Finger Trap
Serena stepped out of the elevator and the door whisked shut behind her. Alone in the corridor, she was somehow able to resist the lights. She still felt her mind being dragged into a dull torpor, but she could pull it out and maintain her focus- the trick was she had to have something to focus on. She thought about Vegita, but not the despondent Vegita she had seen that afternoon. She thought about the caring, gentlemanly figure that had taken her to plays (or let himself be taken), and had kissed her under the street lamp.
She came to the end of the hall. The door was emblazoned with a crest that once again she didn't recognize. It was pretty, but it was not the coat of arms known to the monarchs of moon. She reached out and touched it, and the door opened. She stepped through into a huge chamber.
There was nothing inside except metal walls. The room was harshly bare, but lit by huge flaming lamps rather than the mind-numbing fluorescent lamps. Serena looked around, searching for the door that would take her to the throne room.
As the door shut behind her, she heard a voice overhead. It was an eerie voice, with a faint, watery echo to it. "What have you come looking for, Serena?"
She looked up. There, hovering in the air, was Serenity, spouse of Endemyon, immortal monarch of the Silver Millennium. She floated down, her robes flowing about her as if a wind passed through them for no other purpose than to suit her will. She repeated her question, "What have you come for?"
Serena stood gaping, amazed for a moment before she spoke. "I need to talk," she said haltingly.
"What would you talk about?"
She thought for a moment. All the things that seemed so pressing before now seemed foolish. "My problems," she answered finally.
The queen smiled, amused. "I know all about those."
"How can you?" asked Serena urgently. "Have you been watching me?"
Again, the queen smiled. "I am you Serena. I know your actions, your words, your thoughts. I know them every waking minute of every day. I am you. I know you."
Serena considered these words for a long time. Finally, she asked what was on her mind, "This isn't the real Silver Millenium, is it? You're not Serenity."
The queen stopped smiling, but didn't look upset. "Do not perceive too early what you are to learn in the future, Serena. There will be time for all answers later. For now, know this: You did not come here seeking counsel of a wise old queen. You came here seeking the acceptance of yourself. You wanted to stand before yourself in your wisest, most powerful, and most glorious form, and nod in approval at everything you had to say. Though you sought wisdom and advice, you did not seek it for its own sake, and in doing so you erred. You did not come to your bmost/b glorious form, though more of that I won't tell you. You failed to listen attentively when real wisdom presented itself to you. You also failed to focus on the lesson you should be learning."
This was too much for Serena. Whatever or whoever this apparition was, it was being to judgmental and too enigmatic. She went off. "Why do you keep talking in circles? I came here to find out what to do about my problems, only to find out that they aren't that important. Fine. I can accept that. But now that I see the bigger truth you want me to just hush up and listen to you insult me? I don't think so!"
The queen looked shocked for a moment. Then she cast glances around the room, looking at the lamps, as if asking them for advice. A look of understanding- no, a look of Iacceptance/I came over Serenity's face, and she looked at her younger self.
"I never meant to insult you. I just got distracted from what I was supposed to say. I apologize."
"Accepted," Serena said shortly, waiting for further explanation.
"Yes, you are right. You are not in the Silver Millenium. This is something of a copy… its an in-between place to hold you while you get better. You and Vegita were both in need of healing."
Serena thought aloud, "So this place is some sort of… cosmic hospital?"
Another smile, "Yes, that's a good way of putting it. You and Vegita had both died. However, your universes still need you. You still have stories to complete."
Serena hugged herself and stared at the floor. "So then… we can't stay here. This is going to be over?"
"Yes."
"And we'll be apart." It was a statement not a question.
The queen sighed, and the curious echo was taken out of her voice. "It is true that for a time you will be separated. However, you must remember that two friends who are parted will find there way back to each other eventually. It may be in a time beyond both your lives, but you will find each other. Take comfort in that."
Serena continued to stare. Inwardly, she struggled to accept the news that made more sense than anything that had happened in the past few days, but at the same time shattered it all as well.
