See previous parts for disclaimer…
Part 26
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Karen's House - Outside
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Katie paced nervously up and down the walkway leading up to Ms. Sammler's door. It was just past four in the afternoon and she was certain that Jessie was in there having seen her mother pick her up from school an hour earlier. After the incident with Sarah she'd spent the rest of the night deep in thought finally realizing how screwed up she'd gotten since she and Jessie had stopped talking. From swearing at teachers and snapping at her friends, to actually being so out of things that she'd let Sarah get so close to her, it just had to stop, she knew that she had to talk to Jessie. She had to see her, and resolve things one way or the other, because she just couldn't do this anymore, it was tearing her apart.
The problem was she scared, absolutely terrified at the prospect of actually seeing Jessie only to have the other girl tell her to get lost. The thought that her misplaced pride might have ended up costing her the most important person in her life, causing her to continue pacing, just as she had for the past half hour.
Finally, after nearly wearing a hole in her shoes, Katie stopped pacing and pushed forward stepping up onto the porch. Bouncing up on the balls of her feet and letting out a anxious exhalation of air, she sucked in a deep breath and extended her hand until her finger was resting on the smooth white plastic of Karen's doorbell. Then clenching her other hand tightly, she closed her eyes and quickly jabbed at the bell.
Jessie yanked the door open fully preparing to give whoever was at the door a piece of her mind - especially if it was those stupid survey people again. However, she stopped abruptly, her body jerking to a stop as if she'd run into an invisible wall when she saw that it was Katie who was standing there. She suddenly found herself at a loss for words as she blinked at the sight of her girlfriend. Katie. Katie was standing at her door. Katie. She couldn't believe that she was actually there, that she had come to see her. Katie.
Before Katie could even mumble a lame 'hello' she found herself hurrying to wrap her arms around Jessie who after a momentary bout of silence and confused blinking had rushed out of the door at her and into her arms.
"Oh my god, I'm so happy to see you," Jessie mumbled into Katie's shoulder, not even really certain of the words that were coming out of her mouth. "I've missed you so much, and I thought that I'd totally messed things up, and I should have returned your calls, I just wanted to apologize to you so much, but every time, I could just never do it, and I thought that you would never talk to me again," she continued to mumble as Katie maneuvered them into the house and closed the door, which she then leaned against bringing Jessie with her.
"I could never stop loving you, not in a million years," Katie told Jessie softly as she stroked her back, blinking rapidly to try and contain the tears that had been forming in her eyes from the moment Jessie touched her. "I shouldn't have taken everything so personally, I was so stupid, I didn't even see, she totally didn't change, and I hurt you and that was the last thing I ever wanted to do," she continued her voice choking in her throat, intense feelings of self-loathing coursing through her body as she remembered how very, very wrong she'd been.
Pulling back out of Katie's arms, Jessie looked at her girlfriend, really looked at her for the first time since recognizing the figure at the door as her, and literally had to fight the urge to gasp in shock. She was alarming pale as if she had been locked in a room for days, and her eyes were puffy and bloodshot. Her tall frame was hunched over tiredly and her face was tightly drawn like she had forgotten how to relax since the last time they spoke. It broke Jessie heart because she knew that she was the one that had done this to her, she'd taken this amazing person so full of life and energy and love, and twisted her into a shell of that former self because she was too scared and insecure to see the truth, or to believe it when she saw it.
"I'm so sorry I put you through all of this," Jessie managed to choke out as she reached up to stroke Katie's face, absolutely devastated by Katie's broken appearance.
"You shouldn't be," Katie said shaking her head knowing that Jessie was blaming herself for whatever had happened, and that that wasn't the truth. She had helped the dig the hole, and she had willingly wallowed in it. "There's no reason, I mean I did stupid stuff too," she continued tears beginning to escape from her eyes. "Really stupid things," she went on turning away from Jessie to hide her face.
