Title: Dark Depths
Author: Lucy Mars
Disclaimer: *sigh* Oh, if wishing made it so. ;] However, I do get to do anything I want to Amy.
*Thank you for the amazing feedback. ;]
Chapter #13
Donna was wheezing, her arms wrapped around herself. She struggled to sit up in bed. Her sheets a tangled mess around her frantic legs and entrapping her in her nightmare.
"Donna!" Josh yelled rushing into the room and finding her struggling against invisible demons. Rushing to her side, Josh grabbed her twisting and turning shoulders. "Donna?"
Sitting up right, her eyes snapped open. But her usually sparkling eyes were blank. Dark and void as her nightmare continued to rage on in the darkness of the night. Donna drank air hungrily into her deprived lungs. It was as if someone had tried to suffocate her.
Sitting down beside her, Josh pulled Donna right up against him. He began rubbing comforting circles on her back. "It's all right. It's all right. Did you have a nightmare?"
Slowly, excruciatingly slowly, her breathing began to steady, but it still hurt to breathe. It was as if someone had clouted her in the ribs. Adding another bruise to the wealthy collection that she already had. Whimpering in fear as consciousness seeped back into her, Donna couldn't talk yet. She didn't want to talk.
"That's good. Just breathe." Josh soothed still holding onto Donna's limp frame. "I'm here. Nothing's going to hurt you. No one is going to hurt you." Josh promised.
Her face was buried in his shoulder and her arms lay limp at her sides. Her nightmare seemed to have drained away all her strength. The last bit of courage that she had left was robbed from her. How did something, a creation of her own mind, be so powerful? Then suddenly with a burst of energy, Donna threw her arms around Josh and held on tight.
"I'm real. I'm real." Josh assured. "I'm solid and I'm mean. Nobody is going to hurt you Donna. It's okay."
Donna didn't say anything, but Josh could feel her harsh breaths against his flesh. Her heart was still racing and her nightmare was still too vivid. Too real. Too scary.
"You're okay." Josh whispered feeling Donna tighten her hold on him, "It was a nightmare. Just a nightmare."
"I know." Donna whispered her voice hoarse. "I'm all right now."
Josh tried to pull away, but Donna held on tight. He could feel her shivering. "It's really okay. You can let go now. I'm not going anywhere."
"I don't think I want to." Donna confessed, "Give me a few more minutes, Josh. Not yet." She tightened her grip.
She was still shivering. Donna shook with fear in his arms, and there was nothing that he could do about it. "Okay." Josh answered tightening his own grip on Donna. "Okay."
Her eyes scanning the four corners of the dark room for hiding demons, Donna shivered uncontrollably as fear racked her tired mind.
"Donna. Donna." Josh whispered tightening his hold on her, "It's okay. I'm right here."
"I know." Donna replied softly.
"Are you okay?"
"No." Donna whispered hoarsely. "No."
"I'm sorry." Josh choked out.
"I was so scared." Donna admitted clutching at Josh's cotton T-shirt. Inhaling his comforting sent, Donna let herself melt into his embrace. Let Josh protect her.
"I know." Josh said gently. "I know you were."
"I don't like this Josh. I don't like being scared."
"I know. I know." Josh sighed sadly. "Lie down Donna." Josh soothed, "Try to sleep."
If anything, Donna gripped onto his tighter.
"I promise you that everything is okay now. Listen to me, you have to let go." Josh said gently. "You need to rest. Your mind is going crazy it's so tired. Trust me. I'm speaking from experience here."
"No." Donna whimpered feeling fear creep back into her, "Don't go. Not yet."
"You need some sleep."
"No. I can't."
"You need too."
"Stay." Donna asked looking up at Josh with her wide and frightened eyes. Yeah, as if he could have said no to that.
"All right." Josh said getting under the covers with Donna. Lying down on his back, Josh pulled Donna's still shivering body right against him. Hoping to share his warmth with her. Pulling the covers right up to her ears, Josh formed a makeshift cocoon.
Donna lay stiffly as she waited for the fear to melt away. She wanted the images to go away. How long would this haunt her? Settling her face on his strong and steady chest, Donna didn't think about all the consequences, the impropriety of lying in bed with her boss or how this would affect their already unbalanced relationship. The only thing Donna was thinking about was how safe Josh made her feel. How protected she felt when in his strong arms. If only she could stay here forever. In his arms. In his embrace. In his heart. Okay, Donna thought sighing, Josh was right. A rare occurrence. She needed some sleep.
"It's okay." Josh said hugging Donna's stiff body against his warm one. Stroking her back lightly, Josh waited for Donna to ease under his touch.
