Live Your Life
- 4 :The End! -
Harry slowly released her, and it seemed as if everything he held dear was leaving him at the same time. He was suddenly aware of what he was doing, of the mistake he was making, and he took several steps backward, keeping his eyes on Ginny the entire time. More than anything else, he hated the pity he saw in her gaze, as if she felt sorry for him, as if she didn't love him as much as he loved her. And the truth struck him once more. She didn't love him. She'd never given him the impression that she did.
Ginny didn't know what to do as she felt Harry withdraw from her. She wished she could hold him back, so he wouldn't feel as if he'd crossed the line between friendship and love. She was well aware that he would become distant now, both literally and figuratively. He would build a wall between them and never speak of what had just happened. But Ginny didn't want to lose the friendship they'd so recently begun.
"I'm sorry," she said.
Harry smiled at her tenderly. "You have nothing to be sorry about. You didn't do anything wrong."
"I think I gave you the wrong idea…"
"No, I got that all on my own… But I thought the feelings were mutual."
"I…"
"But like so many other times, I was wrong. And… I don't know what I was thinking, I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry."
"Harry… "
"Please! Listen, let's just forget about it. Nothing happened, after all. I just went a bit mad. It won't happen again."
"Harry… "
"I promise."
"Harry, that's not the problem. If you'd just let me explain…"
Harry brought a hand up to his eyes. Was that a tear? This bothered Ginny, but she didn't let it show. She had to tell him how she felt. "If it weren't for Paul…" she began.
"Ginny! Don't talk about him, please! If you only knew the times you've mentioned him and I wished he was dead!"
Ginny remained rooted to the spot.
"That shocks you, doesn't it? I shocks me too. All the times I've thought that."
"But he's not dead…"
"No, he's not." As he said this, Harry began to laugh in an odd way that Ginny had never heard before. She had to do something. This was going too far.
"I don't want to lose you, Harry."
Harry looked up towards the sky. It was clouding up, reflecting both their moods.
"Harry, you're one if my best friends."
"This is going to sound trite, but I don't want to be your friend. I want more, and… and I think that's perfectly normal."
Ginny giggled. Harry wasn't very good at this. "Normal? All right, let's say it's normal, but let me say something." She paused a moment before going on. "It's been a long time since anyone looked at me as if they were interested. And I think I was only trying to see if I still had it…"
Harry broke in. "But you didn't do anything!"
"Unconsciously I must have…"
"So you're attracted to me… unconsciously?"
Ginny giggled again. "I suppose you could say that, but… You know I can't."
"Ever?"
She became serious once more. "I don't know."
He tried again, taking a different tack. Ginny knew he was going to try to make her laugh, because he felt stupid after all they'd just said, and he wanted to make up for it. She knew him too well.
He took her hands and smiled winningly. "All right, one day… Is that tomorrow? In five years?"
She looked down. He'd won, and she was smiling. "Harry…"
He took on a hurt expression. "In a hundred years?"
She burst out laughing. "Good lord, Harry!"
They looked at each other for a moment and finally hugged as their doubts left them.
Harry risked murmuring "I love you" in her ear.
She simply replied, "I love you too."
After a long moment, Harry straightened and looked her straight in the eye. "How much do you love me? A little bit? A lot?"
It was beginning to rain, and Ginny began to run towards the Burrow, hearing Harry shout after her, "Come on, Ginny! Answer me! Passionately? Madly?"
*
That evening, Ginny couldn't fall asleep. She tossed and turned for a long time, but every time she turned over, a voice in her head kept repeating that tomorrow it would be all over, that she'd be going home. So she thought of the past few weeks, and how happy she'd been with her family, her mother, her father, Harry…
She couldn't stop thinking about Harry. He'd made a declaration, if she could call it that. He'd been so close to her, so attentive to whatever she said and did. She could let herself feel alive with him. Perhaps, but she was in love with Paul! Harry was so different. He'd come around without being in love with her, but he'd fallen in love with her, Ginny, who was all grown up now. She wasn't twenty years old any more. Her thoughts became more and more confused, and suddenly she came to a decision.
She put on a dress that she'd left lying on a chair, murmured an incantation, and appeared on Harry's front lawn. She rang the bell, and Harry appeared a few minutes later wearing pyjamas. It was 2 AM, but he didn't look as if the doorbell had woken him up. He looked surprised to see her on his doorstep, but he let her in.
*
It was almost 9 AM when Ginny awoke. Her first thought was that it was too bad she was awake so early. She'd finally managed to fall asleep, but it was so hot under the duvet. Duvet? She raised herself up on her elbows and was horrified to see that she wasn't in her room. And then the memories came flooding back. She'd spent the night with Harry. There were no two ways about it, she'd spent the night with him. She'd gone to see him late at night, they'd talked for a long time, and then he'd said to her that he'd rather she didn't go home so late and offered her his guest room… But she hadn't slept in the guest room, and she'd been the one to make the first move… She'd started things.
