Title: Things Change
Author: Nimue
Rating: PG-13
Feedback: Yes, please
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy etc.. Just borrowing.
Summary: Giles is back in town. The Sunnydale he returns to is nothing he expected..
Things Change.
Some days feel like they pass in seconds. Some feel like years. The day after Tara's murder had felt like both.
Giles had arrived in the afternoon, coming straight to the Magic Box. Buffy had never really realized how many things had changed since he had left her, until he walked through the door. Anya had closed the shop. Xander had brought a near catatonic Willow by for what seemed like silent seconds. Dawn was curled in a corner like a lost kitten. Buffy was feeling her pregnancy and the weight of not being able to save the day when it counted. And Spike was the one trying to hold it all together. Things had changed a lot.
Buffy watched him walk through the door, his eyes wide, taking it all in. She had been sitting on the steps to the loft, Spike behind her, his arms draped over her shoulders. Spike had been more clingy than normal since Tara's death. She usually was more guarded about him being affectionate in front of the others. But she had craved his clinging in these last days.
Buffy rose to greet Giles, not knowing what to say. He stopped in his tracks when he saw her. Willow had told him about what had happened. About the glitch in the cosmic continuum. He had not completely believed her. Until now. The guilt seized him like a vice. Not only had he left his charge to face her life alone, he had left her so desperate that she had taken up with a vampire. With Spike. And now she would bear the devil's child.
She was caught. Buffy saw the horror on Giles's face. To look at her was disgraceful to him. She stood, staring, unable to speak. The tears began to flow.
"Watcher," Spike addressed Giles, standing and descending the stairs, taking his place next to Buffy. He could smell her fear like a fading perfume.
"Spike," Giles replied, forcing himself to nod politely. Anya and Dawn were silent. An audience to the awkward show.
Buffy said nothing, tears streaking down her cheeks. Hormones, she thought, stay strong.
Giles approached her slowly, setting his case on the table. "Buffy?" he uttered, stopping a few short feet from her tiny body.
"Hello, Giles," she replied as calmly as she could. Spike bristled, waiting.
Now was not the time, Giles thought. He leaned down, pulling the girl to him, hugging her, listening to her cry softly into his shirt. "There there," he said, stroking her hair. "No worries."
"You hate me now," Buffy whispered. Spike was silent, looking at the watcher, waiting for his reply.
"Heavens no, Buffy," Giles answered. "Everything is just...different. We'll adjust."
Spike nodded at Giles, accepting the answer. Giles released the teary-eyed girl from the embrace. Instinctively, Buffy stepped back next to Spike.
"So," Giles began," Shall we sit down and catch up?"
"Right," Spike said, accepting Giles would not upset her more for the time being. "I'm going back to the crypt for a while. You be alright, Pet?"
"Yeah," she said, smiling up at him. Damn her eyes, he thought. She could tell him anything and he would be too lost in her to notice.
******
"I failed you," Giles said from his perch on the bench in the training room. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees.
"Nah, no failing," Buffy answered, sitting heavily next to him. Some days her baby was cooperative. Others, Spike's kid reeked havoc on her. Today was the latter.
"I did, Buffy," Giles said, clasping his hands together with a slap. "I left you alone when you needed me the most. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I had to let you grow up."
"In some ways you did, " she answered, "do the right thing, I mean. It hasn't be pretty, but we've made it."
Giles looked at her closely. "Buffy," he began," Tara is dead. You and your sister are living underground. Willow is... no longer Willow. And don't get me started on Xander and Anya."
"Tara was murdered, Giles. By a man, not a demon." Buffy could feel the tears slip silently from the corners of her eyes again. " We can fight demons, but we have no control over men."
Giles thought for a moment, wiping his glasses. It was almost as if he could not think without the action.
"That is true, Buffy, and I am sorry."
"She would've died even if you were here," Buffy stated simply. Giles was astounded. He had come here to offer her comfort, but she was the one consoling him. Maybe she had grown up.
"But I still failed you," he said, tentatively.
Buffy was silent; knowing there was a point. Knowing where this was going. She had to face it some time.
"I left you," Giles continued, staring at his feet, " and you felt so alone that you turned to your enemy for comfort. To punish yourself, am I right?"
Again, Buffy answered with silence. That was how it began. She nodded in agreement.
" I can understand that on some level. Had I been here, though, I would've been able to stop..this.. before there was...irreversible damage," Giles said, looking at Buffy's face, her swollen belly, back to her face.
Buffy felt anger. Complete and total fury igniting her blood. She waited a moment, trying to think, to remember how she had felt in the beginning. Her confusion, her fear, her torment. Giles did not know everything. She had to try and stay calm.