Yielding under Josh's mesmerizing touch, Donna loosened her grip on his T-shirt. She still held a handful of the cottony material, but not for dear life. Just as a connection.
Bringing his hand up to cover hers, Josh intertwined their fingers and smiled to himself when he felt her bring their joined hands up to her chin. Tucking it securely beneath her chin and holding on tight.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Josh asked after what felt like an eternity. He felt her jerk and her breath fan quickly over their hands. She was still afraid. He waited. For Donna. Josh would wait for eternity.
"It was a nightmare." Donna said finally. "A stupid nightmare. I didn't think that I would have it again…"
"Again?" Josh asked jumping in. "You mean that you've had it before? Why didn't you tell me?"
Donna was quiet for a very long time. At least she wasn't shuddering anymore. Josh was hoping that she would keep talking. Getting Donna to open up, Josh realized, was going to be hard. Harder than getting Members of Congress and Senators to do what he wanted..............and ultimately more important. She was important. So important that it scared him sometimes. "Talk to me Donna." Josh pleaded. "Please."
It was dark, the middle of the night, she was cocooned in blankets against Josh, she was finally feeling safe, her mind wasn't on alert, and so she said, her breath warm and light against his skin, "It was happening again. Only this time, I didn't get away. Nobody saved me. I didn't get away Josh."
Her words piercing his heart, Josh pulled Donna closer against him. Trying to calm his own fears by holding onto her and reassuring himself that she really was all right. She was all right. That was all that mattered. Only, his heart didn't seem to stop aching with that knowledge.
"But you did." Josh said firmly and with more courage than he felt. "You're okay, Donna. You're okay. No one is going to hurt you. I promise."
"Don't make promises that you can't keep." Donna whispered her tone somber and sorrowful.
"I keep my promises Donna." Josh said seriously as he tightened his hold on her. "I won't let anyone hurt you. Ever."
Letting silence reclaim the dark room, Donna let his words soak into her and warm the ice inside of her. "I believe you." Donna said truthfully. She didn't know why, but she did. She trusted Josh. Through her fear and anxiety, Donna felt his words calm her racing heart. "I believe you."
Lying in bed with Donna, Josh waited and listened as her breathing returned to normal. Holding her, he tried to calm his own racing heart. It didn't go unnoticed that her body molded perfectly against his. That they did indeed fit together like a perfect pair. In so many ways, Josh thought as he stroked Donna's hair. In so many ways.
"Josh?"
"Yeah?" Josh answered trying to clear his hazy mind. Having Donna so close to him was intoxicating and exhilarating.
Lightly rubbing the back of his hand with her thumb, Donna whispered softly, trying not to wear her heart on her sleeve. "Thank you."
"My pleasure." Josh said quickly kissing the top of her head. He understood. Man, did he understand.
"Josh?" Donna asked timidly.
"Yeah?"
"Will you stay until I fall asleep?" Donna asked shifting and looking up at his warm brown eyes.
"Yeah." Josh answered holding onto Donna as she resettled herself against him. "I will."
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Stirring under the bright morning light, Josh leisurely pulled away from the Sandman's spell and rejoined the real world. Sleep still sat in dark corners of his mind, but the bright light pouring in from the window cleared it out quickly. Wait. Window? 'The window is on the wrong side of the room.' Josh thought as he tried to bring his arm up to block the blazing sun. However, moving proved to be more complicated when another body was practically lying on top of you.
Lifting his head off the unfamiliar pillow, Josh felt his heart flutter when he saw a familiar sleeping blonde head sitting squarely on his chest. 'Okay,' Josh thought taking a deep breath, 'this is different. Nice, but definitely different.'
Donna was sleeping peacefully against Josh. Her hair fanning over his chest and lightly brushing against his cheek. Their legs were tangled together with an intimate knowledge, her arm was comfortably thrown over Josh's chest and their hands were still intertwined together. Still, after a night and partial morning of sleep, were their hands tucked under Donna's chin. Safe keeping, Josh supposed.
Feeling a grin spilt across his face, Josh laid his head back against the pillow. Yeah, he could get use to waking up like this every morning.
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Lulled away from sleep by a gentle hand stroking her back, Donna gradually opened her eyes to find a new day greet her. Along with Joshua Lyman smiling down at her. Oh, she could get use to waking up like this.
"Morning." Josh said still grinning. His cheeks were getting sore, but he couldn't seem to stop grinning. He was convinced that any second now he would start giggling like a schoolgirl.
"Morning." Donna replied feeling her face flush four different shades of red when she realized the position the two of them seemed to have worked into after a sound night, and morning it seemed, of sleep.
"How do you feel?" Josh asked letting his hand moved from her back up to her face. "Head hurt?"