And now this morning, she was in his room, in his bed. She hesitated before looking over to see if he was lying there next to her. Thinking back on the past night, she had nothing to regret. She'd made the choice, not Harry. Several times that night they'd looked at each other and wondered if they weren't mad. She looked over at him, pursing her lips to see him lying on his stomach, sleeping like a baby.
She stretched a hand towards his face and lightly caressed his cheek. He'd been patient with her, but he'd also been fiery and passionate. It was only when she felt her desire returning that she'd realised what she'd done. And then she did regret what had happened. She told herself she'd have to forget about it and go back to Paul. Paul… What was he going to say?
She felt someone take her hand. She'd been staring off into space, but now Harry was kissing her hand. She'd never been unfaithful before, and this had been her choice. She tried to pull her hand away from him, but Harry kept hold of it. She couldn't resist him for long.
"I'll wait for you," he said.
She felt tears come to her eyes.
"I'll wait a hundred years if I have to."
He pulled her closer as if he was about to kiss her, but then he changed his mind. He released her.
She unashamedly got out of bed, picked up her dress and put it on. In less than two minutes she was back in her room at the Burrow. In only a few more hours, she'd be back with Paul.
*
"Ginny! You look lovely!"
Ginny let Paul's mother hug her. Paul's mother had always been over-enthusiastic. Ginny knew she couldn't make any more blunders. She'd told herself a thousand times that no one could possibly know what had happened with Harry, but she was sure it was as plain as the nose on her face… Paul would notice, of that she had no doubt. Before she went into his room, she took a deep breath.
After a few minutes of idle conversation, Ginny began to relax. After all, lots of women were unfaithful, and they managed to hide it from their husbands or boyfriends. But she hated herself for thinking that. He hadn't neglected her. He loved her, she was sure. She'd been the one who had changed. She hadn't been herself.
"There's something different about you."
Ginny was lost in thought and didn't hear what Paul had said.
"Hello? Ginny?"
Ginny came back to earth. "What?"
"I said there was something different about you."
She smiled, and Paul could have sworn she was blushing.
"It was good to see my parents again. But I'm glad to be back now."
"Really?"
She leaned towards him. "Of course! What do you think?"
"It's just that…"
She knit her brows. "Just what?"
She had to distract him by any means she could, or else she was going to give herself away.
"This is no kind of life for you."
Ginny had had this discussion with him many times before, but she always reminded him that she'd made her choice, and even if they weren't married, she was in this for better or for worse. She reassured him one more time. "Darling, don't think like that." She ran a hand through his hair.
She immediately remembered that she'd done the same thing to Harry that morning. That very morning! She felt regret and took her hand from him.
"What's wrong?"
"Oh, nothing."
"Ginny I can tell that something's wrong."
How did he know her so well? She didn't try to answer this question or Paul's. She'd made the choice to remain by his side and say nothing, and she had to stick to it. But that was easier said than done. Paul took her into his arms with difficulty. She snuggled against him. And began to cry. She thought of Harry again, and the way he'd consoled her a few weeks ago, and that only made her cry harder. Paul must have felt as bad as she did, for he began to cry as well, as if he'd lost something, as if he'd lost his love and he couldn't do anything about it. He took a breath and said, "Marry me, Ginny." It wasn't a question; it was a statement.
*
Harry heard the news in the middle of a Quidditch training session. Hedwig never fluttered around him like that unless it was really important. He landed and opened the letter, which was signed by Ginny herself. She asked him to come; she wanted him near her. He wouldn't have done something like that for anyone but Ginny, but he knew that seeing her would break his heart.
When he arrived on Saturday, the ceremony had already begun. Although he sat in the back of the church, he had no trouble recognising Ginny up at the altar, next to the casket. She was wearing a long black dress, and her red hair, which had grown out some, was rolled into a severe-looking bun. He was sure that if she turned around, he'd see that her eyes were red from crying. He wanted to take her in his arms and tell her everything would be all right. But it wasn't his place to do that.
After the ceremony the procession went towards the cemetery. Harry stayed towards the back. He wasn't a family member; he was merely an acquaintance. He felt a hand on his shoulder. Ron. They hugged and then walked side by side until they reached the cemetery. There Harry stopped, unable to go any further. He could see Ginny crying in her mother's arms. And he continued from a distance to watch the burial of someone whose death he'd awaited. At that thought, he felt ill and hurried away from the cemetery. He hadn't been able to talk to Ginny, but Ron would surely tell her he'd been there even if he hadn't stayed.