"No," said Serenity, "not shattered, changed. Things will be different now, but it is all for good. Accept it, and be calm."
That didn't calm Serena's real fear. "What about Vegita?" she asked, her eyes watering. In her heart, she was able to deal with idea of losing Vegita. What she struggled with was the prospect of him losing her.
At this the queen looked very sad, but it was almost like she was sorry for herself and maybe Serena, but not Vegita. "I can offer you no comfort in this. You are my charge, not Vegita. But do not trouble, Serena," she said, and put a hand on the girl's shoulder, "there is no being in all the universe to whom thought isn't given. If he is not cared for, it is because he rejected what care we offered him."
"And who are you?" asked Serena.
The queen seemed slightly afraid to give the answer she had, but finally replied, "More on that later. All things in their time."
Serena was appeased. It was enough for her that she could look forward to life again, and in her heart, so deep that her mind's ear couldn't hear it, she was replaying over and over what the queen had said, "…Two friends who are parted will find there way back to each other eventually."
"Darian," she whispered. Her heart had never really stopped being his.
She closed her eyes, and two tears which had been building up finally fell, sparkling to the floor. As they hit the floor, the walls flashed white, and everything, including Serenity, disappeared. She was back on the street outside the inn, her eyes still closed, and her heart filled with a sadness and a joy beyond her comprehension.
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Vegita had finally fallen asleep again. He could not rid himself of his tormented dreams. He saw his enemies fall by his own hand, and after each one he saw a world without them, a world that was somehow evil and terrible. Goku… Frieza… Darian… Serena…
The last one left him in such shock that he thought he had died within his dream. He knelt amid the ashes and pleaded with sky, "Will I kill again? Why do I create such destruction from my heart? Why are my actions evil and Goku's just?"
No answer came from the sky. Rather, it came from a little robed figure standing on a hill. A small patch of light blue flowers surrounded him.
"You wish to be free of this violence, Vegita? Then listen to the message I bring you."
Vegita looked at the tiny figure on the hilltop. He realized his own gargantuan size, and was embarrassed by it, for it was evidence of his hopeless struggle.
"What would you tell me?" he asked, and his voice was very small.
"What was the best thing you've ever felt Vegita? What is the best thing you've ever known?" he said it as if expecting one answer, but Vegita could not give him that.
"Rage, and Goku," he said.
"What do you mean?" asked the little robed figure.
"My rage was the best feeling I've ever had. It allowed me to excel, to be better. But Goku was always the best. He was the savior of Namic, of the Saiyans, of everything good. I am just a warrior." The words were bitter, and drove his eyes into the ash-covered ground, away from the noble figurine on the hilltop.
"You see your smallness," said the guide. "Why do you persist in your quest for god-hood?"
"God-hood?" puzzled Vegita. "I didn't want that, I wanted to be-"
"The mightiest of the Saiyans," the guide completed his thought. "You wanted to stand above everyone else and order things as you saw fit, is that not right?"
"Yes," thought Vegita. "That is me in a nutshell."
"But you are much too big for a nutshell, eh?" asked the guide, and he chuckled at his own joke. "Vegita, why get so upset over all this? No one can be greater than everyone. The warrior submits to the king who submits to the peasants who submit to the warriors. No one is really on top, they only pretend to themselves to be. That is what a tyrant is. The reason you are so broken is-"
"-Is because I look for power first," Vegita finished. "I see."
No more needed to be said. The guide put his hand on Vegita's shoulder. "Lose your ambition, and you lose your shame," he told him. Vegita realized that the guide had grown to match Vegita's size, and that he wasn't the stooped figure he'd thought he'd seen, but he was a tall and powerfully built man. He could have been a fine warrior.
"Is this over then? Will I return to my life again?" he asked, and again he saw the last battle and his escape from it.
"Yes," said the guide, "but a few things remain. I suggest you be as submissive as you can. I will see you again shortly."
Vegita woke up.
