Last chapter! And this one has the Miyu connection!
Vlakri blearily opened his eyes, which felt scratchy and oddly distorted. He didn't know how long he had been unconscious, but Alice was still standing over him, unhurriedly eating the last of the Peeps. There had been twenty-four of them altogether.
(I smell a-pukin' coming on)
Her lips were painted that oh-so-special pink the bunnies had been coated with. Vlakri glared at her and sat up. Or at least, he tried to.
Something was wrong with his waist. It wouldn't bend properly. He tried to glance down to see what the problem was, but his neck wouldn't bend either.
(Got any idea who he is? Huh? Huh?)
"What did you do to-" He stopped his harangue at the squeak that emanated from his face. "Is..is that my voice? Is that MY voice?" His already considerably bulbous eye bulged. "You turned me into a CIRCUS MIDGET! BASTARD!"
The coincidentally named cashier turned to stare at him oddly.
Alice cackled in his general direction. "Ahahaahahahaaha you PEEP!"
Bosterd hung his head ashamedly. Alice sighed dramatically and rolled her eyes. "Not YOU. Him." This was accompanied by a rude finger pointed at Vlakri.
Vlakri stared in horror. "I'm a PEEP?"
Alice flashed her rosy teeth at him. "Neat, huh?"
"Nooooooooooooo!" Vlakri's squeal of terror was rather cute in his new voice. He stopped to sniff experimentally at his arm. "I don't SMELL like a Peep."
"Well, you see," Alice explained. "I didn't turn you COMPLETELY Peep. You're still flesh. I just needed you in an easily ingestable form. You see, the soil that is currently within you came from my homeland, and is key to my survival. Without it I will die a horrible death. A horrible, involved, immensely painful death."
"So I was told..
(Stop glaring at me, Pepsi child)
But that doesn't explain why you Peeped me."
(Hee hee, so cute!)
Alice rolled her eyes again. Bosterd was beginning to glare at her. He had a homicidal dislike for painfully cute children, having never been one himself and having a severe dislike for Alf.
(For some reason she reminds him of Alf. What? I don't make the rules....Oh wait, I do. Ahahahaha!)
"Well, you see," Alice explained. "I need that dirt. Without I will die a horrible, involved, painful death."
(Redundancy is still funny, kids)
Vlakri tried to nod agreement, but possessing no neck, he merely wiggled across the floor. "So in order to retrieve it, I had the bright idea of assimilating you with the Peep, whereas I just EAT you and once again will have my precious soil."
Vlakri made a Peep-face. "But it won't stay within you forever....what happens when you, er, get it back?"
Alice frowned at him, hefting her doll meaningfully. "Well I don't have much of a choice now do I?"
"Ewww....."
"Shut up!"
"So wait....." An attempt to scratch his head failed miserably. "Why didn't you just make me marshmallow Peep, instead of just making me LOOK like one?"
Alice shrugged. "I don't like Peeps."
Vlakri looked at the empty box on the floor, then back to Alice. "Oh. I get it."
(That's 'cause you're brutally retarded, kid)
A small crowd was beginning to form behind them, watching the extremely odd scene play out. The crowd consisted of a small, gray haired lady, a middle aged housewife-looking type with overly bouffant hair, and a greasy, overweight man with the word 'beer' on his shirt. He was, in a cruel twist of irony, carrying a pack of beer under one arm. Alice furrowed her brow. Her whole illusion of being a small, innocent child depended on acting the part, so eating a small pink bunny in dramatic sprays of blood while everyone looked on wouldn't be the wisest course of action if she wanted to keep up her hunting routine. She turned to the people wearing her 'I'm so cute don't you want to punch my tiny teeth in' look, hoping to cute them all right out of the store.
(Can anyone guess what'll happen next?)
Vlakri still looked too slippery to catch and carry to a place of privacy, still coated in her saliva as he was.
(Ew....she was sucking on the Peep, remember? Before she spit it out into her hand. Yeah....there you go)
She turned to the crowd and stuck one finger in her mouth coyly. "Could you all pweese-?"
Her nauseatingly sweet plea was cut off as the gray haired grandma stepped up and punched Alice's tiny teeth in.
