TITLE: The Neighbor
AUTHOR: Kelso (kelso28@excite.com)
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: general knowledge of the show through about S6's "Older and Far Away,"; plus specific spoilers for Angel; Halloween; Ted; Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered; Becoming I and II; Graduation Day II; The Body
SUMMARY: Buffy's neighbor has been watching her over the years, and she's drawn some conclusions.
DISTRIBUTION: anywhere
DISCLAIMER: Buffy characters belong to Joss Whedon.
NOTE: Thanks to SpikeFan and Sky for the beta.

*****


Today, for what must have been the thirtieth time, I asked my son Paul to consider moving. He gave the same shortsighted answer as always: "Mom, there's no reason. Erica and I like it here, and so did you until a few years ago. I don't know what you have against the neighbors, but it's way past time you got over it and stopped making up crazy stories about them."

It won't do me any good to press the issue. Paul already thinks I might be going senile. But I'm in full possession of my faculties, and I know what I see. And hear. And I just don't understand how Paul and Erica can be so blind. Paul's right about one thing, though: This neighborhood used to be good, back when the Endicotts lived next door. A nice couple, they were; quiet, respectable folks. Then, five years ago, Lou Endicott's employer transferred him out of state, and I haven't had a moment's peace of mind since.

Joyce Summers was the new neighbor's name. She was a pleasant-enough looking woman, I'll give her that. And if it had been just her, things probably would have been fine. But Joyce wasn't alone. She brought her two daughters: a teenager named Buffy, and a younger girl named Dawn.

To be fair, Dawn hasn't been so terribly bothersome, but Buffy more than makes up for her. I heard rumors about *that* girl right from the start. About how she'd been expelled from her previous school because she burned down the gymnasium. How Sunnydale High was the only school that would take her, and even that decision was a close call. You have to admit, it makes her sound bad. And what kind of name is Buffy, anyway?

Sure enough, from the day that family moved in, strange events have constantly happened. For instance, early on they had to rush Joyce to the hospital for emergency treatment. The story they told was that she fell and cut her neck on a barbecue fork. But that explanation didn't account for the dark figure I saw running away from their house that night. And it also didn't explain why their entire back window had to be replaced. It had shattered...from the inside out.

I could go on for hours about the disasters that have taken place next door. Such as the time when a herd of screaming girls and even a few grown women trampled down the doors in pursuit of two of Buffy's friends. Or the evening Buffy was fighting with a man in her yard and he disappeared into thin air. Or the Halloween night when costumed vandals invaded her home.

The root of all this trouble is clearly Buffy. She's not big, but she's strong--so much stronger than she looks that the only possible answer is drugs. And I'm sure she's part of a gang. She's always creeping around at night, and sometimes she hauls bulky, lumpy sacks with her. Once, I saw her drop one. Out spilled more than a dozen pointed pieces of wood, along with several wicked-looking knives and a crossbow.

You may be wondering about Joyce's whereabouts during all of this excitement. Well, even when she wasn't absent on business trips, she hadn't the first clue what was going on inside her own home. Part of the problem was due to sheer carelessness on her part. For one thing, any normal, non-neglectful mother would have known better than to give her wild teenage daughter a bedroom with a tall tree standing outside the window. Just like Buffy, her first boyfriend was forever climbing up and down that tree, although it's not even fair to call him a boy. At the time they began dating, Buffy was still in high school, I'd say about 16. And him, I pegged for a good 10 years older.

Now, so far you may be thinking Buffy's behavior could be chalked up to mere teenage antics. But it's taken a much more serious turn along the way. A few years ago, Buffy pushed her mother's boyfriend down the stairs; broke his neck and killed him. Then the police claimed he wasn't really dead, but they must have been covering up. I believe in my heart of hearts, Buffy somehow got to the authorities. Because not a year later, she murdered a girl in the high-school library, ran away, and was gone for an entire summer. When she finally came straggling home, the charges against her had mysteriously been dropped.

