Can't Let You Go

PART FOUR

Mikagami was already gone when Raiha woke up, just like always. Raiha did not attend class that day, partly because he needed time to think through things, and partly because he was already late anyway. Instead, his footsteps brought him to the hill he had visited with Fuuko the other day. This time, he made it to the top, and sat under the tree and watched the city moved through the times of the day.

He sat still staring blankly until about the evening. Some time during the day his mind had stopped functioning for him altogether. He had meant to take the time to think things out, about the silent mess he had gotten himself entangled in. He felt so dirty, like he had betrayed Fuuko, and it was a feeling that he had not tasted often in his life. Being a ninja, it was the ultimate shame to be associated with the word betrayal.

Raiha sighed, burying his face in his palms. He was starting to regret the last month of his life. He should not have come to visit Fuuko. If he did not, then he would not have known the other side of Mikagami, then he would not be fascinated with the other side of Mikagami, then no one would be hurt because there would not be a Raiha complicating feelings in Hokage.

You're such a failure, Raiha…you got ice to melt then you don't know what to do with the water.

If he could do nothing about the situation, then… maybe it would be better to freeze the water up again? He could not just leave the puddle there to evaporate into nothingness.

Raiha slapped himself for thinking that way.

Fuuko-san… he mind called out the name as if calling for help and inspiration, two fingers rubbing his slightly red cheeks.

The bushes behind him rustled softly, and Raiha jumped. His eyes widened when he saw who it was, then a flush slowly crept across his cheeks, marking his guilt. It was Mikagami, and for some reason, Raiha felt it was infidelity that he was caught thinking about Fuuko in his presence. "Mikagami…" he greeted softly with a smile when his nerved settled. Somewhere in the depths of his mind, he wondered whether feeling so comfortable in the icy boy's presence could also be considered as unfaithfulness to Fuuko. Comfortable, yet uncomfortable.

The Ensui master nodded in reply, stopping beside where Raiha sat. His eyes roamed carelessly over the scenery, while being very conscious of the ninja looking at him.

Raiha stared at the hair as the breezed lazily played with it. It took him almost a minute to realize that Mikagami was silently seeking permission to sit down. When he finally did, his fading blush came back to haunt him and he scooted over to make space. Not that there was not enough of it anyway. Chiding his flushed cheeks, Raiha patted the space beside him invitingly, his mind involuntarily going back to the night before, and remember the ki-

Mikagami sat down gracefully and stretched his legs out. Raiha noticed that he had tied his hair with long black ribbons that suited him very nicely – they look much better than the plain hair-tie he used usually. The silence between them stretched for quite a while, even as Raiha fumbled for something to say, anything besides the weather and the scenery.

The sun was setting.

"Erm… Mikagami, do you come here often?" he managed, fiddling with his fingers.

His sort-of companion nodded. "It's quiet here."

"Aa…" Raiha replied intelligently. He fixed his eyes on the skies far away, where the blue was melding into a rainbow of orange and yellow. "Do you like sunsets, Mikagami? They're beautiful…"

"I generally don't bother admiring."

"…"

Birds chirped, leaves rustled, cars moved about down below, but the two did not continue with their clumsy exchange of words. Raiha clasped his hands together and tried hard to understand why the awkward silence felt so comfortable – it was hard to explain. He supposed it was he who was pressuring himself into saying something, and not the presence of Mikagami. Mikagami made him feel good.

"Stop that."

"Huh?" Raiha looked up from his hands, eyes going to meet baby blue irises. Beautiful.

"You've been fidgeting."

"Oh. I'm sorry," Raiha apologized, turning away slightly to hide his face.

"You don't need to apologize…" Mikagami said softly, giving a half-shrug. "I make everyone uneasy."

"That's not true!" Raiha protested, before realizing that he was slightly overreacting. He flushed bright red. That seemed to have become a natural reflex. "I-I mean…" his voice softened, "You do make me a little nervous but… you make me happy too… very happy."

Mikagami's lips curled into the beginnings of a smile, and he relaxed further against the rough bark of the tree trunk. "How long do you plan to stay?" he asked.

Raiha shrugged. "As long as you can stand me."

But in his heart, he wondered if that will ever become true.

---

The next day, Mikagami and Raiha walked to school together. It was a short trip from the school hostels to the main buildings, but the number of heart-filled looks they received would have been unnerving had one not been so cold, and the other not so oblivious. Raiha had proved very popular among the female population too.

