Heart Of Glass ( A Childs Heart)
DISCLAIMER: My first EVER IZ fic My SECOND posted on ff.net I had it in my head Its rated R for domestic violence and Angst and swearing . Its about Gaz and her resentment toward her mother the resentment making her the withdrawn Person she is now, What if the cause of the resentment came back into her life? What is her reaction? I once heard "A Childs Heart is like Glass it breaks at the slightest tremble" can the glass be put together or is it to be remained broken for eternity. Song is from Nickel Back "TOO BAD" ok it happens when their little don't ask because I don't know.
SLAM!!!!!! The front door of Gaz and Dibs home was burst open Their in the door way was…Their father.Gaz huddled next to her older brother in fear. She could tell her father hadnt slept in days and was wired. " Dib why is daddy so mad at us and mommy?" she said in a slight whisper , Her little body shaken in fear " I don't know Gaz, I realy don't know" He held his little sister close fearing his father would go into a rage like he usually did when things went wrong. "Your Home Earlier thann Expected?!! " a young woman in her mid twentys said as she entered the room. She had long purple hair and Asian looking eyes, Pale skin. She wore black rimmed glasses Without them she or should I say Gaz her daughter was the spitting image of her. " They repressed the building cause our research wasn't making enough money to pay for the funding" Nny (is that his real name?) replied with almost every emotion: Hate Sadness replusion anger. The woman looked at her husband with so much anger she was on the brink of tears she rushed into the kitchen where there was dinner set….bread and water! "WHATS YOUR PROBLEM!!!! Lucef!!!!" (get it Lucifer) the man ran after his wife. The young Dib And Gaz closed there eyes expecting to hear there parents screams at any minute, They where right.
FATHERS HANDS ARE LINED WITH DIRT FROM LONG DAYS IN THE FIELD.
AND MOTHERS HANDS ARE SERVING MEALS AT A CAFÉ ON MAIN STREET.
WITH MOUTHS TO FEED.
JUST TRYING TO KEEP CLOTHING ON OUR BACK.
AND ALL I HEAR ABOUT IS HOW ITS SO BAD! ITS SO BAD!
"YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!" Gaz and Dib had heard their mother scream. So began the night Gaz wouldn't forget. "DON'T YOU DARE RAISE YOUR VOICE TO ME WOMAN!!!!" little Gaz let out a gut wrenching scream. "LOWER YOUR VOICE DOWN CANT YOU SEE ITS MAKING HER CRY?" Nny said as he grabbed Lucef by her arm and shuved her face to look at her children who where huddled together in fear. Lucef pulled her arm out of his grip and faced him nothing but hate coming out of her eyes "THEIR PROBUABLY SCREAMING BECAUSE THEIR HUNGRY AND STARVING! AND MISS THEIR FATHER!".. Nny glared at the short woman he knew it was true he wasn't dad of the year! But did that mean he knew nothing of his kids? Was he that much a bad father? His gaze then turning ice cold. Lucef screamed as loud as she could " WE BARELY HAVE ENOUGH TO LIVE ON! YOU JUST BLEW WHAT LEFT WE HAD ON YOUR STUPID ASS RESEARCH! YOUR GOING TO KILL YOUR FAMILY!!!!!!!!!" SLAP!!!!! Nny slapped her hard across the face causing blood to trickle across her red cheek WHAM!!! She hit the floor she wasn't crying but it still hurt her physically but more so it hurt her emotionally. Gaz was screaming" I HATE YOU DADDY! MOMMY GET UP! MOMMY!" Dib just stared onward as if in a world of his own. "Lucef…I…I " He didn't know what had caused him to hit her. He knew what she said was true his failure would cost Gaz and Dibs their lives, He was why both his children where going to die. Lucef slowly get to her feet and picked up her two children " We're going to bed" she said in a low voice. Nny didn't want to cause any more trouble than he had already BAM! Was the sound of their bedroom door he heard the CLICK sound of it locking. He went and sat on the couch, He literally tried to rip out his hair the scythe looking piece of hair dangling over his eye his every thought began with " What have I done?" He could her his little daughters screams.His wifes sobs and Although hew couldn't hear his son he knew he probuably hated him too. Dib gazed out the window into the stars " Anywhere but here! Anywhere!"
