Well, Hello and welcome to my Little World of Weirdness!

I state for the record that, despite the fact I really, really wish I did, I don't own any of the official characters that will grace this story; it's all CLAMP's! Always has been, always will be! I *DO*, however, own Marcibay Hilligans and Hei-ying Reed!! I also own Mystrasa Kyree, and the dragon isn't mine, it's on loan from my good friend, the Blue Goo! And what the heck . . . I own the mansion as well! [Laughs] Also I don't pretend to have any Mastery over the language of Japanese or any clue as to correct grammatical structure. I put it in and hope it gets across the point I'm trying to make! And I don't pretend to be able to write any sort of accents so please don't hate me!

"Speaking"

*Stress/emphasis*

//Thinking//

In This Tainted Soul . . .

By Dr Megalomania.

Part Nineteen: Nightmares

The snow gusted in endless swirls outside the study's window.

Yue stared out of the glass, snow . . . his one weakness, and there was tons of it outside. He sighed sharply, "Concentrate!" He snapped at himself. Yue was sprawled over the window seat in one of Clow's old studies. Yue loved the room, and didn't really understand why Clow favoured the larger, downstairs study over this warm, upstairs room, with a comfortable window seat that easily showed the entirety of the Reed Mansion's grounds. The Mansion was encased in a time spell, which removed it from the effects of the Land's time. Keroberos, his eldest brother, had said the spell had been put in effect for the second time.

Yue didn't know when the first had been. He frowned; it might have been during the first couple of years of his existence. Yue couldn't actively remember the first few years of his life. He didn't know why this was, because Keroberos could easily recall his first sensation of the cards, prancing after Clow's footsteps, sleeping in his arms in this very window seat. Yue snorted, even after twenty years together, Keroberos as a kitten was a very foreign idea to him.

He pulled his attention back to the book of incantations, they were so familiar to him, but he had no memory of ever hearing them. "O, Cards created by Clow . . ." He paused as the wind blew particularly hard past the window, there was a snowstorm coming, Clow had informed them yesterday morning during breakfast. Both Clow and Keroberos hated snowstorms with a passion, while Yue loved them. He loved snow, and a whole storm's worth of snow provided several days' worth of the stuff to play in . . . Not that Yue, the Judge ever *played* in snow . . . it's just, Yue allowed a rare smile to grace his pale lips, it really was just that . . .

"I love snow . . ." He sighed.

"I'm glad someone does . . ." Clow's voice broke Yue's daydreaming state.

"Master Clow!" Yue hastily stood, "I hope you do not mind but I was having trouble concentrating in my own room and . . ."

"This room was empty, so you came here to . . ." Clow moved forward and picked up the book Yue had so suddenly closed, " . . . You came here to practice your incantations?" The tall magician fingered through a couple of the pages and hummed, "Hmm . . ."

Yue blushed slightly, then started to curse himself for it, the annoying warm flush in his cheeks was occurring more and more often. "I require a little more practice in . . ."

"I personally would have some here to watch the snow." Clow smiled as he sat down in the window seat, Yue smiled as he sat opposite, "Do you really think there will be a storm?" Yue said hopefully.

Clow looked out the window, "Yes, there will."

"But how do you know?" A deep rich voice rumbled from the doorway.

"You're finally awake then, Keroberos?" Yue taunted slightly, he was a little annoyed that the lion had found them; Yue liked being alone with Clow. "And I thought you would sleep through the entire day!"

"I would never miss lunch or dinner . . . especially since you're cooking . . ." The elder lion leapt up onto the window seat, and Clow spread his arms to allow the lion to stretch out and rest his head on Clow's chest. Yue pressed his back against the other side of the window seat. "One of these days I will not be there to cook for you, Keroberos . . . and then what will you do?"

Keroberos stared at him for a short time, seriousness tainting his expression, he was very aware that one day he and Yue would be separated. He blinked, and decided to worry about that another day, he snorted and said imperiously, "I shall get the Cardcaptor to bring me an unending supply of pudding to tied me over until you make your judgment, pronounce her fit to be our mistress then demand that you start cooking and she brings me an unending supply of pudding."

Yue rolled his eyes as Clow chuckled, "Sounds like a good idea to me, Keroberos."