The killing spree continued during Buffy's high-school graduation. She certainly made the ceremony memorable, by destroying the building and slaughtering numerous innocent bystanders including the principal and the mayor. Yes, it's true I have no proof Buffy was responsible, but given her history it only stands to reason she was guilty yet again. I suspect her boyfriend was afraid for his life after that incident; he left town right about then and has only been back for brief visits since.

Naturally, at that point I thought I would have to endure only one more summer of Buffy's presence before she left for college. Then I heard the most awful news: Buffy had enrolled at the local school. My heart absolutely sank. But luck was on my side for once; when it came time, she chose to live on campus. For a blissful year, my life almost returned to normal. Buffy rarely came home. When she did show up, she seemed much more sedate. I was sure her new boyfriend was exerting a positive influence on her. He was a lovely-looking young man, with sandy hair, beautiful hazel eyes, and an honest face. Such a welcome change from that nasty older man.

Unfortunately, this peaceful era ended when Buffy moved back home. This time, a new admirer followed her. He's blonde; British, to judge by his accent. I think he belongs to Buffy's gang. He calls her "Slayer" and she calls him "Spike." Incredible as it may sound, this young man is even more distasteful than Buffy's first boyfriend. He sometimes lurks around her yard for hours at night, chain-smoking and tossing the cigarette butts wherever he pleases. He doesn't show up much during the day, but when he does he usually runs around with a blanket thrown over his head. And I swear, smoke is always rising from that blanket. What a sad young man, so addicted to whatever newfangled drug that he can't even wait until he's inside a building to light up.

He and Buffy have formed a severely dysfunctional relationship. If you ever need proof that women can be abusive, all you would have to do is observe those two together. I've seen that young woman ram Spike's head into a tree, kick him in the stomach, hurl him across the yard, punch him in the jaw. To say nothing of the verbal abuse she heaps on him. Yet he keeps crawling back for more. Some folks enjoy pain like that. Masochistic, I think they're called.

I feel no pity for Spike, though. He's a crude, foul-mouthed creature. Why, one evening he saw me quite innocently looking out my window and he snarled through a mouthful of cigarette, "Piss off, you old bag!" The manners of young people today! In my time, no man would have dared speak such trash to a lady.

Fittingly, though, Buffy's poor taste in men resulted in disaster for her. Just weeks after she returned home, her good, steady boyfriend stopped showing up. I suppose he found out Buffy was two-timing him and broke up with her. I think about him every once in a while and hope he's found a woman who truly deserves him. That is, if Buffy didn't murder him and hide his body. I wouldn't put it past her. Not at *all*.

I admit, however, that there is one death I can't blame on Buffy. It turned out she had moved home so abruptly because her mother had fallen ill. Joyce didn't linger very long at all. From what I've gathered, Buffy came home one afternoon and found her keeled over, dead. Afterwards, that young hooligan became guardian to her little sister. Yet the responsibility hasn't steadied her one bit. In fact, she's become the moodiest thing I've ever observed. For a few months, she'll go around beaming like she's won the lottery, then for a few months she'll droop around with her chin nearly on the ground.

I'm not the only one who's noticed her mental problems. One day a couple of weeks ago, a social worker came knocking on our front door. She wanted to know if any of us had noticed unusual activities going on with Buffy Summers and her sister. Paul and Erica, who never see what's under their noses, shook their heads right away. As for me, I wanted to tell the truth. I thought hard about it. But in the end I had to say no, that I paid little attention to those neighbors. I could tell the social worker was disappointed as she thanked us and left us her card, "just in case" we remembered anything later.

I truly wanted to confess everything I knew. But I didn't dare. I'm afraid of that girl and her gang, and what they'd do to me if they found out I talked about them. They're dangerous. If they can get to the police, I know I'm not safe.

So for now, I remain quiet and bless my lucky stars that they leave me alone. But I confess, I'm looking forward to the day I see another "For Sale" sign in front of that house.

End