Diary,
I am practically a servant to Sesshoumaru. Once, I thought he saw me as a daughter, I now know the truth. Jaken once told me that I was useless, that all I was to Sesshoumaru was a reminder of his power to bring the dead back to life. It hurt me when he said that. I don't just want to be nothing to Sesshoumaru-sama. I wish he would come to me for comfort, when he needs someone. If he needs someone.
What am I saying?! He would never do that. He's too strong. But am I imagining his gentleness with me? If I'm just a reminder, if I'm nothing, why hasn't he sent me away, or killed me even. He doesn't need me here. Perhaps I should leave. I am seventeen, now. I'm almost past marraigable age. If I can't have him, I should leave and try to forget.
Rin
Sesshoumaru closed the book, his eyes hard. So this was why she'd been so distant these past few days. She had fallen in love with someone. A great demon like him would not admit weakness to a human, and this was no different. He wouldn't beg and cry to make her stay. Silently, he wondered who had caught the beautiful girl's fancy. He would have to order them to marry her. She would be happy.
Jaken sat nearby, his eyes greedy. He loved his Sesshoumaru-sama, and didn't want to share him with any nosy, brat girl. He'd worked for Sesshoumaru, and Sesshoumaru's father before him. He had been there at Sesshoumaru's birth. He wouldn't let any brat human child love him.
Slowly, Sesshoumaru set the book back on the tiny shelf. He ran his fingers across the leather binding. He could remember buying that book for her. She'd been barely nine at the time. Her eyes had gotten all big and watery and beautiful, and he'd folded. The book never ended. As long as she'd have something to write in it, there would be pages to write in it. His face remained solemn and he left the tiny room he'd provided for the girl. It was beside his, and now he was beginning to regret it. He could hear her soft sobs at night, and he could do nothing about it.
He could not admit weakness. He must not.
Weaknesses were things to be exploited by enemies, and it had already happened before. Naraku had kidnapped her once before. But never again. Never again. He strode to the door and walked out into the main hall. He could see Rin merrily chatting with his demonic cook, her face bright and cheerful. Silently, he walked down the hall and past her, his heart aching slightly when her scent wafted up his nose.
Rin felt, more than heard, his approach and turned her face towards him. Her cheeks flushed just barely and she forced her gaze away.
Unfortunately the cook noticed and smiled. "Takin a fancyin for his lordship?"
Rin hid her face behind the serving tray. "No, it's not like that!" A sad expression flitted over her face. "Even if I did, it wouldn't matter. He's a demon, I'm a human..."
The cook patted her hand. "His lordship is having company today, I suggest you go clean up so we can get started on the dinning room."
"Hai..." Rin drug her feet returning back to her room. When the door opened, she found a bath already in the tub, steaming hot.
She smiled softly. Sesshoumaru-sama must have had someone start a bath for her. She slipped in and scrubbed the sheen of sweat from her body. When she got out, she stretched, shaking her long, soft black hair and finger- combing it. She went to put on her serving kimono, and found a brand new one on her bed. Her eyes softened. "He must not want me to embarass him at the party tonight..." She murmered, slipping into it and out the door.
As she approached the kitchen area again, she found Sesshoumaru speaking to the cook. They spoke in soft voices, and as Rin approached the conversation changed.
"Yes, yes, that will be fine." Sesshoumaru turned and began walking away.
Rin watched him go, her eyes saddening. She almost spoke to him, but Cook gave her a meaningful look and her lips snapped shut. She and cook went to the dinning room and she began setting the table with the best china. Her eyes were slightly sad.
Jaken entered and sneered at Rin, only greeting the cook. "How is dinner comming?"
"Rapidly, thanks to little Rin over there. She's just a whiz in the kitchen." The female demon smiled at the girl, who was too busy to smile back.
Jaken walked over to Rin and sneered. "You make a good servant. I'm sure you please Sesshoumaru-sama with your skills."
Rin still just continued to set places at the table.
Jaken sneered, then left.
When he was gone, Rin's shoulders shook. She felt gentle hands on her shoulders and shook her head. "I'm not feeling well, could you please excuse my absence to Sesshoumaru-sama..." She whispered, pulling away.
"He will not be pleased. He told me not to excuse you until dinner was over." The cook said sounding sincerely sorry.
"I see..." She sighed heavily, nodding. "Then I will do as I am told." She brushed the tears from her eyes and sighed heavily.
* * *
There were a great number of people at the demon lord's party, but he noticed Rin's eyes were always downcast, never drawn to anyone in the crowd. He frowned, sipping his sake, noting that she paid no one special attention, save him.
"Sesshoumaru-sama, where ever did you find such a lovely human girl to work for you?" One young demon from a neighboring territory asked.
Sesshoumaru just waved his hand. "It doesn't matter."
A few other demon's persisted. "Have you bedded with her yet?!"
His eyes moved over to Rin's shapely body and saw her eyes dead wih grief. "She is a servant, not my mistress, you dolts." He returned his eyes to his rice, eating in silence.
"Can we have her then?!"
Sesshoumaru sipped his tea. "No." He said evenly. His golden eyes peered over the rim of the cup. "If anyone touches any of my servants in such a way, I will see to it that it is delt with accordingly."
Rin filled another cup with sake when one young demon male waved her over. As she poured the liqour, she felt a hand grab her breast and squeeze it. She gasped, her body going rigid.
"Nice rack." The demon said, smiling cruelly.
Rin didn't even realize what she was doing when her hand lashed out and slapped the offender. In the blink of an eye, she was against a wall, a hand wrapped around her throat, claws digging into her flesh. Her eyes widened with fear.
"Nataku, release her." Sesshoumaru said evenly.
"The bitch slapped me. It wont be hard to find another human bitch just like her!"
Tears rolled down her eyes as she felt the blood in her neck being cut off, and her breaths being harder and harder to make.
"I said RELEASE HER!" Sesshoumaru stood, his eyes burning an angry golden. "I told you no one would manhandle my servants, and you try my patience. She is my servant, and she will be dealt with by ME."
Nataku, faced with the wrath of a Great Demon backed down, his hand slipping from around Rin's neck. Rin slumped to the ground, holding her own neck, and gasping in breaths.
"Go to your room." Sesshoumaru said firmly to her.
