Disclaimer: No, I don't own the Gundam pilots… they are only my muses….
Dang!! Oh well, enjoy…
Pairing: 3x4, and a little bit of 1x2
Sap… lots and lots of sap
Now… on to the story….
1 I Worry
A low whimper escaped my lips as I recalled the events of that day. My hand turned the knob that adjusted the shower's water temperature and the water shot out scalding. Normally I would have flinched and turned the temperature back down, but today was different. Everything within me was numb. The only think apparent to me at that very moment was the pain in my heart because of the distance me and my love were experiencing.
I sighed and let the burning droplets bounce over my face and mingle with my newly falling tears. If anyone were watching me at that moment they would never have guessed I was crying. The shower disguised that too well.
"How could I have been so stupid…" I muttered into that misty steam forming in the shower. The glass door and all the mirrors were all fogged up by now and the air seemed thick, making it difficult to breath, but I hardly noticed.
I sighed again and tilted my head up towards the pouring showerhead, my eyes closed and I ran my blood stained hands through my platinum blond hair.
"Trowa…" I breathed, my heart clenching in my chest as I remembered.
~*~
"This mission should be a piece of cake compared to what we are use to." Duo laughed, slapping me hard on the back. I smiled and looked up at my violet eyed comrade.
"How can you be so sure?"
"Yeah Duo. How are you always so sure of yourself?" Heero's voice was teasing, but his face remained neutral as usual.
"Well koi… if I wasn't, then would you believe me when I told you I loved you?" Duo laughed again and bounded up to his dark haired lover.
Heero smiled one of his rare smiles and then resumed to checking Wing's fuel.
"Quat… is anything the matter?" Trowa wrapped his bare arms around my waist and rested his chin on the top of my head. I leaned back against his lean body and tilted my head back to peer into his endless green orbs. They were so full of pain and loss that only I was able to notice the contentment deep inside them. A half grin was plastered on my love's face and I couldn't help but grin back.
"…No, everything's fine." I squeezed Trowa's hand reassuringly and dismissed the look Trowa was giving me. He knew something was wrong and I knew he knew. But now was not the time.
~*~
I turned the heat in the shower up a bit more, my skin was tingling from the heat and I could feel myself turning a deep shade of red. I shook my head hard, trying to clear it of all the pestering emotions that threatened to make me cry again.
"What exactly happened today… I know what happened, but… how… why… what caused it…" I shook my head again and nearly fell over from the dizzying pain that shot through my head and chest… the only thing I knew for sure that was there… was the pain inside and out.
My cuts and cracked ribs would heal… but what about the other pain? Would it ever go away?
~*~
"Wufei!" I cried out as his Gundam seemed to be totally dispersed in flame. The comm. link I opened to Nataku cracked and flickered for a few painstaking seconds before the Chinese boy's pictured flashed up on the screen.
"Don't worry about me Quat… look after yourself." I know his remark was not meant to hurt, but it did all the same. It was evident to me that all the other pilots worried nonstop about me. Just because I'm small doesn't mean that I am incapable of looking after myself and helping others too.
"Quatre! Focus! Now is not the time to daydream buddy! They're sending out reinforcements!" Duo barked at me from Deathscythe. I took a deep breath and nodded at Duo before closing the link and resuming with the everlasting battle.
The dolls we were fighting were modified and more difficult then we were expecting. Sandrock was already pretty banged up and I didn't really have many weapons left. But I wasn't about to show myself as being weak to the others. I kept my mouth shut and forced myself on.
The ground beside me exploded in a bright flash and Sandrock was showered in dirt and grass.
Heero immediately appeared on my screen. "Quatre are you alright?!"
I plastered a fake smile on my pale face. "Yes Heero. I'm fine. You didn't hit me… don't.."
A heavy stream of missile fire slammed into the back of Sandrock, knocking me into the switchboard and cracking my ribs slightly. As hard as I tried not to, I cried out and clutched my chest in agony. The missiles continued to crash into Sandrock and my Gundam stumbled forward and fell, knocking me unconscious inside.
