I'M ALIVE! Actually I'm just conscious. That doesn't necessarily guarantee life. But I'm writing, and it'd take a wiser head than mine to say whether that's a good thing. We're getting close to the Miyu connection, kids! And now here's a cast of sick, sick people who keep me from spontaneously mutating into a weird pickly-like fruit thing...uh yeah. Here they are, the people I love most!
Thank you to:
Princess Licorice: Don't worry, the connection is coming! Next chapter, in fact! Thanks by the way
Ben: You went to Sadies with me you sick, sick man. Thanks for suffering through the contents of my mind for more than the time you SOLD to me! AHAHAH.....ha.....
Miyu: AHA! You're the one who said she looks like the Pepsi kid! You are so right. And fantastic! I love you!
And in case anyone wanted to know, I never did wash my desk. Sad....
And to everyone who read this and didn't review: I have no idea who you are. Fear me! I am mystery! Or rather, you are. I'd like to acknowledge all who read these things, whether they enjoyed them or not. Leave a contribution in the box, please. Even if it is an anonymous flame or the number 9...I like 9....
I also like flames, so send those too! Better than the paranoia inducing silence that makes me wonder if humanity as a whole has left their computer desks to light torches and congregate on my lawn to lynch me....what? It happens!
So anyway. Onwards
Alice rested her fingers on the packet, drawing comfort from it's presence, and sighed, closing her eyes and absorbing the power the earth within it held, the earth from her homeland, necessary for her survival. Without it she would die.
(Crucial plot point, no?)
She would die a horrible and involved death. A very bad, painful death.
(Good thing it's ok then, right?)
A scraping gurgle
(Huh?)
came from behind her. Her eyes shot open and she spun around to see Vlakri, on his elbows and glaring balefully at her. She bared her teeth menacingly at him.
(That never menaces me. How about anyone else? I'm really curious)
"You're still alive?!"
(We get the quick ones through here)
Vlakri's head connected with the concrete.
(Aww, he banged his head)
He whipped it up to stare at her. "Well so to SPEAK! Hellooooo? I AM immortal? Like you? Yes? Yes? Yes?"
"Yes yes!" Alice frowned peevishly at him. "I guess I'll just have to cut your head off or something...."
Vlakri straightened fully, letting Alice see the knife he had drawn that had been previously hid by his body. "Not if I get you f.....-F-F-F-F-FART!!!"
"Huh?"
"FIRST! Not if I get you FIRST!"
"Oh. You really should get medical attention."
"ARUUGH!" Without further ado, Vlakri lunged howling at Alice.
(Is that battle rage or just the turrets syndrome again?)
She dodged easily, due to the fact that she had the body of a six year old and had practiced for this moment with seemingly innocent games of tag.
(?)
She sidestepped hurriedly, Vlakri's knife missing his mark by several inches to the left. Alice slid around it like a snake, but neglected to notice Vlakri's right hand, which darted out, snatching her precious doll.
"NOOOO!"
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Vlakri threw back his head and cackled in triumph. While he was so occupied, Alice snatched her doll back. Vlakri hurriedly grabbed it and ran up the steps, pursued more slowly by the shorter-legged Alice.
"Damn it....." she panted, still pursuing Vlakri around a corner. "This wouldn't be happening if SOMEBODY hadn't revealed what an important plot device that doll was...."
(sorry)
Alice smiled. "Thank you!"
(No I'm not!)
Alice tripped on a conveniently placed dead puppy and, inexplicably, went sailing sixteen feet to crash head-first into a wall, earning herself a more-than strictly necessary amount of pain.
"Ooooowwwwww." She got to her stubby feet
(Stop glaring at me, stubby)
her stubby, malformed, and hideously oversized feet, using one grotty and ill-used hand to push herself up against the wall.
(I said stop glaring at me. Doll-carrying weirdo)
She used her beady, protruding eyes to peer around for the now-absent Vlakri, but she had a hard time, her eyes being nearly enveloped by folds of quivering, translucent forehead blubber.
(What?! Hey, I DID say she looked like the Pepsi kid, didn't I? Or wait, that was someone else, wasn't it? Well, person, you were extremely perceptive. That's exactly who she's supposed to look like.)
Anyway
(anyway)
Alice slowly stalked around a corner, for now vengeful adjectives forgotten, desperately looking for the doll that held the one key to her survival.
(Ha ha. Stupid Pepsi kid)
She stalked into the store the dead woman had been carted away from earlier, hoping Vlakri, keeping in line with the level of intelligence he seemed to posses up to this point, would have hid here, where all the light was.