"Of course it is . . ." Keroberos yawned; "It's one of my ideas!"

Yue returned his attention back to his book, after about half an hour Clow chuckled again, Yue looked up, "Nani?"

Clow smiled at him, and resumed stroking Keroberos' head; he turned to look out the window again. Yue wasn't aware of it but his bare feet were tickling Clow's, Clow was enjoying the affectionate touches too much to tell Yue what he was doing, so Clow settled instead for annoying the hell out of Yue and giving him one of his non-answering smiles.

As Clow turned to look out the window, Yue sighed and glanced at Keroberos, the large lion had fallen asleep on Clow's chest, not doubt due to the warm drowsy feeling that being to close to Clow and his magical aura always created. Yue blushed, //Or at least that's what Keroberos claimed . . .// He quickly amended. He stared down at his book and started to read again.

Keroberos' tail started to wind itself around his hand. Yue had noticed when it was snowing; Keroberos always seemed to have the need to stay close to Yue. Yue frowned, and shook the warm tail off. He was fully grown now, and he could take care of himself, but he still appreciated the sentiment. He raised his hand out of the way of Keroberos' tail and turned the page.

That's when he heard the two sharp taps.

Yue's eyes slipped off the incantation he was reading, //What was that?//

He glanced at Keroberos, he was prone to play the odd trick on Yue, was this one of them aimed to distract him from his work? But Keroberos was fast asleep on Clow's chest. Yue dared a glance at Clow, who was smiling warmly out of the window. He looked like he knew what the sound was, but was carefully making it *look* like he didn't. Yue thought about asking him but just knew Clow would give him one of those damned 'Yes Yue, I do know something that you don't . . .' smiles and look away. Yue sighed and turned to look out the window, the snow was still falling and his reflection . . . was . . . wasn't there!

Yue's eyes widened as he thought he saw Clow mouth something at him. He blinked and the apparition was gone. Yue turned back to his book, quietly analysing what he had seen, a reflection of Clow . . . only much younger than his now fifty-two year old self. Yue looked up at Clow, he certainly didn't look like the other old humans, he looked pretty . . . Yue's head snapped back down to his book a few seconds later as he finished the thought, //He looks pretty good for his age, pretty *good* for his age . . . although . . .// Yue sneaked another look at the profile of Clow's kind face. His creator was also very pretty . . . the handsome, gentle sort of sense of the word . . .

"Storm's here now," Clow turned as Keroberos' deep voice rumbled from the doorway of his downstairs study.

"I noticed." Clow smiled and turned back to the window, the snowstorm was indeed a harsh one, and was covering the ground with thick metres of iced flakes. "Yue will be pleased."

His hand slipped down to stroke the thick fur on Keroberos' head. The lion had taken his helmet off in preparation for bed. Keroberos sat beside Clow, staring out upon the howling, swirling snow laden wind. They were silent for a few moments before they observed their yearly tradition. Keroberos pursed his lips together, "I miss him . . ."

Clow's smile faded, "I know . . . I do too . . ." there was another silence before Clow spoke again, "I'm so . . . I . . ."

Keroberos looked up as the powerful magician sank to his knees to face him, he started to shake his head, "Don't do this Clow . . ."

Clow's dark eyes creased with an unforgotten pain, "I wish you to do one thing for me . . ."

Keroberos frowned slightly, this wasn't part of their yearly custom, "What?"

"Apologise to Sak—the Cardcaptor . . . tell her that I'm sorry that Yue is so . . ."

"Don't." Keroberos growled quietly in disgust, Clow's eyes slid shut; Keroberos sighed and nudged his creator's head up, "I mean it!" His gold eyes sparkled dimly in the night's light, " . . . Nothing that happens, happens by itself . . . There is no coincidence in this world."

Clow nodded; "There is only the inevitable." The two exchanged their yearly prayer; Keroberos was the first to break.

"But that still doesn't bring back moonbeam . . ." The lion started to shudder as the grief began, Clow opened his arms, as he had done the first night after the attack and every snowstorm of every year since. As his sun guardian heaved huge racking sobs on to his shoulder, Clow's dark eyes filled with tears as he watch the night's snow swirl. Clow broke, he broke and together, they sobbed, and grieved, and screamed, and shook, and shuddered, and did this until they could grieve the loss of such a precious gift no more.

