In Honor of the 100th posting to UC Fanfiction! Presenting: Frank and his Lady! My first all dialogue, so understanding, please!
Scene: Cell phone rings...kinda staticky on one end...
"Donovan."
"What did you mean when you said 'I hate fire'?"
"Just that. I hate fire."
"Doesn't sound like an explanation Frank Donovan gives."
"I'm a succinct GQ fellow."
"Explain."
"I say what I mean."
"So you hate fire. May I ask why?"
(Pause...)
"It's a long story."
"I've got time..3500 minutes to be exact."
"So you bought a new cell phone plan."
"Don't change the subject."
(Pause...)
"Are you sitting down?"
"I'm on the train."
"Where are you located now?"
"We'll reach Malta in an hour."
"Malta. Near Glacier National Park and Malta's on the Canadian border. Beautiful country...that's where I have my ranch. All four hundred acres of her."
"You didn't tell me you had a ranch. Can I go see the ranch?"
"Can you drive a four wheel?"
"Why?"
"Because the ranch is an off-road ranch, hidden. Safe. I can text you the GPS location."
"Damn. I didn't bring my GPS locator."
"The location is difficult to explain over the phone. I chose the location because the ranch is so far off the road and you need a GPS locator to reach her."
"Sounds remote."
"It's nice. Custom built house, with jacuzzi, indoor and outdoor pools, huge picture windows and four hundred acres of privacy that backs up into Glacier National Park for even more privacy."
"That's a long statement for a succinct GQ fellow."
"Sometimes I like to explain things."
"Expanding, aren't you?"
"Yes."
"Now that's a succinct statement from a GQ fellow. You have the hazelnut coffee I like?"
"Yes. Freshly made."
"Are you going to have a cup?"
"Yes."
"I like that you picked up my coffee drinking habits."
"So am I. I miss you."
"I miss you too."
(Train whistle sounds)
"When did you buy this ranch?"
"Years ago. I bought the ranch off the state of Montana."
"People can do that? I mean, buy property off a state?"
(Frank chuckles)
"Yes. At least I did. A long time ago."
"You didn't tell me about this property."
(Frank chuckles again)
"That's the second time you've made that statement. You're a bit miffed at me, aren't you?"
"I would have liked to have known you had the ranch. We could have spent our vacations there, hunting wildlife."
"I never knew you wanted to hunt."
"My father used to take me hunting when I was a girl."
"In Montana, you have to pass a test if you want to hunt bears."
"Stop kidding me."
"Darling, it's intended to prevent mistaken identity killings of grizzly bears."
"So now the state wants us to take a test to go bear hunting?"
"If you want to bear hunt, you have to take the 15 question test."
"Sounds tough."
"It's a simple test, really, dear. I took the test on-line, and received a 93%."
"You got less than a perfect score?"
"One question wrong."
"I'll console you over dinner."
"Deal. So you'll take the bear identification test?"
"Uhm...let's just go wildlife looking."
(Frank chuckles again)
"You mean wildlife shopping. I know you and shopping."
"I'm a woman. I'm supposed to shop. Gives me therapy and relaxes me."
(Frank is concerned now)
"Is something bothering you?"
(Lady laughs)
"Shopping is one of the ways I unwind. I like to sit with my purchases..."
(Frank chimes in)
"...and drink a cup of hazelnut coffee with half and half."
"Yeah, something like that. I like people watching."
"You've too much stress in your life. Perhaps I should take you to my ranch."
"Our ranch."
"Yes, our ranch. Except that it's in my trust fund's name."
"You signed it over to your trust fund?"
"Yes. When I bought it. My mother was always adamant that I put property and money into a trust fund."
"Your mum taught you a lot of things."
"She was a special woman."
"I would have liked to have met her. Your Mayfair friends tell me your mother and grandmother were spies in the Great War."
(Frank pauses...)
"Not exactly spies. When were you in London?"
"I wasn't. I was in New York. They took the Concord over last week."
"I see. Did they tell you anything else?"
"Just that your mother and grandmother helped the M5. They didn't know how the Weissman women helped the British."
"They didn't."
"Damn. Just when I thought I could break into the Donovan Files."
"Sorry."
(Lady chuckles)
"I know all I need to know about you: you're warm, generous, romantic, and you're mine!"
"Thank you."
(Static sounds...)
"You're welcome. So they weren't spies?"
"If they were, that would be classified information until 50 years after their deaths. Where are you sitting on the train?"
"Private bedroom. It's kinda nice. Nice picture window, private bathroom with a shower."
"No one can hear you. You swept for bugs?"