As it was, the giggles and whispers going on around them were unheeded by both. Maybe if it was Raiha alone, one would have dared to venture further in a greeting, but everyone knew that Tokiya Mikagami was not for touching – Please do not touch exhibit. Thank You.

So the trip was fairly harmless, through the foyer and up the stairs to the third story. They were approaching their classrooms when a certain person pounced on them from behind.

"GOOD MORNING!!" Fuuko sang, obscenely cheerful for the morning and oblivious to the woes of Raiha who had crashed into a notice board, and ignoring the snarls of Mikagami as he picked himself up from the ground.

"It'd probably be better without you around," Mikagami said coolly, refraining from snapping. He checked to see whether he had crushed his glasses (in his pocket) with the fall.

"Aw, don't be so cold, Mi-chan," Fuuko snickered as she snagged one of Raiha's arms. Raiha patted her head helplessly, not making any struggles to get his arm back.

Mikagami suddenly felt something icy make its way through him, weighing him down. He tensed, tearing his eyes away from the way they showed affection towards each other. At that moment, he hated her. He hated Fuuko.

---

A few days later…

"Say, Raiha?" Fuuko rested her chin on one palm and stared moodily down at her ice cream. They were somewhere in the park, lounging on a bench in a shaded area. School had just let off.

"What, Fuuko?" Raiha answered distractedly, trying to get the squirrel on the tree to descend so he could feed it ice cream.

"Have you noticed… that Mi-chan has been looking at me all weird lately?" Fuuko mumbled, sighing a little.

Raiha perked up a little, looking at her through the corner of his eye. "He has?"

"Yes, dumbo. You're a ninja, you know. Be more observant."

"I'm sure it's nothing…" Raiha assured hastily, sounding unconvincing even to himself. Especially to himself. "You're just being paranoid."

"Unn…"

The issue had not been big at first, and Fuuko had shrugged it off indifferently. She would catch Mikagami staring at her whenever the Hokage congregated for a little silliness, or feel eyes on her back during break. Sometimes, if she turned around fast enough, she would see Mikagami turning his gaze elsewhere, but most of the time, he was innocently conversing with someone else, more of the times Raiha than not.

It had not been bad at first, and Fuuko was not inclined to mention it to anyone; as Raiha had suggested, maybe she was just being paranoid. But the past two days had been taxing. Fuuko could swear, Mikagami had laser implants in his eyes. The wind girl squirmed a little at the memory. It had been forty-eight hours of being nailed. Mikagami was starting to stare at her more openly. Just today she had looked up from her bento to find the ice man leaning oh-so-bishonenly against a pillar in the cafeteria, not far away enough to conceal himself from Fuuko's vision scope.

The baby blue eyes had been… cold. Not cold like how he shrugged off his fangirls, but more like how he had looked at Kai after the man had taunted him for his sister's death. If Fuuko was not mistaken, the emotion swirling in those blue irises was intense dislike, bordering on pure hatred. And cold, dammit.

Fuuko shook her head to clear the memories. Hells be damned if she would let that guy get her. Her eyes flitted to Raiha's face and she sighed. She was not blind to any extent – it was painfully obvious that Mikagami liked Raiha. Was it a mutual liking…?

Suspicion started to manifest. She would have to have a Talk with them soon.

---

Mikagami leaned back against the wall, eyes fixed straight ahead of him, staring at none other but the feared Fuuko Kirisawa. He had been doing that for the past few days, not bothering to be obscure about it, and he did not know why.

But he did. Deep in his heart and at the back of his mind, he knew why he was doing this. He knew why his heartbeat quickened whenever he was near a certain ninja (a purple-hair one, not the black one), and subsequently he knew why the presence of the Ensui felt so much stronger when he saw him, and her together.

Kissing, unaware of the silent audience.

Passion into infinity, the world falls away.

Mirrors, reflecting love that had been buried for so long.

Buried and uncovered again; pieces picked up and cherished.

And all along, there was one who could only watch, by the sidelines. One who will strive for what he could not have, but the effort was away from the eyes of the accusing public. Only when there was no one to witness…

She was creating a scene with the rest again. But he was not there. Mikagami's teeth clenched, and he had to repress the fury that was steadily rising inside him.

"Oi, Mikagami…"

Mikagami blinked, and the life returned to his eyes again. They softened involuntarily when he recognized the owner of that voice, the voice that had coaxed him out of his ghosts. His mask fell over his features, and the surprise was wiped away instantly. Without turning, he asked steely, "What do you want?"

