Title: Dark Depths
Author: Lucy Mars
Rating: PG-13 or R-ish for swearing. I happen to enjoy the word Jackass on occasion...and this is one of them. ;]
Disclaimer: Ha! If they belonged to me, LockJaw would be sitting in the bottom of the Potomac. ;]
**Dum dum dum** I've finally got this chapter out! Woohoo! ;] Enjoy...and remember to tell me what you think!! *hint hint*
Chapter #15:
Watching Donna sleep with soft eyes, Josh couldn't help but grin. She was sleeping peacefully in is arms. Completely satisfied too. He was SO da' man.
His eyes drifting towards the clock, Josh suppressed the groan that was climbing up his throat. Work. He was really late now. Really, really late. Ha! But it was worth it.
He didn't want to get out of bed. What sane man would want to get out of bed when there was a beautiful, and we can't forget naked, Donnatella Moss lying there? Oh well, Josh never said that he was sane.
Work. Right. Work. Leo, big old house that was white and no doubt a pile of work on his desk. He could do this. Josh could drag himself out of bed and into work. He could do it. He was strong. He was capable. Looking down at Donna, Josh couldn't help but be mesmerized by her amazingly long legs, which she'd skillfully tangled with his, and the slender arm that she'd thrown over his chest. He couldn't do it. He couldn't get out of bed. He was in love.
Sighing, Josh gently untangled his limbs from Donna's. Carefully, so that he wouldn't wake her. 'Not much chance of that though,' Josh though as he watched Donna roll onto her stomach, 'because he was da' man!' Pulling the sheet up to cover her bare back, Josh didn't know why but he wasn't surprised by how much he wanted her. There had never been a woman he'd ever wanted, or loved, this much. And he knew that there'd never be anyone else, because there was only one Donna. It would have been scary, if it wasn't Donna. But this wasn't scary. This was them. There was nothing scary about them. At times they could be quirky, bizarre and loud…oh, who knew Donna could be so loud in bed? Shaking his head, Josh had to turn his mind away from that. It wasn't a bad though, but probably not the best though to be having when on the way to work.
Swallowing hard, Josh let his eyes take inventory of all the bruises laid out on her innocent body. Sleeping under the soft morning light, Donna didn't have the opportunity to shield away what she didn't want Josh to look at. Josh was left alone with his thoughts and the dark and bruised canvas that was Donna's soft skin. Someone did to her what should never be done. Some bastard hurt his Donnatella. The angry purples were slowly fading into a murky green, but that didn't make it any easier to look at.
Laying a gentle kiss on her shoulder, Josh tried to heal her. Donna had healed him. She pulled him back together when he wanted nothing more than to fall apart. Josh would never be able to repay her, but he'd spend the rest of his life trying. He would.
Josh let his lips roam to her neck before settling on the side of her mouth. Even in her sleep, Donna managed a small smile for Josh. Kneeling beside his bed, Josh let his hand gently stroke her hair as he watched her sleep. After what few like seconds, but really were many many minutes, Josh glanced up at the clock and even he knew he had to get a move on it. Kissing her shoulder one last time, Josh debated whether or not he should wake her.
No. She needed to rest. Yes, rest was good. Rest was what she was going to do. Josh would make sure of it. She'd rest up, because the doctor said so, and those were the rules. Oh, how he loved being the enforcer this time around. Pay back was a bitch.
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Rolling over in her sleep, Donna reached over for Josh but found nothing more then cool sheets. Her fingers reaching for Josh desperately, Donna pulled away from the snug blanket of sleep to find herself lying in bed. Alone. All alone. Sitting up, Donna scanned the room for Josh…but he was nowhere to be found. She was lying, naked in bed, alone. So the sex hadn't been a dream, but had the tenderness and love she felt been a figment of her imagination? Suddenly feeling bare and exposed, Donna pulled the sheets tightly around herself. She tried to think. Not an easy task, considering the last few days and the most amazing sex she'd ever had, had taken quite the toll on her body.
