Zelda Messed Up Part 2
By: Sugar High
Disclaimer: Do I really have to put anything here?
* * *
Part 2: The 4th of July
* * *
Off in some distant place totally irrelevant to the Nerf war they had in Part 1, Zelda and Link are in the middle of a street celebrating the fourth of July by lighting fireworks. Mido was there but is now in intensive care in the hospital due to stupidly lighting a M-80 in his hand.
(Start flashback)
* * *
Mido: Hey guys! This little red thing looks like a stick of dynamite, except about one quarter the size!
Zelda: NO SHIT DUMBASS! It's called an M-80! And it's one EIGHTH the size of a full stick!
Mido: (Has already lit it) Wow... Look at the sparks...
Just then the M-80 goes off sending a shock wave that knocks the unsuspecting Zelda off her feet, and taking the poor Midos hand with it. All that is left of his left hand is a ripped up bloody stump that is squirting blood out of it. The blood is splashing all over Midos pants and is pouring into a nearby gutter.
Mido: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! (Faints from the pain)
Zelda: Jesus Christ!!
* * *
(End flashback)
Zelda: Man that Mido is a dumbass.
Link: I know.
Link and Zelda a making a card for mido, which is a white piece of paper, spotted with the blood from the road, which reads "Dear faggot, hope you die in hell". It shows a picture of a handless person with blood oozing out of the stump and with a forked tail and a tear in his eye.
Link: That's really mean you know!
Zelda drops it in the post box without even acknowledging what Link said.
* * *
Now link and Zelda are just about to light a few roman candles but they hear a retarded giggle coming from the bushes.
Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Zelda: What?
Link: IT'S HIM!!! IT'S...... TINGLE!!!!!!
Zelda then lights one of the roman candles and aims it at the bushes and waits for it to fire a shot.
Zelda: …
Just then the candle fires and out of the bushes jumps a flaming Tingle, who jumps into a puddle of oil in an attempt to put himself out, but that just makes the fire bigger and then he blows up. He flys up into the air and lands in a nearby tree.
* * *
Zelda and Link are now firing bottle rockets out of a bottle. But the bottle tips over and a rocket fires into a near by tree, which just happens to be the one Tingle is sitting in drawing a map. This causes him to fall backwards and break his neck from the fall.
After some bandaging, a neck brace and a lot of blood later, Tingle is *almost* as good as new.
Tingle: Uhhhhhh… Damn it Link! What is your problem? Tingle is the coolest around! Why Tingle is the very reincarnation of a fairy!
Link: Sorry, *NOT!!!* the bottle tipped over.
Tingle: Uhhhhh… Fine I'll except that… But don't let it happen again… Uhhhhhh… My neck… Uhhhh…
* * *
Tingle is now sitting behind a nearby bush drawing where he can't get hurt. Or so he thinks…
Zelda and Link are now lighting mortars. Tingle is quite enjoying the show, as it is now dark. But just as their biggest mortar is about to launch, a mole burrows up under the mortar launch tube, knocking it over. In which it just happens to face towards the bush where Tingle is sitting. The mortar launches, a loud explosion is heard, and sparks of every color fly everywhere, which is ruined by a battered Tingle flying from the bushes, his head disconnected from his shoulders.
Tingles Head: Damnit Link! You said this shit wouldn't happen again!
Link: HAHAHAHAHaHaHahahaha…… Um, sorry. (Big grin) You see, a mole tipped the launch tube over and…
Tingles Head: (Eyes are blood red and has grown fangs) FINE! I WILL ACCEPT THAT!!! BUT IF IT HAPPENS AGAIN, HEAR ME OUT LINK, I WILL KILL YOU!!!!!
Link: Hehe. O.K.
Tingles Head: (Has returned to normal) Thank you.
* * *
Some more bandage, some stitching, and another neck brace later, Tingles head is back on but Zelda and Link now think it's funny and are launching fireworks, throwing firecrackers, and lighting just about anything that will fly towards Tingle, but come up short and not hit him after all. Tingle who is drawing a map, as usual, is frequently getting distracted by the bangs, pows, and other assorted noises and eventually blows his top.
