First Love Chapter 8: Make or Break, a london's burning fanfic

LONDON'S BURNING
First Love

CHAPTER SEVEN
Make or Break

Hi-Ho

I found myself worrying about her. I saw her at a shout and demanded to know what was going on.

She apologised and said we needed to talk. I agreed.

We met up later that evening. I said I was worried, as she hadn't called.

She blamed work.

I can't help worrying about her, I tried to tell her that. She didn't want to know and reckoned she could look after herself, I wasn't so sure. I didn't want her to give up her job, but our shifts were clashing and we hadn't seen each other. Was I being selfish or was she just not listening?

"It's not all about what you want you know" she pointed out. "What about me? You're asking me to give up my job."

"No I'm not"

"You are. Would you give up your job?"

"Well I…."

"Come on, would you or not?" she challenged.

I couldn't answer. I knew the answer was no. I knew what I was asking of her. She was asking that of me. I couldn't do it, I don't know why I expected her to.

She knew the answer anyway. "Do you not think that I worry about you?"

"But we've not seen each other recently" I tried pointing out.

"We both have demanding jobs. If either one of us can't live with that then perhaps we should end it."

"What?"

"Who do you love more, me or your job?"

"Maybe you should ask yourself that question."

"Oh I will. I want to know if you can live with the answer."

She left. I wasn't too sure what exactly her answer was. Me? Her job? Both? I wanted both. Did she? Could we handle that? I went after her.

Kirsty

How can he expect me to do something that he isn't prepared to do himself? We haven't seen each other for a week and already he's jumping up and down. I need a man who can live with my work. I need to be able to live with his work. I can. He has the problem not me.

Work was the problem. I wanted work to be the problem. I couldn't tell him, I didn't know what he would do.

We had a row about it, I stormed out. I got into my car and drove away. I noticed him in my mirror. He'd come out after me. I considered going back. He should be apologising to me. I'd wait for him to call.

He didn't.

So much for another night of passion. His parents had decided to go out for the evening. I mentioned, jokingly, that he shouldn't be living with his parents at his age! He then suggested we get our own place. I suggested he should move in with me as Stacey was moving out soon. She'd got herself a nice job in advertising and was moving to the States.

It's all right for some.

He asked when he'd be able to see me again, I said I didn't know because of his shift patterns and mine. He pulled away, suddenly losing his sexual energy as maybe the reality of the situation dawned on him.

"We hardly ever see each other these days" he moaned.

"That's not my fault."

"I want to be with you all the time."

"You say the sweetest things" I smiled.

"I'm being serious. Your job gets in the way. My job gets in the way!"

"So what do you want me to do about it?"

"I don't know. All I know is that I want to be with you all the time, and at the moment it isn't working out that way is it?"

Didn't we need our own space as well? I know I did. I wanted to keep doing my job the same as he wanted to keep doing his. Would it mean the end of our relationship after we'd shared so much?

The test was positive. After today I thought he didn't want me, he couldn't cope. He didn't want my child. He certainly wouldn't be able to cope. I didn't want to tell him.

Blaming work was easier than facing the truth. I was probably better off on my own.