Liking her dry lips, Donna looked at the clock that she'd bought for Josh and realized that he must be at work. That was it. Josh had gone into work. There must have been a logical reason for him not waking her. She was worrying about nothing. Last night meant something. The last few days have meant something. The last few years have meant something.
Josh didn't run. No. He didn't wake up and freak out. He knew what they were doing. He knew. He didn't run. He didn't regret it.
There had to be a logical reason for him not waking her. He didn't run… She didn't scare him away. Josh wasn't scared. He wasn't. He wasn't scared when he peeled her clothes off. He wasn't scared when he caressed her and held her. He wasn't scared when they made love. No. He wasn't. He didn't seem scared. He couldn't have been scared…could he? No. There was no fear. There hadn't been any fear. No. He had no regrets. They didn't do anything wrong. Taking deep breaths, Donna felt her heart tighten when her eyes fell onto the familiar bright Tahitian accessory sticking out of a box that was shoved in the closet.
"Oh god," Donna whispered putting her face into her hands, "he regrets it."
---------
Trying not to look like he'd just had mind blowing sex with the most amazing woman as he wandered into the West Wing, Josh greeted everyone with an extra bounce in his step. Yeah, just call him the king of subtly. Screw it. He wasn't wearing his, I'VE JUST HAD SEX face anyway. Joshua Lyman was proudly displaying his, I'M IN LOVE WITH THE MOST AMAZING WOMAN face. An expression that Josh was sure he'd be wearing a lot from now on. It was an expression that he was sure a blind man could decipher. It didn't take a genius to figure it out.
"Hey!" Sam called out, "Why are you so chipper?"
Okay, maybe not.
"Hello Samuel." Josh grinned pouring himself a cup of coffee. "How are you this fine morning?"
Regarding Josh strangely, Sam felt a knowing grin split across his face. "You seem extra happy today."
"The sun is shining, the birds are singing and we are working in the White House." Josh laughed leading Sam towards his office. "What more could a man ask for?"
"Texas to concede?"
Laughing, Josh fell into his seat and propped his feet up on his desk. "It's a good day, Sam."
"Yeah?" Sam asked slipping into the visitor chair.
"Oh yeah." Josh grinned trying to send manly mental signals. The ones that meant that he was in love and he just had the best sex imaginable.
"I'm happy for you." Sam grinned.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Good." Josh said sitting up. "Cause I've got something to tell you."
"What?" Sam asked sitting forward. He was happy for Josh, but if Josh was going to say what he though he was going to say, then Sam was about to be out fifty bucks. Along with eighty bucks from the original pool. A small price to pay for their happiness though.
"Actually," Josh said rethinking his strategy, "I'll tell you later." Josh couldn't screw this up. Leo was first. Josh couldn't jump the chain of command. Leo would have his head on a silver platter if he heard it from Sam...or Margaret for that matter. Sam wasn't exactly well known for keeping his lips sealed. No. Later. After Leo knew.
"Later?" Sam echoed.
"Later." Josh confirmed getting up. He needed to see Leo now.
"Why?" Sam asked confused.
"Trust me," Josh grinned, "it'll be worth the wait."
"Okay." Sam said watching Josh walking out of his office with a definite purpose in his step. Counting to ten under his breath, Sam reached over and grabbed the phone on Josh's desk. Dialing a familiar extension, Sam waited for the ringing to stop. "The evidence seems to point in the direction of me being out fifty bucks."
"He's here?" CJ asked her head snapping up and looking down the hall towards Josh's office. "Where?"
"He went to see Leo." Sam said catching site of CJ.
"Yeah?" CJ asked feeling herself mirror Sam's grin.
"Yeah."
"So," CJ said looking down at her watch, "do I owe Toby money, or is he gonna be guying my Gail something nice today?"
"I don't know. Josh wouldn't come right out and say it, but from the way he was strutting earlier, I'm thinking that he finally got it together."
"Donna here?" CJ asked, eager to get all the juicy details.
"I don't think so." Sam said picking up Josh's phone and looking out into the bullpen. "She isn't at her desk and I don't see her coat."