~*~
I leaned back against the tile wall of the small shower and looked up at the ceiling. My ribs ached and I rubbed them gingerly, wincing in pain.
Wufei had always been right. I was weak. If it wasn't for the others, I would be dead… plus the way I acted towards Trowa… my only true love… I hurt him with words, yes. But actions played a large factor.
"Why can't they ever understand… why can't HE understand?!" I asked myself out loud, banging my fist absent-mindedly into the wall, leaving a fist print in the steam. My empty blue eyes scanned the print and then closed under tired eyelids.
~*~
Pain swirled around me and I gasped out loud, my eyes flying open in surprise. I was disoriented and for a moment, I couldn't remember where I was. But then it all came flooding back. The battle… my loss… and the pain… my head throbbed and a buzzing in my left ear would not seem to go away. I lifted my head slowly from the control panel and there in front of my were the worried faces of Wufei, Duo, Heero, and lastly Trowa.
"Quatre!! Are you alright?? Can you get Sandrock on his feet so we can get your hatch open?" Duo wondered, his normal giddy composure gone and replaced with fear for my life.
I coughed and winced at the effort. "Don't worry about me… I'm alright… I think I can get up…" I forced a smile but my eyes exposed my pain. I swallowed hard and tried to gather some moisture in my mouth so it wouldn't hurt so much to talk.
"Come on Quatre, get Sandrock up so we can get you out!" Trowa ordered, his face was firm and his green eyes held a trace of what seemed like anger.
"I'm trying!" I replied, clenching my teeth in frustration. Couldn't they see I was okay? Why did they have to worry so much?
Finally, after five long minutes of agonizing pain, Sandrock was up and back on its feet. In a matter of seconds, the hatch was open and I was being pulled gently into Trowa's strong arms.
My glossy eyes looked up into his. "…Trowa…" I whispered, laying my head back against his chest exhaustedly.
Trowa remained silent as he carried me to Heavyarms and propped me up on his lap.
"Sandrock…" I mumbled tiredly, the word barely escaping my lips.
"Don't worry buddy. Heero and I will come back for him later on after we take care of you." Duo reassured my, his voice reassuring and the final thing I heard before I was sound asleep.
~*~
Why am I doing this to myself? I'm letting my feelings take over my body. I have to stop beating myself up inside… I just have to forget. Nothing is going to change. Trowa will never feel the same about me ever again. Not after how I acted towards him… after all he's done for me… but still just don't understand. Why was he so angry? Why was I?
~*~
"Well Master Quatre, it looks like you will be alright after all…" Rashid smiled brightly at me and patted me gently on the arm before turning to the others. "There's nothing to worry about, just a few cracked ribs. As long as he takes it easy he'll be better in no time."
I sighed and looked over at my bedroom wall. Ever since I had woken up the second time the others had done nothing but fuss over me and I couldn't stand it anymore. I just wanted to be alone so I could sleep. I could feel Trowa's eyes on me but I refused to make eye contact.
"Come on Duo, we should go get Sandrock now." Heero broke the silence that had stretched out over the last ten minutes after Rashid had exited.
"Sure, no problem." Duo nodded, glanced over at me one last time and then left with Heero, hand in hand.
"Yeah, I have some things to do too… see you both later." Wufei closed the door behind him and Trowa and I were left alone.
"Why didn't you tell us Sandrock was badly damaged?" Trowa's voice was filled with anger and it cut through the silence like a piercing knife.
"Why do you guys worry about me so much?! Don't you know I can take care of myself? I'm not a child!" I snapped back, still refusing to make eye contact.
"I care because I love you! And you sure could have fooled me. You're acting like a child right now!" Trowa replied just as harshly.
"I'm so sick of you and the others making this huge deal over me every single time I get hurt!!" My voice was rising and tears threatened to leak into my vision.
"Well if you would stop and think once in a while about yourself and not the others, we wouldn't have to worry!"
"I can take care of myself just fine!" I growled, looking up for the first time, my eyes challenging Trowa's.