"What is it?" Jessie asked placing her hand on Katie's arm encouraging her to turn back around, sensing that whatever was bothering her was important. She wasn't just going to let things slide anymore, she wasn't not going to ask questions anymore because she was scared of the answer or of what the reaction to them might be. She'd kept her fears locked away inside, and her concerns to herself shutting Katie out of part of her life to disastrous affects. She wasn't going to do that again, she didn't think she could stand it if that happened again. No, she wasn't going to allow that to happen again.
"I thought," Katie started fully crying now, "I swear that I thought it was you," she continued slumping against the wall. She hadn't intended to say anything about what had happened with Sarah, she hadn't wanted to think about it since it gave her the full body creeps, but she knew that she had to tell Jessie, her conscience wouldn't let her not tell Jessie. It would be a lead ball chained to her leg, weighing her down for all eternity if she didn't tell her, their reunion founded on a lie and their relationship tainted. If they were going to fix things, then they had to be honest, painful as it may have been she had to place her heart on her sleeve.
"I don't understand," Jessie said wanting to do something to calm Katie, but not knowing how. In her dreams, this reunion had had a lot more kissing and a lot less tears.
"She came over. Sarah," Katie said trying to get a reign in on her emotions. "I was asleep, and I thought that she was you, I was thinking about you, and then it was like you were there, and I thought that it was you … and …" Katie continued, her babbling slowly trailing off when she realized that Jessie's body had stiffened acutely as she spoke and that she didn't seem to actually be breathing.
"Did you…" Jessie started to ask softly, her hand falling away from Katie's shoulder and down to her side limply as all of her fears and nightmares came tumbling through her brain once more.
"No," Katie said quickly, wanting to reach out for Jessie but not knowing if the gesture would be appreciated. "God no," she continued vehemently shaking her head. "She kissed me that's all, then I snapped out of it and kicked her the hell out. I was just so messed up," she continued her voice cracking with emotion. "It just took me a minute, I really thought it was you. I swear to God I thought it was you," she went on softly, her eyes lowering to the ground as her body started to shiver lightly.
Jessie watched Katie for a moment, torn between her own hurt at hearing Katie admit that she had kissed Sarah, and knowing without a doubt from Katie's bearing that it had really been an accident and that she was probably beating herself up over it more than Jessie could ever hope to. She wanted to kill Sarah, she wanted to rip her limbs from her body and then beat her about the head with them and then maybe feed them to some wild alligators or something. She wanted to run out into the middle of the street and drop to her knees in an overly dramatic way screaming at the top of her lungs. She wanted to, she just wanted to do something to make these ugly feelings that had been brewing inside of her go away. She didn't want to be in pain anymore, she didn't want to be angry anymore. She just wanted Katie. She wanted Katie.
"It's okay," Jessie replied a moment later sensing Katie start to pull away from her, no doubt agitated by her lengthy silence. "That wasn't like on my top list of things to hear before graduation," she continued ruefully, shaking her head a bit before taking Katie's hand into her own, "but it's alright." And though her heart was filled with a myriad of emotions, from irrational jealously over what had happened, to an almost insane anger, righteous indignation for what Sarah had done to Katie, and extreme guilt that she'd played a part in allowing it to happen, the love she felt for Katie was stronger. And it washed over her, soothing her other emotions allowing her to breath, deeply and refreshingly for the first time in weeks.
Katie sighed with relief upon hearing Jessie's words, believing them and letting them wash over her like holy water, absolving her of her sin. When Jessie hadn't said anything for so long, she'd been about ready to bolt, ready to take her silence as the rightful condemnation of her actions. But she wasn't a masochist and when Jessie offered her forgiveness, even though she doubted she actually deserved it, she took it. She reached out for it and clutched it to her chest until her knuckles were white, because she needed this; she needed Jessie, because the blonde was elemental. She made the flowers grow and birds sing.