Its too bad!
Its too bad!
To late!
So wrong!
So long!
Its too bad we had no time to rewind!
Lets walk!
Lets talk!
Let's talk!
It was about 5:00 am when Lucef woke up she grabbed something out of under the bed and set it on the chair. It was a black suit case…ALREADY PACKED! She had been thinking of leaving for over a month, last night gave her a reason too. She looked at her sleeping children. " NO! DON'T LOOK BACK!" her mind kept telling her. She needed to make a new life for herself they would slow her down. She looked at her Skull necklace it was sorta like a an heirloom in her family . She got little Gaz's hand and placed it in her hand she kissed her daughter good-bye and sang her favorite lullaby the one they play at funerals ( this is Gaz!) She then looked at her son he looked so much like his father. Yet the two couldn't be any more different . She placed a book in his hands it read AREA 51! . She looked at her two children and a single tear fell the first tear she'd ever cried she quickly left the house and ran . Ran away from her past . The hurt the pain. She couldn't bare to watch her children die from starvation " May you have happy lives young ones" she looked back at the city limits and with that she was gone.
Little Gaz woke up 3 hours later " Mommy? Mommy? She looked at her hand to see her mother's necklace in her hand She glanced at it carefully her mother NEVER took it off. She knew what it meant Her mother was gone and didn't care or love her enough to take her. Her eyes mixed with anger and fear as she screamed " MOMMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she didn't cry though she buried the emotions within her hiding her hurt and pain to only let anger show. The scream caused Dib to wake up to see his sister sitting there hate and sadness expressed on her face. He looked at her confused wondering what had made her so ….mad. " She left" Gaz said in her regular emotionless tone " What?? That cant be? Why didn't she take us with her?' he began asking a million questions " DON'T YOU GET IT? SHE LEFT!! SHE DOESN'T LOVE US OR EVEN CARE FOR US ENEOUGH TO TAKE US WITH HER!!! SHE LEFT US HEAR TO DIE!" She let out all her anger and fustration out on her brother. Dib looked at the book AREA 51 " She's really gone? She'll be back! I know she'll be back to get us" his voice faltered near the end he didn't even believe himself. He glanced to see his sister screaming into a pillow and beating it almost crying "GRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! WHY???"
You left without saying goodbye
Although im sure you tried
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gaz: 8
Dib : 9
Ring ring! Regular looking Dib picks up the phone" Hello?" he hears a womans voice "Hello …DIB HONEY?" Dibs face goes extremely pale " Mom?' Dib talks to her for about a 10 minutes until Gaz comes down GameSlave in hand " Gaz?' he looks at her and rolls his eyes " WHAT?? Im on the last level I swear If I LOSE you will wish you where NEVER born!!!" she said as she went to sit on the couch . " Gaz phone!!" she looked up to glare at her brother and growled " CANT THEY CALL LATER?" she returned her gaze to the video game. " Gaz!!!!" he yelled but covered the recipher so their mom couldn't here with a disbelieving look on his faith he mouthed the words " Its Mom" with that a rush of emotions hit Gaz and she pushed the button that had never crossed her fingers before. The OFF button . Her face was Ice cold and she got up and picked up the phone " Gaz Is that You? Gaz? Memories flooded her mind too many hurtful memories. She slammed the phone then threw it across the room. Screaming the word " BIITCCHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" she yelled as hard as she could and strormed into her room.
1 YOU CALL THE HOUSE FROM TIME TO TIME
TO MAKE SURE WE'RE ALIVE
BUT YOU WERENT THERE
RIGHT WHEN I M NEEDING YOU THE MOST!
AND NOW I DREAM ABOUT! HOW ITS SO BAD!
ITS SO BAD!