"Actually, I've kind of taken to calling the *damage*, my child," she responded, trying to temper her anger. The dance had begun. Giles was taken aback. He had expected her to be resentful, reproachful, only going through with this because she could not bring herself to kill what was inside of her. Giles had never expected her to be accepting of her predicament.
"Buffy, I.." the watcher stuttered.
"A lot has changed," Buffy interrupted, "and I don't have the energy to explain it all today. But Spike is not the demon you once knew. He is no more William the Bloody than I am a normal girl. He doesn't feed. He doesn't harm humans and he has no chip to force him to be that way."
Giles blinked, swallowing hard. He had not known about the chip. "All he has done is try to protect us. Not just Dawn and me. All of us. It took me a long time to accept it. I still haven't completely. But he loves me, Giles."
"He has no soul," Giles retorted. Back to the rulebook. "He cannot love."
"That garbage," Buffy snapped, standing up. The anger was rising again like mercury in the heat of the sun. "He loves better than I ever will. And about the whole soul thing.. you know, I just don't get it. Warren has a soul. He shot Tara in cold blood thinking it was me. Spike doesn't, but he takes care of us, watches us. Not sure if I buy the whole soul makes you good, no soul makes you evil, argument anymore."
Giles was wide eyed, staring at the girl pacing in front of him like a lioness guarding her cub. "Buffy, I don't mean to judge you."
"I know," Buffy replied, letting a long slow breath escape her lungs, "but you are judging. And you have no right."
"I don't suppose I do," Giles answered, his eyes falling back to the floor.
"Look," Buffy began, settling back down onto the bench next to him. She laid a hand on his shoulder. "I know this is a lot. It's a lot for all of us. None of it is normal. But since when has Buffy Summers ever qualified as 'normal girl of the month'." Giles had to smile. Some things never changed. "The thing is," she continued," until Tara died, I had actually felt...happy... for the last few months. The gang was still here, still together. Dawn was actually listening to me, well, actually to Spike, and had started to come around. And even though the timing was bad and the father is a fangy, evil vampire, I get to have a baby. Never thought that would happen."
"No," Giles said, resting his hand on her knee, " most slayers never have that opportunity."
"I know." Buffy was steeling herself against what she knew was true. That good ole Slayer expiration date. "Spike is really happy. I know I may not be around to raise her, but I trust Spike will never let her down."
"It's a girl, then?" Giles asked, raising his eyes to hers.
"We don't know. Guess it is just a feeling. Kind of steering clear of too many doctors. The whole vampire/slayer physiology thing. But I don't really need to know." Buffy's hand was on her stomach. She was missing Spike. She could feel it in her veins. She could feel him in her.
"You alright?" Giles asked, watching her drift away.
"Fine," she answered bringing herself back. "Hey, if it helps you sleep at night, the baby has a heartbeat. Not a total demon, at least."
"You've heard it?"
"Spike told me," she answered simply. " He can hear us all the time."
Giles was silent. He had not readied himself for the Slayer actually loving the Vampire. Tolerating, working with, even suffering through an accidental pregnancy, but Giles had not been prepared for the simple fact that they were in love. That they were happy. That the baby was a blessing to them, rather than a curse. Suddenly, he felt a sharp pang of jealousy. Spike had taken care of her, watched out for the Slayer, taught her, trained at her side, kept her, and gave her a family. None of which Giles could do.
"Buffy, I am happy for you," he said, finally looking at the girl. In some strange way, it was the truth. She answered with a glowing smile. One he had never seen. He had failed her. Spike had not.
*****
When Spike returned in the early evening, Giles took his leave, taking Dawn with him. He used the excuse that Dawn needed a solid meal and a change of scenery, but really he thought that Buffy needed some time alone. Some time with Spike. If he could not accept this was happening, he could at least transcend his own opinion for the sake of the older Summers girl.
The Magic Box emptied. Spike watched Buffy punching the hanging bag until he thought her hands might shatter. He couldn't bring himself to spar with her now. She tore into the faded leather, beating out her frustration, her upset, her fear, her anger. Blow after blow rained on the bag, and as she fought, her tears rained down her cheeks. He had to let her go. As much as he hated to see it, he had to let her work through it and just be there when she was too tired to fight.
Finally, she stopped, standing there, staring at the bag. Watching it swing slowly on the chain, still reeling from the momentum of her blows. Slowly, Spike walked to her. The blows had stopped, but the tears still drizzled down her warm cheeks. He wrapped his arms around her, her back pressed to his chest. "Did you want to talk about it?" he asked her, his voice so soothing in her ears.
"Nah," she said, " just felt like killing something."
