DISCLAIMER: I don't own Evangelion, its story, or its characters (duh!).
They are the property of Gainax and others. However, this story is mine, so
don't copy it or I will unleash a horde of angry tax collectors on you. ^_^
This is my first Eva fic, so please R&R.
"After the End"
Chapter 1: "The Mind of a Child"
Mein Gott. What the hell is going on now? The last thing I remember was getting attacked by the Eva Series. It hurt so badly, like they were tearing my guts out. Then there was this feeling like my arm was split in two, and a second later everything went black. The next part was worse. IT wasn't a dream, but it wasn't quite real either. It was something, though—something terrible. There were dozens of scenes playing in my mind, mostly things from since I first came to Japan. I was shown how I acted around and treated others, especially Shinji. To say the least, it was different seeing it in the third person. I was letting my past control the way I was, and it was ruining my life. I wanted so much to be wanted, to be needed, but I kept pushing away the only person who did want me. Why? Why did I treat him so bad? I don't know what to or how to think anymore. I don't even know who I am as an individual anymore. All I know is that I am somehow still alive.
I open my eyes, but I can only see out of one. The other one seems to be bandaged. It still hurts some from where one of the lances from the Eva Series pierced it. My arm is sore too. Stupid feedback systems. As my vision focuses, I see a sky full of stars that isn't obscured by city lights. The full moon is out, and it has a red stain on it. Its light is reflecting off of a long red streak floating in the sky. As I breathe, I notice that the air reeks of LCL. I can hear the sound of waves. I must be next to one of the lakes near Tokyo-3. What has happened here? I don't get the chance to think more about it, though, as I see someone moving around next to me. It's Shinji. He rolls over on top of me, straddling my waist. He wraps his arms around my throat and begins to squeeze. Instead of fighting back, my only reaction is to reach up and gently touch his face. His grip loosens and he begins to cry, his tears falling onto my face. He collapses on top of me, his body wracked by heavy sobbing.
"I feel bad," I say out loud. Not only is my whole body sore, but I feel bad mentally as well. Shinji's crying subsides and his body relaxes. He's fallen asleep. I need to rest as well. As I close my eyes to go to sleep, I say the words I should have said a long time ago. "I'm sorry, Shinji."
***
Misato.
She was the first person since my mother to show me any kind of truly genuine affection. For the last year before all of this, Misato always did everything she could to take care of me. I cared for her as well. She meant everything to me. But after Kaji died, everything went to hell. She shut herself up, listening to that answering machine constantly. I understood how she felt, but I was too pathetic a person to do anything for her. When I thought Rei had died, she tried to comfort me, but all I did was shy away from her. I hardly ever saw her after that, except after I killed… him. Then SEELE invaded a few days later. Misato sacrificed herself to save me. The last time I would ever see her was at the gates of an elevator in Central Dogma. She tried so much to instill some confidence in this cowardly boy, but all I could do was sulk. She then kissed me—in a way no girl ever did—and she said that we'd do the rest when I got back. As she shut me in the elevator and sent it up, I could taste her blood in my mouth and see it on her cross that she, which she had pressed into my hand before closing the gate. When I felt the jolt from a nearby explosion a few seconds later, I knew she was gone. There would be no "when I got back." Why did I have to be scared of her? I should have tried to be closer to her than I was. I miss her already. Goodbye, Misato.
I love you.
Before my train of thought reached its next stop, I find myself waking up staring at the night sky, but it was more like I was staring through someone else's eyes. I look over to my side, and see what looked like Rei in the distance. I blink and the image disappears. I look over to my other side and I see Asuka. Not knowing what I am doing—not even able to control my own actions—I crawl on top of her and begin to strangle her. As I continue to squeeze her throat, she reaches up to my face. Not to strike me, but to caress my cheek. I suddenly find myself back to normal, if you can call it that, and I quickly let go of her neck. My eyes fill with tears, blurring my vision. Oh God. What was I trying to do? Unable to help myself anymore, my body gives out and I fall completely on top of Asuka, crying uncontrollably. Asuka. Her touch. There was something about it. But what was it? Why was I trying to kill her? How is she even alive after what happened to her. I'm too tired to even begin to think of the answers, and I finally succumb to sleep. I start to dream again. I dream about the final parts of Instrumentality…
***
"Don't worry. All living things have the ability to return to their original form... and the heart to go on living. Anywhere can be heaven as long as you have the will to live. After all, you're alive... and you can find the chance to achieve happiness anywhere. As long as the Sun, the Moon and the Earth exist, everything will be all right. So, you'll be okay now?" my mother says to me.
"I still don't know where to find happiness..." I answer. "But I'll continue to think about whether it's good to be here... whether it was good to have been born. But in the end, it's just realizing the obvious over and over again, because I am myself. But mother... what will you do?"