(Cuz he's dumb kids. It wasn't really turrets syndrome after all)
She put on her 'I'm so cute don't you want to punch my tiny teeth in' look, and folded her hands behind her and smiling all she was worth, flashing her dimple
(I could have said pimple, but I'm not feeling particularly vengeful at the moment)
at the cashier on duty, the only other living soul present in the small store. She skipped happily down the aisles, actually on a death mission, when she heard a small metallic 'thudd' noise rhythmically filter through the store. She turned the corner to see Vlakri in front of the beer freezer, repeatedly bashing himself in the face with a can of Red Bull
(Just because he can)
Alice rushed forward
(Heh heh, I made a pun! Get it? 'Cause he can? Can? Get it? Stop glaring at me, stubby)
and snatched her doll before he could gather whatever small amount of brain cells God had allotted him at birth. Vlakri continued bashing himself across the face
(Because he could)
as Alice slowly snuck backwards. She wasn't about to risk a confrontation. Too much was at stake, even if her victory was practically guaranteed. She clutched her doll to her chest to restore her reserves, just in case the seemingly endlessly entertaining activity of self-mutilation lost it's charm. Suddenly both her eyes and mouth began to froth
(And some other orifices too. I dunno, use your imagination)
and she was suddenly experiencing great pain. She shrieked and thrust the doll from her. Something caught her eye, and she pulled on the exposed corner poking out of the doll's ripped open chest cavity. "SALT?! SALT?!?"
"Hey, I'm supposed to be the brutally retarded one here."
Alice's head whipped up to deliver a malicious glare at Vlakri leaning casually against the freezer, the seemingly endless activity of self-mutilation forgotten, holding the stolen gray packet in his hand, empty of it's contents.
"Where is my PRECIOUS SOIL?!"
Vlakri grinned a dirt-studded smile. "Dunno."
"BASTARD!!!!"
The cashier, whose name just happened to be Bosterd
(Huh huh, how clever I am)
glanced up from his girly magazine. "Huh?"
Alice turned from glaring at Vlakri to glare at him. "Not you, you IDIOTIC, INSOLENT- hey are those Peeps?"
(Oh come on, everyone knows what Peeps are. They're those sugar-coated marshmallow bunnies and chicks that come in obscene colors every Easter. Fun stuff!)
Bosterd nodded his sandy-colored and pimply head. "$8.99 a box"
Alice skipped over and shined her 'I'm so cute you'd better get a barf-bag quick' smile at him. "I'll take one, please and thank you."
Vlakri was making almost-genuine retching noises behind a cupped hand
(He had seen her smile, after all)
and laughing to his brutally retarded self. Alice tore open the package of frighteningly pink bunnies and bit one's head off, dropping the box and spitting it back into her hand.
(Symbolic, though you probably don't know that at this point. And rather gross if you think about it)
Vlakri had finished with his gagging, and stood with arms folded, grinning his dirty grin at Alice. "That's real scary, Alice. Real scary."
Alice lowered her head. "I know. The symbolism is frightening."
Vlakri frowned. "Hey yeah, that was rather symbolic, wasn't- um, what are you doing?"
Alice stood gathering her remaining energy into focused orbs that enveloped her hands, holding the Peep
(Hee hee, so cute!)
head floating between them. The brightly colored sugar had been partially sucked off, so rather than a blinding and searing pink, it was now a muted pastel rose. One of it's eyes had been nicked with a fang, so instead of the unnaturally colored black Peep eye, there was a large rent, showing the white marshmallow underneath.
(Not too threatening, you would think...)
Vlakri pointed in confusion to what she was doing. "Um....you're not going to try and kill me with that, are you? 'Cause it won't work."
Alice glared, and the glare of what she was doing soon overshadowed the murderous intent in her eyes. Vlakri began to get a trifle nervous, and unconsciously backed into the counter display, which happened to be a serious of green glow-in-the-dark rosaries, complete with crucifix. Vlakri whirled and snatched it off it's rack, holding it grandly at arm's length at Alice. "Back, demon! Back you Vampire!"
There was a mild hissing, and Vlakri dropped the crucifix hurriedly. "OWWWWW OW OW!!" He shook and blew on his burned hand, not noticing that while he had been thus occupied, Alice's ball of energy had reached chaotic proportions. He glanced up just in time to see her rear back, ready to release.
"Aw shit"
The light enveloped all.
WEEE!! I'm back! Whoooo missed me? The next chapter's the last one! I'm actually going to finish a multi-chapter story! My eyes would tear up if I wasn't a handbasket. That's right kids, I'm a handbasket! And if any of you make the obvious joke, I guess you're going for a ride in me. No, wait, that was ragingly perverted. And what's worse, I don't even know if ragingly is even a real word. Oh well. Thanks again to those who are about to review. You can review each chapter, I don't mind!