The storm lasted for quite a few days, considering it was only early winter, Yue hoped it would last all though Christmas. He had gotten bored so he had given into his curiosity and had started to explore the upper levels of the house. Both Keroberos and Clow had told him he could not leave the house during snowstorms, so every year when such a violent act of nature occurred Yue would walk around the house. He thought it was strange, Clow had lived in this huge house, all six floor of it, and yet, he never went any further than the third floor.

Yue could remember there was a time when they used the fourth floor but . . . he frowned as he tried to recall why exactly they had stopped using it. Some vague memory of having nightmares, awful violent nightmares came to mind, and Yue shrugged, he continued up the stairs. Clow used to keep the Clow cards on the fifth and the sixth floors, and the fourth floor used to be the sleeping floor, where Clow, Keroberos and Yue used to sleep.

Yue smiled, maybe he would find something from the first couple of years of his life, perhaps some diary, or maybe some . . . // . . . toys, and my bed with the pretty snowflakes and the moons, and then I can get my snow rabbit teddy back!// . . . Yue slowed to a stop as the strange thoughts crossed his mind. He felt so sad all a sudden, he abruptly felt like going to the fourth floor wasn't such a good idea after all. He turned and started to move downwards when he suddenly remembered that he had forgotten something. He clapped a hand over his mouth as he rushed upstairs. He had forgotten Clow's picture! It had Clow and it had Yue in it. . . and it had Keroberos and some of his very favourite Clow cards in it. . .

Yue ran up the stairs and down a corridor he hadn't set foot in since Clow had moved them down to the third floor, sealing all the rooms on the floor. He ran quietly along to a door engraved with a moon and a snowflake. He just had to get the present then he'd go down and the festivities would begin! He smiled as he started to turn the handle, Keroberos' laughter could be softly heard from inside . . .

Yue blinked when he realised the door was locked, he recoiled even more when he realised he was trying to get something he had never drawn from a room he had never entered. He looked down the corridor, half expecting to see someone turn slowly and walk back into a room, telling him off for making a mistake. Instinctively, Yue glanced at his little finger; he wrapped his other hand around it. It was yet another habit of his he couldn't explain, mistakes meant pain; errors were rewarded with excruciating punishments. Yue shied away from the strange door, and backed off. He shouldn't be here, or else someone . . . someone would . . . Yue's eyes widened as a voice quietly sounded, echoing over and over, overlapping itself in his mind, //. . .send you to hell you miserable little brat that's what I'll do I'll send you all the way to hell, damn you . . .//

"NO!" Yue instantly drew his ice arrow and aimed it down the corridor; he wasn't going to let him get him again, never again. The corridor was empty. Nobody threatened him. Yue breathed out slowly as he lowered his ice bow. Shaking his head, he walked down the corridor and down the stairs; he was reading too many horror stories, he decided. "Far too many . . ."

Reed mansion was prepared for Christmas as always, early on Christmas Eve's morning. Clow asked the Woody if she would kindly provide a suitable Christmas tree for the downstairs, Keroberos dragged the decorations box in as usual, and Yue carried in his gifts to Clow and Keroberos. Both were in well-wrapped boxes, Yue never allowed a single imperfect to spite anything he did. He hated mistakes with a passion, Keroberos sighed as he pulled out the velvet purple ribbons for the doorway. The red ones were long gone, many things had been sealed in the fourth floor rooms, Clow wanted to be sure that Yue never remember anything. Nearly everything that Hei-ying had ever touched, whatever might harbour any memory from him had been destroyed, or sealed away. Keroberos did miss his childhood room, but it, like Clow's room, still held Hei-ying's magical resonance.

He glanced at Clow, and wondered what this year's gift would be. Clow had been steadily dividing the Clow cards, one on each birthday. Last year, Yue had received the shadow card, while Keroberos had the sweet card under his protection. He smiled, Yue had suddenly discovered what Keroberos meant about the fact he loved his cakes sweet.

Yue glanced over his shoulder; he could feel Keroberos gazing at him. He turned slightly just in time to see Keroberos turn and walk out of the study; "He's probably going to go to bed now . . ."