"Yes. No bugs in the room and no one can hear me."
"I'd ask you not to mention my mother and grandmother. They were special women."
"You miss them?"
"I miss them every day."
"Do you miss me?"
"Every minute. Will you kiss me when you get off the train?"
"Darling, I'll be expecting you to give me a passionate kiss and tilt me towards the floor so my leg lifts up in the air."
"That I can order up."
"You won't be embarassed at kissing me in public?"
"Why?"
"You're a succinct GQ fellow, remember?"
"I compartmentalize my life but I can be romantic."
"I'll be expecting that when I get off the train."
(Lady sucks in her breath)
"Ahhhhh, I'm passing the most beautiful mountain right now."
"I think I shall take you to my ranch. You know, I sell hay."
"Hay?"
"Hay. To cattle ranchers and wild mustang owners who need feed."
"A working ranch?"
(Frank chuckles...)
"Yes, a working ranch. Alfalfa, prairie oat hay, grass hay."
"I'm a rancher's lady?"
"Yes, you're a rancher's lady."
"Do I get to wear jeans and cowboy boots with spurs?"
"If you want. I also graze wild mustangs."
"Horses! I'd love to go horseback riding."
"I'll have to rent some domestic horses, but yes, if you want, we can have horses there."
"So you're going to take me to your...to our Ranch?"
(Frank chuckles...)
"Yes."
"When?"
"After this next assignment, I'm assigning paid personal leave of two weeks to my team."
"So we can go in two weeks?"
"Not exactly. I expect the assignment to be over in about six weeks."
(Lady sighs sadly)
"Six weeks."
"It can't be helped."
"I know. I just miss you."
"I'll be seeing you soon."
"In a little over fifteen hours."
"You hate the planes don't you?"
(Lady says forcefully)
"Yes, I hate planes!"
"Easy, darling."
"I just hate planes."
"I know you do."
"My parents died in a single engine plane crash in the Bahamas. I was five."
"Good reason to hate planes. But I'll see you in fifteen hours and I'll kiss you passionately."
"I miss you."
(More static...train is travelling through countryside with no rebroadcasting signal)
"You were going to tell me why you hate fire."
"Yes. Wasn't I saying that?"
(Lady chuckles)
"No, we were talking about our ranch."
"Beautiful place. You'll love it."
"So you'll take me there?"
"You bet darling."
"When?"
"In about six weeks. After I wrap up this next assignment."
"Oh yes. I remember. It's just when I think of my parents' deaths, I get upset and forget what I was talking about."
"It's understandable. You witnessed the plane crash. (Frank pauses...) We'll plant wildflowers on the ranch."
"We can?"
"yes. She's a four hundred acre ranch, backing onto Glacier National Park. She has an excellent view of the glacier."
"Do we watch the sunset over the glacier from the window?"
"No, we watch the sunrise. And we'll need a telescope."
"Always thinking about spy equipment."
"Basically, I am a spy."
(Lady chuckles...)
"Can't be too safe."
"I will always make it safe for you."
"That's why I love you. You make me feel safe and I forget what happened to me."
"I know you feel safe with me. I love you, too, darling. And I miss you."
(Static sounds again...)
"Ditto here. This static is getting to me. Can't you have Cody fix it?"
"I'll have him look into it. Perhaps I have him put a rebroadcasting signal somewhere on the ranch."
"Wouldn't they be able to pick the signal up?"
"Hmm. I think you're right, but I'll ask Cody."
(Static sounds more louder...Lady's voice starts fading out...)
"Frank? Darling? I love you!"
"I love you too!"
"I want to know why you hate fire."
"I promise I'll tell you over steak at Morton's."
"I want rib eye."
"I want you."
"Frank! You romantic! You said you were a succinct GQ fellow!"
"I do read Razor magazine now and then."
"Ooooooo! I like this new Frank! I'll pick up a copy at the train station."
"In Chicago?"
"No, in Fargo. We stop there for twenty minutes."
"More time for me to miss you."
"I'll miss you more, snookums!"
"Snookums?"
"Pet name. You have another name you want me to call you by?"
"I'll whisper it in your ear."
"I simply must read this Razor magazine."
(Static sounds more frequent).
"What's that? I couldn't hear you, darling. Too much static. You must be in the countryside."
"What?"
(Frank speaks louder)
"We'll have to hang up for a while."
"I miss you!"
"I love you, darling!"
Frank and his lady click off their cell phones simultaneously...Lady lays back in the bunk bed in the private bedroom on the train and enjoys the view of Montana. Frank sips his lady's favorite hazelnut coffee as he lounges on a leather couch in front of a fire.
