First Love Chapter 7: Confiding, a london's burning fanfic

LONDON'S BURNING
First Love

CHAPTER SIX
Confiding

Hi-Ho

I knew I'd never understand women. One minute they're all over you and the next they've disappeared off the face of the earth! I don't know what's happening. She hasn't called, she's never in when I call, or she is in but won't answer the phone.

Has she gone off me? Did I do something wrong? I haven't seen or heard from her since… Maybe she wasn't satisfied and doesn't know how to tell me. I'd feel better if she did tell me. At least then I'd know that my performance wasn't up to scratch!

I found myself doodling on the pad of paper next to the pay phone outside the mess as I listened to her answer phone for what seemed like the millionth time. I hung up.

"Good morning Hi-Ho!" Ashley breezed past in a cheerful mood.

At least someone was happy.

I followed her into the mess.

"Do you know what's going on with Kirsty?" I asked. "She won't speak to me."

"I expect she's busy" Ashley conducted a search of the cupboard for some biscuits.

"For two weeks?!"

She stopped and looked at me. "Come to think of it, she didn't turn up for training either" she thought. "But I expect you'd know more than me" she grinned. "Being intimate and all!"

"What?" I wondered if she meant what I thought she meant.

Had Kirsty been telling people about the special, private, things that had happened between us?

But Ashley looked a little confused and hadn't got a clue why I was being so defensive.

"You know the boyfriend-girlfriend stuff? I'll have to get hold of her anyway" she changed the subject. "Before she gets dropped from the team. We can't do without a goalie!"

"What about me?"

"I'll talk to her" Ashley promised. "Maybe she just wants some space, it's a girl thing."

She left and Adam wandered in.

"What's a girl thing?"

I shrugged. "You tell me and we'll both know!"

Kirsty

I apologised to Ashley. She reckoned I should talk to Hi-Ho. Then I got a lecture from the coach for the football team. He reckoned that if I wasn't committed then perhaps I shouldn't bother coming.

There was so much I needed to do and nothing that I could face doing at the moment. I couldn't tell Ashley about it, but I felt I could confide in Naz. He didn't seem to mind, but reckoned he wasn't the person to be consulting about relationships!

"I think it's gone a bit further than that" I confessed.

We sat in the staff room at the A and E Department of St Hughs hospital, catching a quick cuppa before the next call.

Naz grinned. "Oh yeah?!"

"This isn't a laughing matter you know!"

He saw I was being serious. "Sorry."

I paused.

"So are you going to tell me or what?" he asked searching for some tea bags to rob.

"It was the first time."

"For you? And I thought you were a woman of the world!"

I wasn't impressed with his joke, he grinned and commenced another search for some sugar.

"Well we… we didn't use anything."

He stopped nicking supplies from the cupboards and looked at me. "Oh?"

"Yeah oh. I mean I might be worrying about nothing, but…. " I looked at him. "I think I'm pregnant."

He became serious. "Are you sure? What about a test?"

I was too scared, I shook my head. "I can't. What if… what if I am?"

"And what if you're not?"

"I can't think about it. I can't have a baby."

I couldn't see myself as a mother at all.

"You can't run away Kirst. You have to do something. What about your bloke?"

"I haven't told him. I can't."

"Well you've told me."

True. I was biting my fingernail. Naz took my hand and pulled it away from my mouth.

"I thought you'd given that up?"

I felt sick. I didn't know if that was through being pregnant or just worrying about it!

"Tea bag?" Naz offered, pulling one from a plastic bag in his pocket.

I gave him a puzzled look. "What do you want all that lot for?"

"Well you know they only have that awful machine stuff at St Marks, I'm sharing resources!"

I smiled. "They never have any cups either."

"Ah" he turned back to the sink to find some.

I smiled again. I knew he could cheer me up. As usual he was right. I had to do something. But I didn't have a clue what!