Yue looked up from his kneeling place by the tree, Clow stood beside him, watching as Keroberos left. "The winter takes a lot out of him, just as the summer does to you . . ." the magician smiled down at him, "Are you ready for tomorrow?" As Yue nodded, Clow smiled again, "Good! I have a few things to tend to . . . Please excuse me."

Yue stood and bowed quickly, Clow laughed slightly and nodded again. A few moments past after Clow had left the room, and Yue stood perfectly still, then he treaded over to the doorway quietly. Sticking his head out of the door, Yue looked to the left, an empty corridor, then to the right, another empty corridor. Yue smiled faintly, then said, just to be sure; "Keroberos?"

When no answer was returned, Yue murmured, "Clow?" Again no answer, Yue allowed his smile to grow, he was alone. He padded back into the room, "And now for a little detour . . ."

He paced quickly over to the window, and clasped his hands behind his back; he hummed slightly as he leaned forward. The snow had stopped rather suddenly the night before, and while the grounds were still covered in the white powder, Yue preferred snow when it was falling. "Come on . . ." He murmured, "It's not Christmas without snow . . ."

He slid the heavy window up and leaned out the window, the air was cold enough, and the clouds certainly looked as if they were bursting to snow. Yue sighed; he really, really wanted it to snow . . . especially since it was his false form's birthday. Or at least that's what Yukito believed, Yue personally didn't have a birthday he celebrated but Clow and Keroberos treated the birthday of his false form as it was Yue's.

Yue put his hands on the windowsill and pouted childishly, "It's still not Christmas without a bit of snow . . ."

"Indeed, it isn't . . ." Yue's head snapped up at the sound of Clow's voice behind him.

His cold hands raced up to clutch his head as he hit it against the window frame. Yue winced as his head began to pound, and fell to one knee as his head began to swim light-headedly. He tried desperately to hold back the tears, and fought the instinct to return to his false form. There was a sharp intake of breath as Clow knelt down beside him, "Oooh . . ." Clow sighed in sympathy, "Let me have a look at that . . ." Clow lifted a hand off Yue's crown, "Gomen . . . I really shouldn't sneak up behind you like that, should I?"

Yue attempted to raise his head, to look at his creator and show him he was actually fine but somehow his eyes just wouldn't focus. He shut them, and then reopened them again, but still to no avail. Clow's face simply refused to come into focus.

A warm breeze-like aura brushed against his senses, Keroberos had returned. "Forgot to put th—Clow? Yue? What happened?"

"Yue's bumped his head . . ." Clow chuckled slightly, "I think I might have surprised him once too often."

Keroberos growled, "It's not funny, look at him!"

Clow put his hand on Yue's back; the moon angel had started to sway. "Yue?" Yue whimpered slightly as the swaying got worse, he frowned and staggered to his feet. "Yue! Please," Clow got to his feet as well, trying to grab Yue. The angel staggered and started to collapse, his eyes snapped open hazily when he found his legs couldn't support him but he wasn't lying on the floor.

He moved his head slowly to peer over his shoulder, Keroberos' tiny form had grabbed the back of his robes in it's tiny teeth. "Arigato Keroberos . . ." Yue murmured.

"MmClow! Mdo Mmomthing!" Keroberos yelled at Clow.

Yue looked as Clow moved in front of him, "It's all right Yue . . . let me take care of you . . ." Yue's eyes refused to stay open as Clow's warm hands cupped his chin, "Yue? Can you open your eyes briefly?" Clow smiled as Yue struggled to focus on his creator. "Thank you." Clow brought his hand up and held it in front of Yue's face. Yue's eyes crossed slightly as he attempted to focus on the glowing hand that hovered in front of him.

Yue slept for the entire day as Clow rest his hand on the small bump that his shock had caused. "Is he all right?"

"Yes, Keroberos . . ." Clow murmured, "It's just a small bump, nothing serious."

The large lion nodded and leapt on to Yue's bed, "Good," He turned into his small form and fluttered up to Yue's pillow. He put a small paw against the pale forehead, "He looks so . . . much like . . ."

"I know . . ." Clow place his hand on the bump again, allowing his magic to heal the injury.