(Can any of you guess who the mysterious character is? I think it may be obvious, but I wanna see you guess. Kyheena, no giving it away.
Thank you to:
Princess Licorice: Don't worry, the connection is coming! Next chapter, in fact! Thanks by the way
Ben: You went to Sadies with me you sick, sick man. Thanks for suffering through the contents of my mind for more than the time you SOLD to me! AHAHAH.....ha.....
Miyu: AHA! You're the one who said she looks like the Pepsi kid! You are so right. And fantastic! I love you!
And in case anyone wanted to know, I never did wash my desk. Sad....
And to everyone who read this and didn't review: I have no idea who you are. Fear me! I am mystery! Or rather, you are. I'd like to acknowledge all who read these things, whether they enjoyed them or not. Leave a contribution in the box, please. Even if it is an anonymous flame or the number 9...I like 9....
I also like flames, so send those too! Better than the paranoia inducing silence that makes me wonder if humanity as a whole has left their computer desks to light torches and congregate on my lawn to lynch me....what? It happens!
So anyway. Onwards
Alice rested her fingers on the packet, drawing comfort from it's presence, and sighed, closing her eyes and absorbing the power the earth within it held, the earth from her homeland, necessary for her survival. Without it she would die.
(Crucial plot point, no?)
She would die a horrible and involved death. A very bad, painful death.
(Good thing it's ok then, right?)
A scraping gurgle
(Huh?)
came from behind her. Her eyes shot open and she spun around to see Vlakri, on his elbows and glaring balefully at her. She bared her teeth menacingly at him.
(That never menaces me. How about anyone else? I'm really curious)
"You're still alive?!"
(We get the quick ones through here)
Vlakri's head connected with the concrete.
(Aww, he banged his head)
He whipped it up to stare at her. "Well so to SPEAK! Hellooooo? I AM immortal? Like you? Yes? Yes? Yes?"
"Yes yes!" Alice frowned peevishly at him. "I guess I'll just have to cut your head off or something...."
Vlakri straightened fully, letting Alice see the knife he had drawn that had been previously hid by his body. "Not if I get you f.....-F-F-F-F-FART!!!"
"Huh?"
"FIRST! Not if I get you FIRST!"
"Oh. You really should get medical attention."
"ARUUGH!" Without further ado, Vlakri lunged howling at Alice.
(Is that battle rage or just the turrets syndrome again?)
She dodged easily, due to the fact that she had the body of a six year old and had practiced for this moment with seemingly innocent games of tag.
(?)
She sidestepped hurriedly, Vlakri's knife missing his mark by several inches to the left. Alice slid around it like a snake, but neglected to notice Vlakri's right hand, which darted out, snatching her precious doll.
"NOOOO!"
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Vlakri threw back his head and cackled in triumph. While he was so occupied, Alice snatched her doll back. Vlakri hurriedly grabbed it and ran up the steps, pursued more slowly by the shorter-legged Alice.
"Damn it....." she panted, still pursuing Vlakri around a corner. "This wouldn't be happening if SOMEBODY hadn't revealed what an important plot device that doll was...."
(sorry)
Alice smiled. "Thank you!"
(No I'm not!)
Alice tripped on a conveniently placed dead puppy and, inexplicably, went sailing sixteen feet to crash head-first into a wall, earning herself a more-than strictly necessary amount of pain.
"Ooooowwwwww." She got to her stubby feet
(Stop glaring at me, stubby)
her stubby, malformed, and hideously oversized feet, using one grotty and ill-used hand to push herself up against the wall.
(I said stop glaring at me. Doll-carrying weirdo)
She used her beady, protruding eyes to peer around for the now-absent Vlakri, but she had a hard time, her eyes being nearly enveloped by folds of quivering, translucent forehead blubber.
(What?! Hey, I DID say she looked like the Pepsi kid, didn't I? Or wait, that was someone else, wasn't it? Well, person, you were extremely perceptive. That's exactly who she's supposed to look like.)
Anyway
(anyway)
Alice slowly stalked around a corner, for now vengeful adjectives forgotten, desperately looking for the doll that held the one key to her survival.
(Ha ha. Stupid Pepsi kid)
She stalked into the store the dead woman had been carted away from earlier, hoping Vlakri, keeping in line with the level of intelligence he seemed to posses up to this point, would have hid here, where all the light was.