She stood slowly and bowed formally, then walked out of the room. When she was out of the line of sight, she ran to her room and closed the door, slumping against it. When she walked over to a mirror, she saw that several blood vessels around her eyes had burst and she had dark bruises forming around her eyes.
Tears wet her eyes and she curled up on the bed. Time passed rapidly, and suddenly, her door opened, revealing Sesshoumaru, a neutral expression on his face. "S-sesshoumaru-sama!" She rapidly sat and wiped her eyes. "Forgive me, I beg of you, I did not mean to strike your guest..."
Sesshoumaru sat beside her, and she saw anger burning deep in his eyes. "What did he do to make you do such a thing?"
The calm in his voice made her wince. "He...he grabbed my b-b-breast..." She whispered. She did not look at him, not wanting him to see the ugly bruises on her neck and around her eyes.
Sesshoumaru gently rested a hand on her hair. "I am not going to punish you, Rin..." He said soothingly. Silently, he sat beside her, stroaking her soft hair.
Rin froze. "Wh-why not? I struck a guest..."
"Because, he directly disobeyed a command from me." He said as if it should have been easy to figure out.
"B-but I'm just a servant..." She whispered.
Sesshoumaru's hand froze and he gripped her chin rather roughtly, jerking her face up so he could show her his fury. To his chagrin, her eyes held a fear that caused his heart to constrict.
"F-forgive me..." She whispered, her eyes wide, tears falling down her cheeks.
Immediately, he forced himself to relax the grip. "Rin..." He whispered, regret tearing at his insides. He saw the horrible bruises around her eyes and her neck and saw a new one forming on her chin. Silently, he cursed himself. "I seem to have injured you myself..." He said softly, his eyes saddening. "You should leave this place, Rin." He released her chin, his entire body sagging. "Demons were not meant to mix with humans."
"I-" She snapped her jaw shut and a tear fell down her face. "I shall do so if you wish..." She whispered, lowering her face so he could not see the tears that coursed down her face.
He smelled salt and his eyes snapped over at her. "Rin...?"
"I shall do so if you wish, Sesshoumaru-sama..." She whispered.
He reached towards her face and saw her flinch. He winced, then looked away. "Leave, Rin. Do it for yourself, not me or anyone else in this castle." He said, forcing his voice to be hard.
She nodded, submitting. "Hai, Sesshoumaru-sama. I shall leave tomorrow morning..."
Sesshoumaru winced. He didn't want her to go, though he wouldn't admit it. "Take whatever you want with you. I will see to it that you have a home in the village."
Once again, she nodded. "Hai."
Frustration filled him and he strode to the door. He heard her lay down, then the soft sobs that filled the room. He froze. Her scent wafted under his nose and he realized it would probably be the last time he ever smelled her if he didn't do something about it. He walked back towards her, his footsteps silent.
Rin's back was to him as she cried. She couldn't see his shadow, had no idea he was still in the room. "Sesshoumaru-sama..." She whimpered, hugging her knees.
He heard her soft croak of his name and it tore his heart apart. He reached down to touch her soft skin and paused as she spoke again.
"I love you, m'lord..." She whispered, her body shaking with the force of her sobs.
"Rin..." He whispered.
She froze, her eyes wide. Her tears didn't slow, though. "I...I thought you'd left..." She whispered, trying to get control of herself.
"I couldn't." He said softly, pulling her into a sitting position. A gentle claw caressed her face. His hand took hers and he pulled her from the room. He glanced along the dark hall and saw no one there, and quietly led her to his own room.
Rin realized where they were going and resigned herself to give into him, even though he didn't love her. When he pulled her inside, she withheld a gasp of shock. The room was pure gold and white. Fur rugs and blankets were everywhere, as well as some expensive paintings.
"You like it?" He asked softly, standing behind her.
"It's not what I expected..." She whispered, her eyes wide. "It's beautiful..." Then, a nagging doubt grabbed her. "But, why did you bring me here, Sesshoumaru-sama?"
His hands tenderly clasped her upper arms, pulling her back against him. He placed his lips to her ear. "You don't really think that I am going to let you leave after what you said...?" He murmered, caressing the shell of her ear with his lips.
She blushed, and jerked from his arms. "What are you saying?! You're going to bed with me and then make me leave?!"
He grasped her arms, barely managing to keep himself from bruising her arms as he'd done her face. "You are the most infuriating young woman I have ever met." He murmered, his face tired. "Rin, do you really think I would ever do that to you? Have you ever seen me bring another woman into my room?!" He moved a hand to her face. "Rin, I want you to become my lifemate." He whispered, his eyes serious.
Rin blushed darkly and looked away from those intense golden eyes. "B- but...You said demons and-"
Sesshoumaru forced her face back and pressed his lips against her's in a shushing gesture. "Rin, I love you." He murmered, lifting her hand to his face. Those three words took so much out of him that he almost fell against her. Here he was, a powerful demon, giving a human the power to kill him.
Rin's eyes watered. She gently caressed his face with her fingertips. "S- sesshoumaru-sama..." She whispered, bringing her other hand to his face. She had never touched him herself since she was a child. He had touched her before, but never like this.
Sesshoumaru felt her other hand lift to his face and he silently prayed. He had never prayed before in his life, but he prayed now.
The door opened and Sesshoumaru's eyes snapped open and he spun towards the door, fury in him. Jaken stood there, wide-eyed.
"Sesshoumaru-sama..." Jaken whispered in horror. "You would deegrade yourself by mating with a HUMAN?!"
Rin gasped, jumping at the hatred in Jaken's voice.
Sesshoumaru froze, his eyes hardening. "Leave, Jaken." He said evenly. "If you ever speak of my wife like that again, I will kill you."
Jaken jumped this time and fled the room, his eyes wide with fright.
When Sesshoumaru turned back around, he saw tears falling from Rin's eyes. "Do not let him hurt you, Rin..." He said in a consoling voice. Gently, he caressed a tear away. "Rin, speak to me, please..." He whispered, his eyes getting desperate.
She opened her mouth. "I...I..." She began to shake with the power of her sobs and she pressed her face against his chest. "I am so sorry...none of your servants will approve of you taking a lower being as a wife..." She clung to him. "But I can't say no to you..."