(Hee hee, bet you didn't see THAT one coming. Violent old ladies=comedy)
Alice lay on the ground cross eyed for a few minutes before reaching a hand hesitantly up to feel at her mouth. "My FANGS!
(I wrote fnags. Hee hee, fnags)
You knocked out my FANGS! You BITCH!!"
The lady responded by bashing her across the face with her handbag for good measure, then stalking out of the store carrying her twelve pack of Trojans.
(Eeek! She didn't pay!)
Alice moaned through her broken jaw. She supposed death by slow starvation was second on her list of horrible, involved, painful ways to die. The Beer man knelt gently by her and cradled her bent head.
"Eww, get away from me you lummox!" This was surprisingly articulate of Alice considering her severe facial lacerations.
"Nawwww, girly, you needs life-giving BEER." With that he generously popped open a can and poured the contents down a protesting Alice's throat. Her face gradually turned purple, and as the world grew black around the edges, she had to admit death by beer she never saw coming.
Vlakri watched the scene with detached amusement. He was still preoccupied with the fact that he was part Peep.
(Hee hee, I never get tired of saying that word)
His dark
(Or rather marshmallow-colored)
thoughts were interrupted by Bosterd scooping him up and wrapping him in plastic. "Guess this one's still good." Vlakri's protests were smothered in plastic.
(For the exceedingly dim members of the reading audience: He's wrapped in plastic)
Bosterd opened a handy drawer and took out a sheet of 'Quality Seal' stickers, plucking one off and attaching it to Vlakri's plastic wrappings.
(He's wrapped in plastic, you see)
Then he strolled over to the store's Easter shelf and plunked the desperately-trying-to-breathe Vlakri down. He leaned against the counter and once again happily absorbed himself in his girly magazine, oblivious to the ever-cold corpse on the floor in front of the beer freezer.
Epilogue:
Miyu walked out of her Junior High school building, for once in a hopeful mood. Today was Good Friday, and in the spirit of irony, she had made it a tradition to buy Larva an Easter present, more for the humor of it than an attempt to get him something he would actually enjoy. Each year she tried to make his gift progressively worse. The last year she had gotten him a giant stuffed chick. The look on his usually-stoic face still made Miyu smile. This year, she wasn't exactly sure how to out-do herself. Her current home wasn't exactly extensive in it's variety. It only possessed one or two shops worthy of the name, and one was more of a convenience store. She chose the latter, as quality wasn't exactly what was on her mind this day. She arrived at the store. Oddly enough, while she was pushing open the door, she caught the faint scent of human blood. 'Odd.'
(Not really, if you think about it. Sorry Miyu. I'll be good)
She shrugged and entered the store, her eyes going to the display of garishly decorated Easter treats. The display this year was pathetic, even if only in comparison with last year. In comparison with an Easter display in any other town, it was horrendously inadequate. But that's exactly what Miyu was seeking today. She passed up the stuffed rabbits and chicks, not wanting to be redundant.
(I say nothing)
She smiled again at a display of Cadbury's Eggs, not for any particular fondness. On the contrary, she despised them with a passion, but the year before Larva had surprised her with roughly five of them, in mutual irony of the religious holiday. Miyu had compounded their amusement by actually eating a few. She grinned openly, remembering Larva's deep laugh at her face. She decided a little revenge was in order, and picked up the most disgusting-looking package off foodstuffs there, some sort of sugar-coated animal. She couldn't imagine Larva trying to eat a pure marshmallow anything, but most certainly not something so garishly colored, and in the shape of little bunnies. She wondered how many of them she could make him eat....there was definitely a challenge in these little rabbits. The package contained twenty-four. Miyu was mentally wagering how many she could guilt Larva into eating as the same boy from the infamous night rung up her purchase. "That'll be $1.98 miss."
(Ha! You see? Bosterd DID hate the little Pepsi gremlin! He overcharged her! Ahahaha such covert evilness....)
Miyu absently paid the man and walked out of the store. She had the faintest suspicion of sensing Shinma....but it was so slight it might have just been her imagination.
