Note: Only Rutan is mine! The rest are borrowed from LOTR or other such places. Some of these scenes may be familiar; they were also borrowed and do not belong to me. Elvish speech is in ''. Sorry for the delay! Yeah… I noticed the many typos in the last chapter… Whoops… I'll take it down and fix it… sometime in the near future. Takes place the night after the last chapter. I need funny ideas!!!! If you have one, name it!

A Staff

Part 2

Boromir glowered at everyone, as he sat alone, now wearing his clean clothes. He'd been giving everyone the evil eye, because they had laughed at him for falling into the muddy puddle. He'd cleaned off his face and hair finally, so he looked normal again… Sort of. The only problem was that he'd used Legolas' shampoo, which had made the Elf very angry, and Legolas had nearly strangled him, until Aragorn had pulled the blond beauty off, laughing the entire time.

Legolas and Aragorn were busy making out. Neither cared about the interested stares they were getting from the Hobbits, who gazed in fascination.

Gandalf was busy smoking pipeweed and watching over Rutan, who was walking around on his hands, trying to act like a juggler.

"Why do I have to watch him?" the wizard muttered. He yawned and leaned back against the rock behind him. "I'm too old for this…"

Legolas frowned and looked over at Gandalf. 'Aren't I older than you?' he questioned, until a sweet, warm kiss was planted on his lips. 'Mmm…' he moaned. The Elf turned back to his lover eagerly, as soft kisses were trailed up his neck.

"That is sooo gross," Gimli whined. "How many times a day do we have to watch them make out?"

Aragorn snickered. "Who said you had to watch?" A soft gasp from the beauty in his arms distracted the human, and he continued, running his tongue over the pointed ears, one at a time. He then nipped at them

Legolas whimpered slightly, for Aragorn was using his one weakness against him… his ears. Elven ears were so sensitive that a single touch there could unnerve an Elf.

Gimli flushed crimson, and was glad that his beard hid it. "Excuse me for not wanting to see or hear you two going at it again." He was just complaining, as usual. He secretly enjoyed watching the two, but would never admit it.

A soft, Elven shoe smacked the Dwarf in the head as an answer.

Rutan abruptly stopped walking on his hands. He glanced around, wanting a toy to play with.

Gandalf had fallen asleep, and his staff lay at his side, on the ground. Puffs of smoke were around the wizard as he slept.

The addled raven-haired Elf picked up the staff and began playing with it, waving it around. 'Mommy…' Rutan called sweetly, using the staff's magic to incinerate a nearby rock.

'I'm not your mother,' Legolas shouted, which was silenced by a tongue suddenly entering his mouth.

A loud explosion sounded, drawing everyone's attention over to Gandalf, who miraculously slept right through it.

Rutan waved his toy around, making boulder, trees, and other objects blow up. 'This toy is fun!!' he said happily, aiming it towards the Hobbits, who shrieked and ran, diving onto Aragorn and Legolas.

'Ow…' Legolas muttered, as Frodo's foot connected with his head.

'Watch it,' Aragorn muttered, feeling the weight of Pippin and Merry on him. 'Do you mind?' he asked pointedly, as he stroked Legolas' hair.

'I didn't mean it,' Frodo wailed. 'But Rutan's going to kill us!' Sam nodded in agreement, gesturing to where the Elf was.

Rutan danced around, happily blowing things up. He didn't even notice the panic he was causing amongst the Hobbits, as bubbles began appearing from the magic staff.

Legolas finally looked over and fainted. Aragorn patted his face, to wake him up. It eventually succeeded.

Gimli laughed, until a blast from the staff nearly destroyed his helmet. He leapt out of the way. "Brilliant idea, Aragorn! Let Gandalf watch the crazy Elf!!" he shouted sarcastically.

Aragorn retorted, "It wasn't my idea!"

Boromir finally looked over. "Why did you let Gandalf watch him?" he snapped. "I'm trying to think."

"It wasn't our idea!" Gimli and Aragorn shouted.

Legolas cried, "Whose idea was it?"

Boromir, Aragorn, and Gimli all answered, "It wasn't our idea!"

"Then whose was it!" Frodo yelled angrily, as the group scattered, when Rutan absentmindedly aimed the staff at them and a blast came towards them.

Legolas shouted, "It wasn't my idea!", along with Aragorn, Gimli, and Frodo.

"It wasn't ours," Sam and Frodo protested.

Everyone froze and looked directly at Pippin.

"Pippin…" Aragorn said warningly.

"Just because I accidentally knocked that skeleton into that well thing and woke up a Balrog that nearly killed Gandalf does not mean that him watching Rutan was my idea!" Pippin snapped.

Merry whistled nonchalantly. "Sure it does. You're a fool of a Took, Pippin, and everyone knows it."

Pippin promptly burst into tears. "I am not a fool of a Took, Merry! It was your idea for Gandalf to watch Rutan so we could watch Aragorn and Legolas!" he wailed, sobbing.

Sam and Frodo instantly began comforting Pippin, scowling at Merry.

Merry flushed. "Sorry…"

Legolas squirmed, because he was now trapped under three Hobbits. "How about getting off me?" he questioned.

None of the Hobbits were listening.

"Hello?" Legolas asked. "Get off!"

Aragorn ordered, "Get off him, Frodo, Pippin, and Sam."

The three Hobbits glared at him.

"We're having a Kodak moment," Frodo informed him, before he went back to patting Pippin on the shoulder.

Aragorn looked really confused. So did Legolas, as he wiggled out from under the Hobbits, before he stood and went over to Aragorn.

The two began making out again, standing up, as Rutan ran around, creating chaos with Gandalf's staff.

*****************

Somewhere

*******************

Haldir was moaning, 'Oh, the humility…' His face was scarlet, as he lay on the ground, with his hands chained and being held above his head. His golden hair lay on top of a towel, keeping it from getting dirty. It was spread out fully on the towel.

The Elf had never been so humiliated in his life.

The Uruk-Hai and Orcs were using hair gel to finger-paint the blond hair, streaking it with many different colors. As a result, the Elf's hair was beginning to resemble a rainbow.

Haldir had never been so close to bawling in his life. His hair…his beautiful hair… How could this be happening to him??

The Uruk-Hai grunted in pleasure, as they inspected their work.

"Good," an Orc snarled. "Keep it up. We'll break him, eventually." He gestured to some other Orcs, who were carrying a make-up case with nail polish, eye shadow, mascara, lipstick, and a crimper. Along with a pair of tweezers.

The make-up was quickly passed around, and they began using it on Haldir, who whimpered in protest. It didn't work.

Bright, cherry-red lipstick was put on Haldir's lips by a sniggering Uruk-Hai, as hot pink nail polish was painstakingly applied to not only his fingernails, but also his toenails by several grinning Orcs. Purple eye shadow was placed on his eyelids, underneath a softer magenta eye shadow.

Haldir moaned and tried to wriggle free, but could not. The mascara was applied to his eyelashes, and the stick accidentally poked him in the eye, causing the Elf to cry out. His blond hair was still drying from the hair gel, so his tortures skipped the crimper for now. Instead, they began plucking at his eyebrows with the tweezers.

The mistreated Elf struggled for a while, before falling silent as it continued. Eventually, he heard a low moan and realized that it was coming from him. The evil snickering around him told Haldir that the Orcs and Uruk-Hai could hear his moans, too.

To be continued