LIVE YOUR LIFE
- Part 3 : Fragile mind -
" So, she did have fun last night ? " an anxious Molly Weasley asked to Harry.
" She had, believe me… "
Could he tell her mother ? He decided to keep the secret. After all, Ginny was a grown-up, she would certainly be mad at him if she ever found out he had told her mother how she got drunk. And beside that it was kind of his fault if she had drunk so much.
" Hello ! "
Ginny appeared in the kitchen, radiant, as if she has spent the best night of her life. Harry chuckled but before he told her anything she continued.
" How come you are always in our house, Harry ? " She looked at her watch. " At 9 a.m ?"
Harry smiled to her " I would never miss a breakfast cooked by your mother… You know that. "
Ginny took a chair and sat on it " Of course, me neither. " She grinned at her mother who served pancakes on the table.
" Well, kids… " Molly Weasley grabbed Ginny's chin and shook it a little " Although you're not a little kid anymore… "
Ginny glanced at Harry. It was true he wasn't a kid anymore, she looked at his forearms… Quiddich made wonders. She shivered and remembered she hasn't had sex for quite a long time. She got out of her visions when she heard her mother saying she would be back in a couple of hours. Ginny nodded and let out a loud " Yep. "
Ginny picked a pancake and began to eat it with envy. Harry looked at her, surprised. After a few moment, as she only heard the sound of her fork, she rose her head and saw Harry who was smiling to her.
" What ? " She said, still a piece of pancake in her mouth.
He opened the mouth, then shut it.
" What ? " She said again, pointing her fork to him. " Why are you staring at me like that ? "
He laid back in his chair, ran his hand on his hair and finally said " Nothing ! ! "
She laughed. " Harry, I know you… " She made her fork spinning, still pointing it at him. " What's going on in your head ? You're dying to tell me something… Your eyes are sparkling..."
Harry was surprised to see how well she knew him. " I… How do you know that spell ? "
She regained her seriousness. " Which spell ? "
Harry laughed, which made her quite unhappy. " Which spell ? " She repeated.
" Oh, Ginny ! You think I'm not aware of that spell ? " He paused, but as she didn't answer, he continued. " You drank a lot… last night… ".
Ginny picked another pancake and he barley heard her saying " Oh… that spell… ". Swallowing another piece, she grinned at him.
Harry looked at her. In that dress she looked stunning. It wasn't a party dress, but still it fitted her very well. His eyes darkened themselves when he thought of her skinny body. He wondered if she was forcing herself to eat in front of him. It wasn't easy to know if she was or that she was really enjoying her breakfast.
" Uh, usually, I don't eat that much ! You must think I'm a real glutton ! "
Her voice hit him in his awakened dream.
" Actually, I think you should eat a little more… "
She stared at him and said a brief and weak " What ? "
Harry swallowed hard.
" What did you say ? " She asked again with a sad face.
Harry looked everywhere in the kitchen, how could he escape the argument, although it was him who obviously wanted to head the discussion on that point.
" Hey, at least, you could look at me. "
He rubbed his forehead.
" Harry… " Now, Ginny was almost begging him to explain himself.
Again, he swallowed hard. Their eyes met. He couldn't lie to her. Her thinness was too important, he had to talk to her. Then she would be awfully mad at him, but he had to do what he thought to be good for her.
Harry lowered again as he began to talk : " Uh, Ginny… " Again, he ran his hand to his hair. This was as hard as breaking up with someone, maybe because he could loose a priceless friendship.
" This is hard to say ".
He heard her putting her fork on the table. " Try. " She said in a dead tone.
He rose his head and looked at her. " Last night… I saw you, uh, … without your dress… and, uh… You're thin… I mean too thin. You… "
She opened her mouth. " What.. How… Why did you see me without my clothes ? "
He fastly said. " I undressed you to put you to bed. "
She closed her eyes. He could tell how angry she was. She pinched her lips with her teeth and was breathing noisily. The only thing he had to do was to wait until she exploded. But she didn't explode. She opened her eyes again and faced him.
She slowly began " Firstly, you had no rights to undress me… I.. I'm not one of these…d.. " She increased the speed of her speech as she stood up from her chair " drunky models you are used to pick up in some fashion pubs. And… And I thought you wouldn't do that to me. Ok ?… I… I just can't believe you did that. I'm not even your girlfriend. I'm probably more than a friend to you, a sister or something. But… And the only thing you can say to me then, is that I am too thin ? Yes ! I am thin ! My life is different from yours, I've go problems, remember ? Spending a year in a hospital is not what I call holidays… You're lucky… You know that ? You're lucky, you spend your life in the most beautiful places with the most interesting people, you do what you want to do, you are gifted in Quiddich and made it your job. It's great ! You got a great life !… "
She slowered. " But mine is not… Not for the moment… "
She breathed loudly. " If I am too thin, don't worry, I will probably be better when… " Her eyes turned to red. " When all will be over. " And then she closed her eyes and sat.