Tingle: DAMNIT LINK, I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO STOP THE WITH THE BULLSHIT!!!
Link: Fuck you!!! I'm gonna settle this with you once and for all!!! Stay right there you wannabe fairy!!! And I'll be back!!!
Tingle: *Finally some peace and quiet.*
But little did Tingle know that Link and Zelda were scheming a horrible plan…
* * *
Zelda and Link had now somehow magically appeared in Lake Hylia and were sitting on top of the dead tree on top of the water temple, draped in the invisibility cloak, the same one in the gay ass Harry Potter books, and were being followed by three enraged Harry Potter characters. These were none other than Harry, Ron, and Hermione.
Harry Potter: (English accent) Blimey! Where did those filthy bastards go!
Ron: (English accent) I don't fucking know! Why 'r you asking me?!
Harry Potter: (English accent) Because I need that fucking cloak back! It's the only thing I have to remind me of my parents!
Hermione: (English accent) Fuck your fucking parents! I am sick of your shit! It's always 'my parents' this and 'my parents' that, I'm sick of it! Time for you to die!
Hermione then mumbles some irrelevant magic words and Harry drops dead.
Ron: (English accent) Harry no! (Runs and kneels by his friends side) Hermione you bitch!
Hermione: (English accent) Please Ron. Do I really have to kill you too?
Ron: (English accent) Go ahead!
Hermione: (English accent) Ok Ron, whatever you say… (Pulls out her wand) Headis Explodis!
And Ron's head promptly explodes, showering Hermione with gallons of Ron's brains and blood.
Hermione: (English accent) Damnit Ron! You ruined my new robe! Ah fuck it! Wandis Presto Gunis!
Hermione's wand turns into a .45mm semi automatic handgun, in which she loads, raises to her head, and blows her brains out.
Link and Zelda, who have been watching this gory and violent scene ponder this strange turn of events.
Link: That was easier than I thought! They just killed each other! We didn't even have to do a thing!
Zelda: I know! Now… Lets move on to part b of plan "Tingle get back at." hehehe.
* * *
Link and Zelda have broken into the Hyrule army surplus store and have just driven through of the large glass window at the front of the store in a brand spankin' new Warthog. (If you have ever player Halo for X-box, you'll know what I mean, if not, it's basically a long, convertible jeep with a slightly flexible midsection with a 50-caliber machine gun mounted on the back.)
Once they got back to their original location, Link and Zelda rolled a log up about twenty feet away from Tingle, who was drawing another map. They set up a slew of mortars, pointed at Tingle propped up by the log.
Link: You ready Zelda?
Zelda: Ya.
Zelda then runs by with a blow torch, and lights all the wicks, then jumps in the warthog with Link. Link steps on the gas, which is promptly followed by a blood curdling scream by Tingle.
Tingle: THATS IT LINK!!!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!!
Suddenly, a huge, bulky robot rises out of the background.
Tingle: (On an intercom) HA! HA! LINK! DESPITE EVERYTHING, THERE IS NO WAY YOU'LL TRASH MY ROBOT!!!!! YOU'LL NEVER FIND ITS WEAK POINT! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!
Zelda turns around and sees a large sheet of glass, over on the left side, where a heart would be, illuminated by a bright light, Tingle clearly visible behind it. She jumps back and mans the 50-Calber machine gun, and fires at the glass. There is a loud scream and the robot blows up.
Zelda: HAHA!!! We killed Tingle!!!! HAHA!!!!
Link, then for no particular reason crashes the car and him and Zelda land with a thud on the ground.
Link: ……………ow……………
Zelda: You know what? I'm hungry.
Link: I know! Why don't we go kill some zora's and shish-ka-bob em!
Zelda: Good idea!
Link pulls out his sword and him and Zelda go off looking for some zoras
* * *
End of Part 2
Please R&R
By: Sugar High
Disclaimer: Do I really have to put anything here?