He stared down at her in shock. Slowly, his arms wrapped around her and he rested his cheek against the top of her head. "You are not a lower being." He murmered gently. Slowly, he lifted her face and kissed her again. This time, however, he snagged her lip on his canines, causing her to whimper in pain. He bit his tounge and touched it to her lip allowing their blood to mingle together.
Rin whimpered in pain, her head feeling light and fuzzy. Gentle claws stroaked her neck, pulling her kimono apart. She pulled back from his kiss and saw intense violet eyes staring at her. She almost let out a shriek, but Sesshoumaru's hands held her carefully. "What...what happened to you, m'lord..."
He tilted her face up and brushed his lips across her forhead. "I have given you a part of me." He said gently. "It is necessary so I can't kill you when we mate..." He brushed his lips down her nose and across her cheekbones to her neck.
A twinge of fear grasped Rin. "I feel funny, m'lord..." She whispered. His eyes met her's and she saw a gentle caring. "I'm frightened..."
He nodded. "I understand, my lovely wife...there is nothing to fear, we are equals, my love, for now at least, and I will make sure you are well prepared."
She shook her head. "Onegai, m'lord, I am not ready for this." A tear fell down her face. "I am too frightened. Please, don't make me..."
His eyes died. "Return to your room, Rin..." He said, releasing her and stepping back.
She stared at him in shock. "S-Sesshoumaru-sama..." She whispered.
"Go..." He lowered his face, refusing to look at her. A tender hand caressed his streaked hair and he flinched. "GO!"
She jumped, tears welling in her eyes. "I will do as you want, m'lord..." She whispered, then stepped towards the door, her hand resting on the shouji. "I love you, Sesshoumaru-sama..." She whispered, then pushed the door open, preparing to flee.
A hand grabbed her wrist, spinning her around and hungry lips crashed down on hers. Sesshoumaru slid the door closed with a toe and slipped his hands inside her kimono. He couldn't stop himself. He heard her soft gasp as he gently fondled one breast, then his hands slipped around to caress her back.
Rin trembled, from fear and shock, her hands clutching his kimono. When her lips were released, they were bruised and swollen. "S-sesshoumaru- sama..." She whispered, a tear falling down her face.
He stared down at her, mentally cursing his loss of control. "I cannot let you leave, Rin." He whispered. "Stay with me tonight."
She flushed, staring up at him. After a moment, she pressed her face into Sesshoumaru's shoulder. "Sesshoumaru-sama..." She whispered, her arms going tight around him. "I will do as you wish." She promised, her eyes softening.
He stroaked her back gently, guiding her towards his futon, where he laid her. "Kanai..." He murmered, kissing her neck gently.
She lay still, her eyes sad. "Sesshoumaru-sama..."
He lifted his head and looked at her. "What is it, Rin?" He asked, his eyes concerned. He slipped one hand from her kimono to hold it to her face.
She lifted her eyes to stare at his face. "Can I just stay by you for a few nights...this is just happening so fast..." She looked away, her hands fisted.
He sighed. "You want a proper human courtship..." He said, flopping onto his back in exasperation.
Rin rolled over onto her side, staring down at his face. It had returned to normal, the cresent on his forehead and streaks on his face, the white hair and golden eyes. "I would settle for a courtship, period. I don't care if it's demon or human, but...I need to be used to the kissing and such..."
He lifted a hand, brushing her hair away. "My beautiful Rin..." He whispered, then pulled her down to him. "As you wish, Kanai, but remember, no one else may touch you."
She smiled, resting a hand against his chest. "Do not worry, I do not wish for anyone else to touch me." She murmered, then slowly drifted off to sleep.
Sesshoumaru tangled and untangled his hands in Rin's hair, his eyes sad. "I now understand why you turned to a human woman, chichi-ue." He said, another hand running along her waist and hip. He closed his eyes, and feigned sleep, so he could watch out for Rin while she slept.
* * *
The next day, Rin left her lord's room early so she would not be caught by the other servants, and disappeared into her's. She dressed into another working outfit, and was slightly shocked to discover a pure white wedding kimono hanging in the closet. A fond smile lit up her face and she touched it, lifting the fabric to her lips. Finally, she went out to the kitchen to find the cook sipping some demonically strong black coffee (AN-Scuse the pun, there .).
"Ah, Rin, how did you sleep?" The cook asked, smiling, almost knowingly.
"Well." Rin answered, washing the dishes, her eyes bright.
"Jaken is cursing your name an exceptional amount this morning, any idea why?"
Rin blushed. "Um...it's nothing." She said, her hair hiding her face.
"Oh, posh." The old demon walked up behind her. "It was the same way with his lordship's father's human mate. She was a young human woman he'd saved. She'd begun working as a servant, and eventually became his mate. I've seen it happen many times in this family."
Rin tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "He wants me to be his lifemate...but...it's too fast. He promised he would not push me any faster than I was willing to go."
The cook clucked her tounge. "Well, don't keep him waiting too long. And watch out for Nataku. He's never liked his lordship very much. He was itching to find out where your room was last night."
She looked over at the cook in shock. "He was what?!"
"Asking most of the staff where your room was. No one told him, though. We look at you like one of our own."
Rin smiled, but felt a frightening feeling wash over her.
"Watch out, girl. There's a bad moon tonight. Evil always happens on a bad moon."
* * *
Rin could feel Sesshoumaru's eyes on her as she moved around the room that night. She could also feel Nataku's eyes on her and that frightened her. That and learning that he'd been trying to find her room that night. She would deffinately have to speak to Sesshoumaru that night.
She leaned over Sesshoumaru's shoulder to pour more sake into his glass and caught his eyes. She saw a gentle warmth in them and fought to smother a blush. As she moved to the next person, she realized it was Nataku.
As soon as the sake ran out, she moved towards the door, stepping out. The next servant took over and Rin went to her room to bathe and await Sesshoumaru's arrival. She had decided that day that if Sesshoumaru wanted her that night she would not fight him, so she took special care preparing.
She washed her waist length black hair and let it flow around her shoulders as she toweled it dry. She wrapped a fresh yukatta around herself and heard a soft tap at the door. She rushed towards it, a bright smile on her face and threw it open.
It wasn't Sesshoumaru.
It was Nataku.
