My boots crunch through the freshly fallen snow, covering my tracks from
yesterday. Another visit to the cemetery. This time was more for Collins
than Mimi. The two-year anniversary. As I walk, I wonder how things would
be different if Collins had been around this past year. Would he have
forced Roger and I to talk? Would he have knocked some sense into Roger
about his music and selling out? Or would he have tried to convince me to
help my best friend? Would Maureen and I be on speaking terms? Would Mimi
and I ever…
Mimi. It has been less than a month since she died and I still see her everywhere. I remember when April died and Roger's reaction, and I now I understand. The world just doesn't seem real anymore. Life just doesn't move on without her. She was life.
Just when I'm about to reach the gravestones, my path meets up with another's footsteps and as I get closer I hear a guitar strumming. I keep walking; close enough to see Roger, sitting on his guitar case on its side, playing a song I had never heard before.
"I wanted perfection from every song I've ever sung
But that was wrong
And I wanted something from every person I've ever loved
But that was wrong
And I've changed, I've changed
I've reconsidered everything
I'm fine now, I'm fine now
I laid the barrel in my mouth
And everything I thought before
I won't think anymore
1 I've changed, I've changed
I wanted to be the greatest at everything
But I can't be
And I wanted to be exempt from temptation
But I can't be
And I wanted your love to be everlasting
But it isn't
I wanted life to be an easier proposition
But it isn't
And I've changed, I've changed
I've reconsidered everything
I'm fine now, I'm fine now
I laid the barrel in my mouth
And everything I thought before
I won't think anymore
I've changed, I've changed"
As he sings I move closer to him, but he has his eyes close and doesn't see me. When he strums the last chord, I take a deep breath, "Roger." I whisper."
He looks up at me, sternly at first and then softer. "Hey." He says, as he stands up and puts his guitar away.
"Roger, that song…"
He just shrugs, "It's ok."
"No, it is more than ok. I haven't heard a song like that from you since…"
"Your Eyes. Yeah, I know. Actually, I'm pretty proud of it. I am going to see this guy today about putting it on a CD."
I roll my eyes despite myself. "Still trying to make it big, huh?"
"Forget it." He grabs his guitar and starts walking away.
"Roger, wait. I'm sorry."
He looks at me for a second. "Me too."
"No, I mean, I'm sorry for just saying…oh." I realize that he is apologizing. "Yeah."
"I know I fucked up. I just wanted something of my own so bad. Whether it was my song, or Mimi. I don't know."
"I'm sorry I didn't help you."
"Nah, I know why you didn't. And I know that you didn't plan on falling for Mimi."
"Well, she was hard to resist." I smile.
"Yeah." He nods.
"So, are we ok?" I ask, timidly.
He nods. "Yeah."
I smile at him and reach out my hand. He smiles back and takes it and we pull each other in for a hug.
After we step apart, we both walk back towards the gravestones. "I really do like that song, by the way."
He nods. "Thanks. This CD I'm trying to get on is for an AIDS charity. I won't make a dime, but who knows, maybe it will help find a cure."
"Maybe!" I grin at him. I thin squat down in front of Mimi's gravestone. "Hey Mimi. Look, you did bring Roger and me back together. It took some time, but we are ok."
"Yeah, we are." He says. "Come on, I'll be you some coffee."
"I don't drink coffee." I look at him sideways.
"It's a fucking expression! Come on!" He puts his arm around me and drags me away. "She'll survive without you for a day."
"I guess, but will I?"
"Yeah, you got me now."
"Hmm. Does this mean I can move back to the apartment?"
"We'll have to see about that." He smirks at me. "Yeah, come home, Mark."
The End.
A/N: The song above was written by the Josh Joplin Group. I had heard it last summer when I was writing Community and automatically thought of Roger, so I'm thrilled to be able to insert it here. You should all go check out their CD Useful Music. Anyway, that's it. Hope you enjoyed.
Mimi. It has been less than a month since she died and I still see her everywhere. I remember when April died and Roger's reaction, and I now I understand. The world just doesn't seem real anymore. Life just doesn't move on without her. She was life.
Just when I'm about to reach the gravestones, my path meets up with another's footsteps and as I get closer I hear a guitar strumming. I keep walking; close enough to see Roger, sitting on his guitar case on its side, playing a song I had never heard before.
"I wanted perfection from every song I've ever sung
But that was wrong
And I wanted something from every person I've ever loved
But that was wrong
And I've changed, I've changed
I've reconsidered everything
I'm fine now, I'm fine now
I laid the barrel in my mouth
And everything I thought before
I won't think anymore
1 I've changed, I've changed
I wanted to be the greatest at everything
But I can't be
And I wanted to be exempt from temptation
But I can't be
And I wanted your love to be everlasting
But it isn't
I wanted life to be an easier proposition
But it isn't
And I've changed, I've changed
I've reconsidered everything
I'm fine now, I'm fine now
I laid the barrel in my mouth
And everything I thought before
I won't think anymore
I've changed, I've changed"
As he sings I move closer to him, but he has his eyes close and doesn't see me. When he strums the last chord, I take a deep breath, "Roger." I whisper."
He looks up at me, sternly at first and then softer. "Hey." He says, as he stands up and puts his guitar away.
"Roger, that song…"
He just shrugs, "It's ok."
"No, it is more than ok. I haven't heard a song like that from you since…"
"Your Eyes. Yeah, I know. Actually, I'm pretty proud of it. I am going to see this guy today about putting it on a CD."
I roll my eyes despite myself. "Still trying to make it big, huh?"
"Forget it." He grabs his guitar and starts walking away.
"Roger, wait. I'm sorry."
He looks at me for a second. "Me too."
"No, I mean, I'm sorry for just saying…oh." I realize that he is apologizing. "Yeah."
"I know I fucked up. I just wanted something of my own so bad. Whether it was my song, or Mimi. I don't know."
"I'm sorry I didn't help you."
"Nah, I know why you didn't. And I know that you didn't plan on falling for Mimi."
"Well, she was hard to resist." I smile.
"Yeah." He nods.
"So, are we ok?" I ask, timidly.
He nods. "Yeah."
I smile at him and reach out my hand. He smiles back and takes it and we pull each other in for a hug.
After we step apart, we both walk back towards the gravestones. "I really do like that song, by the way."
He nods. "Thanks. This CD I'm trying to get on is for an AIDS charity. I won't make a dime, but who knows, maybe it will help find a cure."
"Maybe!" I grin at him. I thin squat down in front of Mimi's gravestone. "Hey Mimi. Look, you did bring Roger and me back together. It took some time, but we are ok."
"Yeah, we are." He says. "Come on, I'll be you some coffee."
"I don't drink coffee." I look at him sideways.
"It's a fucking expression! Come on!" He puts his arm around me and drags me away. "She'll survive without you for a day."
"I guess, but will I?"
"Yeah, you got me now."
"Hmm. Does this mean I can move back to the apartment?"
"We'll have to see about that." He smirks at me. "Yeah, come home, Mark."
The End.
A/N: The song above was written by the Josh Joplin Group. I had heard it last summer when I was writing Community and automatically thought of Roger, so I'm thrilled to be able to insert it here. You should all go check out their CD Useful Music. Anyway, that's it. Hope you enjoyed.