Gaz put on some loud rock music and began to yell " HOW DARE SHE CALL! THAT BITCH! I HATE HER I HATE HER!" she turned to look at her reflection her face turning into her mothers " ARGHHHHHHHHH!!" she hit the mirror glass flying ever where! Glass shards stuck in her knuckles. She didn't care the hate fueled her to her there was no pain. She laid down on her bed tired of yelling and screaming. Her blood spilling onto her bed sheets. She closed her eyes. She felt like crying but…she just couldn't. So just laid there. Resentment filling her, engulfing her. She erased that day from her memory or atleast tried. She tried to erase every day. Hoping tomorrow would somehow give her peace. It never did…..
Its too bad
Its too bad
Too late
So wrong
So long
Too bad we had no time to rewind
Lets walk
Lets talk
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2 PRESENT DAY
Gaz and Dib where walking home it had been a loooong day. She punched the buttons of her Game Slave 2 trying to drown out the mindless babble of her brother ' Zim is an Alien! I know he is Gaz! Look I finally have proof!!" he looks around for something " Wait it was here just a second ago…I have it!….No wait." Gaz gets irritated and leaves him behind " AHA! HERE IT IS!" does a dramatic pose " "Gaz?' sees Gaz about 5 ft ahead of him " Gaz Hold up!" Gaz quickens her pace. Unfortunatly he caught up " Look SEE!!!!!!" shoves the digital camera um…thingy into her face." Grrrrrr" she pushes it out of his hand "Crash!" Dib goes into sobs and hysterics " GAZ! You just destroyed the only piece of evidence I have that Zims an ALIEN! Mankind is doomed!" Gaz smiled at the thought of all of mankind dying. Gaz continued her playing her Game Slave 2 While Dib tried to fix another one of his things his sister had broken. They noticed something strange. THEIR DAD WAS HOME!!! Their was his car and someone elses. Who could it be? They entered their house and both gasped. Actually Dib gasped in surprise…Gaz did it in surprise and disgust
FATHERS HANDS ARE LINED WITH GUILT!
FOR TEARING US APART!
GUESS IT TURNED OUT IN THE END!
JUST LOOK AT WHERE WE ARE!
WE MADE IT OUT!
WE STILL GOT CLOTHING ON OUR BACKS!
AND NOW I SCREAM ABOUT IT AND HOW ITS SO BAD!
Gaz looked on with hate her father was their with her ….." MOTHER" she hissed. Lucef turned and smiled. She no longer had glasses but contacts. Gaz hated it it was like looking into the future "Gaz? " the woman didn't wait for a reply she went up and hugged her daughter. Satisfaction washed over Gaz but was taken away by the hate. It was part of her now. She shoved her mother away " Why now? Huh Lucef? WHY! WHY!" Her mother was taken away by the way she was called Mommy" or " Momma" but by her name " I…I" Lucef couldn't give her a straight answer and she bowed her head " WHAT DIDN'T CARE ENOUGH? WHY ? WHY DID YOU LEAVE WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Gazs fist began trembling in rage and sadness. " Please Gaz…." Her mother pleaded " Its too late Mom! You left me and Dib to fends for ourselves Its too bad!! I will never forgive you! Go rot in HELL" she stormed out of the room and turned on the radio and put it full blast then put on some headphones. She didn't want to see or even HEAR her mother. "Im sorry mom I just cant forgive you! Its your fucking fault!" She heard a knock on the door but didn't bother to open it she saw something purple slide under the door step. It was a letter
Dear Gaz,
Im sorry for causing you so much pain. You don't understand Im not sure I do. If you want I'll leave you alone, but remember you'll always be my little demon-child enclosed is my street address. And phone number I moved back to the city…..Please Gaz lets talk about this,
Love ,
The Worst mother in the world
Gaz crumpled up the paper and threw it in her drawer " I don't need her" she closed her eyes and images of her mother flooded her mind. She fiddled with her necklace and felt a bit of hapiness. She could her a car drive away " GoodBye….Mom"
It's too bad
It's too bad
To late
So wrong
So long
It's too bad we had no time to rewind
Let's walk
Let's talk
Let's talk
DISCLAIMER: My first EVER IZ fic My SECOND posted on ff.net I had it in my head Its rated R for domestic violence and Angst and swearing . Its about Gaz and her resentment toward her mother the resentment making her the withdrawn Person she is now, What if the cause of the resentment came back into her life? What is her reaction? I once heard "A Childs Heart is like Glass it breaks at the slightest tremble" can the glass be put together or is it to be remained broken for eternity. Song is from Nickel Back "TOO BAD" ok it happens when their little don't ask because I don't know.