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Serena stepped out of the elevator and the door whisked shut behind her. Alone in the corridor, she was somehow able to resist the lights. She still felt her mind being dragged into a dull torpor, but she could pull it out and maintain her focus- the trick was she had to have something to focus on. She thought about Vegita, but not the despondent Vegita she had seen that afternoon. She thought about the caring, gentlemanly figure that had taken her to plays (or let himself be taken), and had kissed her under the street lamp.
She came to the end of the hall. The door was emblazoned with a crest that once again she didn't recognize. It was pretty, but it was not the coat of arms known to the monarchs of moon. She reached out and touched it, and the door opened. She stepped through into a huge chamber.
There was nothing inside except metal walls. The room was harshly bare, but lit by huge flaming lamps rather than the mind-numbing fluorescent lamps. Serena looked around, searching for the door that would take her to the throne room.
As the door shut behind her, she heard a voice overhead. It was an eerie voice, with a faint, watery echo to it. "What have you come looking for, Serena?"
She looked up. There, hovering in the air, was Serenity, spouse of Endemyon, immortal monarch of the Silver Millennium. She floated down, her robes flowing about her as if a wind passed through them for no other purpose than to suit her will. She repeated her question, "What have you come for?"
Serena stood gaping, amazed for a moment before she spoke. "I need to talk," she said haltingly.
"What would you talk about?"
She thought for a moment. All the things that seemed so pressing before now seemed foolish. "My problems," she answered finally.
The queen smiled, amused. "I know all about those."
"How can you?" asked Serena urgently. "Have you been watching me?"
Again, the queen smiled. "I am you Serena. I know your actions, your words, your thoughts. I know them every waking minute of every day. I am you. I know you."
Serena considered these words for a long time. Finally, she asked what was on her mind, "This isn't the real Silver Millenium, is it? You're not Serenity."
The queen stopped smiling, but didn't look upset. "Do not perceive too early what you are to learn in the future, Serena. There will be time for all answers later. For now, know this: You did not come here seeking counsel of a wise old queen. You came here seeking the acceptance of yourself. You wanted to stand before yourself in your wisest, most powerful, and most glorious form, and nod in approval at everything you had to say. Though you sought wisdom and advice, you did not seek it for its own sake, and in doing so you erred. You did not come to your bmost/b glorious form, though more of that I won't tell you. You failed to listen attentively when real wisdom presented itself to you. You also failed to focus on the lesson you should be learning."
This was too much for Serena. Whatever or whoever this apparition was, it was being to judgmental and too enigmatic. She went off. "Why do you keep talking in circles? I came here to find out what to do about my problems, only to find out that they aren't that important. Fine. I can accept that. But now that I see the bigger truth you want me to just hush up and listen to you insult me? I don't think so!"
The queen looked shocked for a moment. Then she cast glances around the room, looking at the lamps, as if asking them for advice. A look of understanding- no, a look of Iacceptance/I came over Serenity's face, and she looked at her younger self.
"I never meant to insult you. I just got distracted from what I was supposed to say. I apologize."
"Accepted," Serena said shortly, waiting for further explanation.
"Yes, you are right. You are not in the Silver Millenium. This is something of a copy… its an in-between place to hold you while you get better. You and Vegita were both in need of healing."
Serena thought aloud, "So this place is some sort of… cosmic hospital?"
Another smile, "Yes, that's a good way of putting it. You and Vegita had both died. However, your universes still need you. You still have stories to complete."
Serena hugged herself and stared at the floor. "So then… we can't stay here. This is going to be over?"
"Yes."
"And we'll be apart." It was a statement not a question.
The queen sighed, and the curious echo was taken out of her voice. "It is true that for a time you will be separated. However, you must remember that two friends who are parted will find there way back to each other eventually. It may be in a time beyond both your lives, but you will find each other. Take comfort in that."
Serena continued to stare. Inwardly, she struggled to accept the news that made more sense than anything that had happened in the past few days, but at the same time shattered it all as well.