"Hmm," CJ said tapping her pen against her desk, "I wonder what that means."
"It means that Josh is being his overprotective and overbearing self, and didn't let Donna out of his apartment." Sam replied. "I wouldn't read too much into it."
"Okay," CJ said not entirely convinced, "okay."
"Do you think he went to tell Leo?" Sam asked.
"Probably."
"How do you think Leo will react?"
"He'll go his gruff thing and then do his fatherly thing."
"Yeah," Sam grinned, "that sounds like Leo."
"The President probably won't be happy about losing though." CJ pointed out, "He's been pretty confident about winning the pool."
"Ah, he'll get over it." Sam said looking down the hall at CJ. "Ahh...CJ?"
"Yeah?"
"Why are we on the phone when I can see you from where I'm sitting?"
"Because," CJ said dramatically, "it adds to the mystique of this whole thing."
"Yeah?" Sam asked skeptical.
"Nah," CJ said shrugging her shoulders, "it's cause we're to lazy to get up and go to the other person."
"Yeah," Sam laughed, "that sounds just about right."
"You wanna go and tell Toby?"
"Yeah." Sam said getting up. "You gonna go and call Donna now, aren't you?"
"No!" CJ said pretending to be appalled at the idea.
"CJ." Sam laughed.
"I'm go and stand outside Leo's door actually." CJ admitted throwing her glasses down.
"Don't bother." Sam grinned, "I'm sure that if anything happens, Margaret will be here to inform us immediately."
"True." CJ laughed.
---------
Her arms wrapped around herself, Donna tried to pull herself together. She needed to get it together. Sitting here and kicking herself wasn't going to do any good. No. She needed to…she needed to…oh god, what was she going to do? She should have listened to that tiny voice in her head. The one that told her no good could come of it. No good could come from wearing her heart on her sleeve. Donna should have taken her fears and held them up to Josh.
Taking a deep breath, Donna cringed when she realized that the room smelt like sex. Sex. She had sex with Josh. Groaning, Donna buried her face in her hands. This was not good. No. The sex was good. Amazing. Mind blowing even. The problem wasn't the sex, at least not for Donna. It was what happened after the sex. Josh just up and left. He left her in his guest room after they had mind blowing sex. He just left. Feeling anger replace the hurt, Donna got out of bed and began hastily pulling her clothes on. Jackass.
He just left? He thought that he could just leave after making love to her? What? Did Josh think that she was going to forget that it happened? Ignore it? Move on and bring the banter so that their wouldn't be any awkwardness? Jackass!
Did Josh honestly think that they could pretend that this never happened? Did he think that Donna was just going to forget that they had sex, never mention it, and sit back and watch while he dated Amy Gardner? Jackass!!
Oh no. Donna wasn't just going to roll over and let Josh think that he could make love to her, twice, and never talk about it again. No. Donna wasn't going to let Josh think that he could just leave her in bed without an explanation. OH NO. No. This wasn't her fault. He started it. Josh was the one who started it. He held her. He kissed her. Josh was playfully. He was laughing. He told her that they were an "us." He hadn't been freaked out when she said home. He hadn't run screaming from the room. He sat there and grinned at her for gods sake. Josh even insinuated that she was going to live here with him. After all that. After making her feel loved, he just left? Oh there was going to be some yelling involved and it was Donna who was going to do the yelling this time. Josh was going to hear exactly what Donna had to say. Jackass!
Pulling her sweater over her head, Donna tried to keep her tears in check. Crying wouldn't help. Mourning a relationship that didn't exist wouldn't make her feel any better. Pulling together the tiny pieces of her heart would have to wait until later.
Grabbing her keys, Donna stuffed them into her pocket and walked out into the warm morning sun. She was going to walk to the White House, yell at Josh for thinking that he could do this to her and call Casey and see if his offer was still there.
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"Leo, you busy?"
"Hey," Leo said waving Josh in, "you're here?"
"Yeah." Josh said closing the door behind him, "Why do you seemed so surprised by that?"
"I thought that you'd be at home driving Donna crazy."