"Humans create Evangelion to copy God... Is this our true goal?" Mr. Fuyutsuki says to my mother.
"Yes. Humans can only live on this planet, but Evangelion can live forever... together with the human soul that dwells within it. Even after 5 billion years, when the Earth, the Moon, and even the Sun have disappeared, it will still exist as long as even one person still lives. It will be very lonely, but as long as that one person still lives..."
"It will be the eternal proof that humankind has existed..."
And the scene fades away.
"Good-bye, mother."
A deep blue glow surrounds me. Rei is standing before me once again. She takes me by the hand and begins to talk, her eyes staring into mine.
"Ikari-kun. I have to go now."
"Go where, Ayanami? Will I see you again?"
"I'm not sure, but in the meantime, I'm going to leave you with someone who needs you—and who you need as well."
"Ayanami? Can I call you Rei? I feel comfortable enough to call you that now."
"Yes you may."
"Rei. Thank you for all of this. I'm glad I was able to be here with you. Thank you for being my friend."
"You are welcome, Shinji. And I am glad as well. Goodbye."
"Goodbye, Rei."
To Be Continued
Author's Notes: I have always wanted to do my own post-Third Impact fic. I came up with the idea a month or so before I actually read a post-3I fic. Almost all of them I read afterwards, though, normally had either A) everyone else coming back, or B) Asuka killing Shinji. With the exception of "Wake" and "Her Turn to Run", which were really good, I didn't notice any other fics that didn't have scenarios A or B.
The chapters will continue to be short like this, as it helps me out some in getting the chapters out quicker. There will probably be about 4 or 5 in all. I don't know yet. I finished this chapter in 2 weeks, where it took me over a month or two to write the first chapter to "Bonds" (yes, it really takes me that long to write, plus I have other stuff to do as well). If there is enough reader requests for it once the fic gets close to a finish, I may re-release it in a more compressed form. As for the title, I couldn't think of anything better.
As for my translation of Asuka's last line in EoE, it is valid. She said "Kimouchi warui" which can be translated to "I feel bad" in addition to the other more familiar ones (i.e. "I feel sick," " This feeling sucks," etc.). It is really so vague that any viable translation can work. It just depends on your POV. The translation I use fits this fic better. And as for Shinji, I wanted for him to be kind of hung up on Misato after having come back from Instrumentality. She was the last person he was actually physically with before boarding Unit 0, plus their last scene (http://lirillith.homestead.com/files/misatoshinjikiss.jpg) anyone?
Thanks to Random for prereading this fic.
"After the End"
Chapter 1: "The Mind of a Child"
Mein Gott. What the hell is going on now? The last thing I remember was getting attacked by the Eva Series. It hurt so badly, like they were tearing my guts out. Then there was this feeling like my arm was split in two, and a second later everything went black. The next part was worse. IT wasn't a dream, but it wasn't quite real either. It was something, though—something terrible. There were dozens of scenes playing in my mind, mostly things from since I first came to Japan. I was shown how I acted around and treated others, especially Shinji. To say the least, it was different seeing it in the third person. I was letting my past control the way I was, and it was ruining my life. I wanted so much to be wanted, to be needed, but I kept pushing away the only person who did want me. Why? Why did I treat him so bad? I don't know what to or how to think anymore. I don't even know who I am as an individual anymore. All I know is that I am somehow still alive.
I open my eyes, but I can only see out of one. The other one seems to be bandaged. It still hurts some from where one of the lances from the Eva Series pierced it. My arm is sore too. Stupid feedback systems. As my vision focuses, I see a sky full of stars that isn't obscured by city lights. The full moon is out, and it has a red stain on it. Its light is reflecting off of a long red streak floating in the sky. As I breathe, I notice that the air reeks of LCL. I can hear the sound of waves. I must be next to one of the lakes near Tokyo-3. What has happened here? I don't get the chance to think more about it, though, as I see someone moving around next to me. It's Shinji. He rolls over on top of me, straddling my waist. He wraps his arms around my throat and begins to squeeze. Instead of fighting back, my only reaction is to reach up and gently touch his face. His grip loosens and he begins to cry, his tears falling onto my face. He collapses on top of me, his body wracked by heavy sobbing.
"I feel bad," I say out loud. Not only is my whole body sore, but I feel bad mentally as well. Shinji's crying subsides and his body relaxes. He's fallen asleep. I need to rest as well. As I close my eyes to go to sleep, I say the words I should have said a long time ago. "I'm sorry, Shinji."
***
Misato.