Harry knew that by 'when all will be over', she meant Paul's death. He got up from his chair and went to her. He felt on his knees and tried desesperetly to make her look at him. She looked so fragile, her head buried in her hands her very short hair made her 10 years older when she was upset.
" I'm sorry. " He said.
She rested her elbow on the table and put her forehead in her hand. She turned his head to him. Her red eyes sadened him. Her lips shook. Suddenly, he wrapped her in his arms and hugged her the best he could. Then, she began to cry.
Both of them didn't know how many minutes they stayed in each other arms. But Ginny only knew it was one of the best thing it had happened to her for a long time. Harry was a great listener and knew how to comforting people.
After lunch, Harry has decided that he wouldn't go back to his home, he would be with Ginny all afternoon. He still remembered the promise he had made to her mother. He had to cheer her up… And he wouldn't fail. That was how he spent two entire weeks at The Burrow, taking Ginny out every afternoons for a walk.
Ginny, at first, thought it wouldn't be fair to her mother to let her alone at The Burrow. But she really appreciated the walks with Harry. They simply talked for hours and hours, sometimes resting on a bench, sometimes lying in the grass near the river down the town.
One of these afternoons, the moment she feared the most, came. They were both lying in the grass. Harry and got both their two hands behind their nape, looking for some known shapes in the clouds.
Suddenly, she said : " I'll be leaving tomorrow. "
Harry didn't say nothing. She turned her head to him. He was smiling.
" What makes you smile ? "
Harry turned his head to her and grinned at her. " You."
She looked back at the sky. " Because ? "
He barely hesitated " No reason. " He said, also looking back at the clouds.
If Ginny had believed more in her capacities of seduction, she would have noticed that the man who was lying next to her had fallen deeply in love with her, during the past two weeks. She would only know that news, if only he dared to tell her. But Harry wasn't aware of his feelings either. He only knew that he couldn't resist her, that everything she wanted to do or to have, he would be able to give her.
" When does the Quiddich championship begin ? "
" In three weeks… Next Monday, I'll be back on the field. "
" Ready ? "
" Mhm, I think so. "
A minute passed.
" I think you should come to one of my practice some day. "
" Mhm, I don't think so. I won't have time. "
He rested his elbow on the grass and turned to her.
" I really hope you will have time. "
She looked at him, wondering what he was talking about.
" I mean, for you… You have to take care of you. "
She grinned. " I will. I promise. "
He started to play with some grass. She looked at his hand.
" Don't you think you should work too ? "
Ginny didn't heard the question, mainly because she was focused on the way his hand tempered the grass. He had really handsome hands, very manly.
" Ginny ? "
" Uh ? " She rosed her eyes to him.
" You did have a diploma. I'm sure you can find a job. "
His eyes were as handsome as his hands.
" What would you like to do ? "
Ginny thought he was incredibly attractive. She sat up suddenly. He was talking about her future and all she was thinking at was how wonderful he had to be as a lover.
He sat up too. " What is it ? "
She avoided his look. But he put his hand on her arm. " What is it ? "
She began to laugh. This was terribly awkard.
" Nothing. " She withdrew her arm from his touch and pretended to fix her hair.
Harry noticed that she was lovelier than ever when she didn't think at Paul. Not that she didn't love him, Harry knew that Ginny would love Paul forever, even after his death, but when she didn't think at Paul these days, it meant that she was embracing the life. And that made her lovelier. Harry had felt ill when she had said earlier that she would be leaving. Somehow he knew he would have loved to see her everyday of his life. But it wasn't possible. She didn't belong to him.
" I think I'd choose to work with children. I love children. But Paul and I didn't seize the opportunity to having one."
Harry's stomach tightened itself. He has just realized that he wished Ginny could love him as much as she loved Paul. She was talking about having kids with Paul. He would love talking about having kids with her. He was in love with her, more than he had ever been with someone. Harry was so much in love with her that it hurt him to see her thinking of Paul. He wondered how he could have been so much stupid. He hadn't hesitate to take Ginny out, to talk to her, to walk with her. He has thought he was doing these things only to cheer her up, but now, he was aware that he only did these things to be with her. He suddenly felt more than miserable. He has lied to her, to her mother and the worst, he has lied to himself.
He stood up. " I think we should go ! "
Ginny stared at him with surprise. Harry began to walk away. She got up quickly, dusted her dress and ran to him. When she arrived at his side, she grabbed his arm and stopped, making him stop. She questionned him with her eyes. It was more that Harry could bear. He caught her arms and drew her to him. He kissed her deeply and desesperetly. In his embrace, Ginny couldn't make a move. Harry was strong-armed and Ginny loved that. That kiss was making her very weak, as weak as Paul's kisses. It was a long time ago she had felt those feelings in somebody's arms. She could have kissed Harry back, but she chose not to. Because it was not Paul.
The desire, the passion were there but not the love.
/* Mhm what do you think about that one ? harry in love with ginny but it's not mutual… too bad… maybe i could fix that in the next chapter… ) */