FF7: Life's A Drag, Then You Die...Again
by DiamondClaw, 4/3/01
Legal Stuff:
I do not own FF7, Squaresoft, Sony, or any characters contained herein. I do, however, own a CD with the Cowboy Bebop opening theme on it.
(DRASTIC AUTHOR'S NOTE, READ BEFORE PROCEEDING: I am not, never have, and never will be, racist. Please do not equate the following writing to any form of racism, please.)
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"Cloud....Cloud....I'm here, Cloud."
"What? Who the hell are you?"
"Don't you recognize me? It's me, Aeris." A whizzing sound was heard overhead. It was Sephiroth and his big large pointy sword coming to rain down inevitable death on Aeris. Everything seemed real. Except for the fact that it wasn't Sephiroth. He was big. He wore huge gold chains. And his voice gave it away.
"Aeris foo! Ima send you helluva far! To....um....hell. Uh...er...foo!" The big sword of death came down and struck her, straight in the chest. She limped to the ground, lifeless.
"YOU!" Cloud shouted. "You're the most villainous of all fiends. You're worse than Kefka and Sephiroth and Ultimecia and Dan Quayle combined! You're....MR. T!"
"Thass right, foo. I'm more of a stereotype than Barret is! But that don't matter, cuz' I'm gonna cut yo ass in half! Now let's fight, foo!" Mr. T wielded the huge Masamune, and all Cloud had was the wooden sword he used to kill Kenny with in an unaired episode of South Park. He foolishly wielded it and prepared to fight. "C'mon, you vile evil!" (Author's note: Lookie, I made a sentence with anagrams!) Cloud tossed the sword at Mr. T. He cut it with a single flick of his gold ring. Cloud was taken aback. "How'd you do that?" he asked. "Foo! This gold is sharper than Don King's Razorblade Hair attack! Now you gonna feel an attack worse than Knights of the Round!" Mr. T swung his sword at Cloud. It missed by a horse's hair, and Cloud could feel the wind of the slash against his face. "Give it up, Cloud foo! You ain't got nuthin' that can defeat me!"
"That's where you're wrong, T. I'll kill you with..." Cloud rummaged through his pocket, until he found something sharp. He pulled it out. "...the razor I used to shave with last night? How'd that get in there? Oh well, no wonder all the pockets in my pants have holes in them." He tossed the razor at Mr. T. It cut him in the side of the face. "OW! You messed up my pretty face! I'ma REALLY kill you now!!! Mr. T rushed at Cloud. He thrust straight through Cloud's chest. "Damn..." Cloud thought as his last moments of life ran out. "Damn..."
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Cloud shot straight up in bed, sweating profusely. "Oh, it was just a nightmare. Thank God."
"What? What are you talking about, Cloud dearie?" said the voice next to him in bed. It sounded deeper than a woman's. Cloud looked over to see... "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Sephiroth was laying in bed, not three feet away. "Did you have that Mr. T dream again, dearie?" he asked.
"THIS IS NOT REAL!!! I'M IN A NIGHTMARE.....uh, again....!!!"
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(Author's Note: What did you think? This is my first FF7 story, please R&R if you liked it. No flames, I get enough of those by burning my hand on my stove. If you have any ideas for a battle fic like this one, e-mail me please!)
by DiamondClaw, 4/3/01
Legal Stuff:
I do not own FF7, Squaresoft, Sony, or any characters contained herein. I do, however, own a CD with the Cowboy Bebop opening theme on it.
(DRASTIC AUTHOR'S NOTE, READ BEFORE PROCEEDING: I am not, never have, and never will be, racist. Please do not equate the following writing to any form of racism, please.)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Cloud....Cloud....I'm here, Cloud."
"What? Who the hell are you?"
"Don't you recognize me? It's me, Aeris." A whizzing sound was heard overhead. It was Sephiroth and his big large pointy sword coming to rain down inevitable death on Aeris. Everything seemed real. Except for the fact that it wasn't Sephiroth. He was big. He wore huge gold chains. And his voice gave it away.
"Aeris foo! Ima send you helluva far! To....um....hell. Uh...er...foo!" The big sword of death came down and struck her, straight in the chest. She limped to the ground, lifeless.
"YOU!" Cloud shouted. "You're the most villainous of all fiends. You're worse than Kefka and Sephiroth and Ultimecia and Dan Quayle combined! You're....MR. T!"
"Thass right, foo. I'm more of a stereotype than Barret is! But that don't matter, cuz' I'm gonna cut yo ass in half! Now let's fight, foo!" Mr. T wielded the huge Masamune, and all Cloud had was the wooden sword he used to kill Kenny with in an unaired episode of South Park. He foolishly wielded it and prepared to fight. "C'mon, you vile evil!" (Author's note: Lookie, I made a sentence with anagrams!) Cloud tossed the sword at Mr. T. He cut it with a single flick of his gold ring. Cloud was taken aback. "How'd you do that?" he asked. "Foo! This gold is sharper than Don King's Razorblade Hair attack! Now you gonna feel an attack worse than Knights of the Round!" Mr. T swung his sword at Cloud. It missed by a horse's hair, and Cloud could feel the wind of the slash against his face. "Give it up, Cloud foo! You ain't got nuthin' that can defeat me!"
"That's where you're wrong, T. I'll kill you with..." Cloud rummaged through his pocket, until he found something sharp. He pulled it out. "...the razor I used to shave with last night? How'd that get in there? Oh well, no wonder all the pockets in my pants have holes in them." He tossed the razor at Mr. T. It cut him in the side of the face. "OW! You messed up my pretty face! I'ma REALLY kill you now!!! Mr. T rushed at Cloud. He thrust straight through Cloud's chest. "Damn..." Cloud thought as his last moments of life ran out. "Damn..."
-----------
Cloud shot straight up in bed, sweating profusely. "Oh, it was just a nightmare. Thank God."
"What? What are you talking about, Cloud dearie?" said the voice next to him in bed. It sounded deeper than a woman's. Cloud looked over to see... "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Sephiroth was laying in bed, not three feet away. "Did you have that Mr. T dream again, dearie?" he asked.
"THIS IS NOT REAL!!! I'M IN A NIGHTMARE.....uh, again....!!!"
------------
(Author's Note: What did you think? This is my first FF7 story, please R&R if you liked it. No flames, I get enough of those by burning my hand on my stove. If you have any ideas for a battle fic like this one, e-mail me please!)