She opened her mouth to scream, but a hand slammed down over it. The demon smiled at her cruelly, and threw her into the room. "Well, bitch, I guess it's time to pay back Sesshoumaru and you at the same time."
Rin looked around her room for some way to defend herself, but couldn't find a way. Tears filled her eyes and she mentally screamed for Sesshoumaru to come and save her.
"You look quite fetching with your hair loose." He grabbed a fistfull of hair and pinned her against the wall. "I think I'll enjoy this..." He sneered, then ripped her yukatta from her body, then leered at her. "Yes, I'll deffinately enjoy this..."
* * *
Sesshoumaru winced, placing a hand against his head. He had a really bad feeling and he couldn't stop thinking about Rin. He set down his brush and looked towards the door.
Jaken was standing there, a rather pleased grin on his face. "I'm sorry about how late these were delivered sir."
The demon lord stood abruptly. "Rin..." He said, his eyes worried. He couldn't shake the feeling of dread. Finally, he strode to the door and pushed the toad demon out of the way. He landed on all fours and sprinted towards Rin's room. He could feel something was wrong. He could practically hear her crying out to him in his mind.
He slammed her door open and found Rin slumped against the wall of her room, covered in blood, and choaked in horror. He walked in slowly, pulling off his kimono. He knelt beside her and gently wrapped it around her. His hand touched her beautiful face and he gently coaxed her back to consiousness.
Jaken stood in the doorway, sneering. "So, the bitch finally died." He snorted.
It was the last sound he ever made. A kitchen knife was thrown through him and his eyes got really big for a moment before he collapsed face down on the floor. The cook stood behind his corpse, a dark look on her face.
Sesshoumaru looked at the mild-mannered cook in shock.
"He told Nataku where her room was." The cook said evenly, her eyes spelling murder.
Sesshoumaru's entire face darkened. Gently, he lifted Rin off the floor and carried her to his room, laying her down on his futon. "See to it that a bath is prepared in my room. I must go have a word with Nataku."
* * *
Rin woke in the dark room and saw a pale sillouette by the window. "Sesshoumaru-sama...?" She managed to croak.
He turned towards her, his eyes dark with sadness. "Rin." He said softly, walking towards her.
She trembled in fear and pulled the kimono tighter around herself. "Please, don't...please..."
Hurt filled him and he gently pulled her to her feet. "Do not fear me, Kanai." He gently pushed the kimono from her shoulders. "I could never harm you."
She let him lead her to another room and looked around, surprised to find it to be a bathroom. She looked over at him, eyes wide.
He caressed her face, then shrugged out of his yukata, pulling her towards the steaming bath. She didn't budge. He looked towards her and saw the fear on her face and closed his eyes, begging for patience. "Come with me, Kanai." He said gently. "I said I would not force you, that I would lay beside you for awhile. I am not going to take that promise away..."
She let him pull her, and stepped into the bath, sinking into the water, up to her neck. When Sesshoumaru joined her, she almost fled, but forced herself to remain. She looked up at Sesshoumaru, her eyes twinged with fear.
He could see it. Silently, he picked up a sponge and squeezed some soap onto it. "Come here." He said gently.
Resignedly, she moved towards her, wincing as she moved.
He saw the pain in her eyes and reached towards her, pulling her into his arms. He had to be careful with her, move slowly. Gently, he rubbed the loofa across her back, wiping the blood from Nataku's careless claws away. He saw the deep gouges and frowned deeply.
She tried to pull away, flinching in pain, but he did not release her, his gentle washing continuing to her feet, which had some blood on them as well. There was not a single part on her body that was not covered in blood. Even her face was crusted with the stuff. It hurt him to look at her. She felt tears welling in her eyes and threw her arms around his neck. "SESSHOUMARU!" She cried, bursting into sobs.
He gently wrapped his arms around her, careful not to touch the painful claw marks on her back. "It's okay, my love. I will take care of you."
"I understand if you don't want me anymore...I'm not pure, I wouldn't make a good child..." She whispered between broken sobs.
He pulled back slightly, tilting her face up to stare into it. "Rin, I don't care about this. It is not your fault." His calm, logical rationale caused her to cry harder. "It's okay..." He promised. "It will be alright..."
She slowly relaxed against him, letting him continue to wash her bloodied body. Suddenly, she felt his lips against her back and sat rigidly. Then, the pain was gone.
It simply vanished in the wake of an intense warmth that spread throughout her body. She looked back and saw blood on Sesshoumaru's lips and he was bleeding slightly from his lip. "Sesshoumaru-sama...?" She whispered, confused.
He nuzzled her neck with his nose, ignoring the pain in his back. "It is alright, my love. I have taken away all physical pains you may have..." He continued to clean her and pressed tender kisses along her neck and shoulder as he reached below the water to clean the blood from her sensitive female flesh.
She whimpered, in fear this time, and felt his hand move to her thighs, cleaning between and around them.
When it was all over, Rin was almost as tense as before. She watched as Sesshoumaru stood and wrapped the yukata around himself before pulling her from the water and setting her on her feet. He then wrapped another yukatta around her freshly cleaned body and lifted her into his arms.
Rin gasped, clinging to his shoulders, wide-eyed. "Sesshoumaru-sama!"
He smiled, carrying her out to the futon, where he laid her, and wrapped her in the thick furs. "Sleep, Kanai." He murmered.
She felt tears fill her eyes and threw her arms around his neck. "I love you, m'lord..." She whispered, tears falling down her face.
He closed his eyes tightly, his arms tightly around her. He lay beside her, slipping under the furs, to embrace her as they slept.
"I was going to give myself to you..." She whispered, refusing to look at him. "I decided today to give myself to you...but now..."
He rested a finger against her lip. "I know." He murmered. "I have sent Nataku into exile. He will never harm you again, my love." A sigh escaped him and he silently wondered how this girl had managed to warm him.
Rin buried her face into his shoulder, unable to look at him. "You did that for me?"
"Yes." He said softly, then he lifted a bit of hair to his sensitive nose, inhaling her fragrance deeply. Perhaps it was her scent, or a combination of things. It didn't matter. The fact was he was lost. Hopelessly lost to her. "Sleep, Rin. I'll be here when you awaken." He said softly.
She nodded, and soon fell into a deep sleep, while the demon lord watched over her, his eyes gentle.