Raiha placed his hand on the Ensui master's shoulder, tracing his line of vision slowly. He hesitated. "I need to talk to you."

Mikagami turned slowly to meet his eyes. Then he nodded, and pushed himself off the wall. He was a human. He had limits.

---

Mikagami led the way to the back of the main school building, where few students frequented. There was a small garden there, with a pond in the middle. Mikagami sat himself on one of the warm rocks around, and looked up at Raiha expectantly, if not carelessly.

"Mikagami…" Raiha started with almost a sigh. "I heard from Fuuko that you have been… watching her, lately."

"I have," Mikagami replied evenly.

Raiha looked at him sharply, then lowered his gaze. "I saw you looking at her just now. Why?"

"What do you mean by 'why'?" Mikagami asked bluntly, looking up at Raiha with indifferent and aloof eyes.

Raiha did not answer. It's my fault… it all comes back to me…

"Raiha," Mikagami snapped, his expression hardening.

"I'm sorry." the ninja blinked, looking up from the spot in the grass he had been burning. Sorry… an ambiguous word – he was sorry for so many things.

"I think love you."

"…"

Mikagami looked away. "I don't want to keep the doubt always there. I know you won't laugh, and I know you won't reject me in the face."

Raiha just stood there, unsure of the next words to come, from himself and from Mikagami.

"Are you going to tell everyone now? You can. I don't care," Mikagami snapped, abruptly standing up, and made to move away. He had not gotten three steps from the rock when Raiha laid a restraining hand on his arm, and whispered softly into the wind.

"Why are you telling me… this…?" he asked, not reproaching, not curious. In fact, he sounded scared and weary. Scared of being weary; weary of being scared.

Mikagami felt the incredulity in him slowly burn itself into anger. Of all the questions, he never expected to be asked this, by Raiha, of all people. He opened his mouth, for once fumbling for something to say. For the first time in his life, he experienced the meaning of being speechless.

After a full minute of incoherent thinking, Mikagami took a deep breath and replied, his voice admirably even, "Why? Because I don't believe I'll lose to Fuuko." He turned and favored Raiha with a cold smirk. Calmly, he peeled away the hand on his arm. "Tokiya Mikagami is not defeated that easily."

He laughed, and walked away.

---

Fuuko was not having an extremely good time.

The aftermath of being stared at by Mikagami had not worn off – it was still scaring her mind half to death.

That had to be true. In fact, that was probably the reason why she could not, for the hell of her, remember what kind of stitch should be used for attaching two pieces of cloth together. Not just ordinary cloth, of course. It had to be a pink skirt and a shirt-of-sorts. The ultimate objective would be to attach the two piece together using threads to form a baby dress.

Fuuko scowled, holding her articles of clothing up to scrutinize properly. She had never liked needlework anyway, less so a test.

She frowned deeply, and averted her eyes just a little to her left. She only needed to know what stitch she should use…

In-out-in-out-in-out… the needle flashed up and down, without a pause that allowed Fuuko to cheat. Fuuko sweatdropped at her classmate, who solemnly sat in the chair, back straight and eyes focused on her task, radiating knowledge in the realm of housekeeping.

Fuuko sighed and slumped into her chair. Everyone seemed to be doing fine except for her… what was so great about poking cloth with needles anyway? She could think of so many better things to enact a needle upon…

"Five more minutes," announced the teacher, prim voice sharp, just like how all home economics teachers sounded.

Fuuko groaned into her palms and rubbed her face furiously, annoyed. If she failed this one, she would make the school's record of flunking nine consecutive tests … not to mention the agony of repeated teasing from her friends, the ninja apes family…

Yes, and you forgot about Raiha. Fuuko reminded herself, sinking deeper into the quicksand of ultimate desperation.

She opened her eyes and looked through the tools and her own sewing pouch once again. No, she will not do badly for this one, no matter what. For her reputation, and for Raiha. Her eyes caught the glint of the stapler.

It was at that moment that the perfect solution formed in her mind. Screw the needles.

---

It was after class and Mikagami was walking down the corridors to his lockers when someone fell in step with him, humming a lively tune. The swords master did not need to turn to know who it was, and he was surprised. But because he was Mikagami, his step never once faltered, and his surprise remained concealed. His silence was a prompt for the other party to start speaking, because he was not about to initiate any forms of conversation.

Raiha coughed, even though he knew he already had the attention of his companion. "Sorry, Mikagami."