So, finally she looked over at her girlfriend, really seeing her for the first time since the door opened. She gazed into those blue eyes that were watching her so carefully, lovingly, shinning with unshed tears and exuding concern, and she felt like she was home. She felt a peace deep within her that made her close her eyes and breathe in deeply to try and absorb the splendor of it all.
"You're beautiful," Katie finally exhaled absolutely astounded by the magnificence that was Jessie.
"No I'm not," Jessie said glancing down at her ratty clothes, and knowing from previous days experience that her skin was probably blotchy and pale, and she probably had bags under eyes and looked like she hadn't slept in days.
"You're breathtaking," Katie said a warm smile spreading across her face.
Jessie smiled at the expression on Katie's face and ducked her head down self-consciously not knowing how anyone could look at her with such adoration, but loving it at the same time. "If you keep this up, I'm never going to wear anything but track pants again," Jessie commented shyly looking up at Katie. She remembered this feeling, this excitement, it was happiness and she spelled it K-a-t-i -e.
"That's fine," Katie replied thinking that Jessie would look ravishing in a burlap sack or large paper bag.
"Even if they're the ones with the racing stripe down the side, and pictures of the Ninja Turtles on them?" Jessie asked playfully as she found herself unconsciously migrating towards the warmth of Katie's body. She hadn't even realized how much she'd missed the feeling of Katie's arms wrapped around her until she was almost in them again.
Katie looked at her in mock horror upon hearing that and shook her head. "You're right," she said. "We can't have that. You look absolutely horrible! Street urchin is definitely not the look for you."
Jessie smiled throwing herself into Katie's arms sighing as her girlfriend encased her in a tight embrace. "I've got some blonde jokes too," Katie mumbled into the top of Jessie's head, inhaling the scent of her hair as Jessie snuggled in closer. "And I could force myself into talking about your momma," she continued smiling as she felt Jessie's lips press against the skin of her neck. She sighed to herself contentedly, Hallmark had lied you absolutely didn't need to say it like them.
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Comments would be very much appreciated, so if you can spare a second please tap, tap away! jbslayer27@yahoo.com
Part 26
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Karen's House - Outside
----------------------------------
Katie paced nervously up and down the walkway leading up to Ms. Sammler's door. It was just past four in the afternoon and she was certain that Jessie was in there having seen her mother pick her up from school an hour earlier. After the incident with Sarah she'd spent the rest of the night deep in thought finally realizing how screwed up she'd gotten since she and Jessie had stopped talking. From swearing at teachers and snapping at her friends, to actually being so out of things that she'd let Sarah get so close to her, it just had to stop, she knew that she had to talk to Jessie. She had to see her, and resolve things one way or the other, because she just couldn't do this anymore, it was tearing her apart.
The problem was she scared, absolutely terrified at the prospect of actually seeing Jessie only to have the other girl tell her to get lost. The thought that her misplaced pride might have ended up costing her the most important person in her life, causing her to continue pacing, just as she had for the past half hour.
Finally, after nearly wearing a hole in her shoes, Katie stopped pacing and pushed forward stepping up onto the porch. Bouncing up on the balls of her feet and letting out a anxious exhalation of air, she sucked in a deep breath and extended her hand until her finger was resting on the smooth white plastic of Karen's doorbell. Then clenching her other hand tightly, she closed her eyes and quickly jabbed at the bell.
Jessie yanked the door open fully preparing to give whoever was at the door a piece of her mind - especially if it was those stupid survey people again. However, she stopped abruptly, her body jerking to a stop as if she'd run into an invisible wall when she saw that it was Katie who was standing there. She suddenly found herself at a loss for words as she blinked at the sight of her girlfriend. Katie. Katie was standing at her door. Katie. She couldn't believe that she was actually there, that she had come to see her. Katie.
Before Katie could even mumble a lame 'hello' she found herself hurrying to wrap her arms around Jessie who after a momentary bout of silence and confused blinking had rushed out of the door at her and into her arms.