I am practically a servant to Sesshoumaru. Once, I thought he saw me as a daughter, I now know the truth. Jaken once told me that I was useless, that all I was to Sesshoumaru was a reminder of his power to bring the dead back to life. It hurt me when he said that. I don't just want to be nothing to Sesshoumaru-sama. I wish he would come to me for comfort, when he needs someone. If he needs someone.
What am I saying?! He would never do that. He's too strong. But am I imagining his gentleness with me? If I'm just a reminder, if I'm nothing, why hasn't he sent me away, or killed me even. He doesn't need me here. Perhaps I should leave. I am seventeen, now. I'm almost past marraigable age. If I can't have him, I should leave and try to forget.
Rin
Sesshoumaru closed the book, his eyes hard. So this was why she'd been so distant these past few days. She had fallen in love with someone. A great demon like him would not admit weakness to a human, and this was no different. He wouldn't beg and cry to make her stay. Silently, he wondered who had caught the beautiful girl's fancy. He would have to order them to marry her. She would be happy.
Jaken sat nearby, his eyes greedy. He loved his Sesshoumaru-sama, and didn't want to share him with any nosy, brat girl. He'd worked for Sesshoumaru, and Sesshoumaru's father before him. He had been there at Sesshoumaru's birth. He wouldn't let any brat human child love him.
Slowly, Sesshoumaru set the book back on the tiny shelf. He ran his fingers across the leather binding. He could remember buying that book for her. She'd been barely nine at the time. Her eyes had gotten all big and watery and beautiful, and he'd folded. The book never ended. As long as she'd have something to write in it, there would be pages to write in it. His face remained solemn and he left the tiny room he'd provided for the girl. It was beside his, and now he was beginning to regret it. He could hear her soft sobs at night, and he could do nothing about it.
He could not admit weakness. He must not.
Weaknesses were things to be exploited by enemies, and it had already happened before. Naraku had kidnapped her once before. But never again. Never again. He strode to the door and walked out into the main hall. He could see Rin merrily chatting with his demonic cook, her face bright and cheerful. Silently, he walked down the hall and past her, his heart aching slightly when her scent wafted up his nose.
Rin felt, more than heard, his approach and turned her face towards him. Her cheeks flushed just barely and she forced her gaze away.
Unfortunately the cook noticed and smiled. "Takin a fancyin for his lordship?"
Rin hid her face behind the serving tray. "No, it's not like that!" A sad expression flitted over her face. "Even if I did, it wouldn't matter. He's a demon, I'm a human..."
The cook patted her hand. "His lordship is having company today, I suggest you go clean up so we can get started on the dinning room."
"Hai..." Rin drug her feet returning back to her room. When the door opened, she found a bath already in the tub, steaming hot.
She smiled softly. Sesshoumaru-sama must have had someone start a bath for her. She slipped in and scrubbed the sheen of sweat from her body. When she got out, she stretched, shaking her long, soft black hair and finger- combing it. She went to put on her serving kimono, and found a brand new one on her bed. Her eyes softened. "He must not want me to embarass him at the party tonight..." She murmered, slipping into it and out the door.
As she approached the kitchen area again, she found Sesshoumaru speaking to the cook. They spoke in soft voices, and as Rin approached the conversation changed.
"Yes, yes, that will be fine." Sesshoumaru turned and began walking away.
Rin watched him go, her eyes saddening. She almost spoke to him, but Cook gave her a meaningful look and her lips snapped shut. She and cook went to the dinning room and she began setting the table with the best china. Her eyes were slightly sad.
Jaken entered and sneered at Rin, only greeting the cook. "How is dinner comming?"
"Rapidly, thanks to little Rin over there. She's just a whiz in the kitchen." The female demon smiled at the girl, who was too busy to smile back.
Jaken walked over to Rin and sneered. "You make a good servant. I'm sure you please Sesshoumaru-sama with your skills."
Rin still just continued to set places at the table.
Jaken sneered, then left.
When he was gone, Rin's shoulders shook. She felt gentle hands on her shoulders and shook her head. "I'm not feeling well, could you please excuse my absence to Sesshoumaru-sama..." She whispered, pulling away.
"He will not be pleased. He told me not to excuse you until dinner was over." The cook said sounding sincerely sorry.
"I see..." She sighed heavily, nodding. "Then I will do as I am told." She brushed the tears from her eyes and sighed heavily.
* * *
There were a great number of people at the demon lord's party, but he noticed Rin's eyes were always downcast, never drawn to anyone in the crowd. He frowned, sipping his sake, noting that she paid no one special attention, save him.
"Sesshoumaru-sama, where ever did you find such a lovely human girl to work for you?" One young demon from a neighboring territory asked.
Sesshoumaru just waved his hand. "It doesn't matter."
A few other demon's persisted. "Have you bedded with her yet?!"
His eyes moved over to Rin's shapely body and saw her eyes dead wih grief. "She is a servant, not my mistress, you dolts." He returned his eyes to his rice, eating in silence.
"Can we have her then?!"
Sesshoumaru sipped his tea. "No." He said evenly. His golden eyes peered over the rim of the cup. "If anyone touches any of my servants in such a way, I will see to it that it is delt with accordingly."
Rin filled another cup with sake when one young demon male waved her over. As she poured the liqour, she felt a hand grab her breast and squeeze it. She gasped, her body going rigid.
"Nice rack." The demon said, smiling cruelly.
Rin didn't even realize what she was doing when her hand lashed out and slapped the offender. In the blink of an eye, she was against a wall, a hand wrapped around her throat, claws digging into her flesh. Her eyes widened with fear.
"Nataku, release her." Sesshoumaru said evenly.
"The bitch slapped me. It wont be hard to find another human bitch just like her!"
Tears rolled down her eyes as she felt the blood in her neck being cut off, and her breaths being harder and harder to make.
"I said RELEASE HER!" Sesshoumaru stood, his eyes burning an angry golden. "I told you no one would manhandle my servants, and you try my patience. She is my servant, and she will be dealt with by ME."
Nataku, faced with the wrath of a Great Demon backed down, his hand slipping from around Rin's neck. Rin slumped to the ground, holding her own neck, and gasping in breaths.
"Go to your room." Sesshoumaru said firmly to her.