Miyu stepped out of her shoes and dropped her house key into a specially placed dish on the entrance table, closing the front door behind her. She dropped her schoolbag in the hall as she walked toward the kitchen table, her traditional spot for her Easter present to sit waiting Larva's attention. She noticed a brown overcoat and a pair of familiar sunglasses slung casually over the back of a chair. Sometimes it was necessary for Larva to go out, and having such an outfit usually helped avoid the most obvious attention. But that wasn't the only thing out of place. Larva himself was standing against the far wall with a faint smirk on his face. She noticed why after stepping into the kitchen and laying eyes on the table.
"Peeps!"
Larva grinned at her. "Happy Easter, Miyu."
She mock-frowned at him. "Not fair."
Larva raised a questioning eyebrow. "Oh? Why is that, Mistress?"
Miyu pulled out her package and set it on the table next to his considerably bigger one.
(Oh don't EVEN snicker you RAGING PERVS! Augghh, can't stop laughing! Didn't mean to be perverted....slipped out....hahhahahahaha!)
Larva shook his head. "How cliché. Rather unoriginal, wouldn't you say? I had thought to give you more credit than that."
Miyu raised her eyebrow at him. "It seems I've outdone you nonetheless. My package seems to contain MORE Peeps than yours."
Larva gave her a very knowing and very smug smile. "Yes but mine's moving."
Miyu's eyes widened and she saw that indeed Larva's package was twitching.
(Arrgg shut up! All of you! Can't I even write a decent story without all of you twisting it? Geez...)
She ripped open the plastic, tearing through the quality seal to see that the bundle was most definitely moving, and was most definitely Shinma. It glared up at her. She couldn't help smiling in spite of herself. "Aww, she's so cute though."
The thing got an outraged look on it's face, and Larva approached the table to stare menacingly at it.
"I'd be thankful if I were you. Her good graces are the only thing keeping you from being sealed to the Darkness. Be glad that you are in the company of the Guardian. You have her unique protection. That is, if she decides to keep you...?" Larva turned to look questioningly at Miyu.
She glared good-naturedly at Larva. "Very well. I admit defeat. You win." She inclined her head. "But next year..."
Larva bent over to kiss her hand with mock formality. "I accept your challenge, Vampire Princess."
Vlakri groaned inwardly to himself, then settled into a gloomy silence. He had just realized he would never wear his glorious shoelaces again....
~~~~~~
AHAHAHA! How many of you saw THAT one coming?!? Well that's it folks! I assume you have at least a vague knowledge of Shiina, so I assume I could assume that you know his/her connection to Miyu. (In the TV series at least). And as for how he came to his name....Um....lemme think.... Aha:
Miyu: Awww. I think I'll call her Xena! Like as in Warrior Princess. Like in Vampire Princess. I'm so clever...
(Vlakri fumes over the loss of his man-tool)
Larva: (points to pathetically stubby arms) She makes a pretty shitty Xena
Miyu: Oh. Ok, how about Shiina? For Shitty Xena?
(Larva grins dimly)
(He knows the truth of Vlakri, but likes to torture the stupid thing. I'm not fond of Shiina, by the way)
And now, for the first time in Heather's multi-chaptered stories....
*THE END!*
Ta da! I finished one! Well kids, what'd you think? And no, I haven't forgotten
Very much thank you to:
Princess Licorice: Don't worry, I haven't technically 'seen' the TV series either. I can't even remember what the symbolism was. I'd have to go back and read it again. And you should never be afraid of sounding stupid on my review boards....I eclipse all of you with my black hole of a brutally retarded self.
Miyu: When should we set the date for the wedding? And of course you'll have to introduce me to your parents. They'll just love your choice....aww. If they balk, just let them read some of my writing. That will clear up any doubts they have. If all else fails, I can be described as 'special'
Well goodbye kids. Thanks for sticking this out. I love most of you. (To say I love all of you would be a blatant lie.) I love all who reviewed, and nearly all who read. And if you feel like being chronically stalked, email someone (I don't know who) at arachniphiliac@yahoo.com. Also IM at 'arachniphiliac'. I live in California, to clear up any time-zone differences. That in the US (Yeah, I know. Go figure...)
So BYE BYE kids.