Feeling his face heat up, Josh tried to keep the WAS JUST LAID face under control. Under wraps was a better idea. At least until he knew Leo wasn't going to kill him. "I have a couple things to do..."
"Anything important?" Leo asked.
"Isn't it all important?" Josh asked fidgeting with nervous energy.
"Yeah," Leo said regarding Josh with a knowing smile. "but I meant does anything need your attention right at this moment?"
"Well...no." Josh admitted.
"Then go home." Leo said dismissing him and going back to his own work.
"What?" Josh asked wearing his HAVE YOU LOST IT face clearly.
"I said go home." Leo repeated not looking up.
"I...but...I...but...." Josh tried.
"No buts. Go home."
"I have work..."
"And I don't want you doing it if you're going to be spending all your time thinking about Donna and whether or not she has enough ginger ale."
Feeling his face flush with embarrassment, Josh couldn't help but think about how he had checked that this morning before he left. Oh-kay, Leo knew him too well. It was disconcerting. "I can work, Leo. Don't worry."
"I know you can," Leo sighed, "but it's been a light week and it's Sunday for christ sake. Go home and annoy Donna, instead of staying here and annoying us. Give her my condolences." Leo teased.
"I can focus on...wait." Josh said looking at Leo oddly, "How did you know that Donna was at my place?"
"I know everything, Josh." Leo grinned, "Remember that."
"Leo." Josh said seriously. "How did you know?"
"Because I know you and your anal and overprotective tendencies when it comes to Donna. Of course you didn't let Donna go home to her own place."
"And you're okay with it?" Josh asked preparing himself for a scolding.
"As your boss or as your fathers friend?" Leo asked.
"Both."
"As your boss I can't say that I'm crazy about the idea, but it's you and Donna." Leo said shrugging his shoulders, "You're taking care of her. There's nothing wrong with that."
"Leo...I've got to tell you something." Josh stuttered shoving his hands in his pockets, looking like a guilty little boy, "Me and Donna...you see..."
"And as your fathers friend, and as yours," Leo said cutting a surprised Josh off, "all I have to say is WHAT THE HELL TOOK YOU SO LONG?"
Looking up at Leo in surprise, Josh looked around the room for a sign saying he had just slept with Donna, "What? How did you...Leo...what..."
"Remember?" Leo said leaning back in his seat and grinning at Josh, "I know everything."
"You know everything, huh?" Josh asked feeling his fears melt away at Leo's easy grin.
"Yeah." Leo confirmed, "You've also got a horrible poker face."
"So I've been told."
"Donna's a smart girl." Leo laughed.
"Yeah," Josh agreed grinning like a fool, "she is."
"Though I've got a few things to say about her choice in men." Leo teased.
"Ha, ha." Josh said falling into a visitor chair. "So you're really okay with it?"
"I am." Leo said leaning forward, "So relax. Take a deep breath and enjoy this thing you've got going with Donna."
"It's not a thing, Leo." Josh said without a trace of humor, "Me and Donna. It's the real thing."
"Yeah?" Leo asked, not surprised by Josh's conviction.
"Yeah."
"Okay."
"So...that's it?" Josh asked, "No big lecture about bad timing? No yelling? No pulling out the Chinese water torture?"
"Nah," Leo said smiling, "none of that. However, the President may do some yelling."
"Yeah?" Josh asked feeling his fears start to creep back.
"Yeah. He's gonna be mad at being off by just two weeks."
"Two weeks?" Josh asked confused. "What are you talking about?"
"The pool." Leo replied without missing a beat. "The President put his money down for two weeks from now. I personally put it down for a couple months ago. Who knew you really were that stupid?
"You're yanking my chain." Josh said skeptically.
"Nope."
"Yeah."
"Believe what you want." Leo said going back to his papers. "Now go away so that I can do some real work."
"Okay." Josh said getting up. His hand on the door knob, Josh turned back to Leo.
"Leo?"
"Yeah?"
"Better late then never...right?" Josh asked letting his I'M IN LOVE face shine bright
"Yeah." Leo grinned.