SLAM!!!!!! The front door of Gaz and Dibs home was burst open Their in the door way was…Their father.Gaz huddled next to her older brother in fear. She could tell her father hadnt slept in days and was wired. " Dib why is daddy so mad at us and mommy?" she said in a slight whisper , Her little body shaken in fear " I don't know Gaz, I realy don't know" He held his little sister close fearing his father would go into a rage like he usually did when things went wrong. "Your Home Earlier thann Expected?!! " a young woman in her mid twentys said as she entered the room. She had long purple hair and Asian looking eyes, Pale skin. She wore black rimmed glasses Without them she or should I say Gaz her daughter was the spitting image of her. " They repressed the building cause our research wasn't making enough money to pay for the funding" Nny (is that his real name?) replied with almost every emotion: Hate Sadness replusion anger. The woman looked at her husband with so much anger she was on the brink of tears she rushed into the kitchen where there was dinner set….bread and water! "WHATS YOUR PROBLEM!!!! Lucef!!!!" (get it Lucifer) the man ran after his wife. The young Dib And Gaz closed there eyes expecting to hear there parents screams at any minute, They where right.
FATHERS HANDS ARE LINED WITH DIRT FROM LONG DAYS IN THE FIELD.
AND MOTHERS HANDS ARE SERVING MEALS AT A CAFÉ ON MAIN STREET.
WITH MOUTHS TO FEED.
JUST TRYING TO KEEP CLOTHING ON OUR BACK.
AND ALL I HEAR ABOUT IS HOW ITS SO BAD! ITS SO BAD!
"YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!" Gaz and Dib had heard their mother scream. So began the night Gaz wouldn't forget. "DON'T YOU DARE RAISE YOUR VOICE TO ME WOMAN!!!!" little Gaz let out a gut wrenching scream. "LOWER YOUR VOICE DOWN CANT YOU SEE ITS MAKING HER CRY?" Nny said as he grabbed Lucef by her arm and shuved her face to look at her children who where huddled together in fear. Lucef pulled her arm out of his grip and faced him nothing but hate coming out of her eyes "THEIR PROBUABLY SCREAMING BECAUSE THEIR HUNGRY AND STARVING! AND MISS THEIR FATHER!".. Nny glared at the short woman he knew it was true he wasn't dad of the year! But did that mean he knew nothing of his kids? Was he that much a bad father? His gaze then turning ice cold. Lucef screamed as loud as she could " WE BARELY HAVE ENOUGH TO LIVE ON! YOU JUST BLEW WHAT LEFT WE HAD ON YOUR STUPID ASS RESEARCH! YOUR GOING TO KILL YOUR FAMILY!!!!!!!!!" SLAP!!!!! Nny slapped her hard across the face causing blood to trickle across her red cheek WHAM!!! She hit the floor she wasn't crying but it still hurt her physically but more so it hurt her emotionally. Gaz was screaming" I HATE YOU DADDY! MOMMY GET UP! MOMMY!" Dib just stared onward as if in a world of his own. "Lucef…I…I " He didn't know what had caused him to hit her. He knew what she said was true his failure would cost Gaz and Dibs their lives, He was why both his children where going to die. Lucef slowly get to her feet and picked up her two children " We're going to bed" she said in a low voice. Nny didn't want to cause any more trouble than he had already BAM! Was the sound of their bedroom door he heard the CLICK sound of it locking. He went and sat on the couch, He literally tried to rip out his hair the scythe looking piece of hair dangling over his eye his every thought began with " What have I done?" He could her his little daughters screams.His wifes sobs and Although hew couldn't hear his son he knew he probuably hated him too. Dib gazed out the window into the stars " Anywhere but here! Anywhere!"