"Obviously you can't! If the others and I hadn't stepped in and destroyed those dolls, you would be dead right now… so I guess if you call nearly dying taking care of yourself, you're doing a fine job!" Trowa was yelling now and his words stung with a harshness I had never experienced before. I clenched my teeth shut and averted my gaze, my eyes still filled with anger and frustration, but a new emotion had been added; loneliness.
Trowa growled in despair and stormed from the room. I wanted to go after him to say I was sorry and I would try to be more careful, but I didn't. I remained in my bed with my eyes fixed on the same spot on the wall.
~*~
The remembrance of the past events caused more tears to flow and mingle with the shower's water. My body started to tremble involuntarily and I turned the tap off. I remained standing, unmoving in the shower stall for a long time. When I did finally move, my hair was nearly dry.
I wrapped myself in a towel and exited my large bathroom. My mind seemed numb and my face was neutral. No emotion apparent whatsoever, unless you stared into my eyes. I dressed in my favorite pajamas and sat on the windowsill on the far right hand side of my bedroom. The huge bright sun was setting behind the sand. This sight usually calmed my nerves and allowed me to relax, but not today. I hardly noticed the bright colors at all.
"Trowa… I'm sorry…" I whispered as I banged my head up against the glass.
"Please don't do that Quat." Trowa's voice startled me and I spun around to face him. I quickly masked my face in Heero's normal expression and stared blankly at my love.
"I came to apologize… what I said earlier was totally uncalled for and…" My face softened and I smiled for the first time in hours.
"I should be the one apologizing Trowa…" We both remained silent for a few awkward moments before Trowa was at my side, cupping my cheek in his hand.
"I'll try not to worry about you so much love, but you have to be more careful."
I nodded and wrapped my arms around his neck slowly. "I worry about you too Trowa." He smiled at this.
"I know you do… so… we're even then?"
I chuckled. "You bet."
"Quatre?"
"Hmm?" Trowa leaned down and captured my lips in his. When we parted, Trowa buried his face in my damp hair and mouthed the words 'I love you' into my ear. I sighed and smiled, leaning into my lover's embrace.
"I love you too."
The End
This story was on my sisters sight (Princess of Destruction) but I changed it because I actually wrote it…have fun..and please review!
Pairing: 3x4, and a little bit of 1x2
Sap… lots and lots of sap
Now… on to the story….
1 I Worry
A low whimper escaped my lips as I recalled the events of that day. My hand turned the knob that adjusted the shower's water temperature and the water shot out scalding. Normally I would have flinched and turned the temperature back down, but today was different. Everything within me was numb. The only think apparent to me at that very moment was the pain in my heart because of the distance me and my love were experiencing.
I sighed and let the burning droplets bounce over my face and mingle with my newly falling tears. If anyone were watching me at that moment they would never have guessed I was crying. The shower disguised that too well.
"How could I have been so stupid…" I muttered into that misty steam forming in the shower. The glass door and all the mirrors were all fogged up by now and the air seemed thick, making it difficult to breath, but I hardly noticed.
I sighed again and tilted my head up towards the pouring showerhead, my eyes closed and I ran my blood stained hands through my platinum blond hair.
"Trowa…" I breathed, my heart clenching in my chest as I remembered.
~*~
"This mission should be a piece of cake compared to what we are use to." Duo laughed, slapping me hard on the back. I smiled and looked up at my violet eyed comrade.
"How can you be so sure?"
"Yeah Duo. How are you always so sure of yourself?" Heero's voice was teasing, but his face remained neutral as usual.
"Well koi… if I wasn't, then would you believe me when I told you I loved you?" Duo laughed again and bounded up to his dark haired lover.
Heero smiled one of his rare smiles and then resumed to checking Wing's fuel.
"Quat… is anything the matter?" Trowa wrapped his bare arms around my waist and rested his chin on the top of my head. I leaned back against his lean body and tilted my head back to peer into his endless green orbs. They were so full of pain and loss that only I was able to notice the contentment deep inside them. A half grin was plastered on my love's face and I couldn't help but grin back.
"…No, everything's fine." I squeezed Trowa's hand reassuringly and dismissed the look Trowa was giving me. He knew something was wrong and I knew he knew. But now was not the time.