She stood slowly and bowed formally, then walked out of the room. When she was out of the line of sight, she ran to her room and closed the door, slumping against it. When she walked over to a mirror, she saw that several blood vessels around her eyes had burst and she had dark bruises forming around her eyes.
Tears wet her eyes and she curled up on the bed. Time passed rapidly, and suddenly, her door opened, revealing Sesshoumaru, a neutral expression on his face. "S-sesshoumaru-sama!" She rapidly sat and wiped her eyes. "Forgive me, I beg of you, I did not mean to strike your guest..."
Sesshoumaru sat beside her, and she saw anger burning deep in his eyes. "What did he do to make you do such a thing?"
The calm in his voice made her wince. "He...he grabbed my b-b-breast..." She whispered. She did not look at him, not wanting him to see the ugly bruises on her neck and around her eyes.
Sesshoumaru gently rested a hand on her hair. "I am not going to punish you, Rin..." He said soothingly. Silently, he sat beside her, stroaking her soft hair.
Rin froze. "Wh-why not? I struck a guest..."
"Because, he directly disobeyed a command from me." He said as if it should have been easy to figure out.
"B-but I'm just a servant..." She whispered.
Sesshoumaru's hand froze and he gripped her chin rather roughtly, jerking her face up so he could show her his fury. To his chagrin, her eyes held a fear that caused his heart to constrict.
"F-forgive me..." She whispered, her eyes wide, tears falling down her cheeks.
Immediately, he forced himself to relax the grip. "Rin..." He whispered, regret tearing at his insides. He saw the horrible bruises around her eyes and her neck and saw a new one forming on her chin. Silently, he cursed himself. "I seem to have injured you myself..." He said softly, his eyes saddening. "You should leave this place, Rin." He released her chin, his entire body sagging. "Demons were not meant to mix with humans."
"I-" She snapped her jaw shut and a tear fell down her face. "I shall do so if you wish..." She whispered, lowering her face so he could not see the tears that coursed down her face.
He smelled salt and his eyes snapped over at her. "Rin...?"
"I shall do so if you wish, Sesshoumaru-sama..." She whispered.
He reached towards her face and saw her flinch. He winced, then looked away. "Leave, Rin. Do it for yourself, not me or anyone else in this castle." He said, forcing his voice to be hard.
She nodded, submitting. "Hai, Sesshoumaru-sama. I shall leave tomorrow morning..."
Sesshoumaru winced. He didn't want her to go, though he wouldn't admit it. "Take whatever you want with you. I will see to it that you have a home in the village."
Once again, she nodded. "Hai."
Frustration filled him and he strode to the door. He heard her lay down, then the soft sobs that filled the room. He froze. Her scent wafted under his nose and he realized it would probably be the last time he ever smelled her if he didn't do something about it. He walked back towards her, his footsteps silent.
Rin's back was to him as she cried. She couldn't see his shadow, had no idea he was still in the room. "Sesshoumaru-sama..." She whimpered, hugging her knees.
He heard her soft croak of his name and it tore his heart apart. He reached down to touch her soft skin and paused as she spoke again.
"I love you, m'lord..." She whispered, her body shaking with the force of her sobs.
"Rin..." He whispered.
She froze, her eyes wide. Her tears didn't slow, though. "I...I thought you'd left..." She whispered, trying to get control of herself.
"I couldn't." He said softly, pulling her into a sitting position. A gentle claw caressed her face. His hand took hers and he pulled her from the room. He glanced along the dark hall and saw no one there, and quietly led her to his own room.
Rin realized where they were going and resigned herself to give into him, even though he didn't love her. When he pulled her inside, she withheld a gasp of shock. The room was pure gold and white. Fur rugs and blankets were everywhere, as well as some expensive paintings.
"You like it?" He asked softly, standing behind her.
"It's not what I expected..." She whispered, her eyes wide. "It's beautiful..." Then, a nagging doubt grabbed her. "But, why did you bring me here, Sesshoumaru-sama?"
His hands tenderly clasped her upper arms, pulling her back against him. He placed his lips to her ear. "You don't really think that I am going to let you leave after what you said...?" He murmered, caressing the shell of her ear with his lips.
She blushed, and jerked from his arms. "What are you saying?! You're going to bed with me and then make me leave?!"
He grasped her arms, barely managing to keep himself from bruising her arms as he'd done her face. "You are the most infuriating young woman I have ever met." He murmered, his face tired. "Rin, do you really think I would ever do that to you? Have you ever seen me bring another woman into my room?!" He moved a hand to her face. "Rin, I want you to become my lifemate." He whispered, his eyes serious.
Rin blushed darkly and looked away from those intense golden eyes. "B- but...You said demons and-"
Sesshoumaru forced her face back and pressed his lips against her's in a shushing gesture. "Rin, I love you." He murmered, lifting her hand to his face. Those three words took so much out of him that he almost fell against her. Here he was, a powerful demon, giving a human the power to kill him.
Rin's eyes watered. She gently caressed his face with her fingertips. "S- sesshoumaru-sama..." She whispered, bringing her other hand to his face. She had never touched him herself since she was a child. He had touched her before, but never like this.
Sesshoumaru felt her other hand lift to his face and he silently prayed. He had never prayed before in his life, but he prayed now.
The door opened and Sesshoumaru's eyes snapped open and he spun towards the door, fury in him. Jaken stood there, wide-eyed.
"Sesshoumaru-sama..." Jaken whispered in horror. "You would deegrade yourself by mating with a HUMAN?!"
Rin gasped, jumping at the hatred in Jaken's voice.
Sesshoumaru froze, his eyes hardening. "Leave, Jaken." He said evenly. "If you ever speak of my wife like that again, I will kill you."
Jaken jumped this time and fled the room, his eyes wide with fright.
When Sesshoumaru turned back around, he saw tears falling from Rin's eyes. "Do not let him hurt you, Rin..." He said in a consoling voice. Gently, he caressed a tear away. "Rin, speak to me, please..." He whispered, his eyes getting desperate.
She opened her mouth. "I...I..." She began to shake with the power of her sobs and she pressed her face against his chest. "I am so sorry...none of your servants will approve of you taking a lower being as a wife..." She clung to him. "But I can't say no to you..."