"Oh my god, I'm so happy to see you," Jessie mumbled into Katie's shoulder, not even really certain of the words that were coming out of her mouth. "I've missed you so much, and I thought that I'd totally messed things up, and I should have returned your calls, I just wanted to apologize to you so much, but every time, I could just never do it, and I thought that you would never talk to me again," she continued to mumble as Katie maneuvered them into the house and closed the door, which she then leaned against bringing Jessie with her.
"I could never stop loving you, not in a million years," Katie told Jessie softly as she stroked her back, blinking rapidly to try and contain the tears that had been forming in her eyes from the moment Jessie touched her. "I shouldn't have taken everything so personally, I was so stupid, I didn't even see, she totally didn't change, and I hurt you and that was the last thing I ever wanted to do," she continued her voice choking in her throat, intense feelings of self-loathing coursing through her body as she remembered how very, very wrong she'd been.
Pulling back out of Katie's arms, Jessie looked at her girlfriend, really looked at her for the first time since recognizing the figure at the door as her, and literally had to fight the urge to gasp in shock. She was alarming pale as if she had been locked in a room for days, and her eyes were puffy and bloodshot. Her tall frame was hunched over tiredly and her face was tightly drawn like she had forgotten how to relax since the last time they spoke. It broke Jessie heart because she knew that she was the one that had done this to her, she'd taken this amazing person so full of life and energy and love, and twisted her into a shell of that former self because she was too scared and insecure to see the truth, or to believe it when she saw it.
"I'm so sorry I put you through all of this," Jessie managed to choke out as she reached up to stroke Katie's face, absolutely devastated by Katie's broken appearance.
"You shouldn't be," Katie said shaking her head knowing that Jessie was blaming herself for whatever had happened, and that that wasn't the truth. She had helped the dig the hole, and she had willingly wallowed in it. "There's no reason, I mean I did stupid stuff too," she continued tears beginning to escape from her eyes. "Really stupid things," she went on turning away from Jessie to hide her face.
"What is it?" Jessie asked placing her hand on Katie's arm encouraging her to turn back around, sensing that whatever was bothering her was important. She wasn't just going to let things slide anymore, she wasn't not going to ask questions anymore because she was scared of the answer or of what the reaction to them might be. She'd kept her fears locked away inside, and her concerns to herself shutting Katie out of part of her life to disastrous affects. She wasn't going to do that again, she didn't think she could stand it if that happened again. No, she wasn't going to allow that to happen again.
"I thought," Katie started fully crying now, "I swear that I thought it was you," she continued slumping against the wall. She hadn't intended to say anything about what had happened with Sarah, she hadn't wanted to think about it since it gave her the full body creeps, but she knew that she had to tell Jessie, her conscience wouldn't let her not tell Jessie. It would be a lead ball chained to her leg, weighing her down for all eternity if she didn't tell her, their reunion founded on a lie and their relationship tainted. If they were going to fix things, then they had to be honest, painful as it may have been she had to place her heart on her sleeve.
"I don't understand," Jessie said wanting to do something to calm Katie, but not knowing how. In her dreams, this reunion had had a lot more kissing and a lot less tears.
"She came over. Sarah," Katie said trying to get a reign in on her emotions. "I was asleep, and I thought that she was you, I was thinking about you, and then it was like you were there, and I thought that it was you … and …" Katie continued, her babbling slowly trailing off when she realized that Jessie's body had stiffened acutely as she spoke and that she didn't seem to actually be breathing.
"Did you…" Jessie started to ask softly, her hand falling away from Katie's shoulder and down to her side limply as all of her fears and nightmares came tumbling through her brain once more.
"No," Katie said quickly, wanting to reach out for Jessie but not knowing if the gesture would be appreciated. "God no," she continued vehemently shaking her head. "She kissed me that's all, then I snapped out of it and kicked her the hell out. I was just so messed up," she continued her voice cracking with emotion. "It just took me a minute, I really thought it was you. I swear to God I thought it was you," she went on softly, her eyes lowering to the ground as her body started to shiver lightly.