~*~
I turned the heat in the shower up a bit more, my skin was tingling from the heat and I could feel myself turning a deep shade of red. I shook my head hard, trying to clear it of all the pestering emotions that threatened to make me cry again.
"What exactly happened today… I know what happened, but… how… why… what caused it…" I shook my head again and nearly fell over from the dizzying pain that shot through my head and chest… the only thing I knew for sure that was there… was the pain inside and out.
My cuts and cracked ribs would heal… but what about the other pain? Would it ever go away?
~*~
"Wufei!" I cried out as his Gundam seemed to be totally dispersed in flame. The comm. link I opened to Nataku cracked and flickered for a few painstaking seconds before the Chinese boy's pictured flashed up on the screen.
"Don't worry about me Quat… look after yourself." I know his remark was not meant to hurt, but it did all the same. It was evident to me that all the other pilots worried nonstop about me. Just because I'm small doesn't mean that I am incapable of looking after myself and helping others too.
"Quatre! Focus! Now is not the time to daydream buddy! They're sending out reinforcements!" Duo barked at me from Deathscythe. I took a deep breath and nodded at Duo before closing the link and resuming with the everlasting battle.
The dolls we were fighting were modified and more difficult then we were expecting. Sandrock was already pretty banged up and I didn't really have many weapons left. But I wasn't about to show myself as being weak to the others. I kept my mouth shut and forced myself on.
The ground beside me exploded in a bright flash and Sandrock was showered in dirt and grass.
Heero immediately appeared on my screen. "Quatre are you alright?!"
I plastered a fake smile on my pale face. "Yes Heero. I'm fine. You didn't hit me… don't.."
A heavy stream of missile fire slammed into the back of Sandrock, knocking me into the switchboard and cracking my ribs slightly. As hard as I tried not to, I cried out and clutched my chest in agony. The missiles continued to crash into Sandrock and my Gundam stumbled forward and fell, knocking me unconscious inside.
~*~
I leaned back against the tile wall of the small shower and looked up at the ceiling. My ribs ached and I rubbed them gingerly, wincing in pain.
Wufei had always been right. I was weak. If it wasn't for the others, I would be dead… plus the way I acted towards Trowa… my only true love… I hurt him with words, yes. But actions played a large factor.
"Why can't they ever understand… why can't HE understand?!" I asked myself out loud, banging my fist absent-mindedly into the wall, leaving a fist print in the steam. My empty blue eyes scanned the print and then closed under tired eyelids.
~*~
Pain swirled around me and I gasped out loud, my eyes flying open in surprise. I was disoriented and for a moment, I couldn't remember where I was. But then it all came flooding back. The battle… my loss… and the pain… my head throbbed and a buzzing in my left ear would not seem to go away. I lifted my head slowly from the control panel and there in front of my were the worried faces of Wufei, Duo, Heero, and lastly Trowa.
"Quatre!! Are you alright?? Can you get Sandrock on his feet so we can get your hatch open?" Duo wondered, his normal giddy composure gone and replaced with fear for my life.
I coughed and winced at the effort. "Don't worry about me… I'm alright… I think I can get up…" I forced a smile but my eyes exposed my pain. I swallowed hard and tried to gather some moisture in my mouth so it wouldn't hurt so much to talk.
"Come on Quatre, get Sandrock up so we can get you out!" Trowa ordered, his face was firm and his green eyes held a trace of what seemed like anger.
"I'm trying!" I replied, clenching my teeth in frustration. Couldn't they see I was okay? Why did they have to worry so much?
Finally, after five long minutes of agonizing pain, Sandrock was up and back on its feet. In a matter of seconds, the hatch was open and I was being pulled gently into Trowa's strong arms.
My glossy eyes looked up into his. "…Trowa…" I whispered, laying my head back against his chest exhaustedly.
Trowa remained silent as he carried me to Heavyarms and propped me up on his lap.
"Sandrock…" I mumbled tiredly, the word barely escaping my lips.
"Don't worry buddy. Heero and I will come back for him later on after we take care of you." Duo reassured my, his voice reassuring and the final thing I heard before I was sound asleep.