Mikagami reached his lockers, and turned the combination to open the lock. The students there automatically parted to give him space. "For what?" he asked cordially, throwing his books in with a little more force than necessary.

"For reacting stupidly today," Raiha sighed, standing primly by Mikagami's side. The stares and giggles that the two of them received were more than enough to unnerve the ninja inside, but he stood bravely behind Mikagami, unflinching.

Mikagami paused for a moment, then resumed his activities, turning out his bag fiercely. "I accept."

Raiha fidgeted at the frigid tone, wondering how to go about the next part of his apology. He calmly watched Mikagami worry his belongings, then chose his words carefully, "Are you free today, Mikagami?"

Mikagami paused again, before shoving everything into the metal cabinet in a pile. He slammed his locker door shut, and turned to face the ninja. "What do you want?"

Raiha scratched his head, abashed. "Want to go for lunch? My treat, to express my apologies."

Yeah right, he taunted himself. You only wanted an excuse to see more of-

Raiha's thought broke off under Mikagami's half-glare. He smiled weakly and tried to meet the intense baby blue eyes. So beautiful… a voice in Raiha's mind reminded.

Mikagami seemed to be contemplating on the idea, because he finally frowned and said, "Fine."

Raiha smiled and bowed his head, trying not to reveal his elation. A small part of his conscience called out that he should not be doing this at all, but that part was very quickly drowned by the rush of happiness that swept through him. Raiha wondered why he felt like that in the first place, why he even asked Mikagami out.

"Right then," Raiha beamed, taking Mikagami's arm and steering him down the congested corridor. "Let's go!"

Mikagami followed mutely, eyes fixed on the overjoyed expression on Raiha's face. It could have been that he was not paying attention to where he was walking, or what he was walking into, because as he was rounding a corner, he collided against something.

Reflexively taking a step back, he was greeted to a most amusing sight.

"Raiha!" Fuuko exclaimed, face lighting up, then winced as the fingers on her ear gave an extra hard twist. "OWWW!! Okay, okay!!"

"Young lady," the teacher warned, one finger going to adjust her spectacles. "If you do not even comprehend the very basics of needlework, one might think that you would at least take the initiative to educate your uncivilized self on the fundamental etiquette that a young lady like yourself should inexcusably possess!"

"Okay, okay…" Fuuko scowled, holding in several curses. She shot Raiha a pitiful look.

"Good afternoon, ma'am," Raiha greeted, keeping his sweatdrop hidden from the view of the teacher.

"Good afternoon, young man," trilled the teacher. "Now if you'd just excuse me, I have to take in hand this uncouth child."

"What did she do?" Raiha asked hastily, before Fuuko could be towed away.

Fuuko blushed furiously, and suddenly gave up struggling, perfectly willing to follow the teacher, who unfortunately stopped. "It's nothing, Raiha!"

The teacher glowered at Fuuko (for speaking out of turn) then turned to fish a piece of something out of the basket she carried. "Well will you look at this," she crowed, holding up a pink baby dress, jumping at a chance to do a public exhibition of the 'biggest piece of trash she had ever witnessed in her teaching career'. Students all around paused in interest and amazement. No one, no teacher had ever dared to reprimand the fear-instilling Kirisawa, much less tow her by the ears to where it looked to be the detention room.

"This young lady promptly forgot all of her stitches and failed to score any points for methods in the needlework examinations. And what does she do? She brilliantly picks up the stapler and staples her cloths together. By the gods, would someone save her?" the teacher screeched in a crescendo, utterly enraged by the memory. "This is an utter disgrace to womanhood! She shall attend supplementary lessons with me from this very day onwards until she picks up the essential skills of a young woman." The teacher huffed, and Fuuko cringed, groaning to herself.

Raiha stood stunned. Mikagami felt the sides of his mouth begin to twitch. The whole corridor paused, and everyone stared. Then the place burst alive with laughter. Fuuko cursed out loud, scowling.

Raiha closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and beckoned politely to the teacher to go to the corner.

Only after a few minutes, when the resounding noise in corridor had died down, did the teacher look up from her very absorbing conversation, glare vehemently at the seething Fuuko, and walk away with her nose in the air.

Fuuko ogled, her eyebrows raised, and her embarrassment forgotten for the moment. "Whoa, what did you tell her?"

"…Nothing much," Raiha assured, as the congregated crowd began to disperse, still snickering despite the dark looks they received.

Fuuko gave a sigh of relief, and pushed her fringe away from her face. "Geez… what possessed me to do that…?"