She was the first person since my mother to show me any kind of truly genuine affection. For the last year before all of this, Misato always did everything she could to take care of me. I cared for her as well. She meant everything to me. But after Kaji died, everything went to hell. She shut herself up, listening to that answering machine constantly. I understood how she felt, but I was too pathetic a person to do anything for her. When I thought Rei had died, she tried to comfort me, but all I did was shy away from her. I hardly ever saw her after that, except after I killed… him. Then SEELE invaded a few days later. Misato sacrificed herself to save me. The last time I would ever see her was at the gates of an elevator in Central Dogma. She tried so much to instill some confidence in this cowardly boy, but all I could do was sulk. She then kissed me—in a way no girl ever did—and she said that we'd do the rest when I got back. As she shut me in the elevator and sent it up, I could taste her blood in my mouth and see it on her cross that she, which she had pressed into my hand before closing the gate. When I felt the jolt from a nearby explosion a few seconds later, I knew she was gone. There would be no "when I got back." Why did I have to be scared of her? I should have tried to be closer to her than I was. I miss her already. Goodbye, Misato.
I love you.
Before my train of thought reached its next stop, I find myself waking up staring at the night sky, but it was more like I was staring through someone else's eyes. I look over to my side, and see what looked like Rei in the distance. I blink and the image disappears. I look over to my other side and I see Asuka. Not knowing what I am doing—not even able to control my own actions—I crawl on top of her and begin to strangle her. As I continue to squeeze her throat, she reaches up to my face. Not to strike me, but to caress my cheek. I suddenly find myself back to normal, if you can call it that, and I quickly let go of her neck. My eyes fill with tears, blurring my vision. Oh God. What was I trying to do? Unable to help myself anymore, my body gives out and I fall completely on top of Asuka, crying uncontrollably. Asuka. Her touch. There was something about it. But what was it? Why was I trying to kill her? How is she even alive after what happened to her. I'm too tired to even begin to think of the answers, and I finally succumb to sleep. I start to dream again. I dream about the final parts of Instrumentality…
***
"Don't worry. All living things have the ability to return to their original form... and the heart to go on living. Anywhere can be heaven as long as you have the will to live. After all, you're alive... and you can find the chance to achieve happiness anywhere. As long as the Sun, the Moon and the Earth exist, everything will be all right. So, you'll be okay now?" my mother says to me.
"I still don't know where to find happiness..." I answer. "But I'll continue to think about whether it's good to be here... whether it was good to have been born. But in the end, it's just realizing the obvious over and over again, because I am myself. But mother... what will you do?"
"Humans create Evangelion to copy God... Is this our true goal?" Mr. Fuyutsuki says to my mother.
"Yes. Humans can only live on this planet, but Evangelion can live forever... together with the human soul that dwells within it. Even after 5 billion years, when the Earth, the Moon, and even the Sun have disappeared, it will still exist as long as even one person still lives. It will be very lonely, but as long as that one person still lives..."
"It will be the eternal proof that humankind has existed..."
And the scene fades away.
"Good-bye, mother."
A deep blue glow surrounds me. Rei is standing before me once again. She takes me by the hand and begins to talk, her eyes staring into mine.
"Ikari-kun. I have to go now."
"Go where, Ayanami? Will I see you again?"
"I'm not sure, but in the meantime, I'm going to leave you with someone who needs you—and who you need as well."
"Ayanami? Can I call you Rei? I feel comfortable enough to call you that now."
"Yes you may."
"Rei. Thank you for all of this. I'm glad I was able to be here with you. Thank you for being my friend."
"You are welcome, Shinji. And I am glad as well. Goodbye."
"Goodbye, Rei."
To Be Continued
Author's Notes: I have always wanted to do my own post-Third Impact fic. I came up with the idea a month or so before I actually read a post-3I fic. Almost all of them I read afterwards, though, normally had either A) everyone else coming back, or B) Asuka killing Shinji. With the exception of "Wake" and "Her Turn to Run", which were really good, I didn't notice any other fics that didn't have scenarios A or B.
The chapters will continue to be short like this, as it helps me out some in getting the chapters out quicker. There will probably be about 4 or 5 in all. I don't know yet. I finished this chapter in 2 weeks, where it took me over a month or two to write the first chapter to "Bonds" (yes, it really takes me that long to write, plus I have other stuff to do as well). If there is enough reader requests for it once the fic gets close to a finish, I may re-release it in a more compressed form. As for the title, I couldn't think of anything better.
As for my translation of Asuka's last line in EoE, it is valid. She said "Kimouchi warui" which can be translated to "I feel bad" in addition to the other more familiar ones (i.e. "I feel sick," " This feeling sucks," etc.). It is really so vague that any viable translation can work. It just depends on your POV. The translation I use fits this fic better. And as for Shinji, I wanted for him to be kind of hung up on Misato after having come back from Instrumentality. She was the last person he was actually physically with before boarding Unit 0, plus their last scene (http://lirillith.homestead.com/files/misatoshinjikiss.jpg) anyone?
Thanks to Random for prereading this fic.