Jessie watched Katie for a moment, torn between her own hurt at hearing Katie admit that she had kissed Sarah, and knowing without a doubt from Katie's bearing that it had really been an accident and that she was probably beating herself up over it more than Jessie could ever hope to. She wanted to kill Sarah, she wanted to rip her limbs from her body and then beat her about the head with them and then maybe feed them to some wild alligators or something. She wanted to run out into the middle of the street and drop to her knees in an overly dramatic way screaming at the top of her lungs. She wanted to, she just wanted to do something to make these ugly feelings that had been brewing inside of her go away. She didn't want to be in pain anymore, she didn't want to be angry anymore. She just wanted Katie. She wanted Katie.
"It's okay," Jessie replied a moment later sensing Katie start to pull away from her, no doubt agitated by her lengthy silence. "That wasn't like on my top list of things to hear before graduation," she continued ruefully, shaking her head a bit before taking Katie's hand into her own, "but it's alright." And though her heart was filled with a myriad of emotions, from irrational jealously over what had happened, to an almost insane anger, righteous indignation for what Sarah had done to Katie, and extreme guilt that she'd played a part in allowing it to happen, the love she felt for Katie was stronger. And it washed over her, soothing her other emotions allowing her to breath, deeply and refreshingly for the first time in weeks.
Katie sighed with relief upon hearing Jessie's words, believing them and letting them wash over her like holy water, absolving her of her sin. When Jessie hadn't said anything for so long, she'd been about ready to bolt, ready to take her silence as the rightful condemnation of her actions. But she wasn't a masochist and when Jessie offered her forgiveness, even though she doubted she actually deserved it, she took it. She reached out for it and clutched it to her chest until her knuckles were white, because she needed this; she needed Jessie, because the blonde was elemental. She made the flowers grow and birds sing.
So, finally she looked over at her girlfriend, really seeing her for the first time since the door opened. She gazed into those blue eyes that were watching her so carefully, lovingly, shinning with unshed tears and exuding concern, and she felt like she was home. She felt a peace deep within her that made her close her eyes and breathe in deeply to try and absorb the splendor of it all.
"You're beautiful," Katie finally exhaled absolutely astounded by the magnificence that was Jessie.
"No I'm not," Jessie said glancing down at her ratty clothes, and knowing from previous days experience that her skin was probably blotchy and pale, and she probably had bags under eyes and looked like she hadn't slept in days.
"You're breathtaking," Katie said a warm smile spreading across her face.
Jessie smiled at the expression on Katie's face and ducked her head down self-consciously not knowing how anyone could look at her with such adoration, but loving it at the same time. "If you keep this up, I'm never going to wear anything but track pants again," Jessie commented shyly looking up at Katie. She remembered this feeling, this excitement, it was happiness and she spelled it K-a-t-i -e.
"That's fine," Katie replied thinking that Jessie would look ravishing in a burlap sack or large paper bag.
"Even if they're the ones with the racing stripe down the side, and pictures of the Ninja Turtles on them?" Jessie asked playfully as she found herself unconsciously migrating towards the warmth of Katie's body. She hadn't even realized how much she'd missed the feeling of Katie's arms wrapped around her until she was almost in them again.
Katie looked at her in mock horror upon hearing that and shook her head. "You're right," she said. "We can't have that. You look absolutely horrible! Street urchin is definitely not the look for you."
Jessie smiled throwing herself into Katie's arms sighing as her girlfriend encased her in a tight embrace. "I've got some blonde jokes too," Katie mumbled into the top of Jessie's head, inhaling the scent of her hair as Jessie snuggled in closer. "And I could force myself into talking about your momma," she continued smiling as she felt Jessie's lips press against the skin of her neck. She sighed to herself contentedly, Hallmark had lied you absolutely didn't need to say it like them.
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Comments would be very much appreciated, so if you can spare a second please tap, tap away! jbslayer27@yahoo.com