Mikagami gave a very audible snort.

Fuuko turned her death glare on him, then decided that she was wasting energy, and turned her attention to the ninja instead. "Raiha!" she pounced on him and hugged him tight. "You saved my life!!" she nearly cried in joy.

No one noticed how Mikagami tensed up.

Raiha sighed indulgently. "Try not to do that too often, okay?"

"Ah well…" Fuuko mumbled, without any intention of elaborating. "Say, let's go for lunch, okay? Listening to the preaching took up lots of energy." She patted her stomach for emphasis.

"Er…" Raiha shot Mikagami a look. "I-"

"He's eating out with me," Mikagami interrupted coldly.

There was a pause for comprehension to set in, then Fuuko's jaws clenched. She smiled brightly and tightened her hold on Raiha's arm. "Then let's eat together, Mi-chan."

Raiha closed his eyes tightly, praying for the best outcome. He only hoped Mikagami would play along…

"No."

Fuuko stilled, glaring Mikagami eye-to-eye. "Why not?" she asked after a moment.

"Because I don't want to spend my lunchtime with you," Mikagami replied simply.

Fuuko's lips pulled back into a snarl. "What do you mean, Mikagami?" she let go of the ninja's arm, and took a threatening step towards her rival. "That I'm not good enough to eat with you?"

"No. I just resent being in your presence," Mikagami replied, starting to look bored.

Fuuko lunged for him, aiming to land a punch across his face. Mikagami, reflexes quicker than what she could deal, sidestepped the effort easily. Fuuko caught herself before she fell, and turned a somersault in the air to land on her feet gracefully. She turned to attack again, but Raiha stepped in between the two of them and caught Fuuko by the shoulders.

"Fuuko," he warned. People had once again stopped to watch, amazed by the acrobatics even after a year of enduring Fuuko's actions in the school.

"Don't you try that on me, Raiha!" Fuuko growled, shaking herself free. "Who's more important? Your girlfriend or Mikagami?"

Raiha faltered. "Fuuko…" he tried again.

"Fuuko, there's a time and place for this kind of things," Mikagami cut in, favoring her with his cool gaze that seemed to mock at her recklessness.

Fuuko turned on him. "Mikagami…" she began, voice calm, if not trembling with rage. "You know what?" Fuuko's eyes narrowed.

She raised her voice unconsciously, "If you like Raiha so much, then at least have the guts to admit you're gay."

All the students turned to stare.

Author's notes

I've decided; for those who are still reading this, for those who like this, for those who have supported me, you guys choose the ending for me, okay? The second part of this chapter will decide the final outcome, so I have to see the response first. Happily ever after (for Raiha and Mikagami), or a general tragedy… it's your choice. Leave a review or mail me your response, I'm fine with it. If no one cares enough for its outcome, then I'm fine with it too. I don't care for reviews anymore, not as much as I used to. If you have something useful, say it. If you have encouragement, thank you, I need them. If you want to criticize, just make sure you can do better than me first.

(about the issue of Edge of Insanity, I was willing to drop the issue until someone else told me that another of her work resembles hers. what can i say? there has been so many cases of plagiarizing in the FoR fandom. go on, i admit i'm mean, i never did claim to be a nice person in the first place. whatever i said, i did NOT ask for her to take the fic down. and you know what? i'm sick of fuutoks, i'm sick of tuition, i'm sick of recycled plots. as i was saying, my school photocopying machine does better, and i have many people who agree with me. for whatever flames that you have given me, i'm sorry, they're kinda useless, you know. you're just not good enough to deflate my ego *evil laughter*)

To Raydance-sempai, always.

My greatest appreciation to the reviewers who have dropped a line to let me know that you are still waiting for the next part of this fic – you can't imagine how happy it makes me, to know this is still appreciated J Thank you.

Happy Valentines to everyone!

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Canon plot and characters are properties of the creator and distributors of Flame of Recca and are copyright to their respective owners. Author of this work claims no ownership, part or whole, of the canon plot and characters. No copyright infringement is intended. This fan fiction and all other relevant chapters and work, both text and non-text, are created for sole purpose of entertainment. Work is absolutely a non-commercial creation and no profits are made from the production, maintenance or display.

The Darker Side is an original piece of fan work copyrighted to saturn de wicked. No part of this work is to be reproduced or adapted in any way without the author's permission.

The situation of Fuuko's needlework test was a real story that my form teacher told us. It was her earlier days, so I would say I added it in for the entertainment factor.