(Disclaimer: Utena characters and settings belong to their respective owners. I promise to put the boys back in the toybox when I'm done.)
Author's Voice: Someone requested this, as I recall. And so do I deliver. Enjoy.
Second Best
The bathroom tiles felt cool against the heat of Saionji's skin. With the world still wont to spin, he dared not move from his perch beside the porcelain toilet located within the bathroom connected to his dorm room. He couldn't recall how long he'd sat there so far, but it seemed like hours. He'd dueled again for the Rose Bride and been soundly defeated. But the entire battle eluded him, as did the events leading up to it. All that remained with him was the flurry of memories, fleeting moments he hardly believed occurred, and the ache in both his head and his belly.
The last thing he remembered with any clarity had been Touga's sharp kick to his side, bringing him back to reality swiftly.
It wasn't so simple as that, for Saionji's body refused to obey him. Then there were the questions about where he was and the bitter taste of defeat at the back of his throat. Ended up it was blood from a split lip leaving that irony taste there. He had to be carried to Akio's car, with the scent of the chairman all over Touga. What had they done while they made him battle against Utena again? He found himself pushing the question aside, he didn't want to know. No, he already knew.
Slowly he rose from his spot, limbs shaky but willing to carry him toward the shower. He had enough strength to turn the nozzles on and crawl into the shower, huddled there with his face buried against his knees. The water was too hot, almost scalding as it patted down evergreen ringlets against his face. Steam filled the bathroom rather quickly, further turning the shower door opaque. He squeezed his eyes shut, willing the tears to cease but finding he hadn't the ability to stop them. Perhaps it was the scalding heat from the water pouring down on him, or perhaps his will was too weak to ignore the pain within his chest. The sensation hardened there like a lump and ached every time he thought about the duel that brought him ultimate humiliation and ruin.
What bothered him most was how little he remember of it combined with the feeling he'd allowed both Touga and Akio to use him.
The water abruptly turned off then. Saionji looked up to realize the steam had hidden the opening of the shower door and his thoughts meant him missing the sudden rush of air cooling his skin.
"What the hell are you doing?" Touga's voice purred, hardly sounding like a concerned friend should. He reached down, grasping Saionji's arm with an iron grip and drawing him out of the shower. He grunted in protest, but did nothing else to fight against the redhead, submitting as he always did in the end.
A hand reached out to brush dampened curls from Saionji's cheeks, Touga's gaze unreadable though clearly there were gears turning rapidly behind those blue eyes. Without a word, he grabbed a towel from the rack near the door and pulled it around his friend's shivering body before letting go entirely. Saionji's legs nearly buckled beneath him, but he caught the edge of the sink while his free hand clutched the towel around him.
"Come," Touga intoned, that secretive smile curling his lips upward while he gestured for Saionji to follow him out to the bedroom suite. Quietly he obeyed, moving as his body allowed, steps slow and hesitant until he reached the doorframe and used it to lean against. Touga continued at his normal, lazy pace, pausing in front of Saionji's bed before turning dramatically, crimson hair flying with the motion.
"You lost again," he chided, clucking his tongue as a frustrated parent might with an unruly child. The sharp reminder felt like a slap to the face, Saionji wincing despite himself.
"I was meant to," Saionji snarled in return, "Neither of you wanted me to win. What purpose was it for? To break me completely?"
Touga chuckled softly, falling back onto the bed lazily, casually spreading his arms out. The uniform jacket had been unbuttoned to begin with and now divided down his chest, exposing the flawless flesh and musculature there. He sighed in the same condescending manner, replying in a tone of voice that suggested he really was speaking to a child. "Don't think that was done for you, Saionji. It wasn't even about you."
"Then you used me to get to Tenjou," Saionji replied, his scowl deepening. Touga fell silent, staring at the ceiling while contemplating the accusation.
"What did you give me?" he continued as his friend lay there quietly on the bed.
That produced a reaction, finally, Touga sitting up abruptly to prop himself on his elbows, a crimson brow lifted, "What do you mean?"
"I mean what drug did you feed me," Saionji snapped, finding better control of his body as his anger rose. He pushed away from the door frame, stalking toward the bed with a stolid determination to pull the truth out of Touga, for once.
And too late he realized he'd underestimated Touga again. The redhead flashed a sudden grin and lunged forward, grabbing Saionji by the arm to pull him backwards onto the bed. Together in a heap the kendo captain and student council president wrestled, and within the blink of an eye, Saionji found himself pinned against the mattress, Touga hovering over him with his arms pinioned above his head. His limbs were still too weak to struggle, stomach lurching with all the sudden activity.
"Let me go."
"And if I say no?"
"I'll throw up on you."
Touga laughed at that, letting go of his friends wrists and falling back to sit at the foot of the bed, lounging out like a leopard eyeing its prey and wondering if it were hungry enough to hunt. "Does it matter? You dueled and you lost. No drug influenced that, you weren't supposed to win."
Saionji fell silent for a long moment, squeezing his eyes shut while willing his stomach not to rebel on him. There was nothing left for him to throw up, anyway, merely dry heaves. "Touga," he began slowly, swallowing again suddenly, "Why do you let Akio use you?"
"I don't know," Touga replied casually, "Why do you let me use you?"
Violet eyes turned toward cornflower blue, holding that gaze balefully. "Because you are my friend."
"Didn't you say there is no such thing?" Touga sounded amused more than anything else and yet something shadowed his eyes. Something deeper than the shallow display of callousness. Saionji's gaze narrowed, doubting himself as quickly as the realization struck him.
"Someday, Touga, this is going to bite you and when it does, I'll be there to laugh," Saionji replied bitterly.
Touga laughed again and pushed himself forward, lunging to pin Saionji back against his own bed. He lowered his face to a mere inch from his friend's, crimson locks trickling along Saionji's chest while the other writhed, panting heavily in the discourse of their renewed struggle. "Saionji, there is something you really should have come to understand by now." He paused for dramatic effect, or perhaps he expected an answer. When none was forthcoming, he continued, "You will always be second best. Now... let me in."