Taunting Elves

Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings. Deep Sigh Or Legolas. Deeper sigh In fact, I own anything related to Lord of the Rings except a few of these action figures I got at Toys 'R' Us… Covets them So please don't sue me, as it would only be a waste of time, seeing as all I have is… Looks in pocket 12 bucks.

Summary: Leggy-bashing, trite jokes, and paradoxes that make sense in a twisted sort of way. My first attempt at 'funny' LOTR fics, so be gentle… Give it a chance, 'cause it starts out all flowery and that sort of nonsense.. but I can't get far without that sort of stuff.

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The sun, she, the beacon of light, burned brightly in the cerulean blue sky. Wisps of clouds drifted, silk-like, over the sky.

A light breeze danced over the grass and playfully stirred the emerald leaves of the canopy. Dew drops, glistening in the glorious light of the sun, waltzed along the length of the stately branches, before reaching the end of the leaves. There, they seemed to hang for one moment of eternity, sparkling like a diamond, like the light of a thousand stars, before falling away from their perch, landing with gentle splashes on the ground.

Life beat from every inch of the sparkling forest, from every blade of grass, every tree, every grain of sand. And the beasts and birds felt this energy, and reveled in it.

Bright finches, their plumage a dash of fire among the woods, red and yellow, orange and white, sang musically in the trees, the fluttering of their wings and chortling of their songs rising over the leaves like a light breeze. A deer, auburn, eyes brown, liquid, overflowing with love, nibbled on the corner of the luscious green grass, then sprung away, graceful and lithe as a dancer.

Legolas Greenleaf stepped out among the trees. The golden sunlight fell through the regal trees, casting kaleidoscope images upon the grass and the Elf's flaxen hair.


Legolas smiled, and a light leapt in his glowing green eyes. The world was beautiful.

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Back in the real world-

A storm, which had been threatening to break all morning, had finally sprung upon the forest with all the stealth of a bulldozer. Lightning struck and hissed in the air, thunder rumbled ominously. The wind, nay, not a wind but a gale, roared threw the woods, which had previously been a battle field, and by the sounds of Orc's guttural shouting and the sharp clang of metal against metal, still was.

Clouds roiled over the sky, obscuring the wan sun with their inky darkness. The cries and screams of the combatants below were drowned out by the elemental storm, which clashed with itself in the air, beating itself about in the sky, like two dragons embroiled in a deadly combat.

And the roaring of the wind and thunder seemed, for moment that stretched for an eternity, to reach that stunning destruction. Then, it began to slacken, for no monstrous deluge could last that long without retreating for fortification.

The Orcs were also being beaten back.

Merry and Pippin crawled over towards Legolas, who was laid out on the ground after being clubbed, rather hard, by a particularly resourceful Orc who had gotten hold of a tree branch. The two Hobbits peered down at their companion, who had a smile of pure delight on his fair Elfish face.

The two traded glances. Finally, Merry spoke up. "Uhm… you want to wake him, or shall I?"

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((Oboebyrd: Insanity coming later. I promise. Just flexing my stiff literary muscles, I guess…))