"Okay." Josh said returning the smile, "I'm gonna go home."
"Josh!" Leo called out.
"Yeah?"
"You told her...right?" Leo asked frowning slightly. "I mean...you're not the stupid...right?"
"Told her?" Josh asked confused. "Told her what?"
"Josh." Leo growled.
"Oh." Josh said nodding. "Yeah. Yeah, I told her."
"Good."
"I mean, I told Amy that we were over two days ago."
"That's not what I meant," Leo said shaking his head, "but it's good that you broke up with Amy before things with Donna…"
"Leo," Josh said cutting him off, "I'm pretty sure me and Donna started a long time ago."
"Yeah," Leo agreed, "but I meant Donna."
"What?"
"Did you tell Donna that you love her?" Leo asked exasperated with Josh's stupidity.
"She knows." Josh said not worrying about it.
"I'll take that as a no." Leo sighed glaring at Josh.
"What?" Josh asked confused.
"Are you sure she knew?"
"Of course." Josh said with more confidence then he felt.
"You sure?"
"Yes?"
"Was that a question?" Leo asked frowning.
"No?"
"Josh!" Leo barked.
"Leo, I didn't tell her." Josh groaned, "I should have told her this morning before we made…"
"Whoa!" Leo said putting his hands up, "Stop. Too much information."
"What do I do now?" Josh asked panicking, "Leo?"
"Go home now and tell her."
"Okay. I can do that." Josh said nodding.
"Pray that she's still there, Josh."
Feeling his stomach fall to the floor, Josh swallowed hard and nodded. "Thanks Leo."
"I'll see you tomorrow."
"Yeah." Josh said quickly making his way back to his office.
---------
"Amy." CJ said obviously surprised to see Lockjaw, um…Amy standing in Josh's office. "What are you doing here?"
"Waiting for J." Amy said not bothering to look up from her seat.
"You're sitting in Josh's chair." CJ pointed out needlessly.
"Yes, I am."
"Okay," CJ said regarding the woman strangely, "does Josh know that you're here?"
"I assume he'll find out when he walks in here to find me sitting in his chair." Amy said simply.
"Ah, okay." CJ frowned, "I guess."
"I'm surprised to see you here on a Sunday."
'I'm here to find out if Josh finally got together with Donna and dumped your ass.' CJ though as she smiled politely at Ms. Pain-in-the-ass-Gardner. "Yeah, just doing this thing."
"What is with you people and the word thing?" Amy asked not bothering to hide her disdain or fangs.
"I don't know." CJ shot back, "What's with you and replacing a persons name with one letter?"
"CJ?"
Spinning around to find a bewildered Josh, CJ glared in his direction. "You."
"Uh, hi?" Josh offered wondering what the daggers were for. Oh god, had she talked to Donna? Was she mad? Had she left already?
"I need to talk to you." CJ said leaving no room for argument.
"Okay," Josh said slipping past a towering CJ and into his office. "but not right now. I need to…Amy?"
"J."
"What are you doing here?" Josh asked frowning, "Why are you in my chair?"
"We need to talk."
"Not now." Josh said grabbing his backpack and his coat.
"Now." Amy said glaring at him.
"No," Josh corrected, "later."
"J." Amy said freezing him with her ice, "Now. You owe me that much."
Sighing, Josh ran an agitated hand through his hair. "Fine. CJ, can you give us a second?"
"Yeah." CJ relented. "I'll be in my office when you're done."
"Okay." Josh nodded watching CJ close the door behind her. "What do you want Amy?"
---------
Closing Josh's door behind her, CJ noticed Donna walking into the bullpen, "Donna?"
"Hey." Donna said slightly winded.
"Are you okay?" CJ asked guiding Donna into an empty chair.
"No." Donna said honestly.
"What happened?" CJ asked noticing her expression and her labored breaths. "Did you walk?"
"Yeah, from Josh's apartment." Donna said cringing slightly at her words.
It didn't go unnoticed by CJ. "What happened."
"Nothing." Donna lied unconvincingly.