Keep smiling until you stop
Vlakri blearily opened his eyes, which felt scratchy and oddly distorted. He didn't know how long he had been unconscious, but Alice was still standing over him, unhurriedly eating the last of the Peeps. There had been twenty-four of them altogether.
(I smell a-pukin' coming on)
Her lips were painted that oh-so-special pink the bunnies had been coated with. Vlakri glared at her and sat up. Or at least, he tried to.
Something was wrong with his waist. It wouldn't bend properly. He tried to glance down to see what the problem was, but his neck wouldn't bend either.
(Got any idea who he is? Huh? Huh?)
"What did you do to-" He stopped his harangue at the squeak that emanated from his face. "Is..is that my voice? Is that MY voice?" His already considerably bulbous eye bulged. "You turned me into a CIRCUS MIDGET! BASTARD!"
The coincidentally named cashier turned to stare at him oddly.
Alice cackled in his general direction. "Ahahaahahahaaha you PEEP!"
Bosterd hung his head ashamedly. Alice sighed dramatically and rolled her eyes. "Not YOU. Him." This was accompanied by a rude finger pointed at Vlakri.
Vlakri stared in horror. "I'm a PEEP?"
Alice flashed her rosy teeth at him. "Neat, huh?"
"Nooooooooooooo!" Vlakri's squeal of terror was rather cute in his new voice. He stopped to sniff experimentally at his arm. "I don't SMELL like a Peep."
"Well, you see," Alice explained. "I didn't turn you COMPLETELY Peep. You're still flesh. I just needed you in an easily ingestable form. You see, the soil that is currently within you came from my homeland, and is key to my survival. Without it I will die a horrible death. A horrible, involved, immensely painful death."
"So I was told..
(Stop glaring at me, Pepsi child)
But that doesn't explain why you Peeped me."
(Hee hee, so cute!)
Alice rolled her eyes again. Bosterd was beginning to glare at her. He had a homicidal dislike for painfully cute children, having never been one himself and having a severe dislike for Alf.
(For some reason she reminds him of Alf. What? I don't make the rules....Oh wait, I do. Ahahahaha!)
"Well, you see," Alice explained. "I need that dirt. Without I will die a horrible, involved, painful death."
(Redundancy is still funny, kids)
Vlakri tried to nod agreement, but possessing no neck, he merely wiggled across the floor. "So in order to retrieve it, I had the bright idea of assimilating you with the Peep, whereas I just EAT you and once again will have my precious soil."
Vlakri made a Peep-face. "But it won't stay within you forever....what happens when you, er, get it back?"
Alice frowned at him, hefting her doll meaningfully. "Well I don't have much of a choice now do I?"
"Ewww....."
"Shut up!"
"So wait....." An attempt to scratch his head failed miserably. "Why didn't you just make me marshmallow Peep, instead of just making me LOOK like one?"
Alice shrugged. "I don't like Peeps."
Vlakri looked at the empty box on the floor, then back to Alice. "Oh. I get it."
(That's 'cause you're brutally retarded, kid)
A small crowd was beginning to form behind them, watching the extremely odd scene play out. The crowd consisted of a small, gray haired lady, a middle aged housewife-looking type with overly bouffant hair, and a greasy, overweight man with the word 'beer' on his shirt. He was, in a cruel twist of irony, carrying a pack of beer under one arm. Alice furrowed her brow. Her whole illusion of being a small, innocent child depended on acting the part, so eating a small pink bunny in dramatic sprays of blood while everyone looked on wouldn't be the wisest course of action if she wanted to keep up her hunting routine. She turned to the people wearing her 'I'm so cute don't you want to punch my tiny teeth in' look, hoping to cute them all right out of the store.
(Can anyone guess what'll happen next?)
Vlakri still looked too slippery to catch and carry to a place of privacy, still coated in her saliva as he was.
(Ew....she was sucking on the Peep, remember? Before she spit it out into her hand. Yeah....there you go)
She turned to the crowd and stuck one finger in her mouth coyly. "Could you all pweese-?"
Her nauseatingly sweet plea was cut off as the gray haired grandma stepped up and punched Alice's tiny teeth in.