Scene: Cell phone rings...kinda staticky on one end...
"Donovan."
"What did you mean when you said 'I hate fire'?"
"Just that. I hate fire."
"Doesn't sound like an explanation Frank Donovan gives."
"I'm a succinct GQ fellow."
"Explain."
"I say what I mean."
"So you hate fire. May I ask why?"
(Pause...)
"It's a long story."
"I've got time..3500 minutes to be exact."
"So you bought a new cell phone plan."
"Don't change the subject."
(Pause...)
"Are you sitting down?"
"I'm on the train."
"Where are you located now?"
"We'll reach Malta in an hour."
"Malta. Near Glacier National Park and Malta's on the Canadian border. Beautiful country...that's where I have my ranch. All four hundred acres of her."
"You didn't tell me you had a ranch. Can I go see the ranch?"
"Can you drive a four wheel?"
"Why?"
"Because the ranch is an off-road ranch, hidden. Safe. I can text you the GPS location."
"Damn. I didn't bring my GPS locator."
"The location is difficult to explain over the phone. I chose the location because the ranch is so far off the road and you need a GPS locator to reach her."
"Sounds remote."
"It's nice. Custom built house, with jacuzzi, indoor and outdoor pools, huge picture windows and four hundred acres of privacy that backs up into Glacier National Park for even more privacy."
"That's a long statement for a succinct GQ fellow."
"Sometimes I like to explain things."
"Expanding, aren't you?"
"Yes."
"Now that's a succinct statement from a GQ fellow. You have the hazelnut coffee I like?"
"Yes. Freshly made."
"Are you going to have a cup?"
"Yes."
"I like that you picked up my coffee drinking habits."
"So am I. I miss you."
"I miss you too."
(Train whistle sounds)
"When did you buy this ranch?"
"Years ago. I bought the ranch off the state of Montana."
"People can do that? I mean, buy property off a state?"
(Frank chuckles)
"Yes. At least I did. A long time ago."
"You didn't tell me about this property."
(Frank chuckles again)
"That's the second time you've made that statement. You're a bit miffed at me, aren't you?"
"I would have liked to have known you had the ranch. We could have spent our vacations there, hunting wildlife."
"I never knew you wanted to hunt."
"My father used to take me hunting when I was a girl."
"In Montana, you have to pass a test if you want to hunt bears."
"Stop kidding me."
"Darling, it's intended to prevent mistaken identity killings of grizzly bears."
"So now the state wants us to take a test to go bear hunting?"
"If you want to bear hunt, you have to take the 15 question test."
"Sounds tough."
"It's a simple test, really, dear. I took the test on-line, and received a 93%."
"You got less than a perfect score?"
"One question wrong."
"I'll console you over dinner."
"Deal. So you'll take the bear identification test?"
"Uhm...let's just go wildlife looking."
(Frank chuckles again)
"You mean wildlife shopping. I know you and shopping."
"I'm a woman. I'm supposed to shop. Gives me therapy and relaxes me."
(Frank is concerned now)
"Is something bothering you?"
(Lady laughs)
"Shopping is one of the ways I unwind. I like to sit with my purchases..."
(Frank chimes in)
"...and drink a cup of hazelnut coffee with half and half."
"Yeah, something like that. I like people watching."
"You've too much stress in your life. Perhaps I should take you to my ranch."
"Our ranch."
"Yes, our ranch. Except that it's in my trust fund's name."
"You signed it over to your trust fund?"
"Yes. When I bought it. My mother was always adamant that I put property and money into a trust fund."
"Your mum taught you a lot of things."
"She was a special woman."
"I would have liked to have met her. Your Mayfair friends tell me your mother and grandmother were spies in the Great War."
(Frank pauses...)
"Not exactly spies. When were you in London?"
"I wasn't. I was in New York. They took the Concord over last week."
"I see. Did they tell you anything else?"
"Just that your mother and grandmother helped the M5. They didn't know how the Weissman women helped the British."
"They didn't."
"Damn. Just when I thought I could break into the Donovan Files."
"Sorry."
(Lady chuckles)
"I know all I need to know about you: you're warm, generous, romantic, and you're mine!"
"Thank you."
(Static sounds...)
"You're welcome. So they weren't spies?"
"If they were, that would be classified information until 50 years after their deaths. Where are you sitting on the train?"
"Private bedroom. It's kinda nice. Nice picture window, private bathroom with a shower."
"No one can hear you. You swept for bugs?"
"Yes. No bugs in the room and no one can hear me."