"No." Donna said breathlessly. No worries, Donna thought to herself as Josh gently traced her cheek, she could attribute the breathlessness to...something. No worries. Oh hell, she was screwed.
"Did you sleep okay?" Josh asked watching his hand take on a life of its own and trace the soft contours of Donna's face.
"Good." Donna answered. Yeah. Uh huh. Do you see? One syllable words. That's what Joshua Lyman has reduced her too. One syllable words. If he keeps doing that thing with his hand, Donna knew that she was going to be reduced to whimpering in response.
"Yeah?" Josh asked feeling his grin grow. In his arms she slept good. Who da' man? Yeah baby, he da' man.
"Yeah." Donna answered. Maybe, if she had a little more will power, Donna would have untangled herself from Josh and tiptoed out of this dangerous area....but the truth was, she was tired. If Josh wanted, he could be the instigator in this one. Josh could be the one to walk them back to where they were suppose to be. Where they stood attentively for so many years. Let Josh be the one to bring the banter this time. He could fill the awkward pauses and unsaid words left hanging in the air. Donna wasn't going to do it this time. Let Josh do it.....if he wanted too. God, she hoped that he didn't want too.
Taking a deep breath, Donna waited for Josh to make some kind of joke or excuse to get out of bed, but it never came. Josh didn't say anything or make any move to even extract himself from what should be an uncomfortable situation. All he did was stroke her arm, which by the way felt amazing. Taking a deep breath, Donna lightly fingered Josh's soft and downy shirt. "Josh?"
"Yeah?" Josh asked never stopping his movements on her arm.
"Thank you."
"For what?" Josh asked looking down at Donna's slightly flushed face.
"For staying." Donna whispered watching Josh's eyes sparkle under the morning light. At least she thought that it was the morning light doing that. "For being here when I needed you." she said simply.
Wrapping both his arms around Donna, Josh held her tight. "I'll always be here."
"Will you?" Donna asked watching Josh intently.
"Yes." Josh said seriously. "I will always be here."
"Why?" Donna blurted out. Shocked with her own boldness, she looked up with Josh with wide eyes. His own eyes were wide and surprised. Starring at Donna with disbelief and maybe a little bit of shock.
Disgusted with herself and lack of self control, Donna tried to pull away from Josh. No. This isn't what she wanted. What? Donna had managed to master denial. After three years she had 'I'm not in love with Joshua Lyman' down to an art. She was a master in this particular field of denial. "I'm sorry. Ignore me. It's just...I'm just..." Donna rambled trying to untangle their limbs.
"Donna. Donna. Donna." Josh said sitting up and not letting her out of his arms. "Where are you going?"
"I'm not sure exactly." Donna stuttered not meeting Josh's eyes.
"Don't go." Josh said lifting Donna's down turned face to look at his. "Don't go."
"What are you doing?" Donna whispered watching Josh bring her face up to his.
"Ending our platonic friendship." Josh whispered as he leaned in to kiss Donna. Oh god, he could spend his whole life doing this.
Her breath catching in her chest, Donna froze when Josh brought their lips together. After a second of disbelief, Donna fell into it. Their lips danced and their souls connected. Though it could probably be argued that their souls connected a long time ago. Bring her hands up, Donna weaved her fingers through Josh's soft hair and deepened the kiss. Oh yeah. She really could wake up like this.
Kissing Donna was as amazing as Josh had ever imagined it to be. This is what it was suppose to be like. This is what he'd been missing all his life. Donna.
Pulling away a fraction of an inch, Donna looked up at Josh stunned and slightly amused.
"What?" Josh asked grinning at Donna and her shinning lips.
"You're wrong." Donna pointed out playing with his hair.
"About what?" Josh asked trying to figure out where she was going with this. Well, excuse him. His brain was lacking blood at the moment. Yeah.
"Our relationship was never platonic." Donna laughed pulling Josh and those luscious lips back to dance with hers.
His laughter turning into a groan when Donna pushed him back onto the bed. Yeah, he really could get use to waking up like this. Suddenly, forever didn't seem like long enough.
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Ta Da! Chapter #13 baby! ;] Back to back updates. Do I love you guys, or what? I know. I know. The last cliffhanger was evil....but doesn't this make up for it? Hmm? I thought so. ;] Haha. Hope that you enjoyed this chapter. I'm thinking I'm not done yet.......cause what JoshandDonna story is complete without angst? Maybe LockJaw......*cough*... um, I meant Amy, [of course you all knew that already!] will grace my fic once more. Hmmm. Should I or shouldn't I? Either way, not quite done with this yet. Hope you stay tuned!!! ;] Feedback makes my day..........and I consequently write faster too. ;]
-Lucy