(Hee hee, bet you didn't see THAT one coming. Violent old ladies=comedy)
Alice lay on the ground cross eyed for a few minutes before reaching a hand hesitantly up to feel at her mouth. "My FANGS!
(I wrote fnags. Hee hee, fnags)
You knocked out my FANGS! You BITCH!!"
The lady responded by bashing her across the face with her handbag for good measure, then stalking out of the store carrying her twelve pack of Trojans.
(Eeek! She didn't pay!)
Alice moaned through her broken jaw. She supposed death by slow starvation was second on her list of horrible, involved, painful ways to die. The Beer man knelt gently by her and cradled her bent head.
"Eww, get away from me you lummox!" This was surprisingly articulate of Alice considering her severe facial lacerations.
"Nawwww, girly, you needs life-giving BEER." With that he generously popped open a can and poured the contents down a protesting Alice's throat. Her face gradually turned purple, and as the world grew black around the edges, she had to admit death by beer she never saw coming.
Vlakri watched the scene with detached amusement. He was still preoccupied with the fact that he was part Peep.
(Hee hee, I never get tired of saying that word)
His dark
(Or rather marshmallow-colored)
thoughts were interrupted by Bosterd scooping him up and wrapping him in plastic. "Guess this one's still good." Vlakri's protests were smothered in plastic.
(For the exceedingly dim members of the reading audience: He's wrapped in plastic)
Bosterd opened a handy drawer and took out a sheet of 'Quality Seal' stickers, plucking one off and attaching it to Vlakri's plastic wrappings.
(He's wrapped in plastic, you see)
Then he strolled over to the store's Easter shelf and plunked the desperately-trying-to-breathe Vlakri down. He leaned against the counter and once again happily absorbed himself in his girly magazine, oblivious to the ever-cold corpse on the floor in front of the beer freezer.
Epilogue:
Miyu walked out of her Junior High school building, for once in a hopeful mood. Today was Good Friday, and in the spirit of irony, she had made it a tradition to buy Larva an Easter present, more for the humor of it than an attempt to get him something he would actually enjoy. Each year she tried to make his gift progressively worse. The last year she had gotten him a giant stuffed chick. The look on his usually-stoic face still made Miyu smile. This year, she wasn't exactly sure how to out-do herself. Her current home wasn't exactly extensive in it's variety. It only possessed one or two shops worthy of the name, and one was more of a convenience store. She chose the latter, as quality wasn't exactly what was on her mind this day. She arrived at the store. Oddly enough, while she was pushing open the door, she caught the faint scent of human blood. 'Odd.'
(Not really, if you think about it. Sorry Miyu. I'll be good)
She shrugged and entered the store, her eyes going to the display of garishly decorated Easter treats. The display this year was pathetic, even if only in comparison with last year. In comparison with an Easter display in any other town, it was horrendously inadequate. But that's exactly what Miyu was seeking today. She passed up the stuffed rabbits and chicks, not wanting to be redundant.
(I say nothing)
She smiled again at a display of Cadbury's Eggs, not for any particular fondness. On the contrary, she despised them with a passion, but the year before Larva had surprised her with roughly five of them, in mutual irony of the religious holiday. Miyu had compounded their amusement by actually eating a few. She grinned openly, remembering Larva's deep laugh at her face. She decided a little revenge was in order, and picked up the most disgusting-looking package off foodstuffs there, some sort of sugar-coated animal. She couldn't imagine Larva trying to eat a pure marshmallow anything, but most certainly not something so garishly colored, and in the shape of little bunnies. She wondered how many of them she could make him eat....there was definitely a challenge in these little rabbits. The package contained twenty-four. Miyu was mentally wagering how many she could guilt Larva into eating as the same boy from the infamous night rung up her purchase. "That'll be $1.98 miss."
(Ha! You see? Bosterd DID hate the little Pepsi gremlin! He overcharged her! Ahahaha such covert evilness....)
Miyu absently paid the man and walked out of the store. She had the faintest suspicion of sensing Shinma....but it was so slight it might have just been her imagination.
