
"Fine! I will! I'm outta here." I storm away.
"MARK!" I hear her shout over the crowd. I stop and don't turn around. "Just get your stuff and leave. I'm sick of dealing with your fucking moods all the time."
I turn around, "Fine. I was only using you anyway."
"Fuck off." She yells, just as the music stops. Everyone in the club turns to look at us.
I turn around and walk away. But I'm stopped. I feel an arm pull me, hard. "Roger, not now, ok?"
"Yes now." He pulls me to the back of the club into a room and slams the door. The noise is mostly muted. He pushes me against the wall and walks across the room. We stand in silence.
"Look, Roger, I'm…"
"Sorry, yeah, I know." He rolls his eyes. "I don't care."
I look at the ground, "Then what do you want?"
He takes a deep breath. "Mimi's sick."
I look up at him. "What?"
"Why the hell do you think I'm working here? She and I need the money. Not a week goes by without one of us needing a doctor."
"Roger, I can help…"
"No. I don't want your help. You could have helped me before and you didn't and then you tried to take Mimi from me. When were you going to finally be happy? When I was dead and you and Mimi were dancing on my grave?"
"No… it just happened Roger."
"I don't care. And I don't want you to come by and see her."
"Then why did you tell me?" I ask seriously.
He shrugs and his stern looks disappears for a moment, but then, just as quick his expression changes. "Because I want you to suffer and know you can't help her."
"What?"
"I'm the one she needs and wants. Not you. No matter how you try and ruin my life, I won. I got the girl."
"Roger, no, I wasn't."
"Fuck off Mark. Just stay out of my life. And Mimi's"
I stand there for a moment. "OK." I whisper.
I walk out of the room, and the club. I wander aimlessly down the street. Homeless and friendless once again.