Its too bad!
Its too bad!
To late!
So wrong!
So long!
Its too bad we had no time to rewind!
Lets walk!
Lets talk!
Let's talk!
It was about 5:00 am when Lucef woke up she grabbed something out of under the bed and set it on the chair. It was a black suit case…ALREADY PACKED! She had been thinking of leaving for over a month, last night gave her a reason too. She looked at her sleeping children. " NO! DON'T LOOK BACK!" her mind kept telling her. She needed to make a new life for herself they would slow her down. She looked at her Skull necklace it was sorta like a an heirloom in her family . She got little Gaz's hand and placed it in her hand she kissed her daughter good-bye and sang her favorite lullaby the one they play at funerals ( this is Gaz!) She then looked at her son he looked so much like his father. Yet the two couldn't be any more different . She placed a book in his hands it read AREA 51! . She looked at her two children and a single tear fell the first tear she'd ever cried she quickly left the house and ran . Ran away from her past . The hurt the pain. She couldn't bare to watch her children die from starvation " May you have happy lives young ones" she looked back at the city limits and with that she was gone.
Little Gaz woke up 3 hours later " Mommy? Mommy? She looked at her hand to see her mother's necklace in her hand She glanced at it carefully her mother NEVER took it off. She knew what it meant Her mother was gone and didn't care or love her enough to take her. Her eyes mixed with anger and fear as she screamed " MOMMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she didn't cry though she buried the emotions within her hiding her hurt and pain to only let anger show. The scream caused Dib to wake up to see his sister sitting there hate and sadness expressed on her face. He looked at her confused wondering what had made her so ….mad. " She left" Gaz said in her regular emotionless tone " What?? That cant be? Why didn't she take us with her?' he began asking a million questions " DON'T YOU GET IT? SHE LEFT!! SHE DOESN'T LOVE US OR EVEN CARE FOR US ENEOUGH TO TAKE US WITH HER!!! SHE LEFT US HEAR TO DIE!" She let out all her anger and fustration out on her brother. Dib looked at the book AREA 51 " She's really gone? She'll be back! I know she'll be back to get us" his voice faltered near the end he didn't even believe himself. He glanced to see his sister screaming into a pillow and beating it almost crying "GRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! WHY???"
You left without saying goodbye
Although im sure you tried
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gaz: 8
Dib : 9
Ring ring! Regular looking Dib picks up the phone" Hello?" he hears a womans voice "Hello …DIB HONEY?" Dibs face goes extremely pale " Mom?' Dib talks to her for about a 10 minutes until Gaz comes down GameSlave in hand " Gaz?' he looks at her and rolls his eyes " WHAT?? Im on the last level I swear If I LOSE you will wish you where NEVER born!!!" she said as she went to sit on the couch . " Gaz phone!!" she looked up to glare at her brother and growled " CANT THEY CALL LATER?" she returned her gaze to the video game. " Gaz!!!!" he yelled but covered the recipher so their mom couldn't here with a disbelieving look on his faith he mouthed the words " Its Mom" with that a rush of emotions hit Gaz and she pushed the button that had never crossed her fingers before. The OFF button . Her face was Ice cold and she got up and picked up the phone " Gaz Is that You? Gaz? Memories flooded her mind too many hurtful memories. She slammed the phone then threw it across the room. Screaming the word " BIITCCHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" she yelled as hard as she could and strormed into her room.
1 YOU CALL THE HOUSE FROM TIME TO TIME
TO MAKE SURE WE'RE ALIVE
BUT YOU WERENT THERE
RIGHT WHEN I M NEEDING YOU THE MOST!
AND NOW I DREAM ABOUT! HOW ITS SO BAD!
ITS SO BAD!