(Cuz he's dumb kids. It wasn't really turrets syndrome after all)
She put on her 'I'm so cute don't you want to punch my tiny teeth in' look, and folded her hands behind her and smiling all she was worth, flashing her dimple
(I could have said pimple, but I'm not feeling particularly vengeful at the moment)
at the cashier on duty, the only other living soul present in the small store. She skipped happily down the aisles, actually on a death mission, when she heard a small metallic 'thudd' noise rhythmically filter through the store. She turned the corner to see Vlakri in front of the beer freezer, repeatedly bashing himself in the face with a can of Red Bull
(Just because he can)
Alice rushed forward
(Heh heh, I made a pun! Get it? 'Cause he can? Can? Get it? Stop glaring at me, stubby)
and snatched her doll before he could gather whatever small amount of brain cells God had allotted him at birth. Vlakri continued bashing himself across the face
(Because he could)
as Alice slowly snuck backwards. She wasn't about to risk a confrontation. Too much was at stake, even if her victory was practically guaranteed. She clutched her doll to her chest to restore her reserves, just in case the seemingly endlessly entertaining activity of self-mutilation lost it's charm. Suddenly both her eyes and mouth began to froth
(And some other orifices too. I dunno, use your imagination)
and she was suddenly experiencing great pain. She shrieked and thrust the doll from her. Something caught her eye, and she pulled on the exposed corner poking out of the doll's ripped open chest cavity. "SALT?! SALT?!?"
"Hey, I'm supposed to be the brutally retarded one here."
Alice's head whipped up to deliver a malicious glare at Vlakri leaning casually against the freezer, the seemingly endless activity of self-mutilation forgotten, holding the stolen gray packet in his hand, empty of it's contents.
"Where is my PRECIOUS SOIL?!"
Vlakri grinned a dirt-studded smile. "Dunno."
"BASTARD!!!!"
The cashier, whose name just happened to be Bosterd
(Huh huh, how clever I am)
glanced up from his girly magazine. "Huh?"
Alice turned from glaring at Vlakri to glare at him. "Not you, you IDIOTIC, INSOLENT- hey are those Peeps?"
(Oh come on, everyone knows what Peeps are. They're those sugar-coated marshmallow bunnies and chicks that come in obscene colors every Easter. Fun stuff!)
Bosterd nodded his sandy-colored and pimply head. "$8.99 a box"
Alice skipped over and shined her 'I'm so cute you'd better get a barf-bag quick' smile at him. "I'll take one, please and thank you."
Vlakri was making almost-genuine retching noises behind a cupped hand
(He had seen her smile, after all)
and laughing to his brutally retarded self. Alice tore open the package of frighteningly pink bunnies and bit one's head off, dropping the box and spitting it back into her hand.
(Symbolic, though you probably don't know that at this point. And rather gross if you think about it)
Vlakri had finished with his gagging, and stood with arms folded, grinning his dirty grin at Alice. "That's real scary, Alice. Real scary."
Alice lowered her head. "I know. The symbolism is frightening."
Vlakri frowned. "Hey yeah, that was rather symbolic, wasn't- um, what are you doing?"
Alice stood gathering her remaining energy into focused orbs that enveloped her hands, holding the Peep
(Hee hee, so cute!)
head floating between them. The brightly colored sugar had been partially sucked off, so rather than a blinding and searing pink, it was now a muted pastel rose. One of it's eyes had been nicked with a fang, so instead of the unnaturally colored black Peep eye, there was a large rent, showing the white marshmallow underneath.
(Not too threatening, you would think...)
Vlakri pointed in confusion to what she was doing. "Um....you're not going to try and kill me with that, are you? 'Cause it won't work."
Alice glared, and the glare of what she was doing soon overshadowed the murderous intent in her eyes. Vlakri began to get a trifle nervous, and unconsciously backed into the counter display, which happened to be a serious of green glow-in-the-dark rosaries, complete with crucifix. Vlakri whirled and snatched it off it's rack, holding it grandly at arm's length at Alice. "Back, demon! Back you Vampire!"
There was a mild hissing, and Vlakri dropped the crucifix hurriedly. "OWWWWW OW OW!!" He shook and blew on his burned hand, not noticing that while he had been thus occupied, Alice's ball of energy had reached chaotic proportions. He glanced up just in time to see her rear back, ready to release.
"Aw shit"
The light enveloped all.
WEEE!! I'm back! Whoooo missed me? The next chapter's the last one! I'm actually going to finish a multi-chapter story! My eyes would tear up if I wasn't a handbasket. That's right kids, I'm a handbasket! And if any of you make the obvious joke, I guess you're going for a ride in me. No, wait, that was ragingly perverted. And what's worse, I don't even know if ragingly is even a real word. Oh well. Thanks again to those who are about to review. You can review each chapter, I don't mind!
(Can any of you guess who the mysterious character is? I think it may be obvious, but I wanna see you guess. Kyheena, no giving it away.