"Donna."
"CJ," Donna sighed trying to get her breathing under control, "I…I can't get into it. Not right now."
"Okay," CJ relented, "but you know that you can come and talk to me…right?"
"Yeah." Donna said feeling her resolve starting to crack. She couldn't do this. She couldn't confront Josh.
---------
"You broke up with me." Amy pointed out getting out of Josh's chair.
"Yeah."
"I can't let you do that." Amy said coming around to him.
"You can't?" Josh exclaimed, "What the hell are you talking about?"
"I'm saying that you can't break up with me." Amy explained.
"We dated Amy." Josh said questioning her sanity, "It wasn't a lifelong sentence."
Frowning at his choice of words, Amy glared at Josh. "I'm un-breaking us up."
"What?" Josh laughed.
"We, at this very moment, are still dating."
"Amy," Josh laughed shaking his head, "you've lost it."
"Shut up, J." Amy said before she grabbed him and kissed him.
---------
"Do you want to talk to Josh?" CJ asked rubbing Donna's arm comfortingly.
"No," Donna said slowly, "but I need too."
"Okay." CJ said wondering what the hell was going on, "I'll get him."
"Is he busy?" Donna asked catching CJ's arm and cursing herself for even caring if Josh was too busy to see her. She shouldn't care. She could just storm in there and tell him what a jackass he was.
"No," CJ said shaking her head, "at least Amy doesn't qualify as busy in my book."
"Amy?" Donna asked feeling anger flood her again and numb her aching heart.
"Yeah." CJ mumbled confused as she watched Donna shoot out of her chair and storm towards Josh's door.
---------
"What the hell?" Josh asked pulling away from Amy.
Her arms still wrapped around his neck, Amy grinned up at Josh. "Now, at this very moment, I'm dumping you."
"You are insane." Josh said shaking his head, "You know that?"
Before Amy could defend her sanity, Josh's door flew open.
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Her anger running on high, Donna threw Josh's door open. She wanted to yell. She wanted to scream. She wanted to throw things at him and hurt him the way he'd hurt her, but the moment she saw Amy standing there with her arms wrapped around Josh and Josh wearing Amy's lipstick, all the anger that Donna was feeling drained out of her. A wave of undesirable pain washed over her and broke whatever was left of her heart. This was what if felt like to have a broken heart. To be broken. This was what it felt like to die.
---------
"Donna!" Josh yelped pulling away from Amy.
"Josh!" CJ yelled standing behind Donna.
"I can explain." Josh said watching Donna look at him with blank eyes, "This isn't what it looks like."
Three of the occupants of the room held their breaths and waited for Donna to have some kind of reaction. They waited for yelling. They waited for anger. They waited for hate. But all they got were silent tears.
She was numb. Donna was numb and the worst part was, she liked it. Nothing hurt. Nothing stung. Nothing felt broken.
"Donna," Josh said reaching out for her.
Donna felt herself snap out of the comfortable gray area the moment Josh brushed his warm skin over her cold skin. Reality came crashing back and all the memories hit her hard. Memories of what his lips felt like on hers. How his hands were gentle and arousing. How they felt together. How…how…
"Don't." Donna whispered recoiling from Josh's touch.
"Donna," Josh said trying to reach out for her.
"Don't." Donna said pushing Josh away. "Don't." she said through her tears. Pivoting suddenly, Donna pushed past a stunned CJ and ran away from it all as fast as she could.
`~`~`~`~`~`~`
My, oh my….was that long, late and angst-y. ;] Thanks so much for waiting for me while I suffered through and survived a nasty case of writers blocks. Thankfully, it has passed and the creative juices are flowing at an all time high. ;] I hope to have the last [maybe 1, maybe 2] chapters of Dark Depths out soon. Then I'll concentrate of Fighter. I can't thank you guys enough for the feedback that I've gotten!! You guys really are great. I hope that you've enjoyed this fic…and will enjoy all the fics to come.
-Lucy
FYI: Man, this fic is at 121 pages now. Whoa. By far the longest thing I've ever written. ;]