"No," said Serenity, "not shattered, changed. Things will be different now, but it is all for good. Accept it, and be calm."
That didn't calm Serena's real fear. "What about Vegita?" she asked, her eyes watering. In her heart, she was able to deal with idea of losing Vegita. What she struggled with was the prospect of him losing her.
At this the queen looked very sad, but it was almost like she was sorry for herself and maybe Serena, but not Vegita. "I can offer you no comfort in this. You are my charge, not Vegita. But do not trouble, Serena," she said, and put a hand on the girl's shoulder, "there is no being in all the universe to whom thought isn't given. If he is not cared for, it is because he rejected what care we offered him."
"And who are you?" asked Serena.
The queen seemed slightly afraid to give the answer she had, but finally replied, "More on that later. All things in their time."
Serena was appeased. It was enough for her that she could look forward to life again, and in her heart, so deep that her mind's ear couldn't hear it, she was replaying over and over what the queen had said, "…Two friends who are parted will find there way back to each other eventually."
"Darian," she whispered. Her heart had never really stopped being his.
She closed her eyes, and two tears which had been building up finally fell, sparkling to the floor. As they hit the floor, the walls flashed white, and everything, including Serenity, disappeared. She was back on the street outside the inn, her eyes still closed, and her heart filled with a sadness and a joy beyond her comprehension.
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Vegita had finally fallen asleep again. He could not rid himself of his tormented dreams. He saw his enemies fall by his own hand, and after each one he saw a world without them, a world that was somehow evil and terrible. Goku… Frieza… Darian… Serena…
The last one left him in such shock that he thought he had died within his dream. He knelt amid the ashes and pleaded with sky, "Will I kill again? Why do I create such destruction from my heart? Why are my actions evil and Goku's just?"
No answer came from the sky. Rather, it came from a little robed figure standing on a hill. A small patch of light blue flowers surrounded him.
"You wish to be free of this violence, Vegita? Then listen to the message I bring you."
Vegita looked at the tiny figure on the hilltop. He realized his own gargantuan size, and was embarrassed by it, for it was evidence of his hopeless struggle.
"What would you tell me?" he asked, and his voice was very small.
"What was the best thing you've ever felt Vegita? What is the best thing you've ever known?" he said it as if expecting one answer, but Vegita could not give him that.
"Rage, and Goku," he said.
"What do you mean?" asked the little robed figure.
"My rage was the best feeling I've ever had. It allowed me to excel, to be better. But Goku was always the best. He was the savior of Namic, of the Saiyans, of everything good. I am just a warrior." The words were bitter, and drove his eyes into the ash-covered ground, away from the noble figurine on the hilltop.
"You see your smallness," said the guide. "Why do you persist in your quest for god-hood?"
"God-hood?" puzzled Vegita. "I didn't want that, I wanted to be-"
"The mightiest of the Saiyans," the guide completed his thought. "You wanted to stand above everyone else and order things as you saw fit, is that not right?"
"Yes," thought Vegita. "That is me in a nutshell."
"But you are much too big for a nutshell, eh?" asked the guide, and he chuckled at his own joke. "Vegita, why get so upset over all this? No one can be greater than everyone. The warrior submits to the king who submits to the peasants who submit to the warriors. No one is really on top, they only pretend to themselves to be. That is what a tyrant is. The reason you are so broken is-"
"-Is because I look for power first," Vegita finished. "I see."
No more needed to be said. The guide put his hand on Vegita's shoulder. "Lose your ambition, and you lose your shame," he told him. Vegita realized that the guide had grown to match Vegita's size, and that he wasn't the stooped figure he'd thought he'd seen, but he was a tall and powerfully built man. He could have been a fine warrior.
"Is this over then? Will I return to my life again?" he asked, and again he saw the last battle and his escape from it.
"Yes," said the guide, "but a few things remain. I suggest you be as submissive as you can. I will see you again shortly."
Vegita woke up.
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