Gaz put on some loud rock music and began to yell " HOW DARE SHE CALL! THAT BITCH! I HATE HER I HATE HER!" she turned to look at her reflection her face turning into her mothers " ARGHHHHHHHHH!!" she hit the mirror glass flying ever where! Glass shards stuck in her knuckles. She didn't care the hate fueled her to her there was no pain. She laid down on her bed tired of yelling and screaming. Her blood spilling onto her bed sheets. She closed her eyes. She felt like crying but…she just couldn't. So just laid there. Resentment filling her, engulfing her. She erased that day from her memory or atleast tried. She tried to erase every day. Hoping tomorrow would somehow give her peace. It never did…..
Its too bad
Its too bad
Too late
So wrong
So long
Too bad we had no time to rewind
Lets walk
Lets talk
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2 PRESENT DAY
Gaz and Dib where walking home it had been a loooong day. She punched the buttons of her Game Slave 2 trying to drown out the mindless babble of her brother ' Zim is an Alien! I know he is Gaz! Look I finally have proof!!" he looks around for something " Wait it was here just a second ago…I have it!….No wait." Gaz gets irritated and leaves him behind " AHA! HERE IT IS!" does a dramatic pose " "Gaz?' sees Gaz about 5 ft ahead of him " Gaz Hold up!" Gaz quickens her pace. Unfortunatly he caught up " Look SEE!!!!!!" shoves the digital camera um…thingy into her face." Grrrrrr" she pushes it out of his hand "Crash!" Dib goes into sobs and hysterics " GAZ! You just destroyed the only piece of evidence I have that Zims an ALIEN! Mankind is doomed!" Gaz smiled at the thought of all of mankind dying. Gaz continued her playing her Game Slave 2 While Dib tried to fix another one of his things his sister had broken. They noticed something strange. THEIR DAD WAS HOME!!! Their was his car and someone elses. Who could it be? They entered their house and both gasped. Actually Dib gasped in surprise…Gaz did it in surprise and disgust
FATHERS HANDS ARE LINED WITH GUILT!
FOR TEARING US APART!
GUESS IT TURNED OUT IN THE END!
JUST LOOK AT WHERE WE ARE!
WE MADE IT OUT!
WE STILL GOT CLOTHING ON OUR BACKS!
AND NOW I SCREAM ABOUT IT AND HOW ITS SO BAD!
Gaz looked on with hate her father was their with her ….." MOTHER" she hissed. Lucef turned and smiled. She no longer had glasses but contacts. Gaz hated it it was like looking into the future "Gaz? " the woman didn't wait for a reply she went up and hugged her daughter. Satisfaction washed over Gaz but was taken away by the hate. It was part of her now. She shoved her mother away " Why now? Huh Lucef? WHY! WHY!" Her mother was taken away by the way she was called Mommy" or " Momma" but by her name " I…I" Lucef couldn't give her a straight answer and she bowed her head " WHAT DIDN'T CARE ENOUGH? WHY ? WHY DID YOU LEAVE WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Gazs fist began trembling in rage and sadness. " Please Gaz…." Her mother pleaded " Its too late Mom! You left me and Dib to fends for ourselves Its too bad!! I will never forgive you! Go rot in HELL" she stormed out of the room and turned on the radio and put it full blast then put on some headphones. She didn't want to see or even HEAR her mother. "Im sorry mom I just cant forgive you! Its your fucking fault!" She heard a knock on the door but didn't bother to open it she saw something purple slide under the door step. It was a letter
Dear Gaz,
Im sorry for causing you so much pain. You don't understand Im not sure I do. If you want I'll leave you alone, but remember you'll always be my little demon-child enclosed is my street address. And phone number I moved back to the city…..Please Gaz lets talk about this,
Love ,
The Worst mother in the world
Gaz crumpled up the paper and threw it in her drawer " I don't need her" she closed her eyes and images of her mother flooded her mind. She fiddled with her necklace and felt a bit of hapiness. She could her a car drive away " GoodBye….Mom"
It's too bad
It's too bad
To late
So wrong
So long
It's too bad we had no time to rewind
Let's walk
Let's talk
Let's talk