Title: Letter to Willow.
Author: Netgirl
Summary: Xander writes to Willow in magic rehab to tell her why he blames her for his losing Anya.
Rating: PG
Pairing: Anya/Tara.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Buffy characters. Don't sue me I don't have any money.
Feedback: would be really, really nice. Netgirl_Comingout@hotmail.com
Hey Wills,
How's rehab going? I don't really know anything about it except little bits I've picked up from Trainspotting and Gia, but that was drugs not magic. Anyway I hope you're doing better. I'd call, but Buffy says there's no phone at the clinic.
Anyway on to what I wanted to say, I guess you know, I guess Tara told you. I bet she was all apologetic. 'I didn't mean it to happen', 'I never meant to hurt you' and all that. Fair enough, I don't really think it's her fault, I think it's yours.
Why did you do it? You were getting so much better. You and Tara were getting on, we all thought you were going to kiss and make up. Anya and I were re-planning the wedding; we were going to be happy. And then you went all black magicy again, controlled Tara's mind to make her come back to you, she had no free will, she was no better than when Glory had brain sucked her. You wrecked the Summers house, Dawn's still in a wheelchair. I know I said relapse is part of recovery. But that was more than just a relapse.
I was so pleased when you went to the clinic, I was convinced you were going to be 'cured' and everything was going to be the way it was, back before Buffy died.
Tara was distraught when you left, did you know that? I wanted to be there for her, but I never really understood her. Buffy was too busy dealing with Dawns injuries, the ones the doctors could never explain and suddenly being homeless to help. But Anya, she was great. Inviting Tara to stay with her for a while, getting her to help out at the shop. I thought it was good for her, y'know, to have a proper friend. I know you never really liked her, it's ok I don't mind.
I know Anya's friendship was good for Tara; she came out of her black mood, started smiling and laughing again. She went from never being around to always being there, at the shop, the bronze. I liked that they were friends. I liked how Tara would sit and listen to Anya read out the takings everyday, I liked that Anya made an effort to laugh at Tara's jokes and ask for long explanations if she didn't understand one.
Then Anya started spending fewer and fewer nights at my apartment, doing best friend things with Tara instead. I thought it was because she was still upset with me over the wedding. I didn't really take any notice of how close they were getting, how they would always dance at the bronze, or read from the same book if we were researching, I just figured they were helping each other deal.
I think it's something about the Scooby gang; we can't have functioning relationships with anyone. I ruined things with Anya just like you messed up with Tara. I'm not even going to talk about Buffy's relationship disasters.
But you're not here, you don't have to see them. We're going to the Bronze tonight. A whole evening of watching Tara blush whenever Anya makes some offhand comment about their sex lives, apparently Tara's very good with her tongue, I never wanted to know that, and watching Tara look at Anya with those bambi eyes she used to direct at you. Maybe when they let you out you could come with us. It's fun, really.
Hope you feel better soon.
Love,
Xander.
Author: Netgirl
Summary: Xander writes to Willow in magic rehab to tell her why he blames her for his losing Anya.
Rating: PG
Pairing: Anya/Tara.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Buffy characters. Don't sue me I don't have any money.
Feedback: would be really, really nice. Netgirl_Comingout@hotmail.com
Hey Wills,
How's rehab going? I don't really know anything about it except little bits I've picked up from Trainspotting and Gia, but that was drugs not magic. Anyway I hope you're doing better. I'd call, but Buffy says there's no phone at the clinic.
Anyway on to what I wanted to say, I guess you know, I guess Tara told you. I bet she was all apologetic. 'I didn't mean it to happen', 'I never meant to hurt you' and all that. Fair enough, I don't really think it's her fault, I think it's yours.
Why did you do it? You were getting so much better. You and Tara were getting on, we all thought you were going to kiss and make up. Anya and I were re-planning the wedding; we were going to be happy. And then you went all black magicy again, controlled Tara's mind to make her come back to you, she had no free will, she was no better than when Glory had brain sucked her. You wrecked the Summers house, Dawn's still in a wheelchair. I know I said relapse is part of recovery. But that was more than just a relapse.
I was so pleased when you went to the clinic, I was convinced you were going to be 'cured' and everything was going to be the way it was, back before Buffy died.
Tara was distraught when you left, did you know that? I wanted to be there for her, but I never really understood her. Buffy was too busy dealing with Dawns injuries, the ones the doctors could never explain and suddenly being homeless to help. But Anya, she was great. Inviting Tara to stay with her for a while, getting her to help out at the shop. I thought it was good for her, y'know, to have a proper friend. I know you never really liked her, it's ok I don't mind.
I know Anya's friendship was good for Tara; she came out of her black mood, started smiling and laughing again. She went from never being around to always being there, at the shop, the bronze. I liked that they were friends. I liked how Tara would sit and listen to Anya read out the takings everyday, I liked that Anya made an effort to laugh at Tara's jokes and ask for long explanations if she didn't understand one.
Then Anya started spending fewer and fewer nights at my apartment, doing best friend things with Tara instead. I thought it was because she was still upset with me over the wedding. I didn't really take any notice of how close they were getting, how they would always dance at the bronze, or read from the same book if we were researching, I just figured they were helping each other deal.
I think it's something about the Scooby gang; we can't have functioning relationships with anyone. I ruined things with Anya just like you messed up with Tara. I'm not even going to talk about Buffy's relationship disasters.
But you're not here, you don't have to see them. We're going to the Bronze tonight. A whole evening of watching Tara blush whenever Anya makes some offhand comment about their sex lives, apparently Tara's very good with her tongue, I never wanted to know that, and watching Tara look at Anya with those bambi eyes she used to direct at you. Maybe when they let you out you could come with us. It's fun, really.
Hope you feel better soon.
Love,
Xander.