* * *
Part 2: The 4th of July
* * *
Off in some distant place totally irrelevant to the Nerf war they had in Part 1, Zelda and Link are in the middle of a street celebrating the fourth of July by lighting fireworks. Mido was there but is now in intensive care in the hospital due to stupidly lighting a M-80 in his hand.
(Start flashback)
* * *
Mido: Hey guys! This little red thing looks like a stick of dynamite, except about one quarter the size!
Zelda: NO SHIT DUMBASS! It's called an M-80! And it's one EIGHTH the size of a full stick!
Mido: (Has already lit it) Wow... Look at the sparks...
Just then the M-80 goes off sending a shock wave that knocks the unsuspecting Zelda off her feet, and taking the poor Midos hand with it. All that is left of his left hand is a ripped up bloody stump that is squirting blood out of it. The blood is splashing all over Midos pants and is pouring into a nearby gutter.
Mido: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! (Faints from the pain)
Zelda: Jesus Christ!!
* * *
(End flashback)
Zelda: Man that Mido is a dumbass.
Link: I know.
Link and Zelda a making a card for mido, which is a white piece of paper, spotted with the blood from the road, which reads "Dear faggot, hope you die in hell". It shows a picture of a handless person with blood oozing out of the stump and with a forked tail and a tear in his eye.
Link: That's really mean you know!
Zelda drops it in the post box without even acknowledging what Link said.
* * *
Now link and Zelda are just about to light a few roman candles but they hear a retarded giggle coming from the bushes.
Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Zelda: What?
Link: IT'S HIM!!! IT'S...... TINGLE!!!!!!
Zelda then lights one of the roman candles and aims it at the bushes and waits for it to fire a shot.
Zelda: …
Just then the candle fires and out of the bushes jumps a flaming Tingle, who jumps into a puddle of oil in an attempt to put himself out, but that just makes the fire bigger and then he blows up. He flys up into the air and lands in a nearby tree.
* * *
Zelda and Link are now firing bottle rockets out of a bottle. But the bottle tips over and a rocket fires into a near by tree, which just happens to be the one Tingle is sitting in drawing a map. This causes him to fall backwards and break his neck from the fall.
After some bandaging, a neck brace and a lot of blood later, Tingle is *almost* as good as new.
Tingle: Uhhhhhh… Damn it Link! What is your problem? Tingle is the coolest around! Why Tingle is the very reincarnation of a fairy!
Link: Sorry, *NOT!!!* the bottle tipped over.
Tingle: Uhhhhh… Fine I'll except that… But don't let it happen again… Uhhhhhh… My neck… Uhhhh…
* * *
Tingle is now sitting behind a nearby bush drawing where he can't get hurt. Or so he thinks…
Zelda and Link are now lighting mortars. Tingle is quite enjoying the show, as it is now dark. But just as their biggest mortar is about to launch, a mole burrows up under the mortar launch tube, knocking it over. In which it just happens to face towards the bush where Tingle is sitting. The mortar launches, a loud explosion is heard, and sparks of every color fly everywhere, which is ruined by a battered Tingle flying from the bushes, his head disconnected from his shoulders.
Tingles Head: Damnit Link! You said this shit wouldn't happen again!
Link: HAHAHAHAHaHaHahahaha…… Um, sorry. (Big grin) You see, a mole tipped the launch tube over and…
Tingles Head: (Eyes are blood red and has grown fangs) FINE! I WILL ACCEPT THAT!!! BUT IF IT HAPPENS AGAIN, HEAR ME OUT LINK, I WILL KILL YOU!!!!!
Link: Hehe. O.K.
Tingles Head: (Has returned to normal) Thank you.
* * *
Some more bandage, some stitching, and another neck brace later, Tingles head is back on but Zelda and Link now think it's funny and are launching fireworks, throwing firecrackers, and lighting just about anything that will fly towards Tingle, but come up short and not hit him after all. Tingle who is drawing a map, as usual, is frequently getting distracted by the bangs, pows, and other assorted noises and eventually blows his top.