"I think the bag is now quite dead," Spike said, kissing the top of her head. She giggled, pushing herself back against him. "Want to patrol with me?"
"Yessss.." she responded in that sexy little voice of hers.
"Then off we go." Spike started out the back door into the night, his Slayer in tow. They walked the night together, as they always had. She did not say much, but he could feel Buffy's contentment being true to her nature. It was hard on her to be the protected one. Harder still to be stuck in a body that would not function has she wished it would. Not that she ever complained. But he knew that Buffy longed for the fray. Not that much longer.
They walked for an hour and saw very little. Spike thought about going to find a vamp somewhere just to give her something to do, but decided to just let fate take it's course. No need to find danger where it did not belong. Buffy seemed happy just to be hunting. She was more like him than she thought.
"Are we still on the Hellmouth?" Buffy was being snarky. He loved that.
"I believe so, Pet."
"Where are all the creepy crawlies, then? What, they all on spring break?"
He chuckled. "That itchy for the old rough and tumble?" he asked.
"Very itchy. All itchy like" Spike grabbed her wrist, pulling her over to him. Everything about her made him crazy. "Think I can scratch it for you, Slayer?" he asked, diving down, his lips touching her neck, his human teeth scraping her skin. Her eyes closed and her head fell back, a happily little mewl escaping her lips.
"Itchy, scratch," she muttered, his mouth finding hers. "Much scratching."
Spike picked her up, carrying back to the crypt, kicking the door open with a resounding bang and back to closed with nearly as much force. He could not force his mouth from hers. Once they connected, it was always as if a locomotive was speeding out of control and would not stop until it collided with its target.
Buffy was warm and alive in his arms. He yearned to feel that alive. They never made it back to the bed. By the time they had reached the couch, he could not take another moment of her soft breath and warm body against him. Every part of him needed her. Craved her. And she took him willingly. Spike made love to her all night. Every moment. What started out as something ferocious and desperate, turned into something so tender that his heart cracked thinking that one day he would have to live without her. Not today, though.
It was almost daybreak when she finally fell asleep against him. Spike listened to the two sets of heartbeats next to him, drumming like soft rain in his mind. Gentle and quiet and beautiful and kind. This is what would always be with him. Whatever might happen, whatever might become of them, this would be what he would remember when he thought of happiness.
to be contd.
Author: Nimue
Rating: PG-13
Feedback: Yes, please
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy etc.. Just borrowing.
Summary: Giles is back in town. The Sunnydale he returns to is nothing he expected..
Things Change.
Some days feel like they pass in seconds. Some feel like years. The day after Tara's murder had felt like both.
Giles had arrived in the afternoon, coming straight to the Magic Box. Buffy had never really realized how many things had changed since he had left her, until he walked through the door. Anya had closed the shop. Xander had brought a near catatonic Willow by for what seemed like silent seconds. Dawn was curled in a corner like a lost kitten. Buffy was feeling her pregnancy and the weight of not being able to save the day when it counted. And Spike was the one trying to hold it all together. Things had changed a lot.
Buffy watched him walk through the door, his eyes wide, taking it all in. She had been sitting on the steps to the loft, Spike behind her, his arms draped over her shoulders. Spike had been more clingy than normal since Tara's death. She usually was more guarded about him being affectionate in front of the others. But she had craved his clinging in these last days.
Buffy rose to greet Giles, not knowing what to say. He stopped in his tracks when he saw her. Willow had told him about what had happened. About the glitch in the cosmic continuum. He had not completely believed her. Until now. The guilt seized him like a vice. Not only had he left his charge to face her life alone, he had left her so desperate that she had taken up with a vampire. With Spike. And now she would bear the devil's child.
She was caught. Buffy saw the horror on Giles's face. To look at her was disgraceful to him. She stood, staring, unable to speak. The tears began to flow.
"Watcher," Spike addressed Giles, standing and descending the stairs, taking his place next to Buffy. He could smell her fear like a fading perfume.
"Spike," Giles replied, forcing himself to nod politely. Anya and Dawn were silent. An audience to the awkward show.
Buffy said nothing, tears streaking down her cheeks. Hormones, she thought, stay strong.
Giles approached her slowly, setting his case on the table. "Buffy?" he uttered, stopping a few short feet from her tiny body.
"Hello, Giles," she replied as calmly as she could. Spike bristled, waiting.
Now was not the time, Giles thought. He leaned down, pulling the girl to him, hugging her, listening to her cry softly into his shirt. "There there," he said, stroking her hair. "No worries."
"You hate me now," Buffy whispered. Spike was silent, looking at the watcher, waiting for his reply.