*
In the weeks and months which followed the funeral, Harry and Ginny didn't see each other. Was it because they'd be uncomfortable if they met? Neither one of them could say, but they were avoiding each other. Harry accepted an offer to play Seeker on a foreign Quidditch team to get away, and Ginny slowly took her life back into her hands, trying to recapture the old zest for it.
They didn't see each other again until the following year. Hermione and Ron had invited Harry to supper when he came back to England at last. Hermione had to go pick up her school-aged daughter.
"Come with me, Harry."
Harry was surprised by the invitation and asked, "Why me?"
Hermione pretended to get angry. "Because she's your goddaughter!"
Harry smiled "I forgot!"
Ron pointed out the three presents Harry had left by the door. "Then why did you bring all that?"
Harry got his coat and followed Hermione to the car.
"So?" he asked.
Hermione had no idea what he was on about. "So what?"
"Is she a witch? "
"Who?"
"My goddaughter, who else?"
Hermione laughed out loud. "Of course she is, Harry! You didn't think…"
"I was afraid… you never talk about it."
"Don't worry, she's a witch, and a Weasley on top of that!"
Hermione drove up to the school and parked the car. Some of the other children were already leaving with their mothers.
"A Weasley? Does that mean she likes jokes?"
"Oh yes!"
"Such as?"
"Giving her teacher a moustache."
Harry burst out laughing. Yes, his goddaughter was a Weasley, and a precocious one at that.
"And what did you do about her poor teacher?"
"It wasn't a problem. Her teacher is also a Weasley," Hermione said with a wink that Harry didn't quite understand.
"Also a Weasley?" Then he realised what she meant. "Ginny?"
As he said that a beautiful young woman with long red hair appeared. There was no doubt about it, it was Ginny Weasley. Harry suddenly felt light-headed, even though he'd been avoiding her ever since Paul's death. But seeing her here today made him want to do anything he could to get their friendship back. Friendship and perhaps more than that. Ginny had his goddaughter with her, and he walked up to them.
Ginny wondered if she was dreaming. That couldn't be Harry there with Hermione, could it? It had to be him. No one else had such untidy hair and such green eyes. Her niece also recognised him, for she pushed away from Ginny and ran to her godfather.
"Harry!" cried the little girl.
He caught her in his arms and spun her around before hugging her close. But it wasn't long before she slipped away and ran to Hermione. "Mum!"
Ginny and Harry stayed where they were for a while, as if neither one wanted to approach the other. Hermione felt as if she should give them some space. She'd never noticed so much tension between them before. Something must have happened between them, something she didn't know about. She took her daughter to the car, realising that she needn't wait for them. Harry might not even remember he was supposed to eat at her house at this point from the way things were shaping up.
Harry finally spoke. "You look wonderful."
She smiled. "Thank you."
"I didn't know…"
"That I was working here? You're the one who told me I ought to find myself a job."
Harry didn't know what else to say. He only wanted one thing: to take her in his arms.
"I should have written," she said.
"I should have, too."
She began to laugh. "Why is it so hard?"
He laughed as well. "I don't know. There's a lot I could say to you."
"I know!"
He simply reached out his hand, and she took it. He led her towards the exit. They walked for a while, but neither of them managed to say anything. They headed towards the Burrow without even thinking about where they were going. And near the Burrow was Harry's house.
They weren't far from Harry's, when he finally began to speak. "Ginny, I'd like to know…"
She raised her eyes to his. "What?"
"I wasn't lying when I said I'd wait a hundred years for you. Think what you like, but even when I was abroad I couldn't stop thinking about you, thinking about the day I'd see you again. Only I didn't want you to be angry with me."
"I know."
"And you had to rebuild your life. Or at least decide what you wanted to do."
"I understand."
"So I waited. I would have waited longer. We've only met today by chance."
Ginny couldn't help but smile. "I know all that, Harry. You need to know that I don't hold anything against you. You gave just what I needed, time." Harry felt his confidence growing at her words. Ginny went on. "The night we spent together was more than just a one-night stand, and you know very well that…" She cleared her throat. "If Paul hadn't been so ill, I would have left him for you."
He took her face in his hands. "Ginny you don't owe me any explanations. You did what you had to. I never wanted to come between you and Paul."
Her smile was sad. "But you did come between us, without meaning to, of course. Well, I wanted it too, and… Paul knew."
"What?"
"He loved me, and he could read me like a book. I couldn't deny it."
"I love you, as well."
Harry could have kicked himself for saying that while she was telling him about Paul. But he wanted to show her that he was there for her and that he loved her more then anything. He'd do anything to take away her sadness. Whatever he'd expected her reaction to be, Ginny showed no surprise at his words. She stood up on her toes and kissed him, as he took her into his arms.
She whispered in his ear, "If I'm here in your arms today, it's because this was meant to be."
He kissed her again.
/* THE END*/
/* So, what do you think about it? */