Keroberos smiled and looked out the window, "Are you ready for tomorrow?"

Clow hummed, "Mmm-hmm . . . he thinks there won't be any snow tomorrow. "

"Why exactly have you stopped the snow anyway?"

"Trust me . . ." Clow smiled out of the window, night was approaching, "Although . . . I'm going to allow the snow to fall for tonight . . . the ground snow isn't as fresh as I'd like it to be for tomorrow."

"Hmmm?" Keroberos yawned. Clow smiled and turned to him.

"Never mind . . ." He opened his arms, "Come along . . . it's time for you to go to bed."

"I would be in bed . . . but no, here you are muttering nonsense, causing Yue to hit his head, and keeping me awake!" Keroberos fluttered easily into Clow's arms and fell asleep almost as soon as he landed in Clow's arms. Clow smiled and walked towards the door, he paused to glance at Yue. His moon angel's eyes were closed, and peaceful . . . //He almost looked . . .// Clow shook his head, Yue wasn't dead . . . just the moonchild was.

It was extremely early when Keroberos awoke. He looked at the clock on his bedside, "Nani? So early in the morning . . . Merry Christmas . . ." he murmured as he padded to the window. Clow had allowed the snowstorm back onto the grounds. He shivered slightly, "I hate snow . . ."

His gold eyes widened as he felt someone staring at him, he turned to stare at his door. There was no one there, he bounded over to the doorway and looked out into the corridor. At first he thought the dark figure was Clow, walking down the corridor, as he did to check on his creations. But when the figure's dark hand swung down by it's side, Keroberos ran after it. The thing had a sharp pair of scissors in it's grasped hand and it was heading towards Yue's bedroom. "Not again . . ." Keroberos murmured as he ran after the rapid shadow. "Please not again!"

The corridor suddenly seemed so much longer than before as the shadow person stood in front of Yue's door, and yet Keroberos seemed barely half way down the corridor. The dark figure paused as it raise it's hand to open the door. "No! Not again!" Keroberos called, "Leave him be!"

The dark figure smiled at him mockingly as it stepped through the door. Keroberos barrelled through the door a few seconds later, expecting to see the same bloodbath he'd seen when—

Nothing, the room was empty.

Keroberos sighed as he padded over to Yue's bed, "A night full of memories . . ." He murmured as he leapt on to the bed, careful not to tread on the long, unbound hair as it spilled around his brother. He glanced out the window, "And a brother broken . . ." He looked at Yue, the angel slept peacefully. "Such a horrendous price to pay . . . to keep you sane . . ."

Keroberos' shoulders slumped, for the past twenty years he had done this every snowstorm. The same dream, the same menacing figures stalking Yue, the same feeling of being too late. He and Clow accepted now Yue was never going to return to the way he was. It had gotten marginally better over the years; Yue could be seen more often. But still, Yukito would completely be unaware of Yue, yet Yue was always aware of Yukito. Keroberos and Clow never tried to undo the split; they felt it was a worthy price to pay if only to keep Hei-ying's terrible prophesies from coming true.

There was a low groan from the bed as Yue sat up, "Keroberos?"

"Ohayo . . ." Keroberos smiled, "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," He glanced out the window, "It's snowing!"

Keroberos snorted as his younger brother's attention was instantly torn away from him, "I'm glad someone loves the snow."

Yue looked at him, "Why don't you like the snow?"

Keroberos smiled and looked out the window. "It's too cold for me . . ."

"Why do you and Clow act so strangely during winter?" Yue pushed his hair back slightly as some of it spilled over his shoulder; his brother stared at him with a strange distracted smile. Yue allowed another rare smile to grace his lips, and pushed some of his bangs out of his eyes, before waving in front of Keroberos' golden eyes. "Keroberos. . ."

"Hmmm?"

Yue pulled his knees up and wrapped his arms around them, "Why do you hate snowstorms?"

Keroberos seemed to sober slightly, as he gazed at Yue. His gold eyes were serious as he started to smile, "I lost . . ." the golden lion's eyes closed briefly, and then he looked up again, "No, *almost* lost something very precious to me . . ."

"What was it?" Yue frowned, "Maybe I could help you find it . . .?"