~*~
Why am I doing this to myself? I'm letting my feelings take over my body. I have to stop beating myself up inside… I just have to forget. Nothing is going to change. Trowa will never feel the same about me ever again. Not after how I acted towards him… after all he's done for me… but still just don't understand. Why was he so angry? Why was I?
~*~
"Well Master Quatre, it looks like you will be alright after all…" Rashid smiled brightly at me and patted me gently on the arm before turning to the others. "There's nothing to worry about, just a few cracked ribs. As long as he takes it easy he'll be better in no time."
I sighed and looked over at my bedroom wall. Ever since I had woken up the second time the others had done nothing but fuss over me and I couldn't stand it anymore. I just wanted to be alone so I could sleep. I could feel Trowa's eyes on me but I refused to make eye contact.
"Come on Duo, we should go get Sandrock now." Heero broke the silence that had stretched out over the last ten minutes after Rashid had exited.
"Sure, no problem." Duo nodded, glanced over at me one last time and then left with Heero, hand in hand.
"Yeah, I have some things to do too… see you both later." Wufei closed the door behind him and Trowa and I were left alone.
"Why didn't you tell us Sandrock was badly damaged?" Trowa's voice was filled with anger and it cut through the silence like a piercing knife.
"Why do you guys worry about me so much?! Don't you know I can take care of myself? I'm not a child!" I snapped back, still refusing to make eye contact.
"I care because I love you! And you sure could have fooled me. You're acting like a child right now!" Trowa replied just as harshly.
"I'm so sick of you and the others making this huge deal over me every single time I get hurt!!" My voice was rising and tears threatened to leak into my vision.
"Well if you would stop and think once in a while about yourself and not the others, we wouldn't have to worry!"
"I can take care of myself just fine!" I growled, looking up for the first time, my eyes challenging Trowa's.
"Obviously you can't! If the others and I hadn't stepped in and destroyed those dolls, you would be dead right now… so I guess if you call nearly dying taking care of yourself, you're doing a fine job!" Trowa was yelling now and his words stung with a harshness I had never experienced before. I clenched my teeth shut and averted my gaze, my eyes still filled with anger and frustration, but a new emotion had been added; loneliness.
Trowa growled in despair and stormed from the room. I wanted to go after him to say I was sorry and I would try to be more careful, but I didn't. I remained in my bed with my eyes fixed on the same spot on the wall.
~*~
The remembrance of the past events caused more tears to flow and mingle with the shower's water. My body started to tremble involuntarily and I turned the tap off. I remained standing, unmoving in the shower stall for a long time. When I did finally move, my hair was nearly dry.
I wrapped myself in a towel and exited my large bathroom. My mind seemed numb and my face was neutral. No emotion apparent whatsoever, unless you stared into my eyes. I dressed in my favorite pajamas and sat on the windowsill on the far right hand side of my bedroom. The huge bright sun was setting behind the sand. This sight usually calmed my nerves and allowed me to relax, but not today. I hardly noticed the bright colors at all.
"Trowa… I'm sorry…" I whispered as I banged my head up against the glass.
"Please don't do that Quat." Trowa's voice startled me and I spun around to face him. I quickly masked my face in Heero's normal expression and stared blankly at my love.
"I came to apologize… what I said earlier was totally uncalled for and…" My face softened and I smiled for the first time in hours.
"I should be the one apologizing Trowa…" We both remained silent for a few awkward moments before Trowa was at my side, cupping my cheek in his hand.
"I'll try not to worry about you so much love, but you have to be more careful."
I nodded and wrapped my arms around his neck slowly. "I worry about you too Trowa." He smiled at this.
"I know you do… so… we're even then?"
I chuckled. "You bet."
"Quatre?"
"Hmm?" Trowa leaned down and captured my lips in his. When we parted, Trowa buried his face in my damp hair and mouthed the words 'I love you' into my ear. I sighed and smiled, leaning into my lover's embrace.
"I love you too."
The End
This story was on my sisters sight (Princess of Destruction) but I changed it because I actually wrote it…have fun..and please review!