"Heavens no, Buffy," Giles answered. "Everything is just...different. We'll adjust."
Spike nodded at Giles, accepting the answer. Giles released the teary-eyed girl from the embrace. Instinctively, Buffy stepped back next to Spike.
"So," Giles began," Shall we sit down and catch up?"
"Right," Spike said, accepting Giles would not upset her more for the time being. "I'm going back to the crypt for a while. You be alright, Pet?"
"Yeah," she said, smiling up at him. Damn her eyes, he thought. She could tell him anything and he would be too lost in her to notice.
******
"I failed you," Giles said from his perch on the bench in the training room. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees.
"Nah, no failing," Buffy answered, sitting heavily next to him. Some days her baby was cooperative. Others, Spike's kid reeked havoc on her. Today was the latter.
"I did, Buffy," Giles said, clasping his hands together with a slap. "I left you alone when you needed me the most. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I had to let you grow up."
"In some ways you did, " she answered, "do the right thing, I mean. It hasn't be pretty, but we've made it."
Giles looked at her closely. "Buffy," he began," Tara is dead. You and your sister are living underground. Willow is... no longer Willow. And don't get me started on Xander and Anya."
"Tara was murdered, Giles. By a man, not a demon." Buffy could feel the tears slip silently from the corners of her eyes again. " We can fight demons, but we have no control over men."
Giles thought for a moment, wiping his glasses. It was almost as if he could not think without the action.
"That is true, Buffy, and I am sorry."
"She would've died even if you were here," Buffy stated simply. Giles was astounded. He had come here to offer her comfort, but she was the one consoling him. Maybe she had grown up.
"But I still failed you," he said, tentatively.
Buffy was silent; knowing there was a point. Knowing where this was going. She had to face it some time.
"I left you," Giles continued, staring at his feet, " and you felt so alone that you turned to your enemy for comfort. To punish yourself, am I right?"
Again, Buffy answered with silence. That was how it began. She nodded in agreement.
" I can understand that on some level. Had I been here, though, I would've been able to stop..this.. before there was...irreversible damage," Giles said, looking at Buffy's face, her swollen belly, back to her face.
Buffy felt anger. Complete and total fury igniting her blood. She waited a moment, trying to think, to remember how she had felt in the beginning. Her confusion, her fear, her torment. Giles did not know everything. She had to try and stay calm.
"Actually, I've kind of taken to calling the *damage*, my child," she responded, trying to temper her anger. The dance had begun. Giles was taken aback. He had expected her to be resentful, reproachful, only going through with this because she could not bring herself to kill what was inside of her. Giles had never expected her to be accepting of her predicament.
"Buffy, I.." the watcher stuttered.
"A lot has changed," Buffy interrupted, "and I don't have the energy to explain it all today. But Spike is not the demon you once knew. He is no more William the Bloody than I am a normal girl. He doesn't feed. He doesn't harm humans and he has no chip to force him to be that way."
Giles blinked, swallowing hard. He had not known about the chip. "All he has done is try to protect us. Not just Dawn and me. All of us. It took me a long time to accept it. I still haven't completely. But he loves me, Giles."
"He has no soul," Giles retorted. Back to the rulebook. "He cannot love."
"That garbage," Buffy snapped, standing up. The anger was rising again like mercury in the heat of the sun. "He loves better than I ever will. And about the whole soul thing.. you know, I just don't get it. Warren has a soul. He shot Tara in cold blood thinking it was me. Spike doesn't, but he takes care of us, watches us. Not sure if I buy the whole soul makes you good, no soul makes you evil, argument anymore."
Giles was wide eyed, staring at the girl pacing in front of him like a lioness guarding her cub. "Buffy, I don't mean to judge you."
"I know," Buffy replied, letting a long slow breath escape her lungs, "but you are judging. And you have no right."
"I don't suppose I do," Giles answered, his eyes falling back to the floor.
"Look," Buffy began, settling back down onto the bench next to him. She laid a hand on his shoulder. "I know this is a lot. It's a lot for all of us. None of it is normal. But since when has Buffy Summers ever qualified as 'normal girl of the month'." Giles had to smile. Some things never changed. "The thing is," she continued," until Tara died, I had actually felt...happy... for the last few months. The gang was still here, still together. Dawn was actually listening to me, well, actually to Spike, and had started to come around. And even though the timing was bad and the father is a fangy, evil vampire, I get to have a baby. Never thought that would happen."
"No," Giles said, resting his hand on her knee, " most slayers never have that opportunity."
"I know." Buffy was steeling herself against what she knew was true. That good ole Slayer expiration date. "Spike is really happy. I know I may not be around to raise her, but I trust Spike will never let her down."