Tingle: DAMNIT LINK, I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO STOP THE WITH THE BULLSHIT!!!
Link: Fuck you!!! I'm gonna settle this with you once and for all!!! Stay right there you wannabe fairy!!! And I'll be back!!!
Tingle: *Finally some peace and quiet.*
But little did Tingle know that Link and Zelda were scheming a horrible plan…
* * *
Zelda and Link had now somehow magically appeared in Lake Hylia and were sitting on top of the dead tree on top of the water temple, draped in the invisibility cloak, the same one in the gay ass Harry Potter books, and were being followed by three enraged Harry Potter characters. These were none other than Harry, Ron, and Hermione.
Harry Potter: (English accent) Blimey! Where did those filthy bastards go!
Ron: (English accent) I don't fucking know! Why 'r you asking me?!
Harry Potter: (English accent) Because I need that fucking cloak back! It's the only thing I have to remind me of my parents!
Hermione: (English accent) Fuck your fucking parents! I am sick of your shit! It's always 'my parents' this and 'my parents' that, I'm sick of it! Time for you to die!
Hermione then mumbles some irrelevant magic words and Harry drops dead.
Ron: (English accent) Harry no! (Runs and kneels by his friends side) Hermione you bitch!
Hermione: (English accent) Please Ron. Do I really have to kill you too?
Ron: (English accent) Go ahead!
Hermione: (English accent) Ok Ron, whatever you say… (Pulls out her wand) Headis Explodis!
And Ron's head promptly explodes, showering Hermione with gallons of Ron's brains and blood.
Hermione: (English accent) Damnit Ron! You ruined my new robe! Ah fuck it! Wandis Presto Gunis!
Hermione's wand turns into a .45mm semi automatic handgun, in which she loads, raises to her head, and blows her brains out.
Link and Zelda, who have been watching this gory and violent scene ponder this strange turn of events.
Link: That was easier than I thought! They just killed each other! We didn't even have to do a thing!
Zelda: I know! Now… Lets move on to part b of plan "Tingle get back at." hehehe.
* * *
Link and Zelda have broken into the Hyrule army surplus store and have just driven through of the large glass window at the front of the store in a brand spankin' new Warthog. (If you have ever player Halo for X-box, you'll know what I mean, if not, it's basically a long, convertible jeep with a slightly flexible midsection with a 50-caliber machine gun mounted on the back.)
Once they got back to their original location, Link and Zelda rolled a log up about twenty feet away from Tingle, who was drawing another map. They set up a slew of mortars, pointed at Tingle propped up by the log.
Link: You ready Zelda?
Zelda: Ya.
Zelda then runs by with a blow torch, and lights all the wicks, then jumps in the warthog with Link. Link steps on the gas, which is promptly followed by a blood curdling scream by Tingle.
Tingle: THATS IT LINK!!!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!!
Suddenly, a huge, bulky robot rises out of the background.
Tingle: (On an intercom) HA! HA! LINK! DESPITE EVERYTHING, THERE IS NO WAY YOU'LL TRASH MY ROBOT!!!!! YOU'LL NEVER FIND ITS WEAK POINT! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!
Zelda turns around and sees a large sheet of glass, over on the left side, where a heart would be, illuminated by a bright light, Tingle clearly visible behind it. She jumps back and mans the 50-Calber machine gun, and fires at the glass. There is a loud scream and the robot blows up.
Zelda: HAHA!!! We killed Tingle!!!! HAHA!!!!
Link, then for no particular reason crashes the car and him and Zelda land with a thud on the ground.
Link: ……………ow……………
Zelda: You know what? I'm hungry.
Link: I know! Why don't we go kill some zora's and shish-ka-bob em!
Zelda: Good idea!
Link pulls out his sword and him and Zelda go off looking for some zoras
* * *
End of Part 2
Please R&R