He stared down at her in shock. Slowly, his arms wrapped around her and he rested his cheek against the top of her head. "You are not a lower being." He murmered gently. Slowly, he lifted her face and kissed her again. This time, however, he snagged her lip on his canines, causing her to whimper in pain. He bit his tounge and touched it to her lip allowing their blood to mingle together.
Rin whimpered in pain, her head feeling light and fuzzy. Gentle claws stroaked her neck, pulling her kimono apart. She pulled back from his kiss and saw intense violet eyes staring at her. She almost let out a shriek, but Sesshoumaru's hands held her carefully. "What...what happened to you, m'lord..."
He tilted her face up and brushed his lips across her forhead. "I have given you a part of me." He said gently. "It is necessary so I can't kill you when we mate..." He brushed his lips down her nose and across her cheekbones to her neck.
A twinge of fear grasped Rin. "I feel funny, m'lord..." She whispered. His eyes met her's and she saw a gentle caring. "I'm frightened..."
He nodded. "I understand, my lovely wife...there is nothing to fear, we are equals, my love, for now at least, and I will make sure you are well prepared."
She shook her head. "Onegai, m'lord, I am not ready for this." A tear fell down her face. "I am too frightened. Please, don't make me..."
His eyes died. "Return to your room, Rin..." He said, releasing her and stepping back.
She stared at him in shock. "S-Sesshoumaru-sama..." She whispered.
"Go..." He lowered his face, refusing to look at her. A tender hand caressed his streaked hair and he flinched. "GO!"
She jumped, tears welling in her eyes. "I will do as you want, m'lord..." She whispered, then stepped towards the door, her hand resting on the shouji. "I love you, Sesshoumaru-sama..." She whispered, then pushed the door open, preparing to flee.
A hand grabbed her wrist, spinning her around and hungry lips crashed down on hers. Sesshoumaru slid the door closed with a toe and slipped his hands inside her kimono. He couldn't stop himself. He heard her soft gasp as he gently fondled one breast, then his hands slipped around to caress her back.
Rin trembled, from fear and shock, her hands clutching his kimono. When her lips were released, they were bruised and swollen. "S-sesshoumaru- sama..." She whispered, a tear falling down her face.
He stared down at her, mentally cursing his loss of control. "I cannot let you leave, Rin." He whispered. "Stay with me tonight."
She flushed, staring up at him. After a moment, she pressed her face into Sesshoumaru's shoulder. "Sesshoumaru-sama..." She whispered, her arms going tight around him. "I will do as you wish." She promised, her eyes softening.
He stroaked her back gently, guiding her towards his futon, where he laid her. "Kanai..." He murmered, kissing her neck gently.
She lay still, her eyes sad. "Sesshoumaru-sama..."
He lifted his head and looked at her. "What is it, Rin?" He asked, his eyes concerned. He slipped one hand from her kimono to hold it to her face.
She lifted her eyes to stare at his face. "Can I just stay by you for a few nights...this is just happening so fast..." She looked away, her hands fisted.
He sighed. "You want a proper human courtship..." He said, flopping onto his back in exasperation.
Rin rolled over onto her side, staring down at his face. It had returned to normal, the cresent on his forehead and streaks on his face, the white hair and golden eyes. "I would settle for a courtship, period. I don't care if it's demon or human, but...I need to be used to the kissing and such..."
He lifted a hand, brushing her hair away. "My beautiful Rin..." He whispered, then pulled her down to him. "As you wish, Kanai, but remember, no one else may touch you."
She smiled, resting a hand against his chest. "Do not worry, I do not wish for anyone else to touch me." She murmered, then slowly drifted off to sleep.
Sesshoumaru tangled and untangled his hands in Rin's hair, his eyes sad. "I now understand why you turned to a human woman, chichi-ue." He said, another hand running along her waist and hip. He closed his eyes, and feigned sleep, so he could watch out for Rin while she slept.
* * *
The next day, Rin left her lord's room early so she would not be caught by the other servants, and disappeared into her's. She dressed into another working outfit, and was slightly shocked to discover a pure white wedding kimono hanging in the closet. A fond smile lit up her face and she touched it, lifting the fabric to her lips. Finally, she went out to the kitchen to find the cook sipping some demonically strong black coffee (AN-Scuse the pun, there .).
"Ah, Rin, how did you sleep?" The cook asked, smiling, almost knowingly.
"Well." Rin answered, washing the dishes, her eyes bright.
"Jaken is cursing your name an exceptional amount this morning, any idea why?"
Rin blushed. "Um...it's nothing." She said, her hair hiding her face.
"Oh, posh." The old demon walked up behind her. "It was the same way with his lordship's father's human mate. She was a young human woman he'd saved. She'd begun working as a servant, and eventually became his mate. I've seen it happen many times in this family."
Rin tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "He wants me to be his lifemate...but...it's too fast. He promised he would not push me any faster than I was willing to go."
The cook clucked her tounge. "Well, don't keep him waiting too long. And watch out for Nataku. He's never liked his lordship very much. He was itching to find out where your room was last night."
She looked over at the cook in shock. "He was what?!"
"Asking most of the staff where your room was. No one told him, though. We look at you like one of our own."
Rin smiled, but felt a frightening feeling wash over her.
"Watch out, girl. There's a bad moon tonight. Evil always happens on a bad moon."
* * *
Rin could feel Sesshoumaru's eyes on her as she moved around the room that night. She could also feel Nataku's eyes on her and that frightened her. That and learning that he'd been trying to find her room that night. She would deffinately have to speak to Sesshoumaru that night.
She leaned over Sesshoumaru's shoulder to pour more sake into his glass and caught his eyes. She saw a gentle warmth in them and fought to smother a blush. As she moved to the next person, she realized it was Nataku.
As soon as the sake ran out, she moved towards the door, stepping out. The next servant took over and Rin went to her room to bathe and await Sesshoumaru's arrival. She had decided that day that if Sesshoumaru wanted her that night she would not fight him, so she took special care preparing.
She washed her waist length black hair and let it flow around her shoulders as she toweled it dry. She wrapped a fresh yukatta around herself and heard a soft tap at the door. She rushed towards it, a bright smile on her face and threw it open.
It wasn't Sesshoumaru.
It was Nataku.