Miyu stepped out of her shoes and dropped her house key into a specially placed dish on the entrance table, closing the front door behind her. She dropped her schoolbag in the hall as she walked toward the kitchen table, her traditional spot for her Easter present to sit waiting Larva's attention. She noticed a brown overcoat and a pair of familiar sunglasses slung casually over the back of a chair. Sometimes it was necessary for Larva to go out, and having such an outfit usually helped avoid the most obvious attention. But that wasn't the only thing out of place. Larva himself was standing against the far wall with a faint smirk on his face. She noticed why after stepping into the kitchen and laying eyes on the table.
"Peeps!"
Larva grinned at her. "Happy Easter, Miyu."
She mock-frowned at him. "Not fair."
Larva raised a questioning eyebrow. "Oh? Why is that, Mistress?"
Miyu pulled out her package and set it on the table next to his considerably bigger one.
(Oh don't EVEN snicker you RAGING PERVS! Augghh, can't stop laughing! Didn't mean to be perverted....slipped out....hahhahahahaha!)
Larva shook his head. "How cliché. Rather unoriginal, wouldn't you say? I had thought to give you more credit than that."
Miyu raised her eyebrow at him. "It seems I've outdone you nonetheless. My package seems to contain MORE Peeps than yours."
Larva gave her a very knowing and very smug smile. "Yes but mine's moving."
Miyu's eyes widened and she saw that indeed Larva's package was twitching.
(Arrgg shut up! All of you! Can't I even write a decent story without all of you twisting it? Geez...)
She ripped open the plastic, tearing through the quality seal to see that the bundle was most definitely moving, and was most definitely Shinma. It glared up at her. She couldn't help smiling in spite of herself. "Aww, she's so cute though."
The thing got an outraged look on it's face, and Larva approached the table to stare menacingly at it.
"I'd be thankful if I were you. Her good graces are the only thing keeping you from being sealed to the Darkness. Be glad that you are in the company of the Guardian. You have her unique protection. That is, if she decides to keep you...?" Larva turned to look questioningly at Miyu.
She glared good-naturedly at Larva. "Very well. I admit defeat. You win." She inclined her head. "But next year..."
Larva bent over to kiss her hand with mock formality. "I accept your challenge, Vampire Princess."
Vlakri groaned inwardly to himself, then settled into a gloomy silence. He had just realized he would never wear his glorious shoelaces again....
~~~~~~
AHAHAHA! How many of you saw THAT one coming?!? Well that's it folks! I assume you have at least a vague knowledge of Shiina, so I assume I could assume that you know his/her connection to Miyu. (In the TV series at least). And as for how he came to his name....Um....lemme think.... Aha:
Miyu: Awww. I think I'll call her Xena! Like as in Warrior Princess. Like in Vampire Princess. I'm so clever...
(Vlakri fumes over the loss of his man-tool)
Larva: (points to pathetically stubby arms) She makes a pretty shitty Xena
Miyu: Oh. Ok, how about Shiina? For Shitty Xena?
(Larva grins dimly)
(He knows the truth of Vlakri, but likes to torture the stupid thing. I'm not fond of Shiina, by the way)
And now, for the first time in Heather's multi-chaptered stories....
*THE END!*
Ta da! I finished one! Well kids, what'd you think? And no, I haven't forgotten
Very much thank you to:
Princess Licorice: Don't worry, I haven't technically 'seen' the TV series either. I can't even remember what the symbolism was. I'd have to go back and read it again. And you should never be afraid of sounding stupid on my review boards....I eclipse all of you with my black hole of a brutally retarded self.
Miyu: When should we set the date for the wedding? And of course you'll have to introduce me to your parents. They'll just love your choice....aww. If they balk, just let them read some of my writing. That will clear up any doubts they have. If all else fails, I can be described as 'special'
Well goodbye kids. Thanks for sticking this out. I love most of you. (To say I love all of you would be a blatant lie.) I love all who reviewed, and nearly all who read. And if you feel like being chronically stalked, email someone (I don't know who) at arachniphiliac@yahoo.com. Also IM at 'arachniphiliac'. I live in California, to clear up any time-zone differences. That in the US (Yeah, I know. Go figure...)
So BYE BYE kids.
Keep smiling until you stop