Keroberos glanced out the window, "No . . . You can't help it."

Yue reached forward and stroke Keroberos' head; "It was probably pudding, wasn't it?"

Keroberos smiled, "It was something sweet and I do love it very much."

Yue lay down again, "You're strange Keroberos, you're very strange . . ."

Keroberos smiled softly, it was the closest he could ever come to tell Yue about his former self. He chuckled lightly, and lay down beside him. Yue sighed quietly as he drifted back to sleep, he loved the sound of Keroberos' laugh.

There was a quiet knock at the door, and Yue awoke and sat up again. Keroberos was gone, but then . . . //Where am I?// Yue wasn't //was// in the right bed. He glanced up, instead of his normal blue canopy, there was a //my// white silk one, littered with moons and snowflakes. "This isn't //is// my bed!"

The knock became more pronounced. As Yue looked around, the room was //mine// a child's, full of //my// toys, something Yue was sure he //played with all the time// shunned as a child. The door handle jiggled, //Don't// "Come in?" Yue called, and the door swung open. A dark figure stood there silent. //Keep away from me!// "Clow?"

The figure raised it's hands, twirling a sharp looking pair of scissors in it's hands, //Leave me alone!// "Who are you?"

The figure didn't answer as he stepped forward, "Who are you?!" Yue demanded again, //Please leave me alone . . . I didn't get any wrong this time!//

Yue scooted back on the //his// bed, the figure was getting closer, //I practiced . . . and I was nervous . . . I didn't mean to stutter!// His hand suddenly moved toward the bedside, his ice arrow ribbon was there. What was it doing there? He never took it off //anymore//! He gasped as the dark figure grabbed his hand. "Let me go!" //Onegai! You're hurting me!//

The silver scissors were raised in the air, and Yue couldn't take his eyes off them, the strange voice he had heard on the fourth floor returned.

"I'll send you to hell, you miserable brat! That's what I'll do! Send you all the way to fucking hell!"

//NO!// "No!" Yue tried to pull his arm away, his //fear// anger started to show in his voice, "LET ME GOOO!" He yanked at his arm, eyes still staring at the scissors as they came crashing down on him. //Clow! Keroberos!// "SOMEONE HELP ME!!"

Yue gasped as he sat up again, back in his own //the new// bedroom. He glanced up, the //wrong// right canopy was back over his head; he looked to the pillow beside himself. Keroberos was sleeping soundly beside him; he didn't stir much as Yue got out of bed. He was disturbed by the dream, by his thoughts, and his feelings that this was no ordinary nightmare. Yue wasn't the type that had nightmares; much less allowed his sleep to be disturbed by a figment of his imagination. Yue glanced at the door; he was half expecting to hear the knock again. He stepped over to his dresser and sat in front of the mirror. Picking up a brush, he quickly ran it through his hair, tying it back neatly.

If he was going to go see Clow, he wasn't going to be in a bedraggled mess. Clow would expect him to be neat and tidy, always. Cool and composed, like the judgement maker was supposed to be, //not like a foolish boy that is continually tripping over his own robes . . .// Yue frowned as the age old reminder rang across his mind, the memory was right as always, he could not be seen to be anything less than the perfect creation. Checking himself once more in the mirror, and securing his dressing gown once more, Yue picked up a nearby candle and slipped out of the door.

-------------------

And Now It's Time For LEAVE IT TO DOCTOR MEGALOMANIA!!

Yue: What the . . .?

Kero: What happened? I was eating . . . mmmmm . . . food . . .

Clow: Well, it's skipped twenty years . . . and Yue has no memory of . . . you-know-who.

Yue: Who? [Looks at DrM] who are they talking about?

DrM: Um . . . noooooooo –one . . .

Kero: [growls] What's that strange you-know-who-shaped lump under that rug you're sitting on?

DrM: What lump? What? Who? [Looks around innocently] Someone's throwing rocks . . . What? [Looks at readers] what? Do you know whom they speak of? No? Me either . . . tell ya what, please R&R and tell me what you think!

Yue: Awww . . . Come on, tell me!!

Hei-ying: [muffled] OOH! PICK ME! LET ME TELL HIM!!! I KNOW!!

Clow, Kero and DrM: SHHHHH!!!