She opened her mouth to scream, but a hand slammed down over it. The demon smiled at her cruelly, and threw her into the room. "Well, bitch, I guess it's time to pay back Sesshoumaru and you at the same time."
Rin looked around her room for some way to defend herself, but couldn't find a way. Tears filled her eyes and she mentally screamed for Sesshoumaru to come and save her.
"You look quite fetching with your hair loose." He grabbed a fistfull of hair and pinned her against the wall. "I think I'll enjoy this..." He sneered, then ripped her yukatta from her body, then leered at her. "Yes, I'll deffinately enjoy this..."
* * *
Sesshoumaru winced, placing a hand against his head. He had a really bad feeling and he couldn't stop thinking about Rin. He set down his brush and looked towards the door.
Jaken was standing there, a rather pleased grin on his face. "I'm sorry about how late these were delivered sir."
The demon lord stood abruptly. "Rin..." He said, his eyes worried. He couldn't shake the feeling of dread. Finally, he strode to the door and pushed the toad demon out of the way. He landed on all fours and sprinted towards Rin's room. He could feel something was wrong. He could practically hear her crying out to him in his mind.
He slammed her door open and found Rin slumped against the wall of her room, covered in blood, and choaked in horror. He walked in slowly, pulling off his kimono. He knelt beside her and gently wrapped it around her. His hand touched her beautiful face and he gently coaxed her back to consiousness.
Jaken stood in the doorway, sneering. "So, the bitch finally died." He snorted.
It was the last sound he ever made. A kitchen knife was thrown through him and his eyes got really big for a moment before he collapsed face down on the floor. The cook stood behind his corpse, a dark look on her face.
Sesshoumaru looked at the mild-mannered cook in shock.
"He told Nataku where her room was." The cook said evenly, her eyes spelling murder.
Sesshoumaru's entire face darkened. Gently, he lifted Rin off the floor and carried her to his room, laying her down on his futon. "See to it that a bath is prepared in my room. I must go have a word with Nataku."
* * *
Rin woke in the dark room and saw a pale sillouette by the window. "Sesshoumaru-sama...?" She managed to croak.
He turned towards her, his eyes dark with sadness. "Rin." He said softly, walking towards her.
She trembled in fear and pulled the kimono tighter around herself. "Please, don't...please..."
Hurt filled him and he gently pulled her to her feet. "Do not fear me, Kanai." He gently pushed the kimono from her shoulders. "I could never harm you."
She let him lead her to another room and looked around, surprised to find it to be a bathroom. She looked over at him, eyes wide.
He caressed her face, then shrugged out of his yukata, pulling her towards the steaming bath. She didn't budge. He looked towards her and saw the fear on her face and closed his eyes, begging for patience. "Come with me, Kanai." He said gently. "I said I would not force you, that I would lay beside you for awhile. I am not going to take that promise away..."
She let him pull her, and stepped into the bath, sinking into the water, up to her neck. When Sesshoumaru joined her, she almost fled, but forced herself to remain. She looked up at Sesshoumaru, her eyes twinged with fear.
He could see it. Silently, he picked up a sponge and squeezed some soap onto it. "Come here." He said gently.
Resignedly, she moved towards her, wincing as she moved.
He saw the pain in her eyes and reached towards her, pulling her into his arms. He had to be careful with her, move slowly. Gently, he rubbed the loofa across her back, wiping the blood from Nataku's careless claws away. He saw the deep gouges and frowned deeply.
She tried to pull away, flinching in pain, but he did not release her, his gentle washing continuing to her feet, which had some blood on them as well. There was not a single part on her body that was not covered in blood. Even her face was crusted with the stuff. It hurt him to look at her. She felt tears welling in her eyes and threw her arms around his neck. "SESSHOUMARU!" She cried, bursting into sobs.
He gently wrapped his arms around her, careful not to touch the painful claw marks on her back. "It's okay, my love. I will take care of you."
"I understand if you don't want me anymore...I'm not pure, I wouldn't make a good child..." She whispered between broken sobs.
He pulled back slightly, tilting her face up to stare into it. "Rin, I don't care about this. It is not your fault." His calm, logical rationale caused her to cry harder. "It's okay..." He promised. "It will be alright..."
She slowly relaxed against him, letting him continue to wash her bloodied body. Suddenly, she felt his lips against her back and sat rigidly. Then, the pain was gone.
It simply vanished in the wake of an intense warmth that spread throughout her body. She looked back and saw blood on Sesshoumaru's lips and he was bleeding slightly from his lip. "Sesshoumaru-sama...?" She whispered, confused.
He nuzzled her neck with his nose, ignoring the pain in his back. "It is alright, my love. I have taken away all physical pains you may have..." He continued to clean her and pressed tender kisses along her neck and shoulder as he reached below the water to clean the blood from her sensitive female flesh.
She whimpered, in fear this time, and felt his hand move to her thighs, cleaning between and around them.
When it was all over, Rin was almost as tense as before. She watched as Sesshoumaru stood and wrapped the yukata around himself before pulling her from the water and setting her on her feet. He then wrapped another yukatta around her freshly cleaned body and lifted her into his arms.
Rin gasped, clinging to his shoulders, wide-eyed. "Sesshoumaru-sama!"
He smiled, carrying her out to the futon, where he laid her, and wrapped her in the thick furs. "Sleep, Kanai." He murmered.
She felt tears fill her eyes and threw her arms around his neck. "I love you, m'lord..." She whispered, tears falling down her face.
He closed his eyes tightly, his arms tightly around her. He lay beside her, slipping under the furs, to embrace her as they slept.
"I was going to give myself to you..." She whispered, refusing to look at him. "I decided today to give myself to you...but now..."
He rested a finger against her lip. "I know." He murmered. "I have sent Nataku into exile. He will never harm you again, my love." A sigh escaped him and he silently wondered how this girl had managed to warm him.
Rin buried her face into his shoulder, unable to look at him. "You did that for me?"
"Yes." He said softly, then he lifted a bit of hair to his sensitive nose, inhaling her fragrance deeply. Perhaps it was her scent, or a combination of things. It didn't matter. The fact was he was lost. Hopelessly lost to her. "Sleep, Rin. I'll be here when you awaken." He said softly.
She nodded, and soon fell into a deep sleep, while the demon lord watched over her, his eyes gentle.