"I'd ask you not to mention my mother and grandmother. They were special women."
"You miss them?"
"I miss them every day."
"Do you miss me?"
"Every minute. Will you kiss me when you get off the train?"
"Darling, I'll be expecting you to give me a passionate kiss and tilt me towards the floor so my leg lifts up in the air."
"That I can order up."
"You won't be embarassed at kissing me in public?"
"Why?"
"You're a succinct GQ fellow, remember?"
"I compartmentalize my life but I can be romantic."
"I'll be expecting that when I get off the train."
(Lady sucks in her breath)
"Ahhhhh, I'm passing the most beautiful mountain right now."
"I think I shall take you to my ranch. You know, I sell hay."
"Hay?"
"Hay. To cattle ranchers and wild mustang owners who need feed."
"A working ranch?"
(Frank chuckles...)
"Yes, a working ranch. Alfalfa, prairie oat hay, grass hay."
"I'm a rancher's lady?"
"Yes, you're a rancher's lady."
"Do I get to wear jeans and cowboy boots with spurs?"
"If you want. I also graze wild mustangs."
"Horses! I'd love to go horseback riding."
"I'll have to rent some domestic horses, but yes, if you want, we can have horses there."
"So you're going to take me to your...to our Ranch?"
(Frank chuckles...)
"Yes."
"When?"
"After this next assignment, I'm assigning paid personal leave of two weeks to my team."
"So we can go in two weeks?"
"Not exactly. I expect the assignment to be over in about six weeks."
(Lady sighs sadly)
"Six weeks."
"It can't be helped."
"I know. I just miss you."
"I'll be seeing you soon."
"In a little over fifteen hours."
"You hate the planes don't you?"
(Lady says forcefully)
"Yes, I hate planes!"
"Easy, darling."
"I just hate planes."
"I know you do."
"My parents died in a single engine plane crash in the Bahamas. I was five."
"Good reason to hate planes. But I'll see you in fifteen hours and I'll kiss you passionately."
"I miss you."
(More static...train is travelling through countryside with no rebroadcasting signal)
"You were going to tell me why you hate fire."
"Yes. Wasn't I saying that?"
(Lady chuckles)
"No, we were talking about our ranch."
"Beautiful place. You'll love it."
"So you'll take me there?"
"You bet darling."
"When?"
"In about six weeks. After I wrap up this next assignment."
"Oh yes. I remember. It's just when I think of my parents' deaths, I get upset and forget what I was talking about."
"It's understandable. You witnessed the plane crash. (Frank pauses...) We'll plant wildflowers on the ranch."
"We can?"
"yes. She's a four hundred acre ranch, backing onto Glacier National Park. She has an excellent view of the glacier."
"Do we watch the sunset over the glacier from the window?"
"No, we watch the sunrise. And we'll need a telescope."
"Always thinking about spy equipment."
"Basically, I am a spy."
(Lady chuckles...)
"Can't be too safe."
"I will always make it safe for you."
"That's why I love you. You make me feel safe and I forget what happened to me."
"I know you feel safe with me. I love you, too, darling. And I miss you."
(Static sounds again...)
"Ditto here. This static is getting to me. Can't you have Cody fix it?"
"I'll have him look into it. Perhaps I have him put a rebroadcasting signal somewhere on the ranch."
"Wouldn't they be able to pick the signal up?"
"Hmm. I think you're right, but I'll ask Cody."
(Static sounds more louder...Lady's voice starts fading out...)
"Frank? Darling? I love you!"
"I love you too!"
"I want to know why you hate fire."
"I promise I'll tell you over steak at Morton's."
"I want rib eye."
"I want you."
"Frank! You romantic! You said you were a succinct GQ fellow!"
"I do read Razor magazine now and then."
"Ooooooo! I like this new Frank! I'll pick up a copy at the train station."
"In Chicago?"
"No, in Fargo. We stop there for twenty minutes."
"More time for me to miss you."
"I'll miss you more, snookums!"
"Snookums?"
"Pet name. You have another name you want me to call you by?"
"I'll whisper it in your ear."
"I simply must read this Razor magazine."
(Static sounds more frequent).
"What's that? I couldn't hear you, darling. Too much static. You must be in the countryside."
"What?"
(Frank speaks louder)
"We'll have to hang up for a while."
"I miss you!"
"I love you, darling!"
Frank and his lady click off their cell phones simultaneously...Lady lays back in the bunk bed in the private bedroom on the train and enjoys the view of Montana. Frank sips his lady's favorite hazelnut coffee as he lounges on a leather couch in front of a fire.