"It's a girl, then?" Giles asked, raising his eyes to hers.
"We don't know. Guess it is just a feeling. Kind of steering clear of too many doctors. The whole vampire/slayer physiology thing. But I don't really need to know." Buffy's hand was on her stomach. She was missing Spike. She could feel it in her veins. She could feel him in her.
"You alright?" Giles asked, watching her drift away.
"Fine," she answered bringing herself back. "Hey, if it helps you sleep at night, the baby has a heartbeat. Not a total demon, at least."
"You've heard it?"
"Spike told me," she answered simply. " He can hear us all the time."
Giles was silent. He had not readied himself for the Slayer actually loving the Vampire. Tolerating, working with, even suffering through an accidental pregnancy, but Giles had not been prepared for the simple fact that they were in love. That they were happy. That the baby was a blessing to them, rather than a curse. Suddenly, he felt a sharp pang of jealousy. Spike had taken care of her, watched out for the Slayer, taught her, trained at her side, kept her, and gave her a family. None of which Giles could do.
"Buffy, I am happy for you," he said, finally looking at the girl. In some strange way, it was the truth. She answered with a glowing smile. One he had never seen. He had failed her. Spike had not.
*****
When Spike returned in the early evening, Giles took his leave, taking Dawn with him. He used the excuse that Dawn needed a solid meal and a change of scenery, but really he thought that Buffy needed some time alone. Some time with Spike. If he could not accept this was happening, he could at least transcend his own opinion for the sake of the older Summers girl.
The Magic Box emptied. Spike watched Buffy punching the hanging bag until he thought her hands might shatter. He couldn't bring himself to spar with her now. She tore into the faded leather, beating out her frustration, her upset, her fear, her anger. Blow after blow rained on the bag, and as she fought, her tears rained down her cheeks. He had to let her go. As much as he hated to see it, he had to let her work through it and just be there when she was too tired to fight.
Finally, she stopped, standing there, staring at the bag. Watching it swing slowly on the chain, still reeling from the momentum of her blows. Slowly, Spike walked to her. The blows had stopped, but the tears still drizzled down her warm cheeks. He wrapped his arms around her, her back pressed to his chest. "Did you want to talk about it?" he asked her, his voice so soothing in her ears.
"Nah," she said, " just felt like killing something."
"I think the bag is now quite dead," Spike said, kissing the top of her head. She giggled, pushing herself back against him. "Want to patrol with me?"
"Yessss.." she responded in that sexy little voice of hers.
"Then off we go." Spike started out the back door into the night, his Slayer in tow. They walked the night together, as they always had. She did not say much, but he could feel Buffy's contentment being true to her nature. It was hard on her to be the protected one. Harder still to be stuck in a body that would not function has she wished it would. Not that she ever complained. But he knew that Buffy longed for the fray. Not that much longer.
They walked for an hour and saw very little. Spike thought about going to find a vamp somewhere just to give her something to do, but decided to just let fate take it's course. No need to find danger where it did not belong. Buffy seemed happy just to be hunting. She was more like him than she thought.
"Are we still on the Hellmouth?" Buffy was being snarky. He loved that.
"I believe so, Pet."
"Where are all the creepy crawlies, then? What, they all on spring break?"
He chuckled. "That itchy for the old rough and tumble?" he asked.
"Very itchy. All itchy like" Spike grabbed her wrist, pulling her over to him. Everything about her made him crazy. "Think I can scratch it for you, Slayer?" he asked, diving down, his lips touching her neck, his human teeth scraping her skin. Her eyes closed and her head fell back, a happily little mewl escaping her lips.
"Itchy, scratch," she muttered, his mouth finding hers. "Much scratching."
Spike picked her up, carrying back to the crypt, kicking the door open with a resounding bang and back to closed with nearly as much force. He could not force his mouth from hers. Once they connected, it was always as if a locomotive was speeding out of control and would not stop until it collided with its target.
Buffy was warm and alive in his arms. He yearned to feel that alive. They never made it back to the bed. By the time they had reached the couch, he could not take another moment of her soft breath and warm body against him. Every part of him needed her. Craved her. And she took him willingly. Spike made love to her all night. Every moment. What started out as something ferocious and desperate, turned into something so tender that his heart cracked thinking that one day he would have to live without her. Not today, though.
It was almost daybreak when she finally fell asleep against him. Spike listened to the two sets of heartbeats next to him, drumming like soft rain in his mind. Gentle and quiet and beautiful and kind. This is what would always be with him. Whatever might happen, whatever might become of them, this would be what he would remember when he thought of happiness.
to be contd.